I think my marriage is over

[Camelot]

I'm going to do my best at making this as short as possible.

I have had a very very rough marriage. In fact I've had a very rough life. I waited until I was 27 to get married like I always said I would do, I married and did things the right way, I was an open book with her while dating; hid nothing from secrets to my angry side I hid nothing.

Recently my wife and I as I explained about a month ago, we decided in May that we would move to her hometown out of state. It has been rough on me and frustrating because I've made tremendous progress while my wife is there making none but everyone is like blaming me for why she's angry. That's frustrating within itself because I can't just hop up and leave obviously these things takes time. I'm starting completely over out there.
Moving forward I was offered a job last week I am to start in like three weeks so I have three weeks to get moved. I called to let her know this yesterday along with some other concerns I have, she however has avoided handling business with me and letting me know what's going on. One of the things she did without me knowing before hand which is the reason I'm pi**ed is she decided to get on welfare.
We have two kids right now she's with her mother. I work a very good paying job and my wife understands very well why I don't like the welfare system but she does this anyways, it reminds me why I am afraid to remain married to her because there's absolutely no respect for her husband.
I take very good care of my family in fact just told her the day before to send me the account information so I can send her more money, she never did. Instead shed rather live off welfare??? On top of that WE DON'T NEED IT! Lol!
Okay I can go and on but I'm cutting it short. Her step mom agrees with her decision which Idk why she discusses it with everyone else except me.
Guys look I am exhausted honestly I'm hurt and ready to let go, I'm angry because there's no love or respect for her husband on top of that it's as if she has everyone looking at me as if I'm doing HER wrong somehow and when I try and explain to them they blow me off because they don't want to believe she's causing these issues. Just how I feel anyways.
Am I wrong? I've decided I'm not going to continue in this dysfunctional marriage. Its been 5 years and I'm at my end with it all. I've even questioned God like why'd you let me marry someone I'm completely not compatible with after waiting 27 YEARS.....He didn't answer. Lol.
I guess she's at her end also which is why she doesn't care. Ive tried to reason with her but I am not going to live in a home that is wrongfully receiving food stamps or unnecessarily. It's all wrong and disgusting. She has no pride. I do. In the fact that God did not make me to be a beggar but to be wise with whatever I get.

 

[blue_ladybug]

She can't get on welfare just like that, because they take into account what her financial resources are, and unless she says she has zero income, they won't grant her welfare..

 

[tourist]

Are there any kids as a result of this marriage?

You made the decision to get married, not God, but He is willing and able to help you. Apparently, your wife does not respect you and needs validation from her stepmother. You don't have a support network from your wife and her family and have been alienated.

I would go ahead with the move and your new job with the assumption that your wife will be joining you once things have been set up. If she choses not to join you then that's on her and not you. In that event it may be wise to cut your losses and move forward with your life.

 

[BurlyCarl]

You are not married to her mom lets make that clear. Their is nothing more irritating than someone that you are married to who can not make their own mind up without outside interference. You married her not married to her and her mom. Yes people are going to say "No you married into her family". However.... The decision between you and her. Are not anyone else's business except you and her's. I have been in your boat. I understand your frustration. Your wife needs validation from someone else other than her husband? Which is completely wrong. Really do you ask your parents on your couple decision? I bet no. You don't need validation or approval yourself from her family. You married her not them.

I have in my life dated and encounter women who run off and ask friends, family for validation or permission. It is approval seeking behavior. She does not respect your decisions or even trust her own. She can not make up her mind. Their is nothing more aggravating than to watch someone you really like. That can not console your decision, stand by you, or even respect it and allowed other people to make up their mind for them. They look down on you and now the situation is worse because someone is down playing you. People who do this are immature. They are not ready. Now she has ran off back home to her comfort zone. I can see the tension of trying to maintain your home in another state. While she is off back home. Maintaining two homes is difficult. Sorry you are also having to deal the the irresponsibility.

You two are approaching the seven year itch. You two are bored with each other and the elation has worn thin. I highly recommend that you seek marriage counseling. I also sense their is a piece missing. No one runs off back to their home state without reason. If their is something else then you need to be honest about it. Why doesn't she want your money?

Bottomline their is no respect. No communication. Why did she leave? It has to be more than she is not happy. Are you doing something that is making her unhappy. People don't just bail for no reason.

 

[BurlyCarl]

Another thing is Don't get a Divorce. Go to marriage counseling. Fight it to the end. If things to work out. If you do fight. Say things end. At least you stepped up. And tried to prevent the divorce.

 

[WarriorForChrist]

The only one that can heal your relationship is God. People need to quit giving worldly advice and start looking to God.

Did God give you this woman? Or did you decide to be with this woman on your own? So many of us are quick to blame God when we are the cause. What is your relationship with Jesus like?

I understand you have a lot of anger and bitterness but this doesn't come from God. You won't be able to fight for your marriage by yourself. Just my thoughts

 

[Camelot]

You are not married to her mom lets make that clear. Their is nothing more irritating than someone that you are married to who can not make their own mind up without outside interference. You married her not married to her and her mom. Yes people are going to say "No you married into her family". However.... The decision between you and her. Are not anyone else's business except you and her's. I have been in your boat. I understand your frustration. Your wife needs validation from someone else other than her husband? Which is completely wrong. Really do you ask your parents on your couple decision? I bet no. You don't need validation or approval yourself from her family. You married her not them.

I have in my life dated and encounter women who run off and ask friends, family for validation or permission. It is approval seeking behavior. She does not respect your decisions or even trust her own. She can not make up her mind. Their is nothing more aggravating than to watch someone you really like. That can not console your decision, stand by you, or even respect it and allowed other people to make up their mind for them. They look down on you and now the situation is worse because someone is down playing you. People who do this are immature. They are not ready. Now she has ran off back home to her comfort zone. I can see the tension of trying to maintain your home in another state. While she is off back home. Maintaining two homes is difficult. Sorry you are also having to deal the the irresponsibility.

You two are approaching the seven year itch. You two are bored with each other and the elation has worn thin. I highly recommend that you seek marriage counseling. I also sense their is a piece missing. No one runs off back to their home state without reason. If their is something else then you need to be honest about it. Why doesn't she want your money?

Bottomline their is no respect. No communication. Why did she leave? It has to be more than she is not happy. Are you doing something that is making her unhappy. People don't just bail for no reason.

Hey thanks for your input. The decision to move there was something we've been discussing for a while and I just now saw an open door to make it happen. I font think anything drastic has happened. We argue, we've made mistakes in the past but nothing current that's out of no where happened. I'm not physical with her if that's what you're implying. I visit out there every two/three weeks since she's been gone and I stay for at least a week. She and my daughter came back with me two weeks ago for a week, we have been doing pretty decent so to answer your question nothing has transpired. It's not that she doesn't want my money she wants control of where she gets it is what I think. Idk tho bro honestly.

 

[Camelot]

Another thing is Don't get a Divorce. Go to marriage counseling. Fight it to the end. If things to work out. If you do fight. Say things end. At least you stepped up. And tried to prevent the divorce.

THATS what I needed to hear bro because I want to now step away so she can feel my level hurt and disrespect. It might be childish but she seems to have no regard for I desire.
How do I deal with this slap in the face and still live in the same home.

 

[Camelot]

The only one that can heal your relationship is God. People need to quit giving worldly advice and start looking to God.

Did God give you this woman? Or did you decide to be with this woman on your own? So many of us are quick to blame God when we are the cause. What is your relationship with Jesus like?

I understand you have a lot of anger and bitterness but this doesn't come from God. You won't be able to fight for your marriage by yourself. Just my thoughts

I hear you. God gives us wisdom as well I believe and no God did not audibly tell me to marry I decided on my own I guess. Did I pray about it yeah but rather she's sent from God I really don't think so because I wouldn't be this angry.
Anger however is from God bro. It's actually a gift for some. It's what we use to decide when something is done wrong and the tool we use to bring justice to a matter. It's living in anger that becomes wrong. The bible says in Matthee bro he that is angry with his brother without a cause is in danger of judgment. And also in proverbs be angry and sin not.

 

[WarriorForChrist]

THATS what I needed to hear bro because I want to now step away so she can feel my level hurt and disrespect. It might be childish but she seems to have no regard for I desire.
How do I deal with this slap in the face and still live in the same home.

This sounds like revenge not love.

 

[WarriorForChrist]

I hear you. God gives us wisdom as well I believe and no God did not audibly tell me to marry I decided on my own I guess. Did I pray about it yeah but rather she's sent from God I really don't think so because I wouldn't be this angry.
Anger however is from God bro. It's actually a gift for some. It's what we use to decide when some is done wrong and the tool we use to bring justice to a matter. It's living in anger that becomes wrong.bthe bible says he that is can try without a cause is in danger of judgment.

Anger with love as the main source is from God, not anger without love.

 

[Camelot]

Anger with love as the main source is from God, not anger without love.

Yes sir.........

 

[Camelot]

This sounds like revenge not love.

Yeah you're right.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Yeah you're right.

Is that what you want to give her? Revenge? Sorry but she doesn't sound remorseful at all. She sounds somewhat like a control freak, from the viewpoint of wanting to control where she gets her money. If all you want to give her is revenge and anger, and not love and forgiveness, then no amount of counseling will help you. That sounds harsh but it's true.

 

[BurlyCarl]

THATS what I needed to hear bro because I want to now step away so she can feel my level hurt and disrespect. It might be childish but she seems to have no regard for I desire.
How do I deal with this slap in the face and still live in the same home.

Like everyone one has mentioned. Don't use this as a get back or revenge. How do you deal with the slap in the face? Sounds like a matter of control. So she is thinking well I can get all of my family in my corner I got the power. Will counseling help yes. You need a non bias person to help you two. You need to go at this with love and not with this expectation of "Ill show you" A counselor will pick up on it and point it out.

In the matter of control. She keeps you out and aloof because she wants to keep you guessing and blind side you when ever she feels the need to. Running off and speaking to someone other than you is not healthy. She is more less saying. "I went and talked to these people and this is the way its going to be". Controlling. So you get blind sided all the time. Because you two are not communicating together. Their is always interference. You two need to work on the communication of your relationship. None of this one sided non sense.

People listen with the intention to reply. But not to understand. You two need to understand each other. I feel you two need to understand each other.

 

[Camelot]

Is that what you want to give her? Revenge? Sorry but she doesn't sound remorseful at all. She sounds somewhat like a control freak, from the viewpoint of wanting to control where she gets her money. If all you want to give her is revenge and anger, and not love and forgiveness, then no amount of counseling will help you. That sounds harsh but it's true.

This will be a dumb question but...So you're saying the best thing I can do is offer love??? Please let me know if that's what you're saying.
She is a control freak in my opinion and that's why I want to walk away because I just will no longer be controlled, manipulated, lied on by my own wife. No. While I sit back like some loser. I'm judged by everyone else and they think I'm the issue because I don't open my mouth about anything...lol this is just a battle I can't win anymore she honestly sad to say has me worn out, emotionally lol

 

[Ariel82]

Will pray for you Camelot.

Don't let the opinion of others wear you down. Pray and seek God's advice.

Wish I could say more but truthfully I believe God has told you how to love and be strong.

The welfare food stamp issue seems more of a lack of trust not only in you but also in God's ability to provide for her and your family.

If your daughter was scared of monsters under her bed, how would you comfort her?

Sometimes wives need their husbands to comfort them and sometimes you have to let them have their blankie....maybe being on welfare is her blankie?

Yeah she is a grown women, but too often we have a hurt child inside that never learned to trust and love others.

Only when we learn from God how to love can we truly love and help heal others.

You love your family...that in itself means alot.

Everything after "I will pray" is just rambling, but no matter what other people say....God loves you. Don't ever forget that.

 

[Camelot]

Will pray for you Camelot.

Don't let the opinion of others wear you down. Pray and seek God's advice.

Wish I could say more but truthfully I believe God has told you how to love and be strong.

The welfare food stamp issue seems more of a lack of trust not only in you but also in God's ability to provide for her and your family.

If your daughter was scared of monsters under her bed, how would you comfort her?

Sometimes wives need their husbands to comfort them and sometimes you have to let them have their blankie....maybe being on welfare is her blankie?

Yeah she is a grown women, but too often we have a hurt child inside that never learned to trust and love others.

Only when we learn from God how to love can we truly love and help heal others.

You love your family...that in itself means alot.

Everything after "I will pray" is just rambling, but no matter what other people say....God loves you. Don't ever forget that.

God bless you Ariel.

 

[Camelot]

I appreciate everyone who was able to comment and leave your thoughts I think I have been encouraged. You guys spoke about overcoming trials, you spoke of not giving up, reconciling through communication, you said to trust God and you told me to Love.
I have been weary. I have not eaten in two days because I have felt so worn out. I am strengthened. I am praying. I believe God will strengthen and reward you guys for speaking His word to me. Thank you.

 

[Fenner]

I got married when I was 29, I'm glad I didn't get married until then.

Anyhow I don't know why she's getting food stamps if she doesn't need them, unless her step Mom has convinced her to do this because she needs them. I don't know, sounds fishy.

You have to go to the job, but I'm worried about your kid's. You've only been 5 year's they must be very young.

I'm not saying what she's doing is right, but there's some reason she's reluctant to move with you. Have you guy's had problems since the beginning?