To love God IS to obey Him. "If you love Me you will keep my commands." The rich man told Jesus he obeyed the commands since childhood. But he couldn't give up his wealth- that would have shown that God is his focus, and not himself. I get it, I truly do. What you're saying is you need the later, and you think that I'm saying you need the first, when what I'm saying is you need both. If you were strong enough to be the later, then you would easily do the first because you love Him enough to obey His commands.
I don't have a checklist to check off to earn my way to heaven. I obey because I love Him, and He gives me the gift of grace because I obey Him. My obedience does not earn His grace, but He only gives the gift of grace to those who obey Him. He does not give the gift of grace to demons who believe, murders who believe, the sexually immoral who believe, etc. But to those who take up their cross daily to follow Christ. Taking up their cross daily does not earn grace, but it is only gifted to those who take up their cross daily.