No, I don't realize it because it isn't there to be realized.

I hope you can be open minded and see the following scripture clearly.
1 Corinthians 14:18-19 King James Version (KJV)
18 I thank my God, I speak with tongues more than ye all:
19 Yet in the church I had rather speak five words with my understanding, that by my voice I might teach others also, than ten thousand words in an unknown tongue.
The apostle Paul realized that he controlled this gift. He knew he could speak "ten thousand words in an unknown tongue" if he so wanted, but it wouldn't edify others. You see the Corinthians were using this gift out of order, right?
How is it the Holy Spirit is the one that gives utterance but they were misusing the gift?
It is because the gift of tongues, speaking in tongues, is an act of our will, and the Holy Spirit gives utterance, or the words that we speak.
You see if the gift is dependent upon the Holy Spirit activating it, then you are saying that the Holy Spirit was the author of confusion in Corinth.
Please also note, for the sake of dividing personal private use of this gift and public use read the apostle Paul's words carefully.
1 Corinthians 14:18-19 King James Version (KJV)
18 I thank my God, I speak with tongues more than ye all:
19 Yet in the church I had rather speak five words with my understanding, that by my voice I might teach others also, than ten thousand words in an unknown tongue.
He thanks the Lord that he speaks in tongues more than them all, but he says in the church (the public) he'd rather speak five words with his understanding than ten thousand words in an unknown tongue. The point being, he makes a difference between his use of speaking in tongues (private) and the public use in the church.