Porn, Personals, and Lying. What should I do in this Trial Separation?
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Well Dan, I am supposed to believe he hasn't cheated because he said so? He also said he doesn't look at porn and yet he does. And I am supposed to trust him even though he clearly lies. Of course my trust is broken.
Why would anyone look at personals unless they are thinking of cheating? Of course I am hurt. Am I crazy to be hurt and wanting him to win my heart back? I find it hard to believe that God would not look at this kind of behavior as adulterous. Yes he needs to stop looking at porn, but yes he needs to win my trust back because his lying has ruined it.
Why would anyone look at personals unless they are thinking of cheating? Of course I am hurt. Am I crazy to be hurt and wanting him to win my heart back? I find it hard to believe that God would not look at this kind of behavior as adulterous. Yes he needs to stop looking at porn, but yes he needs to win my trust back because his lying has ruined it.
Dan, looking might not be cheating to you, but it is proven that this type of addiction does lead to cheating. My husband admits it started as just occasional porn and know he is scouring personal ads! He willingly seeks out things that arouse him instead of me and is going to eventually cheat on this road if he has not already done so. Its just like a drug, you start with just a little, and eventually the same amount doesn't give you the same effect so you need more just to get the same high or an even stronger drug. Addictions spiral, and he has an addiction. I have witnessed addiction my whole life in many of my loved ones. I know a lot about it. You are entitled to your opinion certainly, but I remain firm on my feelings regarding the devastation his lustful nature has.
I agree with Willie on this and not with Ultimatum77. If there is going to be a change in his life HE HAS TO DO IT! You can be supportive and encouraging, but the decision is his to make. Perhaps the shock of you separating will wake him up to the damage he is doing to himself and you, and his need of a real change.
There is one thing I know for sure. God does NOT want you to endure this misery for the rest of your life. Starting over would be hard, yes, but it will also bring you the better things that God has for you. As for him regaining your trust, that's difficult, if not impossible, to do once someone has lied to and betrayed you so many times.
U
What did I say that you don't agree with? just wondering?
I agree it is on him as a man to change here is my quote:
"You shouldn't tolerate it and ask him if he loves porn more than you.....if he does then maybe you should seek for divorce if you've put up with it for several years with no change....if he says he loves you tell him he needs to commit to you and stop watching porn b/c you don't deserve to be 2nd in his heart to porn."
I agree it is on him as a man to change here is my quote:
"You shouldn't tolerate it and ask him if he loves porn more than you.....if he does then maybe you should seek for divorce if you've put up with it for several years with no change....if he says he loves you tell him he needs to commit to you and stop watching porn b/c you don't deserve to be 2nd in his heart to porn."
B
I am not telling you to Divorce.
Fighter123 I can relate to your situation. Not every single guy that even walks the planet, Christian or not watches porn. However their are men of the church that do. Their are new aged men that think its ok to watch it.
No one in here should make an excuse for sin in here or try to make recompense for the slights of sin. Sin is sin and not one or the other is bigger or smaller. It is what it is. Just because you are not actually physically touching the person on the screen. Absolutely you are participating in adultery. Because god sees what is in your heart and in your mind. No matter if you sneak off and watch it or read it. Guess what he still sees you.
Porn is definitely a destroyer of a man or woman mind. It will end your relationship. It gives you false expectations and perverts what love, sex and intimacy is supposed to be in its natural physiological human thought between a man and women. The bi product of porn is personals and lying. You have invited the demon into your home and has defiled what is natural. Now he has became addicted to the porn. Because its unnatural state of no regret and commitment has made him develop a thought process of what a relationship is supposed to be. Its highly unrealistic. I actually preach on porn. It is very disturbing knowing their are actually people that say it is ok to watch it. Even in my own church community.
How could a woman in her natural state even compete with a painted up air brushed unrealistic expectation of what a woman is supposed to be to a man in a relationship. Its a demon. A woman should never tolerate this. Your mom should never tolerate what you mentioned. Its abuse in every sense of the word. Drugs, porn, drinking. As long as it feels good right?
Your husband is no Christian. You can not serve the world and serve God at the same time. Or when ever he gets the feeling to. Or when he wants to please himself. The fair weather Christian. Only around when it feels good. You need to get that devil out of your home. The porn, the alcohol, the drugs. It may be that you need to get rid of him as well. Now he has a personal page on one of those sights. Each sin plays links to each other so not one or the other is bigger. They are the same. Legion. He is many.
He is taking it to the point where now he wants to act. He may already have. He has committed adultery. Adultery comes in many forms. Its not just penetration to be so blunt.
People will do to you what you allow them to. It hurts and you are worried no guy will see you or have all of these problems because your in the thick of it. Don't seek the guy your mom married or this guy you are involved with. "if you don't make time to work on creating the life you want. Eventually you're going to be forced to spend ALOT of time dealing with a life you don't want". Stop making excuses for his sin. They are his problems and emotions. Not yours and you do not own them. He is talking about trying. And not actually putting In the action of trying.
You can keep doing what you are doing. Same thinking gets you the same results. Or realize he has committed adultery. He can not serve the world and god at the same time. He has to give up the poison. Or you will find someone that will love you.
You can ignore reality... But you can not ignore the consequences of reality. Remove the demons.
Fighter123 I can relate to your situation. Not every single guy that even walks the planet, Christian or not watches porn. However their are men of the church that do. Their are new aged men that think its ok to watch it.
No one in here should make an excuse for sin in here or try to make recompense for the slights of sin. Sin is sin and not one or the other is bigger or smaller. It is what it is. Just because you are not actually physically touching the person on the screen. Absolutely you are participating in adultery. Because god sees what is in your heart and in your mind. No matter if you sneak off and watch it or read it. Guess what he still sees you.
Porn is definitely a destroyer of a man or woman mind. It will end your relationship. It gives you false expectations and perverts what love, sex and intimacy is supposed to be in its natural physiological human thought between a man and women. The bi product of porn is personals and lying. You have invited the demon into your home and has defiled what is natural. Now he has became addicted to the porn. Because its unnatural state of no regret and commitment has made him develop a thought process of what a relationship is supposed to be. Its highly unrealistic. I actually preach on porn. It is very disturbing knowing their are actually people that say it is ok to watch it. Even in my own church community.
How could a woman in her natural state even compete with a painted up air brushed unrealistic expectation of what a woman is supposed to be to a man in a relationship. Its a demon. A woman should never tolerate this. Your mom should never tolerate what you mentioned. Its abuse in every sense of the word. Drugs, porn, drinking. As long as it feels good right?
Your husband is no Christian. You can not serve the world and serve God at the same time. Or when ever he gets the feeling to. Or when he wants to please himself. The fair weather Christian. Only around when it feels good. You need to get that devil out of your home. The porn, the alcohol, the drugs. It may be that you need to get rid of him as well. Now he has a personal page on one of those sights. Each sin plays links to each other so not one or the other is bigger. They are the same. Legion. He is many.
He is taking it to the point where now he wants to act. He may already have. He has committed adultery. Adultery comes in many forms. Its not just penetration to be so blunt.
People will do to you what you allow them to. It hurts and you are worried no guy will see you or have all of these problems because your in the thick of it. Don't seek the guy your mom married or this guy you are involved with. "if you don't make time to work on creating the life you want. Eventually you're going to be forced to spend ALOT of time dealing with a life you don't want". Stop making excuses for his sin. They are his problems and emotions. Not yours and you do not own them. He is talking about trying. And not actually putting In the action of trying.
You can keep doing what you are doing. Same thinking gets you the same results. Or realize he has committed adultery. He can not serve the world and god at the same time. He has to give up the poison. Or you will find someone that will love you.
You can ignore reality... But you can not ignore the consequences of reality. Remove the demons.
You know, lately as I've read posts like this, where the man is condemned for his weakness and sin, and I think OK, this happens a lot. I'm not minimalising this type of sin. But what about the women? Are they sinless? Women have their weaknesses too. Like self-righteous arrogance, gossip, maligning, slander, sins of the tongue, bad attitudes etc. Just a warning to the ladies, check your own soul. Are you out of line as well? Are you the wife your husband really wants to come home to? The one time in my life when I believe I saw the sin unto death administered by God, it was to a christian woman who maligned and passed on gossip about men who were great pastors. She went through hell, and finally died an early death.