Sacrifice and Self-Denial

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HistoryPrincess

Senior Member
#1
Feb 20, 2016
1,154
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#1
I'm starting to think God may be wanting me to give up something I really want: to be married. I told God in my prayer journal I would follow him no matter what. But I'd be greatly disappointed if I remained single for the rest of my life. Never mind the fact that I'm not too excited about heaven, where everyone is married to Jesus and loves everyone the same, which isn't really love at all.

I know God should be the most important thing in my life, but I'm starting to think that all God wants of me is constant sacrifice and self-denial. I can't really imagine his will involving something I would want. After all, what I want isn't nearly as important as what he wants. It may be God's will but that doesn't mean I like it or am happy with it. Then again, I guess God only cares about my holiness anyway.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#2
Aug 13, 2014
26,739
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#2
Um... What about the verses that talk about asking God for things?

"Until now you haven't asked for anything in my name. Ask, that your joy may be full." (rough paraphrase because I don't have the actual verse right in front of me)

Of course that doesn't just mean asking for stuff... asking for advice is also indicated, and is arguably more important.

Besides, 22 is awful young to decide God doesn't want you to get married. I know some people who didn't get married until their 60's. Shoot, I'm 38 and I've never been on a date before. But if I meet a nice lady I might get married soon after, who knows?

Best thing to do is live your life as though what you are is what you will be. Then if you do meet The Man For You, be glad.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#3
Aug 13, 2014
26,739
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#3
You know, something else occurs to me. Sometimes we only get things after we give them up. Remember Abraham and Isaac? If being married is that important to you, maybe God wants you to realize what is truly important in life. If you got married now you might be so hung up on being married that you placed too much importance in it, and you would miss a lot of great things because you didn't notice them.

Of course I don't really know you so all the above is just my thoughts on the matter in general. The case might be totally different with you. The only one who can decide whether it applies to you is you.
 
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HistoryPrincess

Senior Member
#4
Feb 20, 2016
1,154
266
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#4
The thing is I feel like I have to choose between God and being happy. I've always associated God with giving up everything, since the Bible seems to talk about that more than joy. Either that or it just stands out to me more.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#5
Aug 13, 2014
26,739
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#5
"Take up your cross and follow me" didn't mean "You will be miserable for the rest of your days."

I John 5:3 (ASV)
For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#7
Mar 13, 2014
42,422
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Tennessee
#7
God wants us to have life and to have it more abundantly. He care about everything in your life, even the smallest of details. Pray for God to search and find a man of your heart's desire.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#11
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
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#11
God may be urging you to give up your search for a husband totally. But that does not mean he won't bring a man to be your husband into your life.

I went back to college when I was 25. I was not saved, and had sort of given up on finding a husband. In February of that school year a mutual friend introduced me to my future husband.

But I was not saved and he was. So he decided to pray for me, and share the gospel with me. Others had shared over and over, but I just didn't believe. When he talked to me about the Bible, he was careful to tell me I need to repent of my sins. I knew what he meant, I had been to Sunday School as a child.

And then God told me he was the Saviour of the world and to believe. I started to cry, and so did my future husband. He did not want to marry me, but God used him to both to save me, and to give me a wonderful man for a husband.

You are only 22. Don't give up your dream, but maybe God wants you to stop obsessing about it, and focus on him instead. He will give you the desires of your heart. And that may be a husband in due time, or he may give you something better.

I pray for a missionary in Taiwan. She said that all she wanted from the time she was young was to be missionary. But she had hoped to go to the mission field with a husband. The husband never happened, but she said she couldn't be happier serving God on the mission field for 40 years now as a single. I'm not saying God will call you as a missionary, but I do know he has a plan and a purpose for your life. Let him lead and guide you.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#12
#12
HistoryPrincess said:
I'm starting to think God may be wanting me to give up something I really want: to be married. I told God in my prayer journal I would follow him no matter what. But I'd be greatly disappointed if I remained single for the rest of my life. Never mind the fact that I'm not too excited about heaven, where everyone is married to Jesus and loves everyone the same, which isn't really love at all.

I know God should be the most important thing in my life, but I'm starting to think that all God wants of me is constant sacrifice and self-denial. I can't really imagine his will involving something I would want. After all, what I want isn't nearly as important as what he wants. It may be God's will but that doesn't mean I like it or am happy with it. Then again, I guess God only cares about my holiness anyway.
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As we grow closer to God, our desires and His will begin to get closer together. If you view following God's will as some horrible thing you're stuck doing because you won't want any of it, then perhaps it's time to step back and look at just where you and God are in your relationship with Him.

You seem to view being a Christian as all about rules and regulations you must follow. This indicates a clear misconception of what being a Christian really means.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#13
Mar 26, 2014
4,414
2,405
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#13
HistoryPrincess said:
I'm starting to think God may be wanting me to give up something I really want: to be married. I told God in my prayer journal I would follow him no matter what. But I'd be greatly disappointed if I remained single for the rest of my life. Never mind the fact that I'm not too excited about heaven, where everyone is married to Jesus and loves everyone the same, which isn't really love at all.

I know God should be the most important thing in my life, but I'm starting to think that all God wants of me is constant sacrifice and self-denial. I can't really imagine his will involving something I would want. After all, what I want isn't nearly as important as what he wants. It may be God's will but that doesn't mean I like it or am happy with it. Then again, I guess God only cares about my holiness anyway.
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Sounds like you've been in church and youth group too long. I'll let you in on a secret I've learned, God really doesn't care how many times a week you go to church, or what great spiritual feats you think you're going to attempt. And love, real love, cares about what's important to you because it's important to you and you are important to the one who loves you.

I found Ecclesiasties one of the more encouraging books when I was in a similar mindset (and I didn't want to talk to God because I had no energy or desire left to do anything and didn't want him asking). Basically the message of the book is great or small is pretty meaningless so just do you best to obey God and enjoy the simple things in life.

Here's the thing about never getting married, you won't know that you're never going to marry until the day you die, until then it's still a possibility (for some of us it seems awfully remote, but it is still theoretically possible). But don't make the mistake of waiting until you marry to start your life and start enjoying your life.

As far as God's will, it's a whole lot more about how you live your life, interact with people, and treat people than it is about what particular activities you choose to participate in. I was having the discussion with some friends the other day about how all too often for singles especially we get the message from churches that our lives should be consumed with ministry and that we're slacking off as Christians if we're not using every spare minute for God. I'm not so sure that's a true or accurate picture. God made us to be people and sometimes we need to take the time to do what people normally and naturally do (in non sinful ways of course).
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#14
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#14
HistoryPrincess said:
I'm starting to think God may be wanting me to give up something I really want: to be married. I told God in my prayer journal I would follow him no matter what. But I'd be greatly disappointed if I remained single for the rest of my life. Never mind the fact that I'm not too excited about heaven, where everyone is married to Jesus and loves everyone the same, which isn't really love at all.

I know God should be the most important thing in my life, but I'm starting to think that all God wants of me is constant sacrifice and self-denial. I can't really imagine his will involving something I would want. After all, what I want isn't nearly as important as what he wants. It may be God's will but that doesn't mean I like it or am happy with it. Then again, I guess God only cares about my holiness anyway.
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I felt a lot like you did when I was in my twenties. I gave up, I had a not very nice Pastor who clearly didn't like me and made me feel unworthy of God's grace. I doubt he purposely set out to do that but he really had a bad way with me. Anyhow I can't really say the exact moment I knew that I needed God and I wanted to know him. I can tell you I feel so much closer to him now and I know without him in my life I wouldn't have peace.

Pour your heart out to him, tell him how you feel. You're his child and he loves you.

God bless you.
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#15
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
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#15
HistoryPrincess, I think it would be helpful for you to view God as a Father first and foremost. Abba. An intimate and loving father. Think of it the way you would an earthly father who loves his children. This father would not only care about holiness. He would care about his children's happiness as well. He would DELIGHT in his children. He would sing songs over them. Their joy would be his joy. When they mess up, he would pick them up and urge them forward to try again. He would encourage them and be proud of their progress. This is how God feels about us.

Zephaniah 3:17 says, "The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing."

Does this sound like a strict, impersonal god who cares only about rules and keeping track of wrong doing,and punishment and self-denial? It doesn't to me. It sounds like a father who wants to lavish his children with the things that will bring them joy, because of his great love for them. :)
 
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HistoryPrincess

Senior Member
#16
Feb 20, 2016
1,154
266
83
#16
Thanks a lot. I do a prayer journal and read my bible (mostly), but faith is just really confusing at times. I'm really happy with the way God has been communicating with me, but I still wonder what it would be like to love and be loved by another person.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#18
#18
HistoryPrincess said:
Thanks a lot. I do a prayer journal and read my bible (mostly), but faith is just really confusing at times. I'm really happy with the way God has been communicating with me, but I still wonder what it would be like to love and be loved by another person.
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So no one has ever loved you?
 
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