Lack of fellowship 40+
- Thread starter A_Friend_In_Christ
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Ugly
Guest
Seems to me that churches in general have the wrong goals. The number one goal of many churches seems to be getting unsaved into church. But then the church gets filled with more and more people who know less and less, because the messages are not geared at growing Christians. I think churches should go back to being for mostly Christians and teaching them and growing them and letting the members be the ones to go out and be witnesses, and not be people who get people to come to church so the pastor does all the work. Raising the standard for what being a Christian means by having messages of depth.
People aren't eager to volunteer, in part, i think, because they are all still babies in their faith. Still caught up in wrong understandings of God and the bible because they aren't being taught. And having needlessly low expectations so as to not offend anyone.
And when anything serious is taught, it's often a family based message, which isolates so many who are not married.
Throw in a party every week for the kids and call it a youth group and there you have what so many churches do.
Then we wonder why so few peoples needs are met through the church.
People aren't eager to volunteer, in part, i think, because they are all still babies in their faith. Still caught up in wrong understandings of God and the bible because they aren't being taught. And having needlessly low expectations so as to not offend anyone.
And when anything serious is taught, it's often a family based message, which isolates so many who are not married.
Throw in a party every week for the kids and call it a youth group and there you have what so many churches do.
Then we wonder why so few peoples needs are met through the church.
I don't think most Christians singles are looking for a a party every day. Most want true fellowship and want to get closer to God. At least that is what I am looking for.
I think you are right but I have gotten the impression from churches that have the mindset of "we tried singles groups and they didn't work" that when you dig deeper they tried a singles group for the younger crowd first and it didn't go well. I'm not saying that all singles groups geared toward the 20 and thirty somethings don't have the same goals as the older singles but I think the challenges are different. Maybe I'm being too optimistic but I still think if you approach your church and frame out the need and goal of fellowship they might be open to it. But I am sure many here have tried.
I feel very blessed to have found the church I am now a member of. My son and I searched for months before we found it and they do expository preaching which is incredible. I have grown in my faith due to a deeper understanding of the scriptures. This has eliminated the issue of sermons being directed at one group.
This is all good and easily said, when that's the problem. But quite often, I think that's not the case.
At my last church, there was a strong single's ministry, people were volunteering to teach, serve, etc. But, the church decided to do away with the single's ministry, because they didn't see the need for it. Instead, single's Sunday school classes ended up being mixed classes. Supposedly all of the Sunday School classes were suppose to be for married and singles, but I don't think that really happened. Instead, the married classes mainly stayed classes for marrieds, while the Single's classes became mixed. At least, from what I saw. Many of the single's left the church because they felt like the church refused to see their needs. It wasn't until a major corporation came in, not to mention seeing the changes in the culture did the church realize that maybe there were more single's then they realized.
At my last church, there was a strong single's ministry, people were volunteering to teach, serve, etc. But, the church decided to do away with the single's ministry, because they didn't see the need for it. Instead, single's Sunday school classes ended up being mixed classes. Supposedly all of the Sunday School classes were suppose to be for married and singles, but I don't think that really happened. Instead, the married classes mainly stayed classes for marrieds, while the Single's classes became mixed. At least, from what I saw. Many of the single's left the church because they felt like the church refused to see their needs. It wasn't until a major corporation came in, not to mention seeing the changes in the culture did the church realize that maybe there were more single's then they realized.
What you said here reminds me of what my current church is doing. When I joined a few months ago, I received something I'll call the 1,1,1 program. Basically the church expects it's members to be apart of 1 Bible Study group, attend 1 service, and then serve as a part of the church 1 hour a week. That doesn't mean new Christians end up teaching, but instead, they are learning to serve God, such as in Praise and Worship. They also recently had a weekend where they encouraged every member to serve their community, mainly by helping people in their homes. Not to mention encouraging every member, regardless of age, to be missionary's either in their communities, neighboring cities, states, or overseas. I think this is partially why I'm drawn to this church, it's because they do believe in people serving God. This was a similar attitude at my last church as well. Every member a minister.
Wow, that is heartbreaking. I'm so sad to hear stories like this. I know there are churches who absolutely seem to ignore their single congregants but am so grateful that most of us have a choice on where we worship. I couldn't imagine feeling comfortable in a church that made a similar decision.
That has been the cases for most churches I have been in. However my current church does have single events for most ages. even a singles even after the evening service. Small groups and monthly get together. It is a large church, and when I started working night shift I did not get to be involved. But you are right it was nice to have the church see that need. It is good, wholesome fun and fellowship. Very encouraging.
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tinabeans1206
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My church is small. Lots of fellowship for kids and young adults. Not a lot of fellowship opportunities for folks like me over 40
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RodB65
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I am fortunate to be part of a Church that has a ministry for folks like us. There's not many of us, but we have a good time.
Of course, it also means that its my turn to cut grass at Church this month !!!
Of course, it also means that its my turn to cut grass at Church this month !!!
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TemporaryCircumstances
Guest
My church has many things for those 40+ there's almost something on the screen for that matter every service. I think we actually do a decent job of attempting at getting everyone involved. We also have many things for non-married folk to get involved with
^^^ This! Step up and do, don't just complain! Way to go, CWS!
Wow. Easy answers. Do you know how many times I have asked to help or to start a group and the answer is why? Or why do we need another group at church?
Do not accuse people of not trying. Thank you.
P.S. I am amazed at the "lack" of response...
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I gave a response in this thread that I still stand by. It has worked very well for me.Wow. Easy answers. Do you know how many times I have asked to help or to start a group and the answer is why? Or why do we need another group at church?
Do not accuse people of not trying. Thank you.
P.S. I am amazed at the "lack" of response...
Wow. Easy answers. Do you know how many times I have asked to help or to start a group and the answer is why? Or why do we need another group at church?
Do not accuse people of not trying. Thank you.
P.S. I am amazed at the "lack" of response...
I do realize there are no "easy" answers and I never intended to imply it was as simple as suggesting a ministry to serve this group to your home church. I have attended churches over the years in my 30's and 40's where suggestions werent well received for some legitimate and not so legitimate reasons.
I have also attended churches were they were open to new ministry ideas and were looking for support from members to stand them up.
This is such a wide audience I was only trying to offer a suggestion from what has worked at my church to those who might not have thought of it or may have needed encouragement to give it a go.
Hi Friend of Christ,
I've found the same thing you have found. About 10 years ago some of the larger churches in the area had singles groups for the over 35'ers. But all those groups are gone. I'm not really sure why.
My current problem is one of the rotation pastors where I currently attend. The normal pastor is insightful, biblically accurate and great at application. But the rotation guy is a 20-something married man who starts almost every other sentence with a phrase that directs his sermon to married couples. Like 'this may remind you of your spouse' or 'just like your kids' or 'like your wife' or 'your spouse would agree'- he works really hard at constantly addressing the married people. I'm sure he's trying to grab people's attention and make it applicable. But every time he preaches I feel like I'm invisible and not part of the congregation. At some point I will go introduce myself and ask him gently to address all of the congregation. We'll see what happens.
I've found the same thing you have found. About 10 years ago some of the larger churches in the area had singles groups for the over 35'ers. But all those groups are gone. I'm not really sure why.
My current problem is one of the rotation pastors where I currently attend. The normal pastor is insightful, biblically accurate and great at application. But the rotation guy is a 20-something married man who starts almost every other sentence with a phrase that directs his sermon to married couples. Like 'this may remind you of your spouse' or 'just like your kids' or 'like your wife' or 'your spouse would agree'- he works really hard at constantly addressing the married people. I'm sure he's trying to grab people's attention and make it applicable. But every time he preaches I feel like I'm invisible and not part of the congregation. At some point I will go introduce myself and ask him gently to address all of the congregation. We'll see what happens.
I agree with you Crimson Lark and so do a lot of other single Christians. We have been ignored and forgotten for too long. Now is the time again to stand up and speak up loudly!
Are you listening pastors who address married couples with kids and ignore Christian singles over 40?
Are you listening pastors who address married couples with kids and ignore Christian singles over 40?
Lynx if you are talking to me, your hunch is wrong. If you are talking to Friend of Christ, shouldn't there be a place where christian singles can vent their frustrations without getting maligned? The things that we are talking about in this thread and others are real issues that face many other christian singles. I appreciate you sharing Friend of Christ. It's not easy being a single christian and hopefully threads like this will spark thought and action in good ways.