Ever since I learned how to write, I have always loved writing letters, and I have literally written thousands of letters in my lifetime.
As a kid, I subscribed to a teenage magazine that occasionally had pen pal exchanges. For a small fee, you'd give your name and address for that of another girl around your own age to write to. And this was all by paper snail mail, because there was no internet (I know I must sound like a dinosaur.)
One of the fads back then was to start "Friendship Books." Someone would staple together a little homemade booklet and send it to their pen pal, and it would be sent on to their pen pals, like a chain letter. Each person who wanted to participate would write down their name, address, age, and interests in the book. Sometimes you got a random letter from someone who'd seen your info in these books; sometimes you would be the one to write to someone else in the book.
I know it sounds crazy by today's standards, but through these books, I became pen pals with two girls who eventually came to visit me and my family. One was halfway across the USA; the other was from Japan. Back then, you couldn't just hop on the internet and check someone's background, so all I had to go on was what they told me. The even crazier part is that the girl from Japan and I arranged our entire visit via letters (that took two weeks to go in either direction), and not a single phone call (and there was no texting then.)
For me, meeting people through writing first has just always been a way of life, and I've always seen the internet as an elaborate extension of my old pen palling days. To me, it's just another form of communication and meeting people. The pastor at my former church said that about 85% of the marriages he performs now are for couples who met online.
I know one of the clues I look for when people claim to have things like prestigious careers is how active they are online. A while back we had a member here who claimed to have a very important job... but yet they had racked up about 11,000 posts in a relatively short amount of time. Now maybe this person was just a whole lot better at time management than I am--which is entirely possible--but I have a friend who has a comparable career as this person claimed to have, and if I asked him if he had the time to write 11,000 posts on a Christian discussion site, he would laugh me out the door.
I understand that people are insecure and want others to like them, or may even have mental illnesses. But after having known several people who were catfished by someone they genuinely loved, I think it's important to also remember that, while catfish might "not intend to hurt anyone", all too often, they do. Some of the people they deceive spend their own vacation time and money to visit this amazing person they think they're in love with (and whom they believe loves them back), only to be stood up or hung up on when they tried to actually go see the person. How would you feel if someone treated you that way?
And, in connection with LiJo's story, I also met a guy on a dating site once who had a one-time date with a woman who had posted pictures of herself when she was 10 years younger--and 100 pounds lighter. Of course, the weight did have something to do with why he chose not to see her again--but the even bigger problem he had was that she was willing to lie about it.
I just personally believe that deceiving people is not something God would want us to do, because it all boils down to selfishness. People want other people to like and admire them, and that's more important to them than anyone else's feelings. God does not teach us to put our own comfort or acceptance first above others.
And Mitspa--I can only speak for myself, but I hate BSing in any way, shape, or form. Lying is one of the things that God is especially hard on me about--I'm a terrible liar--and I can't stand it when anyone lies to me. I would rather work through ugly truths than be told pretty lies.
I have had times where God would keep me awake for days about some lie I tried to tell, and I would be overcome with anxiety until I came clean and apologized. Personally, I don't want anyone in my life who can tell others lies and somehow be able to sleep at night, because I can't.
But, that's just me, and I know God deals with all of us in different ways.
As a kid, I subscribed to a teenage magazine that occasionally had pen pal exchanges. For a small fee, you'd give your name and address for that of another girl around your own age to write to. And this was all by paper snail mail, because there was no internet (I know I must sound like a dinosaur.)
One of the fads back then was to start "Friendship Books." Someone would staple together a little homemade booklet and send it to their pen pal, and it would be sent on to their pen pals, like a chain letter. Each person who wanted to participate would write down their name, address, age, and interests in the book. Sometimes you got a random letter from someone who'd seen your info in these books; sometimes you would be the one to write to someone else in the book.
I know it sounds crazy by today's standards, but through these books, I became pen pals with two girls who eventually came to visit me and my family. One was halfway across the USA; the other was from Japan. Back then, you couldn't just hop on the internet and check someone's background, so all I had to go on was what they told me. The even crazier part is that the girl from Japan and I arranged our entire visit via letters (that took two weeks to go in either direction), and not a single phone call (and there was no texting then.)
For me, meeting people through writing first has just always been a way of life, and I've always seen the internet as an elaborate extension of my old pen palling days. To me, it's just another form of communication and meeting people. The pastor at my former church said that about 85% of the marriages he performs now are for couples who met online.
I know one of the clues I look for when people claim to have things like prestigious careers is how active they are online. A while back we had a member here who claimed to have a very important job... but yet they had racked up about 11,000 posts in a relatively short amount of time. Now maybe this person was just a whole lot better at time management than I am--which is entirely possible--but I have a friend who has a comparable career as this person claimed to have, and if I asked him if he had the time to write 11,000 posts on a Christian discussion site, he would laugh me out the door.
I understand that people are insecure and want others to like them, or may even have mental illnesses. But after having known several people who were catfished by someone they genuinely loved, I think it's important to also remember that, while catfish might "not intend to hurt anyone", all too often, they do. Some of the people they deceive spend their own vacation time and money to visit this amazing person they think they're in love with (and whom they believe loves them back), only to be stood up or hung up on when they tried to actually go see the person. How would you feel if someone treated you that way?
And, in connection with LiJo's story, I also met a guy on a dating site once who had a one-time date with a woman who had posted pictures of herself when she was 10 years younger--and 100 pounds lighter. Of course, the weight did have something to do with why he chose not to see her again--but the even bigger problem he had was that she was willing to lie about it.
I just personally believe that deceiving people is not something God would want us to do, because it all boils down to selfishness. People want other people to like and admire them, and that's more important to them than anyone else's feelings. God does not teach us to put our own comfort or acceptance first above others.
And Mitspa--I can only speak for myself, but I hate BSing in any way, shape, or form. Lying is one of the things that God is especially hard on me about--I'm a terrible liar--and I can't stand it when anyone lies to me. I would rather work through ugly truths than be told pretty lies.
I have had times where God would keep me awake for days about some lie I tried to tell, and I would be overcome with anxiety until I came clean and apologized. Personally, I don't want anyone in my life who can tell others lies and somehow be able to sleep at night, because I can't.
But, that's just me, and I know God deals with all of us in different ways.
