Dealing with toxic family members

[Cherries]

Hi everyone!

This is more like announcement because I typed a whole blog about it so please view my blog on toxic family members. I would love to hear what your insights are on the matter and i think it not only applies to toxic family members but with toxic friends and just toxic relationships in general. God bless you all


Toxic Family Members? - Blogs - Christian Chat Rooms & Forums

 

[RickyZ]

I have a very toxic family, with atrocious behavior. And they are bad people, even tho they think of themselves as angels. Can I forgive them? Only by forgetting them. All attempts to help/steer/correct/warn them were useless, they have no interest in change. With my mom now gone, I have walked away. For good I'm sure, barring some miracle that they aren't going to let happen. Your blog post is very good and hits the right points.

 

[JosiahUntoTheChrist]

Thanks for posting this, I had a fight with my mom last night. She can be toxic and I always try to not react and mostly I don't or just walk out the room but last night I got upset. I am forgiving her and also have said sorry for getting upset while I was getting upset. It seems like she prefers to manipulate rather (maybe out of fear or just a lack of concern) than just asking questions or being honest. While I am straight forward. I'm just trying to deal with her and my own reactions better. So annoying though.

 

[Depleted]

I have a very toxic family, with atrocious behavior. And they are bad people, even tho they think of themselves as angels. Can I forgive them? Only by forgetting them. All attempts to help/steer/correct/warn them were useless, they have no interest in change. With my mom now gone, I have walked away. For good I'm sure, barring some miracle that they aren't going to let happen. Your blog post is very good and hits the right points.

I'm both sorry and relieved to hear your mom has gone.

I do pray some day that you learn it's not your job to change others. It's your job to love them, even when they won't change. And that one is done only by the grace and longsuffering of God.

 

[Depleted]

Hi everyone!

This is more like announcement because I typed a whole blog about it so please view my blog on toxic family members. I would love to hear what your insights are on the matter and i think it not only applies to toxic family members but with toxic friends and just toxic relationships in general. God bless you all


Toxic Family Members? - Blogs - Christian Chat Rooms & Forums

I can't agree with any of it. Sorry. Our job isn't to make others change, it's to love them. It is an impossible job without God changing us. It's like rock against diamond. It's going to hurt a lot, but God's plan has always been to change US into HIS good. He's chiseling us.

 

[EarsToHear]

Romans 12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.


II Thessalonians 3:14 And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed.


Paul has given this Church a detailed letter how to conduct their lives and live in harmony. If someone so desires not to act in this Christian manner, stay away from him.


II Thessalonians 3:15 Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.


Correct your Christian brother [father, mother or sister] when he [she] strays; he is not an enemy, and the purpose of the correction is to bring him back in fellowship with God, and the congregation.

 

[Cherries]

I can't agree with any of it. Sorry. Our job isn't to make others change, it's to love them. It is an impossible job without God changing us. It's like rock against diamond. It's going to hurt a lot, but God's plan has always been to change US into HIS good. He's chiseling us.

I am sorry I see where your coming from. I know its not our job to change people and people change I believe when they except Jesus, He works through conviction and the Holy Spirit. I meant it more for us on how to deal with them. Yes we pray for our loved ones but they when continue with their toxic and harmful ways it was more on how we should deal with it. Thank you for the insight sister.

 

[Cherries]

Thanks for posting this, I had a fight with my mom last night. She can be toxic and I always try to not react and mostly I don't or just walk out the room but last night I got upset. I am forgiving her and also have said sorry for getting upset while I was getting upset. It seems like she prefers to manipulate rather (maybe out of fear or just a lack of concern) than just asking questions or being honest. While I am straight forward. I'm just trying to deal with her and my own reactions better. So annoying though.

I am sorry you are dealing with this, its never easy especially when its a parent. Continue to pray for her and for yourself too, thank God will give you wisdom and the strength to handle this situation. God bless you

 

[Cherries]

I have a very toxic family, with atrocious behavior. And they are bad people, even tho they think of themselves as angels. Can I forgive them? Only by forgetting them. All attempts to help/steer/correct/warn them were useless, they have no interest in change. With my mom now gone, I have walked away. For good I'm sure, barring some miracle that they aren't going to let happen. Your blog post is very good and hits the right points.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I guess without realizing my blog seemed more like how we should change people and that wasnt my intentions at all. I am glad you saw it as helpful and insightful. It difficult dealing with toxic people we love.

 

[Cherries]

Romans 12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.


II Thessalonians 3:14 And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed.


Paul has given this Church a detailed letter how to conduct their lives and live in harmony. If someone so desires not to act in this Christian manner, stay away from him.


II Thessalonians 3:15 Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.


Correct your Christian brother [father, mother or sister] when he [she] strays; he is not an enemy, and the purpose of the correction is to bring him back in fellowship with God, and the congregation.

Some awesome verses you put thank you for sharing!

 

[Depleted]

Romans 12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.


II Thessalonians 3:14 And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed.


Paul has given this Church a detailed letter how to conduct their lives and live in harmony. If someone so desires not to act in this Christian manner, stay away from him.


II Thessalonians 3:15 Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.


Correct your Christian brother [father, mother or sister] when he [she] strays; he is not an enemy, and the purpose of the correction is to bring him back in fellowship with God, and the congregation.

A flaw in your reasoning. Who says family is always Christian? Sometimes it really does get down to "love your enemy."

 

[azlightsout]

I have a very toxic family, with atrocious behavior. And they are bad people, even tho they think of themselves as angels. Can I forgive them? Only by forgetting them.

My family is very toxic - They have the 'crab in the bucket' mentality - in order to get ahead in life i had to distance myself from them . I still deal with them but with caution.

 

[RickyZ]

I'm both sorry and relieved to hear your mom has gone.

I do pray some day that you learn it's not your job to change others. It's your job to love them, even when they won't change. And that one is done only by the grace and longsuffering of God.

Actually, it is our job to attempt to correct them - then if they don't accept correction, to shun them

Matthew 18:15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

 

[Dino246]

As one who had some toxic behaviours (since acknowledged and changed, thanks to Jesus), I find your blog interesting. The part about 'sometimes you just need to walk away' caught my attention. Some of my family walked away from me. The frustrating thing is that they skipped the first few steps: calling me out on the bad behaviour, encouraging change, and being willing to help me achieve the change they wanted to see. Those steps are necessary. I think that as believers, we are without excuse if we simply walk away from a significant relationship without making some significant effort to bring about healing, correction, and reconciliation. And yes, I've forgiven them.

 

[Cherries]

As one who had some toxic behaviours (since acknowledged and changed, thanks to Jesus), I find your blog interesting. The part about 'sometimes you just need to walk away' caught my attention. Some of my family walked away from me. The frustrating thing is that they skipped the first few steps: calling me out on the bad behaviour, encouraging change, and being willing to help me achieve the change they wanted to see. Those steps are necessary. I think that as believers, we are without excuse if we simply walk away from a significant relationship without making some significant effort to bring about healing, correction, and reconciliation. And yes, I've forgiven them.

wow that is a brave thing to admit, thank you for sharing and i think sometimes the first step is to have a conversation with them first but the frustrating part comes from when people with toxic behavior see no problem with their behavior. i do believe people change but they themselves have to come to the realization of their ways and want to change. thank you for sharing again and God bless you

 

[Cherries]

Actually, it is our job to attempt to correct them - then if they don't accept correction, to shun them

Matthew 18:15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

some great points their RickyZ

 

[Cherries]

My family is very toxic - They have the 'crab in the bucket' mentality - in order to get ahead in life i had to distance myself from them . I still deal with them but with caution.

nothing worse than crabs in a bucket, last thing we need is people dragging us down.

 

[Depleted]

Actually, it is our job to attempt to correct them - then if they don't accept correction, to shun them

Matthew 18:15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

This is withing the church, not blood family.

And how did Christ treat the pagan and tax collector? He loved them!

No escape. It always ends in love.

 

[Cherries]

an attempt to help them see their toxic behavior is an act of love isn't? if done correctly

 

[Depleted]

an attempt to help them see their toxic behavior is an act of love isn't? if done correctly

Sure. And often ineffective.