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U
Ideally people should discuss such things before getting married. Who's in control of the finances, who has what chores and responsibilities, etc... When i was going out with my last gf, though we weren't engaged, we knew we wanted to marry. We discussed some of those issues that early. We shared what things we hated to do, what things we were good at. Such as i was dishes, trash, vacuuming and finances. She hated doing dishes and taking out trash and was aware she would be horrible being in charge of the money. She would be responsible for cooking and basic tidiness and upkeep and laundry. We had already had that much worked out before getting engaged.
Knowing, when you go into the marriage, who does what saves a lot of trouble and takes away a lot of these unfulfilled expectations and arguments. And it shows you whether or not you are both in line with what you want or expect to be done within a marriage. If a woman believes the man should help around the house, and the man believes he goes to work and comes home and his day is over, that should be learned and discussed before getting married.
And, of course, having flexibility as well. During the years and decades of marriage situations will change. So being able to take on more at times, than what you agreed, should be understood as a possibility and not blown out of proportion if and when it happens.
But few people think that far ahead. Or think it is necessary.
Knowing, when you go into the marriage, who does what saves a lot of trouble and takes away a lot of these unfulfilled expectations and arguments. And it shows you whether or not you are both in line with what you want or expect to be done within a marriage. If a woman believes the man should help around the house, and the man believes he goes to work and comes home and his day is over, that should be learned and discussed before getting married.
And, of course, having flexibility as well. During the years and decades of marriage situations will change. So being able to take on more at times, than what you agreed, should be understood as a possibility and not blown out of proportion if and when it happens.
But few people think that far ahead. Or think it is necessary.
N
Posts I see sometimes about some antiquated 1950's idea of what a marriage "should be" make me giggle!!
Hub and are a team, so we both do pretty much everything around the farm....however....I am the neurotic one who can't relax unless things are neat and tidy, and I am the one who's home most....so duhhhhhh I am the one who does most of the cleaning....not because it's my responsibility, but because it's my desire to have it clean. If one is a neat freak and one isn't, then guess who will end up doing most of the cleaning? The neatfreak. If I want a happy home, I am not going to expect him to do anything housework related or otherwise, I will just trust that he will show me love by doing when he can.
It's not about expectations at the post suggests....it's about mutual respect and love.
So Ladies, if you want a happy husband....just love him. Together you will figure out happiness as one.
Peace!!
Hub and are a team, so we both do pretty much everything around the farm....however....I am the neurotic one who can't relax unless things are neat and tidy, and I am the one who's home most....so duhhhhhh I am the one who does most of the cleaning....not because it's my responsibility, but because it's my desire to have it clean. If one is a neat freak and one isn't, then guess who will end up doing most of the cleaning? The neatfreak. If I want a happy home, I am not going to expect him to do anything housework related or otherwise, I will just trust that he will show me love by doing when he can.
It's not about expectations at the post suggests....it's about mutual respect and love.
So Ladies, if you want a happy husband....just love him. Together you will figure out happiness as one.
Peace!!
It is a remnant of a bygone time. Our economy and technology has progressed to a point where woman now now be reasonably financially self sufficient. In fact, because of certain gender factors, they now have the upper hand in procuring and sustaining certain jobs.
So, yes, there was a time (actually almost all of human history, this trend is very recent) where men went out and hunted, or was the (only) one who could work, so the logical assumption was the woman would stay at home at tend the family and house.
It wasn't a bad arrangement, considering the times. It even was advantageous in that roles and expectations were clearly defined. Of course it did have its obvious disadvantages.
Those days, in America, and many other countries, are gone though. So why any man would resist the new reality is beyond me.
I believe most of them aren't.
So, yes, there was a time (actually almost all of human history, this trend is very recent) where men went out and hunted, or was the (only) one who could work, so the logical assumption was the woman would stay at home at tend the family and house.
It wasn't a bad arrangement, considering the times. It even was advantageous in that roles and expectations were clearly defined. Of course it did have its obvious disadvantages.
Those days, in America, and many other countries, are gone though. So why any man would resist the new reality is beyond me.
I believe most of them aren't.
D
What I expected of him:
1. Don't change. (Oops. He did anyway, but to the better. lol)
2. Come home to me at the end of the day. And that didn't mean he couldn't go out with the guys after work. But, I did expect him to call if he would be late.
3. Listen to me. Not to be confused with agree with me, but at least listen until he understood.
4. Accept me as me.
He already was a believer and understood the relationship in marriage, so what else did I need to expect from him?
I did expect him to protect me, but no more than I would protect him. Provide? That's always been a joint effort too. He broke his back two years and two days after our wedding day. We did what we had to do. Still are.
I figure if I expect something, I'll pay for that service rather than marry someone to get it. I married him because he's my best friend and it was the easiest way to keep him in my life even if he moved. lol
And this is only the fourth time in our marriage we cannot do chores equally. He still does what he can. He made tomato soup last week. At lunch a couple of days ago, I was too beat to make it, so he made grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. Pretty cool for a guy who needs to sit on his walker in the kitchen.
1. Don't change. (Oops. He did anyway, but to the better. lol)
2. Come home to me at the end of the day. And that didn't mean he couldn't go out with the guys after work. But, I did expect him to call if he would be late.
3. Listen to me. Not to be confused with agree with me, but at least listen until he understood.
4. Accept me as me.
He already was a believer and understood the relationship in marriage, so what else did I need to expect from him?
I did expect him to protect me, but no more than I would protect him. Provide? That's always been a joint effort too. He broke his back two years and two days after our wedding day. We did what we had to do. Still are.
I figure if I expect something, I'll pay for that service rather than marry someone to get it. I married him because he's my best friend and it was the easiest way to keep him in my life even if he moved. lol
And this is only the fourth time in our marriage we cannot do chores equally. He still does what he can. He made tomato soup last week. At lunch a couple of days ago, I was too beat to make it, so he made grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. Pretty cool for a guy who needs to sit on his walker in the kitchen.
K
Nagging can be annoying but there shouldn't be nagging. In an adult relationship people should be responsible. Like my mother will tell my father ten times to take out the trash that he passes 50 times. He gets annoyed with her and says "don't treat me like a child!!" To which she says "don't act like one" lol They've been married 44yrs so I guess it works for them. My point is if you dont want a wife to act like a mommy dont act like one of the children. Be an adult and do your part.
L
Good post!
Expectations will ruin just about any relationship if that is what you go into one having. (poor sentence structure sorry)
I expect this and or that. Doesn't work especially if your expectation handle fits neatly into some imagined hole in your partner's back and you think you can push him/her around like a mop
My husband and I are more apt to 'fight' over who is going to mow the lawn (sit on mower because it's a big lawn) then the dishes. We don't 'fight' over who is going to rake if it needs raking though.
Are expectations hope we are going to get what we think we are missing? or are we heaving a sigh of relief because at last someone is there to 'do' for us?
I think we get married for different reasons, love aside, but we all got those there expectations
I expect my husband to be faithful. That is my one expectation. It's also a vow. He can expect the same.
Everything else, at least for us, is easier from there
Did not get there on day one, but some years later, that is where we have arrived
Expectations will ruin just about any relationship if that is what you go into one having. (poor sentence structure sorry)
I expect this and or that. Doesn't work especially if your expectation handle fits neatly into some imagined hole in your partner's back and you think you can push him/her around like a mop
My husband and I are more apt to 'fight' over who is going to mow the lawn (sit on mower because it's a big lawn) then the dishes. We don't 'fight' over who is going to rake if it needs raking though.
Are expectations hope we are going to get what we think we are missing? or are we heaving a sigh of relief because at last someone is there to 'do' for us?
I think we get married for different reasons, love aside, but we all got those there expectations
I expect my husband to be faithful. That is my one expectation. It's also a vow. He can expect the same.
Everything else, at least for us, is easier from there
Did not get there on day one, but some years later, that is where we have arrived
This lady is dangerous. There are a lot of red flags associated with the blogger who posted this note.
>
> Many of the things she and her husband write about are EXTRA- BIBLICAL and are not rightly divided, but she deletes any comments from her blog that may disagree with her or try to provide correction.
Lori Alexander writes on her blog:
Whew!!! When I wrote Pray For Michael Pearl, I received several long comments and emails telling me how wrong Pearl's disciplining methods are and I shouldn't be supporting them. I deleted the comments because I don't want any Pearl bashing going on on my blog. There are many other blogs that do that. I only want to support them.
Always Learning: Breaking Their Will
That leads me to my next point and the biggest red flag:
She advocates child abuse and defends and promotes the Pearl's To Train Up A Child book.
Here's what wikipedia says about that book:
The book advises parents to use objects like a quarter-inch plumbing tube to spank children and "break their will". It also mentions withholding food and putting children under a cold garden hose.
The content of Pearl's book has been cited as advocating child abuse and its teachings were linked to the deaths of Sean Paddock,[10] Lydia Schatz,[11] and Hana Grace-Rose Williams.[12] In all three cases the parents were homeschooling their children and are believed to have read Pearl's book.[13] Michael Ramsey, a Butte County, California District Attorney who prosecuted the Schatz case, investigated the Pearls' teachings and called To Train Up A Child, "an extraordinarily dangerous book for those who take it literally." "It's truly an evil book," he said.[14] Dr. Frances Chalmers, the pediatrician who examined Hana's death, said “My fear is that this book, while perhaps well intended, could easily be misinterpreted and could lead to what I consider significant abuse.”
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Pearl
Child 'training' book triggers backlash - BBC News
Lori Alexander, the same blogger who said husbands should not be expected to do housework, defends the Pearl's and still promotes their book To Train Up A Child. Children have been beaten to death because of that book. I'm sure there were other factors involved too, but that book also played a part in it.
Always Learning: In Defense of "To Train Up a Child"
>
> Many of the things she and her husband write about are EXTRA- BIBLICAL and are not rightly divided, but she deletes any comments from her blog that may disagree with her or try to provide correction.
Lori Alexander writes on her blog:
Whew!!! When I wrote Pray For Michael Pearl, I received several long comments and emails telling me how wrong Pearl's disciplining methods are and I shouldn't be supporting them. I deleted the comments because I don't want any Pearl bashing going on on my blog. There are many other blogs that do that. I only want to support them.
Always Learning: Breaking Their Will
That leads me to my next point and the biggest red flag:
She advocates child abuse and defends and promotes the Pearl's To Train Up A Child book.
Here's what wikipedia says about that book:
The book advises parents to use objects like a quarter-inch plumbing tube to spank children and "break their will". It also mentions withholding food and putting children under a cold garden hose.
The content of Pearl's book has been cited as advocating child abuse and its teachings were linked to the deaths of Sean Paddock,[10] Lydia Schatz,[11] and Hana Grace-Rose Williams.[12] In all three cases the parents were homeschooling their children and are believed to have read Pearl's book.[13] Michael Ramsey, a Butte County, California District Attorney who prosecuted the Schatz case, investigated the Pearls' teachings and called To Train Up A Child, "an extraordinarily dangerous book for those who take it literally." "It's truly an evil book," he said.[14] Dr. Frances Chalmers, the pediatrician who examined Hana's death, said “My fear is that this book, while perhaps well intended, could easily be misinterpreted and could lead to what I consider significant abuse.”
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Pearl
Child 'training' book triggers backlash - BBC News
Lori Alexander, the same blogger who said husbands should not be expected to do housework, defends the Pearl's and still promotes their book To Train Up A Child. Children have been beaten to death because of that book. I'm sure there were other factors involved too, but that book also played a part in it.
Always Learning: In Defense of "To Train Up a Child"
K
A friend of mine posted from her Facebook page, I was curious and took a look. I made a few comments with no response. I thought her advice there was heavily biased with her own beliefs and self importance. Seemed a little nutty with her advice to me. Some people share a post but dont look at where it comes from. I almost always do.
W
If I was married
and if me and I husband both worked pretty much the same amount of time outside the house
then I would indeed expect him to do thing around the house.
The only way a man can get away with not doing housework is being the sole provider
I wouldn't marry a man in the first place if he expected me to be chained to the stove
and if me and I husband both worked pretty much the same amount of time outside the house
then I would indeed expect him to do thing around the house.
The only way a man can get away with not doing housework is being the sole provider
I wouldn't marry a man in the first place if he expected me to be chained to the stove
S
The older women in the church were to teach the younger ones how to take care of the household, and frankly if a wife does not have to hold down a job, there's no reason her husband should have to work all day and do housework. She may need help with the children, they're his too. I always managed to get things done at home when the children were small. My husband worked, I kept the home.
But if the wife is also working, then the husband should help with something. If he loves his wife as Christ loves the church, he would hopefully want to help. But nagging never works. There's nothing worse than manipulating somebody into doing something when their heart is not in it.
But if the wife is also working, then the husband should help with something. If he loves his wife as Christ loves the church, he would hopefully want to help. But nagging never works. There's nothing worse than manipulating somebody into doing something when their heart is not in it.