I've never been molested but I've been through a lot of things in life.
Was brought up in foster care by my aunt, as my birth mum had Schizophrenia.
Had to deal with a grandfather who hated my guts because he was racist and I'm
mixed race, he blamed me for my birth mother's mental health problems.
Had to deal with one of my cousins who was alcoholic and tried to commit suicide twice.
My aunt who fostered me was a single mum to 4 boys and she had a nervous brake
down when I was 11 so from that age, I pretty much had to learn how to take care of
my own emotional needs and to some extent, my physical needs. Even before then
I had to deal with my own emotional needs.
There was no one to give out advice about growing up, responsibilities, life, how
to apply for jobs, open a bank account etc, I had to figure all this out myself, how my
body was changing etc, as my aunt spent much of her days drugged up on tranquillisers.
I am now a carer for my elderly aunt, last year especially was the worst time of
both of our life's. She was hospitalised for much of it and I had to juggle going to
work, hospital visits, dealing with all the medical beurocracy etc. Making lots of
important decisions without any help but God.
In 2014 I found out my birth mother, who I have not seen since about the age of
6-7 had died. I had to deal with all the emotional issues about that and the past and
contact solicitors to sort out a small amount of money she had left and via another
company, to try to track down siblings I had not seen since I was a child. It was
not possible to find them, just my older brother. But this alone brought up all
sorts of emotions, did I want to find them,what would I say to them, did they want to
know me etc.
Why am I telling you this. Its like Blue said, stuff happens to us all.
We can sit and have a pity party, or be determined to deal with it and move
on. That might sound harsh but I've been there, I've had plenty of pity parties
and I have to tell you it doesn't work, it makes you feel worse. It becomes a
vicious cycle that is hard to break.
Look at this as an opportunity to finally deal with all these hidden issues.
The darkness has been uncovered, now under God's love and revelation you
have a chance at least of putting all this behind you.
So... Try this get a piece of paper write at the very top
1) go to see doctor about depression
2) arrange counselling
Then think about things you would like to try out or do, it might be a hobby you
haven't done for a while or something. It might be to lose weight or get fit,
join a gym etc.
It might be to learn how to cook or bake, or go on a gardening course.
It might be to get into creative writing, poetry etc, fixing cars, plumbing,
woodwork. Go to church, make new friends, whatever appeals to you.
Include these on your list
3)
4)
5) etc
Dont forget to include time for spending with God on that list, that needs to be
as high up the list as possible.
Then gradually go through them one at a time as you feel able to.
Until you see your doctor about that depression and get treatment, all of this might
seem too much at the moment, but as the fog starts to clear that list will give you
something to focus on and achieve. It will help you to get back on track and
realise there is still plenty of life to live. Still plenty to achieve etc.
People with depression think they have no control over life, but they do.
You have two choices, to do nothing feel worse and get worse. Or to say I'm
not going to be like this anymore I'm going to stop having a pity party and
do something about it. Even if it's baby steps, it's one step moving forward
at a time. No one expects you to run a marathon but you have it within
yourself to make small steps towards getting better.
Only you can make the decision to say "I am better than all this stuff, I will
overcome it and deal with it."
Jesus said we will overcome the world, let Him help you and be that overcomer.