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M
If the person who originally wrote the post is still reading…
I have a son in college and his girlfriend got pregnant when they were 16. You need to know that my husband is a minister and our son has always been a strong believer.
When he told me, I flipped. I told him that he had ruined his life. I cursed, I actually had him leave and go to a friend's house that night. I also called the mother and the girl and said some very hurtful things that I can't take back. Basically… I called the girl a whore. They are not a Christian family, the girl isn't a believer and I was the worst example of what a Christian should be.
I am ashamed of my actions. He was scared and I responded with anger and fear.
Then came the fights. He hated us and we were disappointed in him. He started drinking and using drugs (with her and her friends), became violent, stopped going to church and became angry at God and us. There was was constant stress in our home.
So…. it was rough, for awhile. They broke up, he got worse, but went to court at 17 and was given joint custody. They both graduated early and started college.
Fast forward…. At 18 he still hated us, got back together with her and moved in with her and her parents. We cut him off financially but still saw our granddaughter. It was a time of healing for us. As sad as it was to have him out of the home it was peaceful and God gave me a new love for him and for his girlfriend.
Now….. They have a small apartment, work and go to school. They are engaged, getting married this year and we are all close again. I have our granddaughter often and have developed a relationship with my soon to be daughter-in-law. I hired her as an intern for my company last year and it was healthy for us to see each other in a different way.
I am proud of him. A lot of young men would have taken the out and walked away. To show my support I'm paying for their wedding.
Looking back I would have done things differently. When I first found the condom I wouldn't have accepted his lie that it wasn't his. I wouldn't have allowed him to date a non-believer (we thought it wouldn't last) and I would have responded to the news in a loving way.
Now, having said all of that, I still believe that abstinence can work. I was a virgin on my wedding day, so were my sisters and many other of my Christian friends. I had opportunities to have sex but chose to stay pure. For me, it was about my commitment to Christ and what I wanted for my life. I think as a parent I took for granted that my son would do the same. I also never thought that a girl would push him for sex (I know I'm stupid) but in our case that is what happened.
Through this process we have all learned a lot about God, grace and what it means to be a family.
What has brought the most healing is our granddaughter. She is beautiful, smart and sweet. It's not the journey that I wanted for my son but as parents there is a point when we have to let go and trust God.
I have a son in college and his girlfriend got pregnant when they were 16. You need to know that my husband is a minister and our son has always been a strong believer.
When he told me, I flipped. I told him that he had ruined his life. I cursed, I actually had him leave and go to a friend's house that night. I also called the mother and the girl and said some very hurtful things that I can't take back. Basically… I called the girl a whore. They are not a Christian family, the girl isn't a believer and I was the worst example of what a Christian should be.
I am ashamed of my actions. He was scared and I responded with anger and fear.
Then came the fights. He hated us and we were disappointed in him. He started drinking and using drugs (with her and her friends), became violent, stopped going to church and became angry at God and us. There was was constant stress in our home.
So…. it was rough, for awhile. They broke up, he got worse, but went to court at 17 and was given joint custody. They both graduated early and started college.
Fast forward…. At 18 he still hated us, got back together with her and moved in with her and her parents. We cut him off financially but still saw our granddaughter. It was a time of healing for us. As sad as it was to have him out of the home it was peaceful and God gave me a new love for him and for his girlfriend.
Now….. They have a small apartment, work and go to school. They are engaged, getting married this year and we are all close again. I have our granddaughter often and have developed a relationship with my soon to be daughter-in-law. I hired her as an intern for my company last year and it was healthy for us to see each other in a different way.
I am proud of him. A lot of young men would have taken the out and walked away. To show my support I'm paying for their wedding.
Looking back I would have done things differently. When I first found the condom I wouldn't have accepted his lie that it wasn't his. I wouldn't have allowed him to date a non-believer (we thought it wouldn't last) and I would have responded to the news in a loving way.
Now, having said all of that, I still believe that abstinence can work. I was a virgin on my wedding day, so were my sisters and many other of my Christian friends. I had opportunities to have sex but chose to stay pure. For me, it was about my commitment to Christ and what I wanted for my life. I think as a parent I took for granted that my son would do the same. I also never thought that a girl would push him for sex (I know I'm stupid) but in our case that is what happened.
Through this process we have all learned a lot about God, grace and what it means to be a family.
What has brought the most healing is our granddaughter. She is beautiful, smart and sweet. It's not the journey that I wanted for my son but as parents there is a point when we have to let go and trust God.
WKK....uh, premarital sex is NOT harmful to anyone if it's done the right way? So you advocate that you know 'the right way' and therefore everything is ok for anybody to have sex as long as they know how to follow this 'right way"? Wow...so that puts you above any reproach, even from GOD? When is your book being released on this debatable topic? When and where can we attend your seminars? This is amazing stuff.....WKK knows the right way and now it's time for GOD's advice on sex to step back so the world can applaud WKK. Please inform us when your advice column is aired.
Old, dead thread!
Read through the first page, back almost 7 years ago. The people have either left, been banned, or haven't posted in years.
Lynn is right! The teen in question is now 24 years old. If someone wants to talk about premarital sex, then start a new thread, instead of pulling up this thread, or commenting on it!
Read through the first page, back almost 7 years ago. The people have either left, been banned, or haven't posted in years.
Lynn is right! The teen in question is now 24 years old. If someone wants to talk about premarital sex, then start a new thread, instead of pulling up this thread, or commenting on it!
M
once they start having sex no one can stop them because no one could stop us. so her mom has her on the pill that means nothing because she could stop taking it. yes teen pregnancies are not an accident they plan it. so encourage your boy to keep that jimmy hat on at all times..(jimmy hat- old slang for condom)
C
We have a pretty serious question . Our daughter lost her virginity on a camping feild trip with her Christain Baptist School Feild trip . She is 14 years old and the the boy is 17 . We are really disappointed with her and this boy . I found out when someone told me she was doing inappropriate things on her smart phone . Which is a whole other thing that I'm very concerned about . My question is do we let her school know that I'm very disappointed in how well they where supervised on this trip . I mean I put my daughters life in these people's hands and trusted them in watching and monitoring my daughter and the other children . How did this happen ? I am really trying to get over the fact that my 14 year old daughter did this . She is by know means mature enough to have this type of relationship and he being 17 should of known better . What can we do and should I let her school know my concerns ? Should we contact the boys parents ? Any advice on this matter would definitely help .
Definitely contact the boy's parents. Have your daughter tested for STD. Hopefully, this will not result in pregnancy, and it would be prudent to ensure that she has access to birth control. Continue to pray for her and remain a concerned and loving parent.
Unfortunately, this type of behavior is typical for teenagers regardless of their denomination or spiritual understanding. It would be pointless to have the school to try to protect your daughter from a future occurrence that will most likely happen. That's just the way it is these days. Do the best that you can to restrict her access to this boy. Even so, there will probably be others so be prepared.
Welcome to CC.
Unfortunately, this type of behavior is typical for teenagers regardless of their denomination or spiritual understanding. It would be pointless to have the school to try to protect your daughter from a future occurrence that will most likely happen. That's just the way it is these days. Do the best that you can to restrict her access to this boy. Even so, there will probably be others so be prepared.
Welcome to CC.
Consult an attorney in your state. It is statutory rape for a child to have sex in most states regardless of consent. Actually the law states that there is no consent under certain age limits. Even though both at minors it is likely that the law has been violated and the organizations involved and the parents could be liable.
I know it is harsh but the boy could be branded a sex offender under the law. If they won't listen to God then they need to know the authority of the law where there is no compassion.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
I know it is harsh but the boy could be branded a sex offender under the law. If they won't listen to God then they need to know the authority of the law where there is no compassion.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
L
take the phone away for starters and limit and make sure of her activity on other devices
give her a tosser phone for emergencies...but no more texting etc
yes you should let her school know...where was the supervision?
take her to a clinic and make sure she has no std
it does not take maturity to have sex...actually, it takes maturity to CONTROL oneself in order to have the BRAINS not to act that way and throw yourself in the garbage like that
as far as the 17 year old goes? wanna make a bet he is active sexually and takes advantage of girls whenever he can?
he needs to reported IMO...
L
IMO, it would be prudent to take away all opportunities to allow behavior that requires birth control....giving birth control indicates its fine to have sex as long as one does not become pregnant
I would not contact the boy's parents either...I don't find that wise
all teenagers most certainly do not do these things and thankfully all parents do not have the attitude that they will
no repercussions is one of the main reasons that lawlessness and immorality is rampant
I would not contact the boy's parents either...I don't find that wise
all teenagers most certainly do not do these things and thankfully all parents do not have the attitude that they will
no repercussions is one of the main reasons that lawlessness and immorality is rampant
L
really?
perhaps that is how you would perceive it, but love has boundaries
I know you have a very different upbringing, so I will concede your thoughts on the matter might be different
your response indicates ONE set of behaviors..
I stick to what I said
she is ALREADY in rebellion...or can't you see that?
the whole episode was already done behind the back...it has already happened
trust is EARNED not given to a 14 year old who has shown she is without boundaries and wisdom
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I see what you mean but remember.. it emotionally binds a girl to the guy and that bondage runs deep.. I think unless she understands herself and what is going on, it will only make things worse. I try to see things out of a younger persons psychological view and I can tell ya that the more pressure I got or get, unless I in my heart see that I am wrong and look up to God, I will sooner or later turn back U-Turn.
Ive held things against my mother and others for years where they went the method you described and it was the hardest to let it go no matter how much I knew better until I realised it in my heart. It ended up in a few years making me the most evil awful rebellious thing you could image.
By now ive set boundaries myself that I didnt have a year ago. We all arent sinless and theres no sin that cannot be forgiven. Punishing and bringing up shame,, guilt and self rejection through the hammer method will most likely have a really really bad backflash. Thats just my opinion tho
Ive held things against my mother and others for years where they went the method you described and it was the hardest to let it go no matter how much I knew better until I realised it in my heart. It ended up in a few years making me the most evil awful rebellious thing you could image.
By now ive set boundaries myself that I didnt have a year ago. We all arent sinless and theres no sin that cannot be forgiven. Punishing and bringing up shame,, guilt and self rejection through the hammer method will most likely have a really really bad backflash. Thats just my opinion tho
L
I understand...you had a REACTION to my post...indicative of what you are now saying and I totally get that!
I spread myself a little thin in rebellion and so I know about about emotional attachments...and how sex is different for young women than young men...
I would react the same but I also can truthfully state that at times I wish someone had whapped me one...I can be very headstrong...see some of that in you too LOL!...I was very disappointed in Christians and went the other way even though I still believed in God...
'my method' is not for everyone...but for a 14 year old I think it appropriate...now you would not do that with an older teen ..but the mother is the last to know in this case...why is that? too much trust on her part?
like I said, trust now has to be earned here...and please no offence, cause I know you had the school of fire growing up, but this girl needs a wake up call in so many ways
I don't see punishment in my response...I see borders and a safety net
I do know a little about what I am saying here, and I think age is a factor...even though a 14 year old today is not like a 14 year old when I was one
I would have one very serious sit down talk with this girl...and not just one time
I did not put it in my post you responded to, but reasoning and discussion must play a very big part but boundaries need to be set by the adults in this one
and as you stated...IMO!
I spread myself a little thin in rebellion and so I know about about emotional attachments...and how sex is different for young women than young men...
I would react the same but I also can truthfully state that at times I wish someone had whapped me one...I can be very headstrong...see some of that in you too LOL!...I was very disappointed in Christians and went the other way even though I still believed in God...
'my method' is not for everyone...but for a 14 year old I think it appropriate...now you would not do that with an older teen ..but the mother is the last to know in this case...why is that? too much trust on her part?
like I said, trust now has to be earned here...and please no offence, cause I know you had the school of fire growing up, but this girl needs a wake up call in so many ways
I don't see punishment in my response...I see borders and a safety net
I do know a little about what I am saying here, and I think age is a factor...even though a 14 year old today is not like a 14 year old when I was one
I would have one very serious sit down talk with this girl...and not just one time
I did not put it in my post you responded to, but reasoning and discussion must play a very big part but boundaries need to be set by the adults in this one
and as you stated...IMO!