God doesn't care about this life
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the endgame here isn't la-di-dah in a golden city and playing harps on clouds. eternal life - "heaven" - is knowing Him intimately, in the same way that He knows you. it's being with Him. getting to know Him isn't done in just a few months -- it'll take eternity. no one fully knows Him even in a lifetime -- we're only beginning, and He's taking His time, doing it right.
the things you want most, are things that only He can give you - peace and joy; contentment. being loved and knowing you are. it doesn't matter that you have "stuff" -- i mean, that is blessing! a lot of people in the world don't have anything like what you have. i hope it never has to be taken away from you just to teach you to appreciate it.
God is loving you, right now, teaching your heart in a very patient way what love means. part of love is longing - yearning for the lover. it sounds like you are going through that now, waiting and wishing and hoping. but i hope you can learn trust, too, while you wait -- because maybe He's teaching you patience, because one day you'll understand contentment with little, trusting that eventually He will give you all you need in His own perfect time. patience isn't something learned overnight ((ha!)) -- but it's very valuable once you have it. if you can make it through all this, and come out knowing that real peace and contentment has nothing to do with what you have, or having to wait, even a long time, or even with emotion - that real contentment goes way beyond how you feel - than you'll have learned something that could never be bought, or learned in any seminar, or accomplished by studying extra-hard.
it would be a gift from Him to your heart -- and maybe it takes a long time, and a lot of painful nights before that is fully equipped in you.
"weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning" -- the Psalm says. or something very close to that ((just quoting from memory without looking it up
)) i wasn't trying to pounce on you earlier i just wanted you to know that a a simple life, with contentment and quietness, is a godly life.
that the Bible says so.
so it's not being selfish to only want such a thing -- it's being prudent, and meek. and those are very good things.
and don't beat yourself up over not being very cheery. you know what the Bible says about that?
that sorrow is better than laughter. that a house of mourning is better than a house of pleasure -- the heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, because a sad face is good for the heart. ((from Ecclesiastes 7))
yes, He wants us to have joy, and contentment. and He wants us to find it in Him, not in other things. you're seeing some things for what they really are, not superficially, and that's awesome - a gift from God too - and there's a result:
so it's not necessarily wrong to feel like you do. what could be wrong, is forgetting to be grateful, because in being thankful, there's peace - and that leads to a happiness that nothing can take away.
that the Bible says so.
so it's not being selfish to only want such a thing -- it's being prudent, and meek. and those are very good things.
and don't beat yourself up over not being very cheery. you know what the Bible says about that?
that sorrow is better than laughter. that a house of mourning is better than a house of pleasure -- the heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, because a sad face is good for the heart. ((from Ecclesiastes 7))
yes, He wants us to have joy, and contentment. and He wants us to find it in Him, not in other things. you're seeing some things for what they really are, not superficially, and that's awesome - a gift from God too - and there's a result:
For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief.
(Ecclesiastes 1:18)
the more knowledge, the more grief.
(Ecclesiastes 1:18)
so it's not necessarily wrong to feel like you do. what could be wrong, is forgetting to be grateful, because in being thankful, there's peace - and that leads to a happiness that nothing can take away.
