Married but so lonely

[chatter23]

That was so not necessary. Having needs in a marriage has nothing to do with needed to "grow up". It just means you are human.

Of course it means growing up. You have a good man, be thankful. If anything happened to you, he will be there.
Needs based on feelings can be selfish. Get involved in other things, feed the hungry places, where you can fill others needs instead of your own. That is grown up. Your husband has his needs, as long as he is faithful and provides, he has a right to his own interests.

 

[zaoman32]

Of course it means growing up. You have a good man, be thankful. If anything happened to you, he will be there.
Needs based on feelings can be selfish. Get involved in other things, feed the hungry places, where you can fill others needs instead of your own. That is grown up. Your husband has his needs, as long as he is faithful and provides, he has a right to his own interests.

So you're saying that as long as he's getting what he needs and has a job he's allowed to do whatever whenever and not think or care about what it is his wife wants? Every single time someone comes on here with an issue in marriage I make it very clear that they should look at themselves and their own issues. But I do not tell them they need to grow up, and I don't tell them "hey as long as you're getting some who cares what your spouse is doing?" That is the most ignorant and (because I can't say what I'm really thinking without getting banned) bulcrap response I have every seen anyone give on this site, and let me tell you there are people here who make pretty dumb suggestions.

Marriage does not work by the husband using his wife as a sex object and she should just be ok with that as long as he is providing. It takes both sides supporting, and loving each other. I'm going to assume you're not ignorant to a womens role in marriage (and to a fault, given your response), but are you THAT ignorant to the fact that a husband is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church? If indeed she is being ignored and just used whenever he thinks he needs some booty, that is NOT being a husband, that is NOT what his Godly role is, and that is certainly NOT a good man. (Again I'm not choosing sides here, just stating a fact).

Why don't you take your ignoramous out of the equation before giving what should be Godly advice.

To Raven, I'm sorry with what you're dealing with. You would do well to continue praying and follow the advice and suggestions given. I don't know HyrulianHeroine, but she indeed seems to be willing to help and give advice, I would listen to her if I were you.

 

[chatter23]

So you're saying that as long as he's getting what he needs and has a job he's allowed to do whatever whenever and not think or care about what it is his wife wants? Every single time someone comes on here with an issue in marriage I make it very clear that they should look at themselves and their own issues. But I do not tell them they need to grow up, and I don't tell them "hey as long as you're getting some who cares what your spouse is doing?" That is the most ignorant and (because I can't say what I'm really thinking without getting banned) bulcrap response I have every seen anyone give on this site, and let me tell you there are people here who make pretty dumb suggestions.

Marriage does not work by the husband using his wife as a sex object and she should just be ok with that as long as he is providing. It takes both sides supporting, and loving each other. I'm going to assume you're not ignorant to a womens role in marriage (and to a fault, given your response), but are you THAT ignorant to the fact that a husband is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church? If indeed she is being ignored and just used whenever he thinks he needs some booty, that is NOT being a husband, that is NOT what his Godly role is, and that is certainly NOT a good man. (Again I'm not choosing sides here, just stating a fact).

Why don't you take your ignoramous out of the equation before giving what should be Godly advice.

To Raven, I'm sorry with what you're dealing with. You would do well to continue praying and follow the advice and suggestions given. I don't know HyrulianHeroine, but she indeed seems to be willing to help and give advice, I would listen to her if I were you.

If I want godly advice you would be the last person I would ask. If she doesn't want to be used she should put her foot down and say, no, not tonight Josephine. If you get my drift. But to get thoughts of cheating, is certainly wouldn't call that right either. Then, if he doesn't like it and wants to leave or change his ways perhaps an answer would be arrived at.

 

[Musicalblood]

So the "cut off idea" adding tension and fustration horrible idea. It should be to demonstrate love not as a "reward" .

 

[rachelsedge]

Your husband has a mind of his own,
He sounds like a pretty steady provider for you.
Be thankful for what you have.
You need to grow up.

LOL Because all wives should be happy as long as their husband is bringing home the bacon? And nothing else? I didn't realize marriage was so easy if all I have to do is make sure my husband has a job. Never mind the emotional, spiritual, or physical aspects of marriage, so long as he's bringing home that paycheck!

So the "cut off idea" adding tension and fustration horrible idea. It should be to demonstrate love not as a "reward" .

I agree with this, but is using a wife as a sex slave (or vice versa) demonstrating love?

 

[chatter23]

So the "cut off idea" adding tension and fustration horrible idea. It should be to demonstrate love not as a "reward" .

Tension is there anyway. No woman should allow herself to be used. You have no idea what love is.

 

[Musicalblood]

You seem to have no idea. I hope if you are married or get married you understand your partners needs and emotions better than the attitude you demonstrate through your post.

 

[Lucy68]

I know where you're at. My husband and I have been married 30 years and his favorite past time is to work...at the office or at home...but it's always work, work, work. We have little interaction. But I know he loves me and I love him. One thing I've learned, you can't change your spouse. We either have to accept our spouse as they are, or disobey God and leave the marriage. Probably the first choice is better .

To tell the truth, I knew this about him when we got married. It isn't like he suddenly changed. But I changed. He doesn't need any outside friendships and he scoffs at anything hinting at counseling. He thinks he's fine and it's everyone else with a problem. But he has MANY good qualities too, so I have to focus on those. Satan will set up strongholds in our minds against our spouse and we have to fight these with God's Word and much prayer. Through it, we will grow spiritually....and that is our reward.

There are ways to cope with loneliness without having an affair! An affair may lurk in your mind as an attractive alternative, but chances are huge that you will wind up in a much, much worse relationship while at the same time choosing to live outside of God's Will. Find a group at Church that does things together and join them. The tricky part is doing this without filling resentment toward your husband. Keep praying for him...eventually, he may join you...but it will need to be his free choice. Don't try to guilt him into something or it may produce an even more negative reaction.

I truly feel sorry for my husband, though I would never tell him that. He says he is a Christian but does not exhibit much fruit. He's resentful and hostile towards people; except for me. He desires that I not work and just focus on him. That is sad.

Anyway, get out there and make some friends....but not the romantic type...that is under God's covenant with your husband. Finding a part time job may help. I'm getting up the courage to do this myself! I would love to be working toward a goal and getting paid for it. I think this would really help my self respect or esteem or whatever it is that seems to need a boost .

Or take a class and learn a new subject or hobby. Keep your mind and body active! Too much leisure time means time to dwell in the land of resentment. Resentment hinders the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. It's the opposite of Grace.
Our husbands could be doing much worse things....let's be thankful that they love us and provide for us to the best of their ability. Practicing gratitude will change our attitudes. I try to remember to tell him how much I appreciate all that he does and not complain about what he does not do. This is vital to a marriage relationship and can be easily overlooked.

A book I go through regularly when I feel resentment growing is Joyce Meyer's "Battlefield of the Mind". This is a great way to bring to front of my mind what is really going on! Satan is waging warfare in my mind against my husband. Nothing will work right in my life until I get this stronghold broken down. Her book is full of Scriptures.

Redtent is a wise woman who, if I've read her posts correctly, has dealt with a similar problem. I find her comments very helpful .

Praying for you sister, may the Spirit come along beside you and encourage you on this lonely path...because you are not alone as long as you walk the path with Him.

 

[Trudes]

How does one respond in a Christian marriage to a husband who is so busy with work and his own hobbies that he spends no time with his wife? He says he loves me, wants physical intimacy with me but literally is busy everyday until 10 or 11 at night and there is no time for companionship. If he is home, he is behind a television screen, computer or magazine. He says he is content in our marriage but I am miserable and seriously being tempted to seek companionship outside of the marriage. I have told him how I feel but he does nothing different. We have gone to a marriage intensive, counseling, etc and he changes for a brief period but then goes back to his solitary lifestyle. He lives as if he is single. He takes trips alone, spends the weekend alone. I don't believe he is having an affair. He just dislikes being with anyone. He is very socially awkward and prefers his own company. Does God expect me to live in this? I know the answer but I need some practical ways to deal with this. Thank you!

I think you should try and make friends with women. Spend more time going out with them on trips etc. Try and develop a social life, with women friends, outside your husband. Some husbands can be slow and hard of hearing. You can talk until you are blue in the face and they don't get the point. Also adopt a pet. Dogs are a man's best friend.


You can also keep yourself busy serving others.

 

[Trudes]

How does one respond in a Christian marriage to a husband who is so busy with work and his own hobbies that he spends no time with his wife? He says he loves me, wants physical intimacy with me but literally is busy everyday until 10 or 11 at night and there is no time for companionship. If he is home, he is behind a television screen, computer or magazine. He says he is content in our marriage but I am miserable and seriously being tempted to seek companionship outside of the marriage. I have told him how I feel but he does nothing different. We have gone to a marriage intensive, counseling, etc and he changes for a brief period but then goes back to his solitary lifestyle. He lives as if he is single. He takes trips alone, spends the weekend alone. I don't believe he is having an affair. He just dislikes being with anyone. He is very socially awkward and prefers his own company. Does God expect me to live in this? I know the answer but I need some practical ways to deal with this. Thank you!

Please do not give up on your marriage. I think you should vent as much as you can if you need to get things off your chest. If you leave your husband you never know who's arms you may be running into. I think every marriage has issues some worst than others. It is best to try and be content. You need to find something to fill that lonely void. I hope to start having children soon. No more than two and if I can't have my own I will adopt. I also plan to get some dogs because I love them so much. In the future I may also try to work with women and children who need help. When I think about these things it honestly makes me feel happy.

You have to search yourself to find things you can do that keeps you both busy and happy. Sometimes our men have issues that they themselves cannot solve, but in the mean time we have to make ourselves happy. For years I have been telling my husband to go with me on trips but he is slow and hard of hearing. I will go on a trip with family and friends but if doesn't go he will feel left out. Maybe then he will make an effort to do things with me. But I will not delay my life because of him.


In heaven there will be no marriage and giving into marriage. If you leave him you may find a man that is worst off. I think about leaving my husband too but am too afraid of what is out there. This is a nice forum to talk and vent. Who cares what other people think, they have their own issues they are dealing with.

 

[jb800m]

i am so sorry to hear this so many times it is hard to move from dating to being married.. it is a difficult time to understand that you are to meet the needs of your spouse, at the same time holding true to what makes you you... i wish it was so easy to see the other side of things, i know you have talked to him , and his response is not what you would hope it would be... i know that in times like this for me i would stay true to me and the relationship with the prayer going to strengthen your relationship... you did make your vows and i truly believe that God will honour your decisions to keep trying (even if you feel like you are hitting your head against a wall) and im time ( yes patiences is needed) there will be light shone on the situtation... remember nothing is gained unless you climb up that mountain even if you feel you are the only one climbing... on the top of the mountain you can see things from a different prepective!!!

 

[bedgy]

How does one respond in a Christian marriage to a husband who is so busy with work and his own hobbies that he spends no time with his wife? He says he loves me, wants physical intimacy with me but literally is busy everyday until 10 or 11 at night and there is no time for companionship. If he is home, he is behind a television screen, computer or magazine. He says he is content in our marriage but I am miserable and seriously being tempted to seek companionship outside of the marriage. I have told him how I feel but he does nothing different. We have gone to a marriage intensive, counseling, etc and he changes for a brief period but then goes back to his solitary lifestyle. He lives as if he is single. He takes trips alone, spends the weekend alone. I don't believe he is having an affair. He just dislikes being with anyone. He is very socially awkward and prefers his own company. Does God expect me to live in this? I know the answer but I need some practical ways to deal with this. Thank you!

Raven,

I know exactly what you mean dear. I do love my wife but there is no intimacy at all. I travel for my job, so I am gone all week. I talk with her several times per day to discuss what is going on, but the night time phone call is the one that I used to look forward to. During that call I used to hear how much she loves me and how much she misses me and what she would like to do with me and to me when I get home on Friday. These calls usually lasted 30 minutes to an hour. Now those late phone calls are nothing more than the calls from earlier in the day. At the end of the conversation, which last about 10 minutes at the most, I hear complaining and planning for the weekend and none of the romantic stuff that I used to hear. When I get home on Friday afternoons, I can't wait to see her and hold her and tell her just how much I love her and how I missed her. But when she gets home, I get more of the complaining about her day and the bad drivers on the road or the selfish lady in the grocery store. All I can think is.....who cares. Aren't you glad to see me? Why haven't you kissed me yet, I haven't seen you for 5 days and you have been home for 10 minutes and not one kiss. She is too tired to make love to me on Friday's and will voice her intentions to ravish me "Tomorrow Morning". That may happen every 3rd time she promises. It has gotten so bad that I have started keeping a flowchart that shows how many times we have sex in a year. In 2013, we had sex 41 times and she touched me 12 of those times. Touched me.....nothing else at all. Year to date in 2014, we have had sex 30 times and she has touched me 8 of those times. We are both in our very early 50's and in relatively good shape as we stay active and, we are actually newly weds. We have been married for 4 years. I am honestly at my wits end. I have talked to her until I am blue in the face. She gets upset and says that she will do better and she never changes. She says that she loves making love to me and that it is terrific for her every single time. I believe her because I truly know what I am doing in that department and she is definitely getting her satisfaction. As I have said, I have talked to her on many occasions and nothing changes. I have asked her to speak with her doctor about a female form of Viagra or some sort of hormones and I have asked her to go to a sex counselor or therapist with me. She will not do either of those. So, can someone please tell me where I go and what I do from here? I am so very frustrated and lonely. I have honestly never cheated on my wife, but I am going crazy here. I want a woman that gets aroused when she thinks about me, one who will kiss me passionately and will lay there and hold me after we make love. My wife has never been that type of person, so maybe this is my fault for marrying her even though I knew what I was getting in to. If I am wrong here, someone please tell me that and why. But, if I am right, tell me where I go and what I do from here. I really need some advice. Thank you to all that may respond. God Bless you all.

 

[Ugly]

Raven,

I know exactly what you mean dear. I do love my wife but there is no intimacy at all. I travel for my job, so I am gone all week. I talk with her several times per day to discuss what is going on, but the night time phone call is the one that I used to look forward to. During that call I used to hear how much she loves me and how much she misses me and what she would like to do with me and to me when I get home on Friday. These calls usually lasted 30 minutes to an hour. Now those late phone calls are nothing more than the calls from earlier in the day. At the end of the conversation, which last about 10 minutes at the most, I hear complaining and planning for the weekend and none of the romantic stuff that I used to hear. When I get home on Friday afternoons, I can't wait to see her and hold her and tell her just how much I love her and how I missed her. But when she gets home, I get more of the complaining about her day and the bad drivers on the road or the selfish lady in the grocery store. All I can think is.....who cares. Aren't you glad to see me? Why haven't you kissed me yet, I haven't seen you for 5 days and you have been home for 10 minutes and not one kiss. She is too tired to make love to me on Friday's and will voice her intentions to ravish me "Tomorrow Morning". That may happen every 3rd time she promises. It has gotten so bad that I have started keeping a flowchart that shows how many times we have sex in a year. In 2013, we had sex 41 times and she touched me 12 of those times. Touched me.....nothing else at all. Year to date in 2014, we have had sex 30 times and she has touched me 8 of those times. We are both in our very early 50's and in relatively good shape as we stay active and, we are actually newly weds. We have been married for 4 years. I am honestly at my wits end. I have talked to her until I am blue in the face. She gets upset and says that she will do better and she never changes. She says that she loves making love to me and that it is terrific for her every single time. I believe her because I truly know what I am doing in that department and she is definitely getting her satisfaction. As I have said, I have talked to her on many occasions and nothing changes. I have asked her to speak with her doctor about a female form of Viagra or some sort of hormones and I have asked her to go to a sex counselor or therapist with me. She will not do either of those. So, can someone please tell me where I go and what I do from here? I am so very frustrated and lonely. I have honestly never cheated on my wife, but I am going crazy here. I want a woman that gets aroused when she thinks about me, one who will kiss me passionately and will lay there and hold me after we make love. My wife has never been that type of person, so maybe this is my fault for marrying her even though I knew what I was getting in to. If I am wrong here, someone please tell me that and why. But, if I am right, tell me where I go and what I do from here. I really need some advice. Thank you to all that may respond. God Bless you all.

This thread is from NOV 2013 and the OP hasn't logged in in 9 months.

 

[clpcat59]

How does one respond in a Christian marriage to a husband who is so busy with work and his own hobbies that he spends no time with his wife? He says he loves me, wants physical intimacy with me but literally is busy everyday until 10 or 11 at night and there is no time for companionship. If he is home, he is behind a television screen, computer or magazine. He says he is content in our marriage but I am miserable and seriously being tempted to seek companionship outside of the marriage. I have told him how I feel but he does nothing different. We have gone to a marriage intensive, counseling, etc and he changes for a brief period but then goes back to his solitary lifestyle. He lives as if he is single. He takes trips alone, spends the weekend alone. I don't believe he is having an affair. He just dislikes being with anyone. He is very socially awkward and prefers his own company. Does God expect me to live in this? I know the answer but I need some practical ways to deal with this. Thank you!

I hear ya, I am married to the same type of man; he is a good man but I feel like he just lives his life "around" me. I ask him to be involved with me in things outside the home, like a baseball game, church, a walk, join a bowling league, meet my parents for dinner but its almost always this non committal stuff that he can't do something with me because he has some other work or project at the house he is dong....I dont' think he would ever go out hardly if I didn't make him. It gets old always feeling like I am alone in the marriage; if I want sex I have to initiate it almost every time and if I don't I doubt I would ever have any. He prefers his own company to others and he really doesn't want to have any social life with me outside of family; and here I thought I was going to have a real "partner" in life but that only applies when we are at home ...I didn' tknow this is what I was going to get. He is 51 and the oldest young man I know; I am 8 yrs older and can run circles around him....its really sad to be lonely but it is really awful to be alone in your MARRIAGE! What gives with that?

 

[coby2]

How I got rid of one like that: just don't care about him either and live my life, then one week I refused sex and he was gone, thank goodness.
Just slip out the back Jack.

 

[coby2]

I hear ya, I am married to the same type of man; he is a good man but I feel like he just lives his life "around" me. I ask him to be involved with me in things outside the home, like a baseball game, church, a walk, join a bowling league, meet my parents for dinner but its almost always this non committal stuff that he can't do something with me because he has some other work or project at the house he is dong....I dont' think he would ever go out hardly if I didn't make him. It gets old always feeling like I am alone in the marriage; if I want sex I have to initiate it almost every time and if I don't I doubt I would ever have any. He prefers his own company to others and he really doesn't want to have any social life with me outside of family; and here I thought I was going to have a real "partner" in life but that only applies when we are at home ...I didn' tknow this is what I was going to get. He is 51 and the oldest young man I know; I am 8 yrs older and can run circles around him....its really sad to be lonely but it is really awful to be alone in your MARRIAGE! What gives with that?

Does he have autism?
There are couples specialized in helping such marriages, but because mine was also on drugs she didn't even want to help us.

 

[clpcat59]

wow your post really touched me, it sounds like we are married to the same man here. Mine won't go to counseling and same thing, he thinks everyone else is wrong and HE is right about most everything; its hard to live with a person like that; because if we can't see/admit our faults how can we change and grow. ...but that's just it, he doesn't want to change EVER. I UNDERSTAND I can't and shouldn't try to change him but I really did not recognize this too much when we are dating. I think my husband is an undiagnosed bipolar and he has very narcissistic tendencies; he loves someone something else as long as it fits into HIS plans. He tells me he too is saved but then has such darkness sometimes and seems to be responding always to the world and earthly disappointments in such a negative/ visceral way that it worries me.

I guess I am the one who is not interacting so much, I have lots of gal pals and hobbies that I spend most of my time with because my hubbie will never be the one to take me out anywhere not even to a movie (I think we have seen 2 movies out in 9 years) He just doesn't like to have much of a social life and would prefer to be home. I can understand it to a point because he works out in the public all day and is probably pretty sick of people. I , on the other hand work AT HOME and am needing to "get out" now and then so if he doesn't take me somewhere I get friend and go, no biggie but I'm not missing out on my life because he wants to sit home and watch tv every night....oh I can't take it sometimes; and yes some days I think the devil is trying to push us apart. We had a very intimate sex life when we were dating but after about the first year or 2 that all but disappeared. its' a common theme in marriages; feel like you have a roommate but not a husband; I crave the intimacy to return but he takes no steps to change it. All he talks about is money $$$$$$, work and "survival" he has lot of insecurities and worries a lot. I told him if you trust God more you wouldn't be so worried all the time but he doesn't understand this. I have even told him I have thought about getting a boyfriend since he is too tired or not interested in having an active sex life and that sex/intimacy was very important to me and one of the "perks" of marriage; when I asked him don't you miss that? he says yes but just pretty much ignores it, gets something else to eat and locks into the darn tv again. He is more intimate with that tv than me; he comes home, climbs on the couch after dinner at 5- 6 pm and doesn't move until 11pm and that is to go to bed. I work nites and he works days so we "pass each other on the stairs" its really kind of sad to me but he doesn't s even notice me some days. He watches everything I do on one hand but seeing the emotional /spiritual part of me he doesn't. I don't know how much longer I can live in this kind of situation. I have prayed, continued my hobbies and have friends but I feel lost and cheated out of the partner I thought I was marrying. Prayers appreciated that something will change and hopefully for the better. I never thought i'd step outside my marriage but the temptation for me right now is heightened and I just hope I can do the right thing and resist if I get in that situation. Please pray for my resentment because that is my demon right now. thanks

 

[coby2]

wow your post really touched me, it sounds like we are married to the same man here. Mine won't go to counseling and same thing, he thinks everyone else is wrong and HE is right about most everything; its hard to live with a person like that; because if we can't see/admit our faults how can we change and grow. ...but that's just it, he doesn't want to change EVER. I UNDERSTAND I can't and shouldn't try to change him but I really did not recognize this too much when we are dating. I think my husband is an undiagnosed bipolar and he has very narcissistic tendencies; he loves someone something else as long as it fits into HIS plans. He tells me he too is saved but then has such darkness sometimes and seems to be responding always to the world and earthly disappointments in such a negative/ visceral way that it worries me.

I guess I am the one who is not interacting so much, I have lots of gal pals and hobbies that I spend most of my time with because my hubbie will never be the one to take me out anywhere not even to a movie (I think we have seen 2 movies out in 9 years) He just doesn't like to have much of a social life and would prefer to be home. I can understand it to a point because he works out in the public all day and is probably pretty sick of people. I , on the other hand work AT HOME and am needing to "get out" now and then so if he doesn't take me somewhere I get friend and go, no biggie but I'm not missing out on my life because he wants to sit home and watch tv every night....oh I can't take it sometimes; and yes some days I think the devil is trying to push us apart. We had a very intimate sex life when we were dating but after about the first year or 2 that all but disappeared. its' a common theme in marriages; feel like you have a roommate but not a husband; I crave the intimacy to return but he takes no steps to change it. All he talks about is money $$$$$$, work and "survival" he has lot of insecurities and worries a lot. I told him if you trust God more you wouldn't be so worried all the time but he doesn't understand this. I have even told him I have thought about getting a boyfriend since he is too tired or not interested in having an active sex life and that sex/intimacy was very important to me and one of the "perks" of marriage; when I asked him don't you miss that? he says yes but just pretty much ignores it, gets something else to eat and locks into the darn tv again. He is more intimate with that tv than me; he comes home, climbs on the couch after dinner at 5- 6 pm and doesn't move until 11pm and that is to go to bed. I work nites and he works days so we "pass each other on the stairs" its really kind of sad to me but he doesn't s even notice me some days. He watches everything I do on one hand but seeing the emotional /spiritual part of me he doesn't. I don't know how much longer I can live in this kind of situation. I have prayed, continued my hobbies and have friends but I feel lost and cheated out of the partner I thought I was marrying. Prayers appreciated that something will change and hopefully for the better. I never thought i'd step outside my marriage but the temptation for me right now is heightened and I just hope I can do the right thing and resist if I get in that situation. Please pray for my resentment because that is my demon right now. thanks

My ex had no other girlfriend, but it felt just like that, it was like he was married to the World of Warcraft monsters and the tv. He didn't even pay anything. Not even a 10 euro toy for one of my kids for a birthday. It was his money.
He wasn't unfriendly just as a person, but not capable of having a relationship. When we divorced I wasn't even sad for a moment, just happy. He wasn't sad either. It was not a relationship, living with a room mate was even more fun, because then you had some interaction.
Praying for you.

 

[coby2]

He was mad for a moment. He said: we had an arrangement. I can never make an arrangement with you people.
Good thing, no fights about stuff or anything. This was his. That was mine. Drank a cup of coffee, divorce was arranged in half an hour and normal and friendly. Later he had another girl but he was never gonna marry again, only for the weekends.

 

[lookwhatthelordhasdone]

How does one respond in a Christian marriage to a husband who is so busy with work and his own hobbies that he spends no time with his wife? He says he loves me, wants physical intimacy with me but literally is busy everyday until 10 or 11 at night and there is no time for companionship. If he is home, he is behind a television screen, computer or magazine. He says he is content in our marriage but I am miserable and seriously being tempted to seek companionship outside of the marriage. I have told him how I feel but he does nothing different. We have gone to a marriage intensive, counseling, etc and he changes for a brief period but then goes back to his solitary lifestyle. He lives as if he is single. He takes trips alone, spends the weekend alone. I don't believe he is having an affair. He just dislikes being with anyone. He is very socially awkward and prefers his own company. Does God expect me to live in this? I know the answer but I need some practical ways to deal with this. Thank you!

I had a huge issue doing this while I was in a long term relationship. Being consumed by television and internet is a hard habit to break. Most don't even realize how much time they have spent and in the blink of an eye 6 hours have passed. It reels people in and causes these types of rifts. We have so little time to spend with our loved ones now and it's a fine line between having 'me' time and 'we' time outside of work. I'm sure he thinks he's not spending that much time by himself because he's entertained, and just as the saying goes- time flies when you're having fun. I think you really need to sit down with him, even if you have before and tell him how it effects you. Ask him why he wants to watch so much TV and play on the net? Be open and honest, without judgement. Maybe he's tired, he doesn't want to put forth the extra effort. We settle into routines and we get comfortable in relationships, and it could be as simple as that. Do you guys have a lot of similar interests or do you struggle to find things in common? That could be an issue as well.

I will give you a few options I tried and hopefully they help.

1.Setting an actual amount of time in place that is comfortable for the both of you, where he can watch what he wants to and you don't feel ignored.
2. You may want to try to find shows to watch together, something you have in common. That way you can laugh together, talk about the show, and it's something to look forward to.
3. Agreeing to have a Technology free day where you completely give up any electronic distractions and catch up with one another. It may be a little forced and awkward at first, but as time passes, it becomes so much more enjoyable.

Some of these things may seem obvious or cheesy, but the fact is that talking about it isn't changing anything. It's time to set some guidelines in place so you both can be happy. There has to be a want to change from him and from you to do some major compromising. He may tell you things you don't want to hear as well. It's important to be open to those things and know he's being honest. Whether you change or not is up to you; maybe they just needed to be discussed, who knows? I feel this problem is very common though, and with just a little effort from both sides, you can see major results. I wish you the best! xx