When a man doesn't ask questions

[Depleted]

This is why I don't do well in a relationship. People have too high of expectations. I just want to be free to be me and loved for me.....not for what someone thinks I should be for them. My personal opinion is that there are too many "princesses" who need to be taken care of and want that unattainable tingly feeling 24/7 365.

Find that woman who agrees with you.

(I really do think it would be easier if dates would just tell -- up front, at the time of the request for a date. Don't wait for it to start first -- what they're after. Never date a fixer-upper, because there is no such thing as a person you can fix. And, if you're just out for sex, tell that too. That's easily available anymore.)

 

[Depleted]

It depends on the person. My husband asked a lot about me especially when we started dating. He wanted to know about how I grew up and my family and life in general. We're still finding out new things about each other.

Hm. As much as you've told about how your family is, I would think he'd figure out your family life quickly -- he'd meet them. You're a family person. You're whole family are family people, so I'm surprised he wasn't invited to your parent's house the first weekend. (This is not in any way shape or form, a put down. I like how close your family is -- even your sister.)

 

[coby2]

And being quiet, mild-mannered, unopinionated me, I'd say, "Sure. And Lorena Bobbitt let me have her knife, since she doesn't need it any more."

I think that's probably why I wouldn't date online. It's too easy to ask stupid questions like that, people can pretend to be whoever they want to be, and body language is so much easier to figure out in a half-date situation. (I walked out halfway through dates often when I was single. Usually because of that. They didn't want to pay for a prostitute, so they thought a soda was enough to give me before sex. Probably would have saved a lot of time if the conversation was more like, "Would you like to go out for a soda?" "Sounds great, but I'm not putting out for you." )

Then again, if the Lorena Bobbitt joke got him laughing, but still interested, I think I'd like that guy enough to date him, (assuming I were still single, of course.) John would have busted a gut over that one -- and so, I'd marry him again.

Yes unbelievable. Just give a cup of coffee. If one says do you want to drink coffee somewhere I nowadays wonder if it has a double meaning. My and the cheapest of the cheapest, one took me to the MacDonalds, well took, Dutch guys don't take you. They drive to the place and I can take a bike or a train, I hadn't eaten yet but he wanted to pay so it had to be cheap. One coffee in a Mac Donalds cup. Didn't even get one bag of French fries and he went so I couldn't order it myself. Then he just wanted to jump on it, unbelievable and they're almost all like that. All these women on those christian dating sites complain about it.

 

[Sirk]

Yes unbelievable. Just give a cup of coffee. If one says do you want to drink coffee somewhere I nowadays wonder if it has a double meaning. My and the cheapest of the cheapest, one took me to the MacDonalds, well took, Dutch guys don't take you. They drive to the place and I can take a bike or a train, I hadn't eaten yet but he wanted to pay so it had to be cheap. One coffee in a Mac Donalds cup. Didn't even get one bag of French fries and he went so I couldn't order it myself. Then he just wanted to jump on it, unbelievable and they're almost all like that. All these women on those christian dating sites complain about it.

My friend went on one of those "christian" dating sites. Every woman he met wanted to jump into bed with him. Dating sites are so icky to me.

 

[Depleted]

I dont want to argue either. I was presenting a response to your reply.
I want a man to show me he is interested by asking me questions about myself just as I naturally ask him questions about himself. How else do you get to know a person?

By actions. Hubby and I were friends before we started dating. Once we started dating, we spent as much time as we could with each other.

Except, he was living with an older couple that we consider our second parents, so he helped them. I quickly got his priorities, and I liked that God, work and they were above me in his priorities.

In like kind, the second weekend after our first date was Easter weekend. I went home -- to Dad's house -- for the weekend. He was surprised that I didn't go to church with him that Saturday, but family comes first. (That's when it hit him I was worth considering as a spouse.)

So within a week, we already knew family outweighed dating.

And, sure enough, I caught the flu on that Easter weekend. The next week, he'd come over with chicken soup, 2 liters of ginger ale, and another box of Kleenex every night, made sure I ate under my I'm-sick blanket, made sure my cat (who he didn't much like since the cat went after some shrimp he made for me the first night he cooked for me lol) was comfortable under my blanket, and we watched movies on TV until I started drifting to sleep. He'd wake me up enough to make sure I went to bed and left.

What says love more than a guy who brings snot rags and chicken soup and sticks with you through the flu? And he didn't get upset when I hacked up a lung during dialogue in the movie. Now THAT's love!

 

[coby2]

I talked to one woman on such a site when I had enough of talking to those guys. She was good looking, nice, nothing wrong with her, but she had in her profile: no sex before marriage. She had been there a long time and she said absolutely noone had sent her a message.

 

[Depleted]

Quote "the point I was trying to make is that no matter what the circumstances are it is unmet expectations that will destroy a relationship."

I totally believe that.

Quote "A pretty good analogy about relationship I think is about the chase. A greyhound who catches the rabbit doesn't wanna race anymore. So if you want interest, the way to do it is to make him work at keeping up with you."

That may be the case in the beginning but as a relationship matures that has to go away. You cant always be on the chase,trying to be interesting and keep the flame alive. As fussy as I am about my appearance the day finally came when I was sick as a dog and he visited.I looked like something dragged through a knot hole backwards.No makeup,red runny nose,sneezing in his face. I wasn't even well enough to pretend to have a conversation. It was Christmas day. I sat on the sofa as the family opened gifts. He pulled me back against him and rubbed my forehead. Somewhere the chase stops and you settle into normal.

And THAT's love!

 

[Depleted]

I think you missed the point tho. If everything is laid out from the get go what is there to strive for? What more is there to know? Except, hey look at me, make me feel good, know me better, ask me more questions....etc. A little mystery goes a long way and forcing compliance to a set of expectations on someone is a relationship probably doomed to failure.

Stand on your own two feet woman! Lol

You're a guy. You just said you're comfortable around your friends. Do you have to strive for them? Personally, I just like being around him and he likes being around me. I think he's a bit nuts because he likes being around me, but, hey, he married me and stuck with me, so if he's nuts, I don't want him sane.

Nothing to strive for but each other's company. No mystery. We both worked at letting the other one know, "This is who I am for better and worse."

He tells me I'm beautiful. I tell him I like that his eyes don't see right. lol

 

[Depleted]

Standing on her own two feet will come into play when she bunt kicks him to the curb for being emotionally unavailableA relationship(healthy one) is about finding a connection and nurturing that connection on a day to day basis. That never stops! .

I'm thinking bunt kick should be for not being a Christian, but whatever works. Bunt kick it is.

 

[Sirk]

You're a guy. You just said you're comfortable around your friends. Do you have to strive for them? Personally, I just like being around him and he likes being around me. I think he's a bit nuts because he likes being around me, but, hey, he married me and stuck with me, so if he's nuts, I don't want him sane.

Nothing to strive for but each other's company. No mystery. We both worked at letting the other one know, "This is who I am for better and worse."

He tells me I'm beautiful. I tell him I like that his eyes don't see right. lol

I see your point and it makes total sense. I think in relationships, especially early on, people make the person they want to be with the goal. We need to think bigger and longer term than that. If the goal is simply just catching the person it will in the end leave one feeling empty. Staying focused on the bigger long term picture is the point I was trying to make.

There are certain friends that I have that I feel at home with. That circle is pretty small.

 

[Depleted]

You got problems lady...

What happened to praying against bitterness?

 

[Depleted]

EVERYONE!!! For a "Christian" char room some of you are not polite. For one I'm not insecure. I have learned that when someone does not engage in a conversation with you back and forth there will be trouble In marriage. Look at the statistics. But I have witnessed the most wonderful long term marriages because they ask questions not just on theirselves but on topics, hobbies, news etc... This man doesn't ask me squat. Perfect example, if he would have asked me last Christmas if I like ear rings or wear them he would have saved himself the hassle and money for buying ear rings because I don't even have ear holes. It would have given him a spark of knowledge to save himself some trouble. For those of you with rude comments, I don't remember the scripture saying Jesus was talking in a disrespectful tone, way or words with others. Why are some of you even here in this chat room being rude. For those of you who are giving great advice thanks for not making me feel worse than I already do. Thank you for your words of encouragement.

Do you read the Bible? Because you don't seem to know of how Jesus did talk and act.

You talk about the BF not asking you enough questions about you. You haven't even asked him if he's a Christian. This relationship wasn't going well before you asked your first question, but you're still asking more. And yet you're asking strangers questions and willing to go whole hog about what happened here, yet won't ask him? This relationship is a disaster.

You're right about one thing. It's not good that he doesn't ask questions, but it's not good because you don't either.

I guess you're just here to get approval from strangers to keep going on as you were. I will pray that you come to know the Lord some day.

 

[Depleted]

Another approach is to ask her friends and family lots of questions to see if she has a temper, if she's emotionally stable, if she's honest, etc.

Um, my temper let him know I have one. Emotionally stable? Sure, as long as my temper isn't going whole hog. Honest? Especially when my temper is going.

 

[Depleted]

Yes unbelievable. Just give a cup of coffee. If one says do you want to drink coffee somewhere I nowadays wonder if it has a double meaning. My and the cheapest of the cheapest, one took me to the MacDonalds, well took, Dutch guys don't take you. They drive to the place and I can take a bike or a train, I hadn't eaten yet but he wanted to pay so it had to be cheap. One coffee in a Mac Donalds cup. Didn't even get one bag of French fries and he went so I couldn't order it myself. Then he just wanted to jump on it, unbelievable and they're almost all like that. All these women on those christian dating sites complain about it.

Most of my dating life happened when I was in school, so it was socially acceptable to... "go Dutch." (Honest. Over here, "Go Dutch" means each person pays for their own food. lol)

Hubby was the first guy to take me out for a full dinner AND paid for it. I was shocked and he was shocked that I was shocked. AND, he paid for my movie ticket and popcorn too.

 

[Depleted]

I see your point and it makes total sense. I think in relationships, especially early on, people make the person they want to be with the goal. We need to think bigger and longer term than that. If the goal is simply just catching the person it will in the end leave one feeling empty. Staying focused on the bigger long term picture is the point I was trying to make.

There are certain friends that I have that I feel at home with. That circle is pretty small.

I suspect the kind of woman that would do you good is the kind that's just one of the guys. Friendship makes for good spouses.

Too many women play games. Find one that doesn't. (And then make sure you're not out to fix her too.)

 

[Sirk]

I suspect the kind of woman that would do you good is the kind that's just one of the guys. Friendship makes for good spouses.

Too many women play games. Find one that doesn't. (And then make sure you're not out to fix her too.)

You're probably right on with this as far as a companion goes for me. If God puts one in front of me like that it might peak my interest. Today I was out mowing sort of taking stock in my surroundings. I like it here. My son likes it here and he has a really great friend that lives next door. I'm already contemplating what I can do around here to make it better. I think I'll stay here and make it our home.

 

[biblerahel]

Just keep him guessing and be mysterious. Some like that.