Husbands and Housework?

[LaurenTM]

I have several husbands

a washing machine
a dryer
a microwave
a delivery man who brings my on-line shopping



Ps some men don't want a wife, they want a mother.
some women don't want a husband they want a son.

haha

I have been known to say 'hey ~I'm not your mother!' and then I add 'do you want me to be your mother? if so, go stand in the corner' that gets a laugh and breaks the tension

 

[Depleted]

Before we got married I told Tourist I was not the best house keeper that when something started bugging me then I'd do something about it.

What I am is good at other things. Like taking the popcorn down off the ceiling scraping it off, patching it up making it look smooth and painting it. Taking a hammer and knocking out a wall and then calling someone to come and put things back together. Building a child's bed using the crib mattress that was in the crib because of having a small space to fit a bed that a regular bed won't fit in. Taking tile off the bathroom wall, removing carpet so tile could be installed.

I loved to mow the lawn or build things or was and am great at demo work.... I hate housework and learned to ignore it early on. Of course being single for 35 years if I did take the time to vacuum or wash dishes, clean the bathroom it usually stayed clean for a while because I was the only one using it.... Well things aren't always clean and it is starting to bug me now so I bought a book about keeping house....lol I'd rather read it than clean it.... Trying to improve though it is in the reading phase right now and when finished with the book I might even try what it recommends.....lol

We meld on housekeeping personalities, except reading a how-to book would simply put me to sleep. lol

My specialties are untangling cords/ropes, opening bubble-wrap packs/overly-taped packages, finding the cherry-pitter (kitchen gadgets stuck in the junk drawer, but still needed 1 month out of the year), finding info on the net, bills, getting the best deals (for insurance, Internet access, glasses, etc.), and making sure we're neither overcharged nor undercharged.

His specialties are cooking, spacial awareness, (No, honey, that chair/kitchen gadget/walker won't fit in that spot), fixing stuff, (our can crusher wasn't broken. It needed to be oiled again), and realism when I get yet another "brilliant idea."

We both have one ability that only works for the other. We can calm each other down when angry.

 

[Quirkygirl]

So I saw this on Facebook from a friend and checked out this ladies page. I'm not sure you'll be able to see the picture.I may have to write it out. But wanted to know peoples thoughts on this subject.


View attachment 155120

Yeah husbands really should help out with the housework...especially if the wife is working. There is no excuse for a man to be lazy and not help. Think of it like this. Work ends every day. Housework doesn't. Housework ends when you go to sleep. If the housework lies solely on the woman's shoulders then she is doing an exponential more amount of work than the man.

 

[Depleted]

Yeah husbands really should help out with the housework...especially if the wife is working. There is no excuse for a man to be lazy and not help. Think of it like this. Work ends every day. Housework doesn't. Housework ends when you go to sleep. If the housework lies solely on the woman's shoulders then she is doing an exponential more amount of work than the man.

Housework ends when you say it ends. You can stop any time. I promise, it will wait. (I keep hoping the housework fairies will come in the middle of the night, but hasn't ever happened. lol) I quit for the day after rinsing off dinner plates.

 

[tourist]

Yeah husbands really should help out with the housework...especially if the wife is working. There is no excuse for a man to be lazy and not help. Think of it like this. Work ends every day. Housework doesn't. Housework ends when you go to sleep. If the housework lies solely on the woman's shoulders then she is doing an exponential more amount of work than the man.

I do the dishes and take out the trash. Once in awhile I cook dinner. Usually chicken. My rice is especially yummy. I like my grains of rice separated and not all stuck together. I have done laundry a couple times but I have a problem separating the whites. Obviously, I'm in need of further training.

 

[LiJo]

When I was a stay at home Mom, I took care of my babies and all of the household chores, my Ex worked to support the family and he was responsible for the yard work.

Now that I'm working and if I were to get married again, it would be great for us to share the household chores. My boyfriend and I have already discuss this, he's willing to do the laundry and clean the tub/shower, share with the cooking and cut the grass.

Nagging is not my style, I rather just do it than nag.

 

[Fenner]

My Husband and I both do housework. I'm home more so logically I do more of it. It's never been an issue we both do what we need to do.

 

[Miri]

Have to tell you this. I got chatting to a co worker early in the week. He is a
young man aged 23. He always drinks several cans of cola each day. He was saying that
he tried some cucumber for the first time last week but didn't like it. He wasn't sure if he
could eat the skin or not.

Then we got chatting about food he said he has never had a jacket potato, only tried
strawberries once last year, didn't know what tomatoes tastes like. Had never eaten any
fish apart from fried cod from the fish and chip shop, he has never eaten tuna, or must veg
as far as I could tell.

I happened to have a tin of tuna on me as I had just done some shopping so I gave him it to
try. He asked how to cook it!

I just fell about laughing.

I asked if he got tired a lot and what did he live on. Apparently he just eats pizza, goes to
macdonalds and drinks cola. He said he was constantly tired, I'm not surprised!

Anyway I told him that he either needs a wife or mother but i wasn't voluntaring!

He probably does need someone to do all his housework and cooking, just to keep him in the
land of the living. Lol

 

[Marcelo]

I try to be helpful around the house. Not because it's expected of me but because I love my wife.

Now that I am retired I'm becoming more and more like Tourist. My wife and I are one flesh, and I love her.

 

[Miri]

Now that I am retired I'm becoming more and more like Tourist. My wife and I are one flesh, and I love her.

Awww that's so sweet.

 

[jennymae]

Have to tell you this. I got chatting to a co worker early in the week. He is a
young man aged 23. He always drinks several cans of cola each day. He was saying that
he tried some cucumber for the first time last week but didn't like it. He wasn't sure if he
could eat the skin or not.

Then we got chatting about food he said he has never had a jacket potato, only tried
strawberries once last year, didn't know what tomatoes tastes like. Had never eaten any
fish apart from fried cod from the fish and chip shop, he has never eaten tuna, or must veg
as far as I could tell.

I happened to have a tin of tuna on me as I had just done some shopping so I gave him it to
try. He asked how to cook it!

I just fell about laughing.

I asked if he got tired a lot and what did he live on. Apparently he just eats pizza, goes to
macdonalds and drinks cola. He said he was constantly tired, I'm not surprised!

Anyway I told him that he either needs a wife or mother but i wasn't voluntaring! Oh

He probably does need someone to do all his housework and cooking, just to keep him in the
land of the living. Lol

And he needs it fast. What a way of living, his mama must be so proud

 

[LiJo]

Have to tell you this. I got chatting to a co worker early in the week. He is a
young man aged 23. He always drinks several cans of cola each day. He was saying that
he tried some cucumber for the first time last week but didn't like it. He wasn't sure if he
could eat the skin or not.

Then we got chatting about food he said he has never had a jacket potato, only tried
strawberries once last year, didn't know what tomatoes tastes like. Had never eaten any
fish apart from fried cod from the fish and chip shop, he has never eaten tuna, or must veg
as far as I could tell.

I happened to have a tin of tuna on me as I had just done some shopping so I gave him it to
try. He asked how to cook it!

I just fell about laughing.

I asked if he got tired a lot and what did he live on. Apparently he just eats pizza, goes to
macdonalds and drinks cola. He said he was constantly tired, I'm not surprised!

Anyway I told him that he either needs a wife or mother but i wasn't voluntaring!

He probably does need someone to do all his housework and cooking, just to keep him in the
land of the living. Lol

This is why I teach my boys to do their own laundry and they all know how to cook! I will never have to worry about them going hungry....lol

 

[LOLOKGal]

I have read some of the comments here and I agree with most. Marriage is a 110%/110%! If I had a husband that was the sole provider, I wouldn't expect him to help with chores, unless it was something that I was not strong enough to do.

Unfortunately, this is a sore subject for me. My ex didn't work, I was the provider. I worked 40, 60, and sometimes 80 hour weeks. Then when I came home, the house was a mess. There were a couple of times, that I just turned right back around and left for a couple of hours to calm down and prepare myself to go back into that mess. I HATE messes! It brings me down. He expected me to work and clean the house. When I approached him to ask him if he would help me with house work, he said, "DO NOT ask me to help clean the house because I WILL NOT do it!" *sigh* So, I was stuck. I eventually had to hire someone to help me. There were many times I was exhausted and I just couldn't go on. On top of that he expected me to fix all our meals from scratch! Now, I'm all for eating healthy and I never buy premade, prepackaged, or frozen meals. However, if I was too tired to cook, and all I wanted to do was just fix sandwiches, that wasn't good enough.

He did do the yard work, that much I am grateful for. He did take out the trash, but he would complain, "GOD WOMAN! You're a trashy person!" I would tell him, "Well, when I have to cook from scratch that creates alot of trash. Not to mention the trash mail that comes in on a daily basis". He would do laundry, but I had to sort the clothes, then fold and put away. If he didn't hear the machines go off, it was my fault that I didn't tell him that they were finished. *sigh*

Okay, I see that I am complaining. I'll stop now. Thanks for letting me take this time on this thread to blow off some steam.

My point that I'm trying to make is... Marriage is give and take. Help each other. Be there for each other. Each situation is different, talk it out, set out your own "you do this, I'll do that". Love each other. Don't be a nag - that goes for men too. Appreciate each other. RESPECT each other. Above ALL... ALWAYS put God first!

 

[tourist]

I have read some of the comments here and I agree with most. Marriage is a 110%/110%! If I had a husband that was the sole provider, I wouldn't expect him to help with chores, unless it was something that I was not strong enough to do.

Unfortunately, this is a sore subject for me. My ex didn't work, I was the provider. I worked 40, 60, and sometimes 80 hour weeks. Then when I came home, the house was a mess. There were a couple of times, that I just turned right back around and left for a couple of hours to calm down and prepare myself to go back into that mess. I HATE messes! It brings me down. He expected me to work and clean the house. When I approached him to ask him if he would help me with house work, he said, "DO NOT ask me to help clean the house because I WILL NOT do it!" *sigh* So, I was stuck. I eventually had to hire someone to help me. There were many times I was exhausted and I just couldn't go on. On top of that he expected me to fix all our meals from scratch! Now, I'm all for eating healthy and I never buy premade, prepackaged, or frozen meals. However, if I was too tired to cook, and all I wanted to do was just fix sandwiches, that wasn't good enough.

He did do the yard work, that much I am grateful for. He did take out the trash, but he would complain, "GOD WOMAN! You're a trashy person!" I would tell him, "Well, when I have to cook from scratch that creates alot of trash. Not to mention the trash mail that comes in on a daily basis". He would do laundry, but I had to sort the clothes, then fold and put away. If he didn't hear the machines go off, it was my fault that I didn't tell him that they were finished. *sigh*

Okay, I see that I am complaining. I'll stop now. Thanks for letting me take this time on this thread to blow off some steam.

My point that I'm trying to make is... Marriage is give and take. Help each other. Be there for each other. Each situation is different, talk it out, set out your own "you do this, I'll do that". Love each other. Don't be a nag - that goes for men too. Appreciate each other. RESPECT each other. Above ALL... ALWAYS put God first!

Apparently, your husband was not a good helpmate. Sad. I agree with your last paragraph completely. If you ever get married again your future husband will be a most fortunate fellow to have you in his life.

 

[Depleted]

Have to tell you this. I got chatting to a co worker early in the week. He is a
young man aged 23. He always drinks several cans of cola each day. He was saying that
he tried some cucumber for the first time last week but didn't like it. He wasn't sure if he
could eat the skin or not.

Then we got chatting about food he said he has never had a jacket potato, only tried
strawberries once last year, didn't know what tomatoes tastes like. Had never eaten any
fish apart from fried cod from the fish and chip shop, he has never eaten tuna, or must veg
as far as I could tell.

I happened to have a tin of tuna on me as I had just done some shopping so I gave him it to
try. He asked how to cook it!

I just fell about laughing.

I asked if he got tired a lot and what did he live on. Apparently he just eats pizza, goes to
macdonalds and drinks cola. He said he was constantly tired, I'm not surprised!

Anyway I told him that he either needs a wife or mother but i wasn't voluntaring!

He probably does need someone to do all his housework and cooking, just to keep him in the
land of the living. Lol

One of my bosses was about my age at the time -- somewhere in his 40's -- had his own house, but had no girlfriend/wife. His kitchen was a bit dusty, but otherwise always neat and organized because he had cheesesteaks for lunch and dinner. Ordered them twice a day with the only difference of what part of town he ordered them. (We worked in North Philly. We both live in South Philly.) And, because everyone needs fiber in their lives, the other thing he consumed was Metamucil (a fiber that is stirred into water.)

He wore service uniforms at work, and had them cleaned by the company that made and rented them each week. At nights, he hung with his friends in "the band." (He played the trombone and was good enough to be hired for or Mummers parade and other general need-jazz-musician festivals.) When they were just hanging-out the only difference between what he wore in the daytime and nighttime was he took the collared shirt off and just wore the matching-color T-shirt. Not sure what he wore on weekends or gigs. Never asked.

His house was never messy, because all he did there was eat that sandwich, sleep and shower. (Didn't ask about what his bathroom looked like either.)

I worked there for 9 years. His routine never varied. Some guys are just resilient. I suspect some gals are too.

I did clean my apartment once a month when I was single, and changed the litter box once every 2-3 weeks. But the only reason I did was because I always had 2-3 cats and I'm allergic to cat dander. (Cleaning day was also sneezing/puffy-eyes day, but I knew it was time to clean again by how often I was sneezing before I had time to clean. lol)

And for dinner? "Put meat in oven for 1 hour at 350 degrees, boil a veggie, and either eat mashed potatoes, boiled potatoes, or French Fries from the frozen section of the store." The only reason I ate better than that from November to June was because I didn't want John worrying about me not eating right. Then later on, when I realized he was coming home with no teeth, he had to help me learn how to cook food that could be eaten without teeth.

Funny thing. Now that he's home, we're learning he can eat almost anything. We are looking forward to pita-pizza once he gets his new teeth in a month.

I'm the one who thinks cleaning is overrated.

 

[Depleted]

I have read some of the comments here and I agree with most. Marriage is a 110%/110%! If I had a husband that was the sole provider, I wouldn't expect him to help with chores, unless it was something that I was not strong enough to do.

Unfortunately, this is a sore subject for me. My ex didn't work, I was the provider. I worked 40, 60, and sometimes 80 hour weeks. Then when I came home, the house was a mess. There were a couple of times, that I just turned right back around and left for a couple of hours to calm down and prepare myself to go back into that mess. I HATE messes! It brings me down. He expected me to work and clean the house. When I approached him to ask him if he would help me with house work, he said, "DO NOT ask me to help clean the house because I WILL NOT do it!" *sigh* So, I was stuck. I eventually had to hire someone to help me. There were many times I was exhausted and I just couldn't go on. On top of that he expected me to fix all our meals from scratch! Now, I'm all for eating healthy and I never buy premade, prepackaged, or frozen meals. However, if I was too tired to cook, and all I wanted to do was just fix sandwiches, that wasn't good enough.

He did do the yard work, that much I am grateful for. He did take out the trash, but he would complain, "GOD WOMAN! You're a trashy person!" I would tell him, "Well, when I have to cook from scratch that creates alot of trash. Not to mention the trash mail that comes in on a daily basis". He would do laundry, but I had to sort the clothes, then fold and put away. If he didn't hear the machines go off, it was my fault that I didn't tell him that they were finished. *sigh*

Okay, I see that I am complaining. I'll stop now. Thanks for letting me take this time on this thread to blow off some steam.

My point that I'm trying to make is... Marriage is give and take. Help each other. Be there for each other. Each situation is different, talk it out, set out your own "you do this, I'll do that". Love each other. Don't be a nag - that goes for men too. Appreciate each other. RESPECT each other. Above ALL... ALWAYS put God first!

And that explains perfectly why he is your EX!

Truthfully, I don't think marriage is 110%/110%, but only because no one can maintain that. I think we should aim for 90/90, but only because we give ourselves too much credit for what we do and give the spouse too little credit for what he/she does. If we aim for 90/90 the reality is we're probably hitting 50/50.

And that's Lynn's version of the marriage ledger.

 

[LOLOKGal]

Truthfully, I don't think marriage is 110%/110%, but only because no one can maintain that. I think we should aim for 90/90, but only because we give ourselves too much credit for what we do and give the spouse too little credit for what he/she does. If we aim for 90/90 the reality is we're probably hitting 50/50.

And that's Lynn's version of the marriage ledger.

CUTE! That's my point too. No one can maintain 90/90 either, but it's a goal. The question we should ask is, "What can I do for my spouse"? and not, "What can my spouse do for me"?

 

[JosephsDreams]

If I were married, I wouldn't mind doing almost all the housework and tending to the kids if my wife would work a job, or own a business.

 

[Angela53510]

My husband had a strange introduction to my housekeeping skills. We were in college together and he would come over sometimes to talk about rides to school and so forth. I was taking 5 science courses, complete with labs. My apartment consistened of piles and piles of notes for classes, binders and text books. I did not clean that place once the entire school year. I might have washed dishes once a week.

When school ended, I borrowed a neighbour's vacuum cleaner and cleaned that place to within an inch of its life. He was stunned when he came over and saw that I could actually clean a house. So when we got married, he never placed any expectations on me for housework, because first I was in university full time, more babies, more university, working teaching on-call at first, then part time, with larger percentages working and still finishing my undergrad degree forever.

All the cooking fell to me, which was fine, because I like cooking, baking, etc. He had to do the upkeep on our cars, which he liked. There was no outdoor work, because we initially lived in an apartment. Then we rented a house for a few years, and he was in charge of lawns.I was full time on laundry, vacuuming, dusting, shopping, anything that had to do with the inside of the house was mine.

More babies - now 4. I was getting worn out. But when I asked him to help around the house, he always told me he changed the oil on the cars, that was his job - naive person that I was.

One day we were driving along, and I asked him how often he changed the oil on the two cars. He said every six months. Then I asked him how long it took and he said not more than an hour, sometimes less. I sat for a while and then I said - so I cook every day - 3 meals a day, shop, cook, do laundry and all the cleaning that you couldn't help with because of changing the oil on the cars for 2 hours every six months?? No nagging -just outrage.

He kind of smirked and kind of ducked. Then he started pitching in. By then, I had the three boys doing all the dishes. It was hard to put on a meal for 6 every night, after working all day and then cleaning up after.

Two best parts of house work:
1. My oldest son figured out all the jobs around the house, put it on a dot matrix spread sheet. Everyone had to do three jobs a week, and we chose Saturday morning. My poor three year old daughter got toilets. She told me when she was grown she didn't mind, because they were low, and she liked to see a clean toilet. It usually took a couple of hours till the house was clean. Alas, the boys eventually moved out, leaving my daughter and I doing most of the housework, until....

2. We hired a housekeeper. My RA was largely untreated, and I simply could not do the house work because of the pain. A cousin with RA recommended her housekeeper and she was fast and really good. I had her for 5 years, until she retired. It broke my heart to lose her, but by that time I was on better meds, and it did not matter. I did the housework myself.

Now, I am sick again, and may never be better. Hubby is in charge of all housework, but I do the cooking, unless I cannot get out of bed except in a wheelchair. The house is a mess, dusty, - he has never cleaned the kitchen floor. On my better days, I try to do it. But he is retired, so he has no rationalization to not help. Besides, I take my car to the dealer now to get it serviced! LOL

What is my Biblical opinion on housework? That the Bible was a different time, different restrictions on life, and life was much the same for both the Jews, and the surrounding cultures. Unless people had slaves, the men worked in their own business or for someone else, while the woman did all the housework. The Canaanites, the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans all lived by this standard. It was not Biblical but cultural.

I have always been an egalitarian, so it is a no brainer that men should help around the house, even if the wife is not working. That certainly doesn't mean half the load, but that the effort to help should be for everyone. And if the wife is working then the duties need to be divided up. I agree this should be figured out before engagement or marriage. Too many people come into marriage with expectations that cannot be filled.

 

[mailmandan]