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A
I'm sorry, dear if I misunderstood what you posted. I know your heart is hurting and how alone you must feel going through this battle. That's why I suggested counseling, Callie. It's one thing to get some feedback online from people who don't know you or what's really going on in your relationship. But you'd be much better off speaking with a counselor who can offer you much better advice and help you heal your marriage. I'm praying for you, sister. ♥
K
Like I said, my hubby isn't a procrastinator so I don't have this issue. But my mother does. She asks and she waits,nothing gets done,she asks again and then waits,nothing. About the third time it turns into a nag and if it didn't their backyard would look like a dump. So on the one hand a husband may not like to be nagged but on the other he shouldn't really have to be.He should be mature enough to do things without nagging,should he? There I threw that out,now Im gonna run.
L
I don't control my husband...I could not even if I wanted to. First of all, he is a man, not a boy and he knows his own mind. My husband is not lazy...he is a self starter and works very hard.
You do not have a positive view of marriage in my opinion and I will attribute that to overlooking the main ingredient in ANY relationship.
If Christ is not first in a person's life, there will be discord and in a marriage, it will be even worse.
I have not seen where this has been said to the op...if I overlooked someone saying it, sorry
Even as Christ became a curse for us on the cross, we can rely on Him to bring us into peace IN Him.
This constant bickering in marriages that we often read about in this forum is really nothing more than selfishness and immaturity. God is not a band aid to put over wounds...people often turn to Him when they hurt and they often get to that point of pain because they have neglected Him in the first place.
oh you bet your sweet bippy the op shows exactly what I just said. and we all can pray...but the DECISION to change is still hers no matter what
you are not in any position to state what marriages in general are...I will take the biblical explanation as my model because that model gives hope and assurance that God knows and understands
frankly I find it offensive to state all men have a tendency to be lazy or all women want to control..that is the mindset that might happen when one chooses to find excuses for behavior
the New Testament has some very different things to say...marriage is work....not surrender to a supposed curse and saying 'oh well'
no...either we are a new creation in Christ Jesus or we are not!
I will choose to believe what God says and if I don't have that operating in my life, I will pursue God until His Word becomes the life changing reality He says it is
and I do know what I'm talking about!
You do not have a positive view of marriage in my opinion and I will attribute that to overlooking the main ingredient in ANY relationship.
If Christ is not first in a person's life, there will be discord and in a marriage, it will be even worse.
I have not seen where this has been said to the op...if I overlooked someone saying it, sorry
Even as Christ became a curse for us on the cross, we can rely on Him to bring us into peace IN Him.
This constant bickering in marriages that we often read about in this forum is really nothing more than selfishness and immaturity. God is not a band aid to put over wounds...people often turn to Him when they hurt and they often get to that point of pain because they have neglected Him in the first place.
oh you bet your sweet bippy the op shows exactly what I just said. and we all can pray...but the DECISION to change is still hers no matter what
you are not in any position to state what marriages in general are...I will take the biblical explanation as my model because that model gives hope and assurance that God knows and understands
frankly I find it offensive to state all men have a tendency to be lazy or all women want to control..that is the mindset that might happen when one chooses to find excuses for behavior
the New Testament has some very different things to say...marriage is work....not surrender to a supposed curse and saying 'oh well'
no...either we are a new creation in Christ Jesus or we are not!
I will choose to believe what God says and if I don't have that operating in my life, I will pursue God until His Word becomes the life changing reality He says it is
and I do know what I'm talking about!
L
God's word is not dangerous...please give scripture for that if you can find it
God's word gives life and restores the soul and spirit
what are you reading to come to these conclusions?
how do you drop in a comment about respecting husbands? did you ever read further where Paul says that Christians should be in submission to each other?
what experience do you have walking out these things you are giving as advice to others?
A
God demands that husband's love their wives as Christ loved His church, willing to die for her. He is against abuse...so much so that a man who abuses his wife prayers will not be heard.
God does not approve of abusive men.., but this isn't really the issue because the man is an unbeliever.
So different verses apply...the ones where her faith and prayers might be strong enough to save him and bring him to Christ.
God does not approve of abusive men.., but this isn't really the issue because the man is an unbeliever.
So different verses apply...the ones where her faith and prayers might be strong enough to save him and bring him to Christ.
Hebrews 4:12 NLT
For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.
God's word is powerful. What's powerful like a sword is dangerous to the enemy. And the enemy of that sword is the evil heart that is full of pride.
My view about marriage is that the husband should love his wife and the wife should respect his husband. There is nothing unhealthy about it because it is basic and it is what the scriptures say. Without both love and respect, there is no marriage. In the case of the OP, to love your wife means protect her and don't abuse her. To respect your husband means don't nag and be quarrelsome but also don't tolerate abuse.
This is not about you because as you said you don't control your husband and you respect him. It is about the OP who fails to respect his husband who is an unbeliever.
I was not speaking out of experience but based from the scriptures which is enough as guide for daily living.
We are not perfect, we are only forgiven. Our sinful nature still haunts us. Being controlling and irresponsible is part of that sinful nature. I was not generalizing that all women are controlling and men are irresponsible. I was referring to the general sinful nature that resulted from the curse of adam and eve. But though faith and repentance we fight against this sinful nature and walk in righteousness.
L
that's great
nothing I don't know, but how does that help the op who seems stuck on her husband changing and not her?
I am not haunted by my sinful nature...that is actually a very egregious thing to say
I think you are reading the wrong books! by authors who don't know what the Bible actually says
yup...God's word is powerful and you should not be haunted...so I have a concern there that anyone should somehow believe that is so
the op has a decision to make ...I would not like her to think bad marriages are the norm
however, her husband is not a believer and she cannot change him THEREFORE she must either get her life centered in Christ or let him go
I do not agree with your views...the op is free to choose as she wills
Well I typed a pretty long response but I'm gonna keep my blessed mouth shut cause I have the best girl ever and could never realize the degree of difficulty in which you are struggling. I'm ready to die for Jesus(or so I think), to be martyred and tortured and killed off doing my best to smile and with my last breath to testify love to my captors. But dying is easy and that pain is momentary and I know heaven awaits at the end of it. What I feel is much worse would be the emotional toll and physical strain of enduring and living up to the bibles standards of what a believing wife should do for the sake of her unbelieving husband. It's a torture and test of endurance which will last many years maybe and yet may yield no fruit. Absolutely impossible without the abundant peace and grace of Jesus in heavy portion.
well lightly put we know the verses...
stay with him for your belief justifies your household as long as he is willing to be with you
submit to your husband and obey him as the Lord... Pretty much meaning serve him and love him with the same devotion and trust you have for the lord ! Of course abstaining from evil but in all other ways... Winning his heart with action and not words...
the flipside is the husband must cherish and love his wife as Christ does the church, meaning that even in his hours of weariness desperation and despair he must still find the strength to love, comfort and protect you with his life , sacrificing and giving all of himself for your sake, to lead you. Naturally putting aside his desire for yours! Naturally prioritizing your needs over his every single time possible! As long as it is to the glory of God and for the good of the family (church) washing his bride with the word of God
For this type of man surely it will be easy to do everything he asks! As was intended in such a bueatiful thing as marriage.
Unfortunately you have the incredibly heavy burden of the unbelieving husband .... He does not have men of God and spiritual counsellors to make him be as unto you Christ to his church ... You have what you have ...
I dont know know what to say , your burden seems so incredibly difficult to bear. I will just pray this for you my dear sister in Christ ,
Lord I thank you that your burden is easy and your yolk is light. How blessed we are that we don't serve earthly masters and that we serve only you in heaven. So I ask you to give to her in abundance your peace mercy and grace. I ask you to draw near to her and take her captive with your love. Show her what it is to be a good husband! That she know who she is bethrothed to whether she is married or not, it is you Lord, you are the bridegroom and we are the church your bride. So walk hand in hand with your lovely bethrothed daughter and give her the comfort and authority of your leadership as husband. Let her desire and long to serve you wih all her heart and thus grace her to be a good wife to he who does not know or confess you yet. I claim the promise for her in acts 16:31 , believe and you shall be saved, you and your household. Adorn her with wisdom and grace and gentleness and kindness, temperance and forbearance, love and peace and joy, self control and humility! So that her beauty which is the very countenance of Christ would shine so resplendently in her husbands gaze that he would be won over to be the man of God you desire all husbands to be. Thank you so much, for we all hope to give advice and to edify, but in the end it is you in your grace and your perfect wisdom who gives the best counsel and understanding. Minister to her , Holy Spirit, and give her the strength to carry on each day and the words to say for reconciliation. In Christ I pray.
well lightly put we know the verses...
stay with him for your belief justifies your household as long as he is willing to be with you
submit to your husband and obey him as the Lord... Pretty much meaning serve him and love him with the same devotion and trust you have for the lord ! Of course abstaining from evil but in all other ways... Winning his heart with action and not words...
the flipside is the husband must cherish and love his wife as Christ does the church, meaning that even in his hours of weariness desperation and despair he must still find the strength to love, comfort and protect you with his life , sacrificing and giving all of himself for your sake, to lead you. Naturally putting aside his desire for yours! Naturally prioritizing your needs over his every single time possible! As long as it is to the glory of God and for the good of the family (church) washing his bride with the word of God
For this type of man surely it will be easy to do everything he asks! As was intended in such a bueatiful thing as marriage.
Unfortunately you have the incredibly heavy burden of the unbelieving husband .... He does not have men of God and spiritual counsellors to make him be as unto you Christ to his church ... You have what you have ...
I dont know know what to say , your burden seems so incredibly difficult to bear. I will just pray this for you my dear sister in Christ ,
Lord I thank you that your burden is easy and your yolk is light. How blessed we are that we don't serve earthly masters and that we serve only you in heaven. So I ask you to give to her in abundance your peace mercy and grace. I ask you to draw near to her and take her captive with your love. Show her what it is to be a good husband! That she know who she is bethrothed to whether she is married or not, it is you Lord, you are the bridegroom and we are the church your bride. So walk hand in hand with your lovely bethrothed daughter and give her the comfort and authority of your leadership as husband. Let her desire and long to serve you wih all her heart and thus grace her to be a good wife to he who does not know or confess you yet. I claim the promise for her in acts 16:31 , believe and you shall be saved, you and your household. Adorn her with wisdom and grace and gentleness and kindness, temperance and forbearance, love and peace and joy, self control and humility! So that her beauty which is the very countenance of Christ would shine so resplendently in her husbands gaze that he would be won over to be the man of God you desire all husbands to be. Thank you so much, for we all hope to give advice and to edify, but in the end it is you in your grace and your perfect wisdom who gives the best counsel and understanding. Minister to her , Holy Spirit, and give her the strength to carry on each day and the words to say for reconciliation. In Christ I pray.
Ok you don't have to agree. What do you mean you are not haunted by your sinful nature? That you are perfect? Nobody is perfect. You are forgiven but you are not perfect.
The OP must repent and learn how to respect his husband by not nagging. I said it several times already. She should pray that God will create in her a pure heart and a quiet and gentle spirit.
The OP must repent and learn how to respect his husband by not nagging. I said it several times already. She should pray that God will create in her a pure heart and a quiet and gentle spirit.
He that winneth souls is wise (Pro 11:30b).
In other words, it is going to take wisdom in order to win ANY unbeliever to Christ. Therefore, I strongly recommend studying the Book of Proverbs.
Proverbs is very pithy. It teaches the benefits of being silent, quiet (without words) which 1 Pe 3:6 advises.
Proverbs also teaches us HOW we should speak because HOW we speak to others is important:
Wise people are protected by their speech." Pr 14:3b
... the tongue of the wise brings healing. Pr 12:18
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Pr 16:24
A gentle answer deflects anger…” Pr 15:1
An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. Pr 24:26
Pr 31:10 tells us that a wife of noble character “opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”
Proverbs warns us about the dangers of being quarrelsome, angry, nagging, etc:
Whoever restrains his
words has knowledge. Pr 17:27A
Whoever controls his mouth protects his own life. Whoever has a big mouth comes to ruin. Pr 13:3
Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble. Pr 21:23
That's why I strongly recommend that you study Proverbs and put them into practice.
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5
Therefore, in addition to studying the Book of Proverbs, pray and ask* God to give you wisdom.
Lastly, I want to recommended Shelia Wray Gregoire's blog - To Love, Honor and Vacuum.
Shelia is a Christian blogger and author. She mentors women about marriage, parenting and keeping their eyes on Jesus. She has been married for 20 + years. Her blog is a safe place for Christian women to talk about marital issues. She also welcomes questions and comments.
Are You Disrepecting Your Husband Without Realizing It?
Best Wishes!
In other words, it is going to take wisdom in order to win ANY unbeliever to Christ. Therefore, I strongly recommend studying the Book of Proverbs.
Proverbs is very pithy. It teaches the benefits of being silent, quiet (without words) which 1 Pe 3:6 advises.
Proverbs also teaches us HOW we should speak because HOW we speak to others is important:
Wise people are protected by their speech." Pr 14:3b
... the tongue of the wise brings healing. Pr 12:18
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Pr 16:24
A gentle answer deflects anger…” Pr 15:1
An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. Pr 24:26
Pr 31:10 tells us that a wife of noble character “opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”
Proverbs warns us about the dangers of being quarrelsome, angry, nagging, etc:
Whoever restrains his
words has knowledge. Pr 17:27A
Whoever controls his mouth protects his own life. Whoever has a big mouth comes to ruin. Pr 13:3
Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble. Pr 21:23
That's why I strongly recommend that you study Proverbs and put them into practice.
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5
Therefore, in addition to studying the Book of Proverbs, pray and ask* God to give you wisdom.
Lastly, I want to recommended Shelia Wray Gregoire's blog - To Love, Honor and Vacuum.
Shelia is a Christian blogger and author. She mentors women about marriage, parenting and keeping their eyes on Jesus. She has been married for 20 + years. Her blog is a safe place for Christian women to talk about marital issues. She also welcomes questions and comments.
Are You Disrepecting Your Husband Without Realizing It?
Best Wishes!
C
Hi, wives. My husband is not a Christian yet. I had so many issues with him in terms of money ´cause Brazil is going through hard time now. I wanted to spend money on things I wanted for me and my son, he didn´t ´cause we had to save many for these times. I talked to his mom, a really blessed mother-in law, a non Christian one, but a loving and caring mom. She explained I had to talk to him instead of shouting and complaining. I had to realize that I come from a different background: my family didn´t have to save money like we have, we had everything because my mom worked a lot and a lot. I, daughter, never knew the economical problems my mom went through. Now, I, a mom, have to and need to more sensible. Thanks to her pieces of advice, my hubby goes to work happy, I can express my ideas without complaining or yelling at him. My son is happier and as a kid, absorbes everything: good or bad. I don´t feel that heavier anymore. I can even joke around about that situation with my hubby!!! Actually, saving money and being more conscious about it is not being really hard. We, women, must be patient, express ideas without yelling at our husbands. We have to talk, shout our mouths and learn from them. My husband doesn´t know much about the Bible, but he concerns if we have food, if we already paid the bills and if my son has food. I believe my husband is happier and more relaxed because I´m working on that; otherwise, my home would be hell. I try to learn from him even when he doesn´t read the Bible.