I
Where do I start?
Friends: I thought I was starting to make some really good friends at college until last Monday when everything just seemed to change. The girls would hug me as soon as I saw them but only one of them did, then at dinner time they just seemed to blow me off a little, then I was walking out of the dance mill and I said bye to them but they just seemed to completely ignore me. I've been off college for a week now but that's because I can't get there because I can't walk at the moment cos I've got a huge infected blister on my foot and I won't see them for another three weeks now because tomorrow I'm going to my mum's just cos I can't get the train cos of walking. I just don't know what to do....I've texted them and they've ignored me, or they've been short with me. It's not just problems with these two though, it's problems with friends as a whole. I've always struggled to make friends, I have no idea why, is it because I'm a loser? A loner? A freak? Do I come across as being snobby to people? I hope it's none of those
but ever since I moved back to Halifax I've really realised that none of them were true friends, they've not contacted me, it's all been me, they only contact me or talk to me if they want something. I've prayed to God about this for years (yes I'm terrible at praying.....sometimes I don't pray for months but thats only because I feel so discouraged because I feel as though God doesn't answer me) but on Saturday night I just cried myself to sleep over my friends
Family: Recently I've felt as though a lot of my family have let me down so much, particularly with promising to take me to see my dad and they havent....its not like I even asked them to. I confronted my auntie about that yesterday and she said she'll go with me in the easter holidays which starts on monday but she said she'll take me two weeks on wednesday. But they've been making these promises for months! Anyway....onto the next one.....going back to my blister....a lady who used to go to my auntie's and uncle's Church moved to America and she's moved back here now and she stayed with them on Friday and Saturday night....my auntie was telling me that I shouldn't not eat because it's bad for me....then my uncle who thinks he knows the most in the world about food just cos he's lost a lot of weight this past year said that he didn't agree with them because it was a way of losing weight. Then this lady said "No you really need to keep your nutrition up to heal this blister" and my uncle went "well if she was lighter then she wouldn't get blisters" for a start whats weight got to do with getting a blister? NOTHING!! It upset me so much that I had tears rolling down my cheeks, I didn't make it obvious, I'm good at hiding when I'm crying if I'm able to control it...but when I got to bed that night along with the situation of friends I cried myself to sleep about this too! It's not the first time he's said something like this. In 2008 I weighed 16.5 stone and I decided that I needed to lose weight, so I did, in 6 months I nearly lost 6 stone and it sort of came to a stand still. I haven't put any of the weight back on but I'm trying to lose a couple more stone because I need to. In September when I first started going to auntie's and uncle's every weekend / every fortnight my auntie commented on how well I'd done and I said that I wanted to lose more and she were like "no you look fine to me" but my uncle went "No I think she needs to lose more weight" you know what.....I know it myself, but I can't handle that someone would be so rude to say something like that when they know how hard it is themselves to lose weight. I'd say he's hypocritical for saying that....especially after this weekend. He's yoyoed up and down with his weight for years and years and years, he's lost it, put it back on, lost it, put it back on....he has lost a lot since last March but he seems to think that once he's lost it that he knows everything about food....this weekend he's eaten way more than I have....yet he had the cheek to turn around and say what he said to me on Saturday evening?! Talk about word eating! It's really hurt me what he's said...I saw him constantly looking at me yesterday to see if I was eating and today I've barely eaten anything....I went to a funeral and there wasn't much food anyway but all I ended up having was two little pieces of pastry things (this was at around 2pm....I hadn't eaten anything all day up until then) I got back to my other auntie's and uncle's and I've continued to not eat here too even thought I know they would never say anything like that.
I just don't know what to do, I don't know who my friends are, I don't know who my family are, I don't know where my life is going, I don't know how to listen to God
Friends: I thought I was starting to make some really good friends at college until last Monday when everything just seemed to change. The girls would hug me as soon as I saw them but only one of them did, then at dinner time they just seemed to blow me off a little, then I was walking out of the dance mill and I said bye to them but they just seemed to completely ignore me. I've been off college for a week now but that's because I can't get there because I can't walk at the moment cos I've got a huge infected blister on my foot and I won't see them for another three weeks now because tomorrow I'm going to my mum's just cos I can't get the train cos of walking. I just don't know what to do....I've texted them and they've ignored me, or they've been short with me. It's not just problems with these two though, it's problems with friends as a whole. I've always struggled to make friends, I have no idea why, is it because I'm a loser? A loner? A freak? Do I come across as being snobby to people? I hope it's none of those
but ever since I moved back to Halifax I've really realised that none of them were true friends, they've not contacted me, it's all been me, they only contact me or talk to me if they want something. I've prayed to God about this for years (yes I'm terrible at praying.....sometimes I don't pray for months but thats only because I feel so discouraged because I feel as though God doesn't answer me) but on Saturday night I just cried myself to sleep over my friendsFamily: Recently I've felt as though a lot of my family have let me down so much, particularly with promising to take me to see my dad and they havent....its not like I even asked them to. I confronted my auntie about that yesterday and she said she'll go with me in the easter holidays which starts on monday but she said she'll take me two weeks on wednesday. But they've been making these promises for months! Anyway....onto the next one.....going back to my blister....a lady who used to go to my auntie's and uncle's Church moved to America and she's moved back here now and she stayed with them on Friday and Saturday night....my auntie was telling me that I shouldn't not eat because it's bad for me....then my uncle who thinks he knows the most in the world about food just cos he's lost a lot of weight this past year said that he didn't agree with them because it was a way of losing weight. Then this lady said "No you really need to keep your nutrition up to heal this blister" and my uncle went "well if she was lighter then she wouldn't get blisters" for a start whats weight got to do with getting a blister? NOTHING!! It upset me so much that I had tears rolling down my cheeks, I didn't make it obvious, I'm good at hiding when I'm crying if I'm able to control it...but when I got to bed that night along with the situation of friends I cried myself to sleep about this too! It's not the first time he's said something like this. In 2008 I weighed 16.5 stone and I decided that I needed to lose weight, so I did, in 6 months I nearly lost 6 stone and it sort of came to a stand still. I haven't put any of the weight back on but I'm trying to lose a couple more stone because I need to. In September when I first started going to auntie's and uncle's every weekend / every fortnight my auntie commented on how well I'd done and I said that I wanted to lose more and she were like "no you look fine to me" but my uncle went "No I think she needs to lose more weight" you know what.....I know it myself, but I can't handle that someone would be so rude to say something like that when they know how hard it is themselves to lose weight. I'd say he's hypocritical for saying that....especially after this weekend. He's yoyoed up and down with his weight for years and years and years, he's lost it, put it back on, lost it, put it back on....he has lost a lot since last March but he seems to think that once he's lost it that he knows everything about food....this weekend he's eaten way more than I have....yet he had the cheek to turn around and say what he said to me on Saturday evening?! Talk about word eating! It's really hurt me what he's said...I saw him constantly looking at me yesterday to see if I was eating and today I've barely eaten anything....I went to a funeral and there wasn't much food anyway but all I ended up having was two little pieces of pastry things (this was at around 2pm....I hadn't eaten anything all day up until then) I got back to my other auntie's and uncle's and I've continued to not eat here too even thought I know they would never say anything like that.
I just don't know what to do, I don't know who my friends are, I don't know who my family are, I don't know where my life is going, I don't know how to listen to God
