I was one of those people who answered a helpline. Some helplines require their people to go with "active listening." Fortunately, not the one I joined. There was a reference book they had, (this was back in the days Al Gore was inventing the Internet, so no computers lol), that was about 3-4 feet long. Specifically a who to call for what in the tri-county region. I used that as often as I could.
One night I got the midnight to eight shift. It was a full moon. My then-boyfriend/now husband was with me to give me company, but it was a full moon. I got two suicide calls at once, so, even though he wasn't trained, he took one. My call was a man who wanted to kill himself because his mother was dying of cancer. My first question was "Who do you plan on discovering your dead body?"
Needless to say, he was shocked by that. My next questions were "Do you have your funeral plans set up? Embalmed or cremated? Open-casket or closed? How is your mom getting to the funeral -- friend or ambulance?"
He was furious at my insensitivity. He called the next day to report me to my boss. And my boss smirked when she told me. I laughed and said, "Job accomplished. He didn't kill himself."
20-some years later, I was disabled and hubby got very sick and was going through chemo. (Hepatitis C, so different than what you went through but man, those chemos drugs are the same and cause the same damage.) We were living on $839 a month with a $550 mortgage. We needed help because our house was in foreclosure. So I went to a Christian counseling center thinking they had the equivalent of that 3-4 foot long book (computers by then, so easier on space. lol) I got, "How do you feel about that?"
I told her it really doesn't matter how I feel. It matters how I deal with it. The best she could offer was a couple of meatballs in sauce, (and beef, so we couldn't eat them even if I took them) or some homemade who-knows-what-kind of soup. And that was a wasted day.
When you're up to your eyeballs in alligators but have to drain the swamp, "How do you feel about that" is a true piece of jetsam. If it doesn't help, feel free to hang up.
I stumbled upon this thread a day ago and have been trying to come up with some sort of advice but I can't think of anything. I know that sometimes all our efforts are for naught, especially when it comes to trying to change a person's views. This is probably the reason someone came up with the Serenity Prayer...
