Sleeping together?
- Thread starter Willie-T
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Y
Not, it's not foolish at all.
If I had life to do over again, I wish I would have waited to engage in sex until I was married, event though my first (and second if we're being honest) marriage was a dumpster fire. I think that I would have at least had a little more appreciation for the act than I did because by the time I had married that first time, I had already had enough bad experiences I was soured on the idea. Maybe if I had waited my attitude towards the physical expression of desire and (love?) wouldn't be so foul as it is today.
Personally, I wish a whole lot more of the notions that people today might consider "antiquated" would become vogue again. I think the world would be in a better place, JMHO.
If I had life to do over again, I wish I would have waited to engage in sex until I was married, event though my first (and second if we're being honest) marriage was a dumpster fire. I think that I would have at least had a little more appreciation for the act than I did because by the time I had married that first time, I had already had enough bad experiences I was soured on the idea. Maybe if I had waited my attitude towards the physical expression of desire and (love?) wouldn't be so foul as it is today.
Personally, I wish a whole lot more of the notions that people today might consider "antiquated" would become vogue again. I think the world would be in a better place, JMHO.
You misread my post.
I didn't have my virginity stolen from me. I had men steal an important part of me when they shoved ____ in my ____! BIG difference. Once there is penetration for the first time, virginity ends. Usually by choice, but unfortunately sometimes by force. When people are assaulted in this way, it is my opinion that they have their virginity stolen from them.
While assault is awful and heinous, the victim still carries with her/himself a virgin quality because s/he still has the opportunity to freely and willfully give her/himself to another for the first time. Like the virgin(who has not been sexually active at all), those who have been assaulted still have the opportunity to give themselves to another person for the first time by choice and by their own free will.
Try that ditty on someone you hope will be your future bride, and she so won't be your future bride. I wrote that I am a virgin and that my gf is as well. I'm sensing anger in what you wrote and I don't know what you're upset about.
Good luck finding that perfect woman, because quite frankly she doesn't exist. If you can't accept that, then she shouldn't accept you, warts and all. Why is abstinence being equated with perfection? I wrote before that I am a virgin and that I'm expecting reciprocation. I further wrote that I don't regard assault as a dis-qualifier in terms of reciprocation.
I didn't have my virginity stolen from me. I had men steal an important part of me when they shoved ____ in my ____! BIG difference. Once there is penetration for the first time, virginity ends. Usually by choice, but unfortunately sometimes by force. When people are assaulted in this way, it is my opinion that they have their virginity stolen from them.
While assault is awful and heinous, the victim still carries with her/himself a virgin quality because s/he still has the opportunity to freely and willfully give her/himself to another for the first time. Like the virgin(who has not been sexually active at all), those who have been assaulted still have the opportunity to give themselves to another person for the first time by choice and by their own free will.
Try that ditty on someone you hope will be your future bride, and she so won't be your future bride. I wrote that I am a virgin and that my gf is as well. I'm sensing anger in what you wrote and I don't know what you're upset about.
Good luck finding that perfect woman, because quite frankly she doesn't exist. If you can't accept that, then she shouldn't accept you, warts and all. Why is abstinence being equated with perfection? I wrote before that I am a virgin and that I'm expecting reciprocation. I further wrote that I don't regard assault as a dis-qualifier in terms of reciprocation.
My daughters friends accept going out with a boyfriend is a sexual relationship. They do not
think twice about this, or that the consequences of pregnancy or abortion is anything but the
territory they are in.
Sex appears to have impregnated our culture so deeply, sex is just a need that has to be met.
Now my daughters personally do not go along with the culture but are working through the
difference between commitment and true love, over this casual involvement at too intimate a
level which leads to such deep hurt and abuse or possessiveness.
If you extend the culture to say being gay is no longer a sin, then how does marriage fit in
with this. Is it not just an extension of sexual desire and setting personal boundaries rather than
listening to the word of God. I would always argue sex is about love, children, family and life
long commitment, so devaluing it to a casual reflex reaction to desire denies the very value of life
itself. Unfortunately our culture no long agrees.
think twice about this, or that the consequences of pregnancy or abortion is anything but the
territory they are in.
Sex appears to have impregnated our culture so deeply, sex is just a need that has to be met.
Now my daughters personally do not go along with the culture but are working through the
difference between commitment and true love, over this casual involvement at too intimate a
level which leads to such deep hurt and abuse or possessiveness.
If you extend the culture to say being gay is no longer a sin, then how does marriage fit in
with this. Is it not just an extension of sexual desire and setting personal boundaries rather than
listening to the word of God. I would always argue sex is about love, children, family and life
long commitment, so devaluing it to a casual reflex reaction to desire denies the very value of life
itself. Unfortunately our culture no long agrees.
The first scenario I see a lot and many times those are the couples that want big weddings. In US it doesn't cost a whole lot to get married, it might be different in the UK. You file for a marriage license in 1999 we paid about 30 dollars that's gone up. For the use of the church and paying the Pastor that was 50 dollars. We invited 100 people to our wedding and had a nice reception and we saved and paid for it. But my Sister when she got married the Pastor married them and my parents had some family and friends over afterwards to celebrate. So you don't have to spend a lot. If I had already had kids when I got married I'd of probably done something small. But it's not my business what anyone else does. When they use the money excuse here in America, I think it's really just an excuse, unless your dirt poor.
D
What you said was like going in a ex-publican prayer meeting to boast your perfection.
It was like saying, "I have never ever stolen anything great or small, and demand a woman that also has not. BUT if she was ever mugged, I won't hold that against her."
Now you're just backpedaling.
You know what I lost the night I was raped that was so very important to me? I thought I lost hold of the one and only commandment I hadn't broken. A couple of years later I asked a pastor if I had broken it and he did what you just did -- went for the "Yes, but it wasn't your fault" bit.
It took me years to figure out the obvious that you have not -- it really doesn't matter. I broke all the other commandments, so I want special recognition for missing one? Oh brother!
I'm back with the ex-publicans. At least we know what we deserve and what God gave. I don't think many women are interested in finding a man who just didn't break one commandment yet. Add to that, considering adultery is adultery just in thought, not too many women will be fooled by a guy who thinks he has. Self-righteousness isn't a selling point. Neither is telling someone you won't hold it against them that they were targeted for a crime.
It was like saying, "I have never ever stolen anything great or small, and demand a woman that also has not. BUT if she was ever mugged, I won't hold that against her."
Now you're just backpedaling.
You know what I lost the night I was raped that was so very important to me? I thought I lost hold of the one and only commandment I hadn't broken. A couple of years later I asked a pastor if I had broken it and he did what you just did -- went for the "Yes, but it wasn't your fault" bit.
It took me years to figure out the obvious that you have not -- it really doesn't matter. I broke all the other commandments, so I want special recognition for missing one? Oh brother!
I'm back with the ex-publicans. At least we know what we deserve and what God gave. I don't think many women are interested in finding a man who just didn't break one commandment yet. Add to that, considering adultery is adultery just in thought, not too many women will be fooled by a guy who thinks he has. Self-righteousness isn't a selling point. Neither is telling someone you won't hold it against them that they were targeted for a crime.
M
Sorry Lynn, it must have been so hard to deal with and it sounds like it still does.
People can say the most inappropriate thoughtless things and that hurts almost
as much.
A friend of mine - her daughter was raped - and a couple of my friends friends said
"well she has to decide now whether to serve God or not or whether to keep going out
and partying"
At the time she had gone out with some friends to a night club but didn't want to stay
as late as the others, so while it was still after midnight, she left on her own and was
attacked on her way home.
The opinions of some people are worthless and just a lot of hot air, it doesn't matter
whose mouth they come out of.
It sounds like it all still hurts you very much.
A
It always makes me mad when,they blame the person who was raped. Someone broke into the apartment complex we lived in and raped a woman sleeping in her locked apartment. Some people had the audacity to say she shouldn't have been sleeping in her underwear
......ummm in her own place, she should be able to sleep naked and not expect someone to assault her.
......ummm in her own place, she should be able to sleep naked and not expect someone to assault her.
A
Also people who "sleep" around often don't value their bodies because they have the mistaken idea they are no longer pure thus no longer worth as much to God.
It's wrong, God still loves them.
However, believing the lie of their low self worth allows the wolves to scoop in and misuse the person by promising lies of love or "connection". Some have told me they were "reclaiming their body" after the ordeal.
So we need to look beyond the surface action to the inner hurt and ask God for the words to help them heal and realize how,much,love and value God has to,have them.
Have them know and believe they are still worth loving. That God loves them no matter what.
It's wrong, God still loves them.
However, believing the lie of their low self worth allows the wolves to scoop in and misuse the person by promising lies of love or "connection". Some have told me they were "reclaiming their body" after the ordeal.
So we need to look beyond the surface action to the inner hurt and ask God for the words to help them heal and realize how,much,love and value God has to,have them.
Have them know and believe they are still worth loving. That God loves them no matter what.
D
When I came on CC this morning I landed in Singles Forum. And I saw a post Mooky added that so fits, not only this topic, but any topic. I have spent decades trying to figure out practical things to deal with sexual urges. (Marriage isn't the instant end and answer as it may appear to be.) Mooky's post isn't just another "Don't do it." It answers what to do instead in positive, practical ways.
http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/140587-ten-words-counsel-singles-john-piper.html
http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/140587-ten-words-counsel-singles-john-piper.html