I can't take this anymore. I feel so sad like 90% of the time. I know its all being brought on by me, because I keep failing as a Christian. I am good in some areas with my walk with CHRIST, but tend to fail miserably in my weak areas. I feel like God is not gonna keep forgiving me if I keep on willing fully sinning. Like for instance being afraid to mention him to others out of fear of being made fun of or breaking my fast. I understand ALL Christians mess up daily, but I am just down in this deep valley and feel like I can't keep going on. I'm still trying to pray and read my Bible daily but I get so distracted on others things. I don't wanna grow cold on the Lord, but I'm afraid to talk to anyone. I wanna feel Joy again.
Hello ACR96,
I've gone through this.
It was a cycle I kept going through of failures, depression, eventual coming up out of the depression resolved to do better, failure again, depression again, etc.
I wanted so badly to be good. I believed Jesust hat if I have anger in myh eart, it is murder, even if I don't physically shoot anyone. I believed Him instead of what the world says about murder.
And He would stop coming to my senses. By that I mean, I could no longer...FEEL Him. And I would think the reason why was because I had sinned. But that isn't the reason why. I can try to explain what is happening when we go through a period of not sensing Him, later if you want me to.
You (and I, because I did this too) are like the foolish Galatians. Having begun in the Spirit, we are now trying to finish in our own strength what began in the Spirit in our new birth.
Your depressions are caused because of this. Not only can we not save ourselves, we also cannot make ourselves more holy and good.
Salvation is through trust in Him alone. You realize that. I did too. But what you are failing to see is that sanctification (being made good, more holy), ALSO comes only through trust/faith in Him to do it.
Stop striving to be good and just rely on Him. You can't do heart surgery on yourself, on your heart, your emotions, your mind. Cease all striving and know that I am God.