Issues with wife.

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Waukeganman1234

Guest
#1
#1
Hello. About three weeks I checked my wifes phone and found out that she has been texting and calling another man. Texts were flirty like hey baby hey sexy type stuff. She admitted that they went on three dates and did kiss once. SInce I found out she apologized and swore she did not like the guy and is in love with me only however she has been acting rather cold not touching me. I checked her phone and she stopped contacting the guy but did change her password on the ipod. We have been married since 2001 and we have 2 kids. ANy advice? she did say she needs to see a counselor and already has appointments. Should I trust her or leave?
 
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NewWine

Guest
#2
#2
With the posts you've made about porn and problems you have,(only being in the site for 2 weeks based upon your join date) and now you're snooping through her things and caught her doing something wrong.....finally. Are you happy? Did that snooping really help you? Did you finally find the things that she does wrong to make you feel better about your own wrongs? To me, from your words about yourself and your marriage....you both need help. Get help then decide whether or not to remain married.
 
PrynceNY

PrynceNY

Banned
#3
Aug 16, 2016
2,184
62
0
#3
Sorry to hear your marriage has been going through tough times. Have you two considered marriage therapy. You mentioned she needs to see a counselor but it would be probably best if you two go together to work out any issues.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#4
Mar 13, 2014
42,732
17,196
113
70
Tennessee
#4
It will take a long time to trust her again. You must have suspected that she was cheating on you, or at least trying to or otherwise you would not have been checking out her phone. I believe that she is cold emotionally and physically because she has shut you out her life in her mind and heart. You can try the counseling but it may not do much good once someone's heart gets hardened. The best thing to do is to talk to each other honestly and pray together. If it turns out that her love for you has gone cold I would seriously consider letting her go.
 
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answers

Guest
#5
#5
Waukeganman1234 said:
Hello. About three weeks I checked my wifes phone and found out that she has been texting and calling another man. Texts were flirty like hey baby hey sexy type stuff. She admitted that they went on three dates and did kiss once. SInce I found out she apologized and swore she did not like the guy and is in love with me only however she has been acting rather cold not touching me. I checked her phone and she stopped contacting the guy but did change her password on the ipod. We have been married since 2001 and we have 2 kids. ANy advice? she did say she needs to see a counselor and already has appointments. Should I trust her or leave?
Click to expand...
I can respond as a wife and a mother...I do not know all the specifics, but I did notice you had voiced that you are suffering from your own deceit, lust, and infidelity issues and that it has been the length of your marriage, correct me if I am wrong, but could her distance be a result from years of feeling disconnected emotionally, sensually, socially, intimately, and physically?

I am a wife of a husband who hid his porn issues. I will tell you she knows something is missing in your marriage and maybe she is feeling the connection that she has always wanted from you from other men. I always knew something was off. He finally came clean about it after being conflicted by the Holy Spirit. Which is very good, because he was living through blasphemy (unforgivable sin) if he continued to view when the Holy Spirit was telling him not to. So please be very careful, Satan wants that victory!

With that said, did she give you any signs that she wanted more from your marriage? Like complaining about a lack of anything?

I definitely disagree with divorce as the answer. I think counseling where you both come clean and work through the issues together would serve your marriage well. Plus, what do you have to lose if you were already considering wrapping it up?

I will tell you, the hardest aspect (for me with my husband's issue) was one, how could he put his seed in another woman (meaning masturbating wishing he was inside her, getting off), and that he was contributing to prostitution and abuse of women. Those were the two things that made me feel sick! However, I am over it as long as it never happens again. If he were to deny God and deceive me this way again, I would end our marriage. I have forgiven him...I understand that we are sinners, but I do expect for us to learn from our mistakes.

I wish you and your wife the best. Please allow God to guide you through this difficult time. God Bless you both and your kiddos!
 
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Marek

Guest
#6
#6
NewWine said:
With the posts you've made about porn and problems you have,(only being in the site for 2 weeks based upon your join date) and now you're snooping through her things and caught her doing something wrong.....finally. Are you happy? Did that snooping really help you? Did you finally find the things that she does wrong to make you feel better about your own wrongs? To me, from your words about yourself and your marriage....you both need help. Get help then decide whether or not to remain married.
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still doesn't excuse her whorish behavior, no offense to the husband, but she is sneaking around on ya it seems.
 
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Ultimatum77

Guest
#7
#7
The number one thing you guys both need to do is pray! God can heal your marriage but it involves confessing to each other and to God and repenting of your sins/failures so that you do not repeat them again.....I would suggest setting a whole day or two of fasting, confession, and reconciliation between just your wife and you. Counseling can only go so far.....you need God to transform your inner beings/spirit and rid yourselves of the filth that is devastating your marriage on both sides....
 
Ruth

Ruth

Member
#8
May 14, 2016
99
5
0
#8
Im sorry to say but snooping through your wife's cell phone.....tells me you don't trust her and she surely cannot trust you by your own admission and the level of disrespect on both sides.....if you want to see where the problem lies...you BOTH need to look in a mirror and shine a big spot light to see yourselves. You are both role modeling for your children...WOW. I suggest you both get personal and then marriage counselling before throwing in the towel because married ppl don't usually accept advances from a member of the opposite sex when they are receiving what they need emotionally and mentally from their spouse.
 
Deidre

Deidre

Senior Member
#9
Sep 4, 2016
258
7
18
#9
The thing is, would this still be going on with your wife and the other guy if you hadn't snooped and called her out on it? If she's only ''coming back'' to you because she is afraid of a divorce, that wouldn't be enough for me personally, to stay in a marriage. But, it sounds like you have your own issues too...so couples counseling could help, but if you are both Christians, then pray about it. If your marriage is meant to be, God will see you both through. But, without committing to praying about it, and really turning away from your sins together, I can't see it working. Praying for you both.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#10
Feb 21, 2014
70,949
9,699
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#10
You both need serious counseling before you screw up your kids' lives too. :/
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#11
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
113
0
#11
When it gets to this level...and I've seen it many times. It's not a good sign of things to come. The phases of leaving a relationship are

No vulnerability, no grace, planning escape, low performance, minimizing benefits, emphasizing deficits and high judgment...... they all come from selfishness. If you two wanna like each other again your best bet is you both getting on board with doing the opposite of those things.
 
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LaurenTM

Guest
#12
#12
Marek said:
still doesn't excuse her whorish behavior, no offense to the husband, but she is sneaking around on ya it seems.
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seriously?

he has a porn addiction for over 20 years and his WIFE is a whore?

get both sides before you call someone a whore there buddy

that does not make her behavior right, but do you actually know what a whore is?

makes me wonder what you think of women in general
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#13
#13
Marek said:
still doesn't excuse her whorish behavior, no offense to the husband, but she is sneaking around on ya it seems.
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They both have serious issues,which it seems started with him. Perhaps you dont know both sides,but they are both guilty.
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#14
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
113
0
#14
Unrealistic expectations are relationship killers. They are manipulating another person to change so you can feel comfortable. They come from insecurity. Wasn't Adam and Eves original sin born out of insecurity? Doesn't all sin come from insecurity? I think it does. You need to chase after pain.....yours and your wifes. And you need to to it with kindness, humility and empathy. You may or may not save this relationship but what is sure, is that if you don't learn kindness, humility and empathy and learn to chase pain you'll keep repeating this pattern of sinning against yourself and others until you do.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#15
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#15
I don't think internet advice is going to help your issues. Sure some it's good advice but I hope you guys are working on this together .
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#16
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
113
0
#16
Fenner said:
I don't think internet advice is going to help your issues. Sure some it's good advice but I hope you guys are working on this together .
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Youre right....it's not. Getting people around you who put good input into you and your wife is a good start.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#17
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#17
Marek said:
still doesn't excuse her whorish behavior, no offense to the husband, but she is sneaking around on ya it seems.
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The OP ought to punch you in the nose for talking like that about his wife.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#18
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#18
Maybe he should knock the snot out of the guy who kissed his wife, this other guy has got to know she is another man's wife.

Maybe it will make her hot for her husband again.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#19
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#19
Tommy379 said:
Maybe he should knock the snot out of the guy who kissed his wife, this other guy has got to know she is another man's wife.

Maybe it will make her hot for her husband again.
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Probably not, from the other thread's he's posted they have more going on then this guy.
 
Utah

Utah

Banned
#20
Dec 1, 2014
9,701
252
0
#20
Waukeganman1234 said:
Hello. About three weeks I checked my wifes phone and found out that she has been texting and calling another man. Texts were flirty like hey baby hey sexy type stuff. She admitted that they went on three dates and did kiss once. SInce I found out she apologized and swore she did not like the guy and is in love with me only however she has been acting rather cold not touching me. I checked her phone and she stopped contacting the guy but did change her password on the ipod. We have been married since 2001 and we have 2 kids. ANy advice? she did say she needs to see a counselor and already has appointments. Should I trust her or leave?
Click to expand...
I'd have a "talk" with the dude. But that's just me.
 
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