Sleeping together?
- Thread starter Willie-T
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Blaming the victim seems to happen a lot. When I was about 20 years old I worked as a waitress in a retirement home. My boss was this friendly guy, he was married and had a child. In between serving times I'd do prep work in the kitchen. We'd talk mostly about baseball or tv shows. Never anything inappropriate. There were other people around too, so we weren't alone. This guy started working there that wasn't very friendly. He complained all the time and said bad things about other people. I stayed away from him as much as possible because I didn't like him. Groups of us would sometimes go out after work to a movie or dinner. I stopped going because I didn't want to involve my self with the gossip queens. He spread a rumor that my boss and I were sleeping together. I was mortified. Someone asked if it was true? Of course I said, no. I went to my boss and told him about the rumor. We went to the director of the home to tell her what was said and who started it. I wanted him fired, he caused all sorts of drama and it was bad. She said to us, we'll maybe you two shouldn't talk so much. That was it. My boss had his own meeting and without saying we knew who it was he basically said, I know who started the rumor. If I hear it again your done. It did stop, but I found another job, I couldn't stay there after that.
M
I can't be certain. Maybe the fact that a lot of churches these days are more concerned about the quantity of their flock than the quality? They don't seem to address issues like these that might make them seem unpopular or come across as being "judgmental". But ultimately it might be the lack of role models young people have these days. I say that being the biggest fraud/hypocrite of all. I have been abstinent for all of my nearly 39 years and I feel totally ashamed of it. I know that it seems like backwards thinking and I am not proud of it...but it is the truth.
What you said was like going in a ex-publican prayer meeting to boast your perfection. NOWHERE have I claimed being a virgin makes a person perfect. You, however, have made the false allegation twice now.
It was like saying, "I have never ever stolen anything great or small, and demand a woman that also has not. BUT if she was ever mugged, I won't hold that against her." That's what you're reading into it.
You know what I lost the night I was raped that was so very important to me? I thought I lost hold of the one and only commandment I hadn't broken. A couple of years later I asked a pastor if I had broken it and he did what you just did -- went for the "Yes, but it wasn't your fault" bit. The thread started by Willie-T has been about pre-marital sex/fornication, not adultery. While I haven't read all 11 pages, that was the topic in all the posts I have read.
A couple of years later I asked a pastor if I had broken it and he did what you just did -- went for the "Yes, but it wasn't your fault" bit. I wrote that penetration means virginity is lost. I wrote nothing about it being an act of adultery.
It took me years to figure out the obvious that you have not -- it really doesn't matter. I broke all the other commandments, so I want special recognition for missing one? Oh brother! I wrote that penetration means virginity is lost. I wrote nothing about it being an act of adultery.
Now you're just backpedaling. Backpedaling? Here's what I wrote. I stand behind it:
I'm sorry you were assaulted. Single, married, virgin, non-virgin...it's awful.
I'm for disagreements being discussed/debated out. When there are false accusations thrown in against me, though, I'm done. That in view, I'm done.
It was like saying, "I have never ever stolen anything great or small, and demand a woman that also has not. BUT if she was ever mugged, I won't hold that against her." That's what you're reading into it.
You know what I lost the night I was raped that was so very important to me? I thought I lost hold of the one and only commandment I hadn't broken. A couple of years later I asked a pastor if I had broken it and he did what you just did -- went for the "Yes, but it wasn't your fault" bit. The thread started by Willie-T has been about pre-marital sex/fornication, not adultery. While I haven't read all 11 pages, that was the topic in all the posts I have read.
A couple of years later I asked a pastor if I had broken it and he did what you just did -- went for the "Yes, but it wasn't your fault" bit. I wrote that penetration means virginity is lost. I wrote nothing about it being an act of adultery.
It took me years to figure out the obvious that you have not -- it really doesn't matter. I broke all the other commandments, so I want special recognition for missing one? Oh brother! I wrote that penetration means virginity is lost. I wrote nothing about it being an act of adultery.
Now you're just backpedaling. Backpedaling? Here's what I wrote. I stand behind it:
When someone is raped or sexually abused yeah they lose innocence. Virgins who intentionally decide to have sex will sometimes say that they "lost their virginity". When they intentionally have sex, they are giving up their virginity. When we decide to do something, we're giving into pressure or our own desire...we're giving up or giving in.
When people are raped/abused, they are forced into an action. It's not their will. They are being violated. In their case, they are losing their virginity. They're virginity is stolen from them!
I've never been married. Not been sexually active. I've been adamant about my bride reciprocating. If, however, she's been violated, I won't hold it against her. There is a big difference between one caving to sexual temptation and one being forced into it. In the latter situation, a person can still have sex on his/her own free will for the first time. That opportunity to share the gift with a significant other willfully is still there.
p.s. - I'm currently dating a woman who can reciprocate.
When people are raped/abused, they are forced into an action. It's not their will. They are being violated. In their case, they are losing their virginity. They're virginity is stolen from them!
I've never been married. Not been sexually active. I've been adamant about my bride reciprocating. If, however, she's been violated, I won't hold it against her. There is a big difference between one caving to sexual temptation and one being forced into it. In the latter situation, a person can still have sex on his/her own free will for the first time. That opportunity to share the gift with a significant other willfully is still there.
p.s. - I'm currently dating a woman who can reciprocate.
I'm for disagreements being discussed/debated out. When there are false accusations thrown in against me, though, I'm done. That in view, I'm done.
I feel bad that you feel that way. You should be proud of yourself. I didn't wait until I was married and I wished I had. The lifestyle of having different boyfriends and being sexually active is really not a good place to be. Please don't ever be ashamed of yourself. A few minutes of pleasure isn't worth your self esteem or giving yourself to someone other than your future Husband and the regret you'd feel after isn't worth it.
M
Thank you kindly for the encouragement! I appreciate it! I guess most of my guilt comes from the fact that I know I should be more encouraging and more of an advocate for it. But because I struggle (mostly in my thought life) I feel like I make a poor candidate. Maybe because I thought eventually it would get easier as the years have flown by...but it hasn't.