I need help with my marriage

[Fenner]

And there she goes

Wow, I have to agree with Auntie Ant. You're presuming to know this woman and her Husbands martial issues. We don't.

Sun, men and women need to respect each other. Seeing as none of us here have a magic mirror into your marriage we have no idea if your husband also respects you. Frankly if my husband told me that he couldn't confide in me and wouldn't stop talking to another woman I'd be upset, that's disrespectful in itself. I hope the two of you find someone you trust to talk to together.

 

[Fenner]

Men let me ask this question, is it okay in your eyes to disrespect your wife? Talk to another woman about your life issues and if your wife asks you to not do that she's disrespecting you because that's what I'm getting from a couple of responses posted here.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I mean this is CC after all, the place when woman should only be seen and not heard. Where if you have an opinion that contradicts a mans your disrespectful and a nazi feminist who should shut her pie hole and get back to making your sandwich.

 

[Tintin]

I'm certainly not perfect and I don't have a wife or even a girlfriend, but no, I don't believe it's right and truthful to disrespect one's wife. I think in a professional scenario, as in a counsellor with their client, it's important that there's open communication. Sometimes the counsellor will want you to bring up stuff and your wife might not like it. I don't know what I'd do it that situation. But I'd hope that a husband and wife would be together in the same room if they were receiving marriage counselling.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Men let me ask this question, is it okay in your eyes to disrespect your wife? Talk to another woman about your life issues and if your wife asks you to not do that she's disrespecting you because that's what I'm getting from a couple of responses posted here.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I mean this is CC after all, the place when woman should only be seen and not heard. Where if you have an opinion that contradicts a mans your disrespectful and a nazi feminist who should shut her pie hole and get back to making your sandwich.

Pffftt.. Let 'em make their own dang sandwich.. lol.. If a man can't handle hearing a woman's opinion, then that's their problem, not ours. Men need to realize that they are NOT always in control. IMO, it's the men who need to shut their pie holes and listen. JMO

 

[Victoriamae]

I think this is a message for everyone, for singles too. If you know that he/she is married and he/she confides to you. I think the best way to do is not to talk to the person. I'm talking about the opposite sex. It could be a a loophole for the enemy.If there is a right person that he/she needs to talk to, that should be his/her wife period!!!

 

[Tintin]

Can we please add the word 'some' or 'many' to the word 'men'? Because I've been treated deplorably by girls and women for a good chunk of my life (mostly peers, one my ex) and I still have hope that some are good. We need to be careful not to paint one sex with a broad brush due to our own experiences.

 

[Fenner]

I'm certainly not perfect and I don't have a wife or even a girlfriend, but no, I don't believe it's right and truthful to disrespect one's wife. I think in a professional scenario, as in a counsellor with their client, it's important that there's open communication. Sometimes the counsellor will want you to bring up stuff and your wife might not like it. I don't know what I'd do it that situation. But I'd hope that a husband and wife would be together in the same room if they were receiving marriage counselling.

You're a good egg Tintin.

 

[Tintin]

You're a good egg Tintin.

Thanks very much, Fenner. I really appreciate your encouragement.

 

[Fenner]

Can we please add the word 'some' or 'many' to the word 'men'? Because I've been treated deplorably by girls and women for a good chunk of my life (mostly peers, one my ex) and I still have hope that some are good. We need to be careful not to paint one sex with a broad brush due to our own experiences.

I'm sorry Tintin I got carried away. Not all men or women are disrespectful. I was feeling kind of Hulk like reading some of the responses to the poor OP question. I was as I'm sure you were taught respect in marriage is a two way street.
Im

 

[Tintin]

I'm sorry Tintin I got carried away. Not all men or women are disrespectful. I was feeling kind of Hulk like reading some of the responses to the poor OP question. I was as I'm sure you were taught respect in marriage is a two way street.
Im

You're all good, Fenner. I wasn't addressing any one person, more the tone of anyone posting in this thread. But thanks all the same. Yes, respect in marriage is a two-way street (with Jesus at the centre).

 

[Hungry]

Men let me ask this question, is it okay in your eyes to disrespect your wife? Talk to another woman about your life issues and if your wife asks you to not do that she's disrespecting you because that's what I'm getting from a couple of responses posted here.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I mean this is CC after all, the place when woman should only be seen and not heard. Where if you have an opinion that contradicts a mans your disrespectful and a nazi feminist who should shut her pie hole and get back to making your sandwich.

First of all I will say that it is stupid to have a special friend of the opposite sex if you are married or committed. Obviously if someone is seeking companionship from the opposite sex then they are missing something at home. I may get some heat for this but I have observed that since women have been "liberated" I'm afraid God's intended blueprint of the family has been seriously derailed. Husbands and wives are supposed to be one and share one mission together. Now instead of a proverbs 31 women you have an independent woman who has her own agenda. Instead of sharing in her husbands successes she seeks her own glory. Instead of having a helpmeet many men have a competitor for who is going to be head of the household. Then you are faced with a few scenarios. She is dominant and is disgusted with his weakness and he gets depressed or a defeated attitude and just gives up authority and lives a life in quiet agony. Or, they are both dominant and fight constantly losing sight of the big picture and probably get divorced and blame each other for it. Or, he is more dominant and because of her lack of submission is rude and tells her to shut her pie hole and make him a sandwich. Meanwhile if it was like God intended her love would be for her husband and would strive to build him up and give him support and confidence to take on the world and he would return this dedication with love and affection (often in the form of jewelry, kidding). Unfortunately from what I've seen many men "put up with" their wives and have no true love for them, and women openly complain about their husbands, often in front of them. What we have accepted as today's marriages are almost a business relationship. No wonder there are so marriages failing.

 

[lv2ski]

No

I'm not disregarding Scripture. Quality Christian counselling should be an additional approach to what the Bible explicitly mentions, not the main thing. Also, I don't know where you live, but I live in Australia and it's not as Christian as it used to be, that's for sure. And yet, I've had no trouble finding a few quality Christian counsellors just within a short driving distance of me. Did they break out the Bible and do a word study or something? No, but they brought their Christian worldview into their practice and looked at issues etc. from a biblical perspective and we sometimes discussed helpful verses, favourite books of the Bible and relevant Christian authors. We even prayed at the beginning and at the end of the sessions (at my request) and they were totally cool with that and seemed appreciative. It's easy if you do your research. Finding a quality Christian counsellor that is a good match for you is more difficult, though.

By the way, it works both ways. I've heard of real horror stories where pastors have counselled married couples. It's not the pastor that's the problem. The problem is finding a good pastor who can speak life into your marriage and isn't just a Yes man trying to get you both to 'make nice'. Just a thought.

Good word. What sparked this was the term"professional counsel" and5the Youscripture backed counsel was disregarded by someone. Which derailed things. Which was the point. I hope they make the effort they need.

 

[Tintin]

No

Good word. What sparked this was the term"professional counsel" and5the Youscripture backed counsel was disregarded by someone. Which derailed things. Which was the point. I hope they make the effort they need.

It's all good, brother. Thanks for clarifying. God bless you. Have a great weekend.

 

[lv2ski]

Wow, I have to agree with Auntie Ant. You're presuming to know this woman and her Husbands martial issues. We don't.

Sun, men and women need to respect each other. Seeing as none of us here have a magic mirror into your marriage we have no idea if your husband also respects you. Frankly if my husband told me that he couldn't confide in me and wouldn't stop talking to another woman I'd be upset, that's disrespectful in itself. I hope the two of you find someone you trust to talk to together.

I am not presuming anything. That's basic counsel, based on the info provided. If you read what I wrote I agreed that he's wrong. But as a man I must ask, why?

When there's a relational issue with a couple of that many years, it didn't get that way over night. If it was the other way around, that's the first question, why is she having an emotional affair with someone else? Don't you pay attention to her? That's all5I was saying.

God takes us down these roads regularly, if you're following Him.

 

[lv2ski]

Pffftt.. Let 'em make their own dang sandwich.. lol.. If a man can't handle hearing a woman's opinion, then that's their problem, not ours. Men need to realize that they are NOT always in control. IMO, it's the men who need to shut their pie holes and listen. JMO

You ladies are t really breaking down here. Stop, you sound l like a teenage slumber party.

 

[Fenner]

I found the way you talked to Auntie Ant disrespectful Iluv2ski. If I misunderstood your other posts I.apologize.

 

[Fenner]

First of all I will say that it is stupid to have a special friend of the opposite sex if you are married or committed. Obviously if someone is seeking companionship from the opposite sex then they are missing something at home. I may get some heat for this but I have observed that since women have been "liberated" I'm afraid God's intended blueprint of the family has been seriously derailed. Husbands and wives are supposed to be one and share one mission together. Now instead of a proverbs 31 women you have an independent woman who has her own agenda. Instead of sharing in her husbands successes she seeks her own glory. Instead of having a helpmeet many men have a competitor for who is going to be head of the household. Then you are faced with a few scenarios. She is dominant and is disgusted with his weakness and he gets depressed or a defeated attitude and just gives up authority and lives a life in quiet agony. Or, they are both dominant and fight constantly losing sight of the big picture and probably get divorced and blame each other for it. Or, he is more dominant and because of her lack of submission is rude and tells her to shut her pie hole and make him a sandwich. Meanwhile if it was like God intended her love would be for her husband and would strive to build him up and give him support and confidence to take on the world and he would return this dedication with love and affection (often in the form of jewelry, kidding). Unfortunately from what I've seen many men "put up with" their wives and have no true love for them, and women openly complain about their husbands, often in front of them. What we have accepted as today's marriages are almost a business relationship. No wonder there are so marriages failing.

I ish I didn't have to work. Although I enjoy what I do. I wish we didn't need the extra money to pay bills. I do work part time I've made my schedule work around my kid's. I'm the one who is with them the majority of the time.

I am the one responsible for paying the bills, my Husband does help with housework but he works more so it makes sense that I do most of it. My weekday routine is busy, probably like the rest of the worlds. I watch a show like Leave It To Beaver and I wish the world was more like that. I agree that family unit is broken and some feminism played a part in that, but there are so many variables in the downfall of the family unit we can't just blame one thing.

 

[lv2ski]

First of all I will say that it is stupid to have a special friend of the opposite sex if you are married or committed. Obviously if someone is seeking companionship from the opposite sex then they are missing something at home. I may get some heat for this but I have observed that since women have been "liberated" I'm afraid God's intended blueprint of the family has been seriously derailed. Husbands and wives are supposed to be one and share one mission together. Now instead of a proverbs 31 women you have an independent woman who has her own agenda. Instead of sharing in her husbands successes she seeks her own glory. Instead of having a helpmeet many men have a competitor for who is going to be head of the household. Then you are faced with a few scenarios. She is dominant and is disgusted with his weakness and he gets depressed or a defeated attitude and just gives up authority and lives a life in quiet agony. Or, they are both dominant and fight constantly losing sight of the big picture and probably get divorced and blame each other for it. Or, he is more dominant and because of her lack of submission is rude and tells her to shut her pie hole and make him a sandwich. Meanwhile if it was like God intended her love would be for her husband and would strive to build him up and give him support and confidence to take on the world and he would return this dedication with love and affection (often in the form of jewelry, kidding). Unfortunately from what I've seen many men "put up with" their wives and have no true love for them, and women openly complain about their husbands, often in front of them. What we have accepted as today's marriages are almost a business relationship. No wonder there are so marriages failing.

All we need to do is look back our grandparents, the most successful familiesthere were.

 

[lv2ski]

I found the way you talked to Auntie Ant disrespectful Iluv2ski. If I misunderstood your other posts I.apologize.

We're good. I was irritated with AA , I don't suppose you noticed how disrespectful she was and usually is when the conversation is challenging. I realize you'reall friends, but really. She discounted everyone on here. Thereare a lot of great, wise godly people on here. Granted there are a lot of blatherskipes on here, but barging in and discounting everyone and running over biblical counsel is very out of line. She does this whenever someone uses the bible and literal application. Runs us over with how mean or unmerciful we're being. It's really dissention and leading astray. Like saying that she's putting me on her ignore list. Whatever, I don't remember ever pursuing her. Someone else ignores the OP's plea and offers to move her to another forum. Just help her already.

The OP asked for advise, I answered her. We could talk about her husband all day, but he's not here. Also, unbeknownst to AA, I am a counselor.

So I hope the OP can sift thru all this crap and get some help without signing up for thousands of dollars worth of counselling. God gave His word free. So should be the distribution of it.

 

[Hungry]

I ish I didn't have to work. Although I enjoy what I do. I wish we didn't need the extra money to pay bills. I do work part time I've made my schedule work around my kid's. I'm the one who is with them the majority of the time.

I am the one responsible for paying the bills, my Husband does help with housework but he works more so it makes sense that I do most of it. My weekday routine is busy, probably like the rest of the worlds. I watch a show like Leave It To Beaver and I wish the world was more like that. I agree that family unit is broken and some feminism played a part in that, but there are so many variables in the downfall of the family unit we can't just blame one thing.

Im just saying that feminism made women compete with men. This in turn upset the balance of roles. Instead of working together we are in opposition. Authority in many households is divided or primarily the woman because she has assumed many of the decision making roles. Men mostly let it happen because they are lazy. Finally when he decides he wants to make some decisions the woman is offended or challenged. Both are responsible for letting this happen.