First of all, hello and thank you for taking the time to read this. To give as clear a picture as possible, I'm going to try to summarize 14 years worth of stuff, so here goes.
I was married 14 years ago. The day after we returned from our honeymoon, I discovered (my husband had left his email open on desktop) emails between him and another woman. He had never met this woman in person and claimed that he was still emailing her because she had been playing him for over a year and he was trying to find out who she actually was (like a catfishing type thing). I didn't want my new marriage to end, so I forgave him and things were fine. During the next few years we disagreed about children. He had 2 from his first marriage and didn't want anymore, but while we were dating said we could have one. He changed his mind after we were married and I decided that his 2 would be enough for me, because I married him, not a child that didn't exist. At 3 and a half years into our marriage, he had an affair with a woman and told me that he wanted a divorce and was going to be with her. I was determined that this marriage could be saved. I believed in it and God's power to heal our marriage. I wasn't giving up. This whole ordeal of back and forth with her went on for 9 months, during which she (his affair partner) told me he had been with 4 other women before her. He confirmed it was true. We stayed together, went to marriage counseling, recovered and our marriage was great for many years.
Cut to 10 years later, in September of last year, he told me he wanted a divorce. I wondered if he was cheating again. Things had not been bad between us, but we were in a rut; things weren't as exciting as they used to be, etc. I began to work on the things he told me he was unsatisfied with but it did no good. He was adamant that we were divorcing. He filed papers and moved out in February. He was back the next day crying and saying he had made a huge mistake and wanted to work it out. He loved me; I was the best person he knew; he could see how he had messed up, etc. I was wary of course because of all he put me through and did not allow him to come home, said there would have to be time and work. I was/am seeing a counselor who is a Christian and taking her advice. He agreed to start counseling himself and work on himself. We have been talking and seeing each other occasionally. He has showered me with cards, flowers, anything to show his love for me from afar. In May, I noticed that his affair partner from 10 years ago was following him on ebay. I asked if they had been in contact and he said no. I looked in his ebay messages and she had contacted him back in March, he told her she could call, that we were separated and papers were filed. I went nuts. He freaked out and said he was going to tell me, that it meant nothing, he was disgusted by her and never wanted to talk to her again. I was still very upset. A few weeks later, he tells me he thinks he's a sex addict and that there have been 3 other women in the past several years. He wants to get help, loves me, wants to spend the rest of his life proving himself to me.
During all this, our divorce became final (my counselor suggested to let that happen, because if we repaired the relationship, we would need a new start/commitment anyway). Now that the contact with the AP and revelation about these other women, she is hinting that I should probably cut my losses and move on, that marriages do not have a good outcome when one person is a repeat offender/ possible sex addict.
You may be reading this thinking that it is obvious that I should be done with him, but I am confused because he has never been so remorseful, ashamed, emotional, and willing to make changes. I know that God can do anything. Is my gut telling me to move on or is it Satan?
I was married 14 years ago. The day after we returned from our honeymoon, I discovered (my husband had left his email open on desktop) emails between him and another woman. He had never met this woman in person and claimed that he was still emailing her because she had been playing him for over a year and he was trying to find out who she actually was (like a catfishing type thing). I didn't want my new marriage to end, so I forgave him and things were fine. During the next few years we disagreed about children. He had 2 from his first marriage and didn't want anymore, but while we were dating said we could have one. He changed his mind after we were married and I decided that his 2 would be enough for me, because I married him, not a child that didn't exist. At 3 and a half years into our marriage, he had an affair with a woman and told me that he wanted a divorce and was going to be with her. I was determined that this marriage could be saved. I believed in it and God's power to heal our marriage. I wasn't giving up. This whole ordeal of back and forth with her went on for 9 months, during which she (his affair partner) told me he had been with 4 other women before her. He confirmed it was true. We stayed together, went to marriage counseling, recovered and our marriage was great for many years.
Cut to 10 years later, in September of last year, he told me he wanted a divorce. I wondered if he was cheating again. Things had not been bad between us, but we were in a rut; things weren't as exciting as they used to be, etc. I began to work on the things he told me he was unsatisfied with but it did no good. He was adamant that we were divorcing. He filed papers and moved out in February. He was back the next day crying and saying he had made a huge mistake and wanted to work it out. He loved me; I was the best person he knew; he could see how he had messed up, etc. I was wary of course because of all he put me through and did not allow him to come home, said there would have to be time and work. I was/am seeing a counselor who is a Christian and taking her advice. He agreed to start counseling himself and work on himself. We have been talking and seeing each other occasionally. He has showered me with cards, flowers, anything to show his love for me from afar. In May, I noticed that his affair partner from 10 years ago was following him on ebay. I asked if they had been in contact and he said no. I looked in his ebay messages and she had contacted him back in March, he told her she could call, that we were separated and papers were filed. I went nuts. He freaked out and said he was going to tell me, that it meant nothing, he was disgusted by her and never wanted to talk to her again. I was still very upset. A few weeks later, he tells me he thinks he's a sex addict and that there have been 3 other women in the past several years. He wants to get help, loves me, wants to spend the rest of his life proving himself to me.
During all this, our divorce became final (my counselor suggested to let that happen, because if we repaired the relationship, we would need a new start/commitment anyway). Now that the contact with the AP and revelation about these other women, she is hinting that I should probably cut my losses and move on, that marriages do not have a good outcome when one person is a repeat offender/ possible sex addict.
You may be reading this thinking that it is obvious that I should be done with him, but I am confused because he has never been so remorseful, ashamed, emotional, and willing to make changes. I know that God can do anything. Is my gut telling me to move on or is it Satan?
BUT the proof will be in the pudding, meaning that if he's sincere about getting help, he will actually take the initiative and get it.. He needs help from God, as well as man, so is he willing to let God help him? Or is he just saying what he knows you want to hear?
