Loneliness as a Single Vs. Loneliness in Marriage?

[lonelyinct]

There's a lot of truth to this.

I used to work with a woman whose husband was retiring--she was used to having her kids as a buffer, but they were now grown and had left the nest--and she said she was absolutely terrified of having to be at home with her husband all the time, because it's something they'd never done.

I worked with another woman whose husband had made the military his career and had been absent their entire marriage, but she said she knew when she married him, even at a young age, that this was how it was going to be. She pretty much raised their kids alone.

But now he was retiring and would be home all the time, and they were already going to counseling in order to learn how to live together as a couple, because it was something they'd never done.

My best friend is like this. She is a devout Christian and married a man who has wanted nothing to do with Christ. They have been married for 11 years now. They have been through a series of very serious ups and downs, including him having multiple affairs. She prays for his salvation, but despite this, he wants nothing to do with Jesus. They fight (argue) very often. Throughout all of this, they have 2 kids. When she first got pregnant with her first child, I remember her telling me very clearly that she was happy she was pregnant b/c this would save her marriage. She is miserable. In the midst of their dysfunction they have dragged 2 innocent, precious children through their turmoil. I once asked her if she will stay with him indefinitely. She responded that she wants to leave but does not want her kids to grow up in a broken home. So, she is willing to stay until they get old enough to get into college...which, in general, will be 12-15 years from now.

When I think of her situation, I thank God every day that I am waiting for Him to send me the man for whom He has created me....even if it means I'm still waiting for him at the age of 36.

I will never willingly suffer like that, even for my children. I pray for my dear friend...I truly do.

 

[coby2]

My best friend is like this. She is a devout Christian and married a man who has wanted nothing to do with Christ. They have been married for 11 years now. They have been through a series of very serious ups and downs, including him having multiple affairs. She prays for his salvation, but despite this, he wants nothing to do with Jesus. They fight (argue) very often. Throughout all of this, they have 2 kids. When she first got pregnant with her first child, I remember her telling me very clearly that she was happy she was pregnant b/c this would save her marriage. She is miserable. In the midst of their dysfunction they have dragged 2 innocent, precious children through their turmoil. I once asked her if she will stay with him indefinitely. She responded that she wants to leave but does not want her kids to grow up in a broken home. So, she is willing to stay until they get old enough to get into college...which, in general, will be 12-15 years from now.

When I think of her situation, I thank God every day that I am waiting for Him to send me the man for whom He has created me....even if it means I'm still waiting for him at the age of 36.

I will never willingly suffer like that, even for my children. I pray for my dear friend...I truly do.

Has nothing to do with waiting, well only that you don't marry an unbeliever, but we had a christian couple like that in church. Stayed together for the kids, worst thing you can do in that case. The son is now in the same situation. Dad was never healed up and somehow never was open about it and didn't seek help, neither did she. If God gives someone it is no guarantee they won't ever sin and it will be a great marriage. That's why I gave up waiting. It's only somewhat of a guarantee if both are totally mature and healed up and capable and then they still can die. Derek Prince got this fabulous wife, perfect unity and she died. Second wife same thing. No thanks.

 

[JeniBean]

I am a firm believer that if GOD is the center of the marriage and there is communication that you can get through what ever direction that a job may lead you, family stresses, etc. However if only one of you is a christian and a communicator it is like two ships passing in a hall. There is nothing that brings you together, because one of them has emotionally and physically abandoned ship. I never felt lonely, I think the best word to describe what I felt is MAD!!!!

Mad that he didn't love GOD as I did or communicate as I did. Mad that Success and money was priority and mad that he would simply be peeved because I was more success in business and financially.

I grew up in a house that my DAD traveled a lot for business and My parents both talked nightly and us kids talked to Dad nightly too. Mom was never lonely, she was to busy with all us kids. They are still together and still communicate great and LOVE GOD.

My parents are an example of how it can successfully work when business trips take you away.

 

[coby2]

Has nothing to do with waiting, well only that you don't marry an unbeliever, but we had a christian couple like that in church. Stayed together for the kids, worst thing you can do in that case. The son is now in the same situation. Dad was never healed up and somehow never was open about it and didn't seek help, neither did she. If God gives someone it is no guarantee they won't ever sin and it will be a great marriage. That's why I gave up waiting. It's only somewhat of a guarantee if both are totally mature and healed up and capable and then they still can die. Derek Prince got this fabulous wife, perfect unity and she died. Second wife same thing. No thanks.

This is the way I cheer myself up when I has a sad about being single. Lol it's horrible.

 

[lonelyinct]

Has nothing to do with waiting, well only that you don't marry an unbeliever, but we had a christian couple like that in church. Stayed together for the kids, worst thing you can do in that case. The son is now in the same situation. Dad was never healed up and somehow never was open about it and didn't seek help, neither did she. If God gives someone it is no guarantee they won't ever sin and it will be a great marriage. That's why I gave up waiting. It's only somewhat of a guarantee if both are totally mature and healed up and capable and then they still can die. Derek Prince got this fabulous wife, perfect unity and she died. Second wife same thing. No thanks.

For you, this is perhaps true. But for me, it is. In that very long and detailed message that I typed, my take away message had almost nothing to do with waiting. I commented that it was my decision to wait, but this clearly was not the crux of what I was talking about.

Additionally, my post has nothing to do with "If God gives someone, there's no guarantee they won't ever sin." We are all humans and we do and will always sin, so that statement doesn't make sense. No one goes into marriage expecting that their partner won't sin.

The point is that anyone can get married and still, end up feeling alone,lonely, and be unhappy.

 

[Born_Again]

For you, this is perhaps true. But for me, it is. In that very long and detailed message that I typed, my take away message had almost nothing to do with waiting. I commented that it was my decision to wait, but this clearly was not the crux of what I was talking about.

Additionally, my post has nothing to do with "If God gives someone, there's no guarantee they won't ever sin." We are all humans and we do and will always sin, so that statement doesn't make sense. No one goes into marriage expecting that their partner won't sin.

The point is that anyone can get married and still, end up feeling alone,lonely, and be unhappy.

You'll have to excuse some of our jadedness. LOL We tend to get a little fired up sometimes. Every person on here has a story. If you haven't noticed, a vast amount of us in the singles section have had bad relationships, marriages. We tend to see some things a little different. We lived, loved, and learned.

 

[coby2]

For you, this is perhaps true. But for me, it is. In that very long and detailed message that I typed, my take away message had almost nothing to do with waiting. I commented that it was my decision to wait, but this clearly was not the crux of what I was talking about.

Additionally, my post has nothing to do with "If God gives someone, there's no guarantee they won't ever sin." We are all humans and we do and will always sin, so that statement doesn't make sense. No one goes into marriage expecting that their partner won't sin.

The point is that anyone can get married and still, end up feeling alone,lonely, and be unhappy.

Okay I get the point now.
I said it because you said you were happy that you waited for the right one. That sounded like: then you don't have that, but apparently you didn't mean to say that. I get that impression sometimes that people think that. I used to, but the examples in the Bible aren't really happy, Isaac and Rebekkah, set your son up against his dad, hmm lovely.

 

[coby2]

My nephew has a great marriage. I prayed for him that God would give him a real nice fun wife and otherwise don't bother. He met her within a month and is still happily married.

 

[coby2]

I think the key to not be lonely is to pray and spend time with Him. When I was married and we prayed for 2 hours every morning the marriage was great and I never felt lonely. Same thing now. If I don't pray and spend time with God I feel lonely.

 

[lonelyinct]

You'll have to excuse some of our jadedness. LOL We tend to get a little fired up sometimes. Every person on here has a story. If you haven't noticed, a vast amount of us in the singles section have had bad relationships, marriages. We tend to see some things a little different. We lived, loved, and learned.

No worries, born_again . I understand.

 

[crosstweed]

I've never been in a serious relationship, and other than the teen years and the fortunately rare occasion, I haven't been lonely very often. So saying this with very little and very one-sided firsthand experience...

I would say that I would much, much rather be lonely as a single woman than lonely as a married woman. Lack of personal experience aside, I know women who fit both descriptions and both are at times very depressed about their situations, BUT... a single woman or man can hope that maybe God has someone for them in the future. A married person (if they intend to please God and honor their marriage vows) doesn't and can't hope for that.

The married man or woman who has little or no emotional connection to their spouse has to contend with the feeling of loneliness as well as whatever problems, disagreements, and disconnects they have with their spouse in the day to day. It's extra hard if kids are involved!

Just my thoughts.

 

[jeremyPJ]

I think being lonely in a marriage would be worse because then its like being in a prison. I'd rather be lonely because I have no one, than be lonely because another human being doesn't care about my needs or feelings..

It is...loneliness in a marriage sucks. It makes me appreciate my freedom now. It also makes me wonder what awaits me. I'm sure there are nicer gals out there, it's comforting to read what they have to say here. I really think a brighter future awaits. Someday.

 

[Stewart]

I just came across this thread.Interesting topic!!