He says that he will leave if I don't support him and his children financially.....

[blue_ladybug]

Sweetie, I don't think you realize that he may buy you things, but it's YOUR MONEY HE'S SPENDING. That, IMO, makes it more of a bribe so you'll stay.. A present from him isn't really a present, since your money bought it. THAT is a bribe, pure and simple..

 

[jenniferand2]

Thank you for this advice. I can tell you I'd not sure who you're referring to in the previous posts. I have definitely for real. And honestly part of me wishes I was not. The reason why I didn't respond last night is because it was a night of and more fighting. He was quite upset or at least jealous that I was able to make a successful move with my work yesterday, I was getting compliments. He immediately got upset because he felt that that would mean that I would get more responsibility which might require traveling. He put me down and then as we were paying for dinner… Knowing that he has all of my money… He made a quick statement "using my credit card again".

You see he likes using his credit card for everything so it accumulates airline miles, we use it like a debit card. He asked me never to use anything else… And he has all of my money. I could not believe that he said using my credit card again…

The Fightin continued when we got home and I grab my purse and said I was going for a drive and he told me that if I was going to leave the house that I should grab all my belongings because he will never take me back…

At this point it was about 11 o'clock at night I took a deep breath and I said I was going to sleep. Clearly I have to be better prepared for leaving the house. This morning he woke up and told me he was sorry for saying mean things and then he does get upset that he can't provide more for me and that he wants to be everything for me and help me quit my job so I don't have so much Stress

He said he loves me very much more than he can say and you truly can't wait to marry me but it's just gonna take time until he can afford it… And it hurts him to see me stress out over work and money because he wants to be the provider.

I believe that that's true but it's based off the fact that he doesn't want a woman to provide or be anything close to competitive with him. He actually said that last night… What is this some kind of competition? I simply told him I was excited about this opportunity that I got at work and he immediately… Second question… Asked are you going to getmore money? Bonus? When?

of course that set me off… So now he's at work on his first day of his new business and I've left for workand I'm driving feeling very alone… Reading through these messages makes me feel a lot better but also very sad… Because it makes me realize how much I've lost god in my life.

It's true I've lost all perspective about what this life should be about… That is true I do actually envy the woman I mentioned in the post earlier who has found God and despite her financial predicament… She is moving on in the correct direction…

I also find it very interesting how my fiancé made fun of the way this woman was and said she was extreme and crazy

this is a typical source of abuse you need to contact the battered woman place in your area and make a safe plan to get out asap..... Girl I ran once and my stupid self fell for the lies of my husband saying I will change i will treat you better blahhhhh blahhhhh he never did and never will.. I would rahter put my big girl pants back on and leave him here soon you need to not be afraid you will fear more if you stay with this man then you will if you leave now yes you will hurt yes you will mourn your good times but it is not worth your life your sanity your health or anything else to stay with this loser

 

[jenniferand2]

Here's the thing: I think that he really does want to be the provider. He was in the past. He wanted to "take care of me" and he was -- on his terms. But, the problem was I needed to work -- travel for work etc. I WANTED to work. He would follow me on work trips because he didn't want to 'be without me'. That cost money. A lot of money for him....so he started using it against me.

I know I sound like devils advocate here -- but this is my conflict. I know he truly wants to make money ...a lot of it...and spoil me. He has done that! but, the issue is he can't do it right now, so he wants to be in control 10000%.

But, he can't and he hates that I'm the one supporting everything -- so he wants to pretend like he is still in control.

The tax thing? Isn't that the worst ever? How could someone say that to someone who is giving there all? His response: I spent tens of thousnads of dollars following you around over the last 3 years -- for work etc. So, you owe me.

Leaving seems so hard. But, yes it is the right thing to do. I know it is..

stop living in fantasy land this guy will never do what he says he may have spoiled you in the beginning because that is how he reeled you in the honey moon is over my friend the life you live now is what you really signed up for.... Stop trying to make excuses for this ass hat you have a better brain then that i see because your smart enough to make good money on your own.... if you continue to make excuses for this guy then your sadly fooling yourself trust me i know I have made all those excuses myself guess what i was sadly mistaken. now i suffer until i can break free because i rationalized his bs and made excuses and convinced myself oh it is just a set back or oh he is having a bad day or or or or or or or i need to stop now and so do you you are burying yourself with this jerk and he is letting you take the bait and watching you laughing inside like the devil because he hooked you......

 

[jenniferand2]

Hi everyone... I have come here to ask for prayers and support. I am out of this relationship, but I am struggling very much. I miss him terribly.

2 weeks ago we were 2 hours out of town in a hotel. We were staying for 3 nights. We had an argument at a restaurant over money again...he said that he was going to trade in my car etc if I continued on my plan of not giving him all my paychecks.

He left the restaurant (in separate cars) and floored it onto the highway-cutting someone off. He got pulled over but didn't get a ticket. He accused me of trying to get him arrested and calling the police on him.

As we got back to the hotel, he continued in on my about my pay checks. He said he's broke and he was depending on every dime. I was so mad that he said he would trade my car that I grabbed my bags and began to leave. Instead, HE left. He drove to his parents house (he's 49 years old!) and they called me at 4am and asked if I had the police after him. I said no!

Well I asked to talk to him and they wouldn't. The next morning I called him a million times and he wouldn't answer. I texted him and said we need to talk.

He didn't respond, so I took the remaining money out of the joint checking account and prepared. He immediately called the bank and said there was fraud on the account and since this was a weekend, it froze everything.

He cut my access to ANY credit cards and I had to stay with friends for 2 days. I had nothing.

I called him and his mother and told him I had no money! He said well you shouldn't have touched the account. Too bad. I asked to come back to the house and he said no, he could send my things. He said after what I've done his entire family hates me and his kids too. He told them all of this and turned them against me. Even telling everyone I called the police on him.

I was able to tell the bank that it was not fraud so at least I got a bit of money out. He has since said I can have it.

We are still in communication. I tell him I love him and I do not want to live without him. He says he loves me very much but now the hill is too high to climb because if he takes me back his family will turn on him.

He told me last night that I should talk to them and see if they will forgive me.

I know I probably sound insane. But I hate being without him. It's killing me. I love him very much and I don't know how to live without him.

Please give me guidance.

please stop telling yourself this is love it is not I understand you miss the fantasy you think you can have but it will never happen you will find true love again someday with someone who will truly love you.... If you go back to him your more a fool then he is i am sorry to put it that way but you will be he is playing you like a fiddle and your letting him do it... You need to be strong and be done with this... If you go back to him your asking for every thing that comes your way...... Now i understand that i left my husband and went back to him for the same reasons therefore i got what i asked for when i came back i asked for the treatment to stay the same and for the same old same old to continue on.... I got it too so guess what I really have been played long enough and I am sick of it and plan to take MY MY MY MY life back

 

[jenniferand2]

Thank you for the support here. It's been extremely difficult. I finally blocked him last night.

I had been texting with him and I asked him to simply meet me. Stupid I know. But it is the addiction! He said he couldn't meet me and that he feels scared of me because he thinks (along with his family) that I am trying to get him in trouble with the police or something.

He found a domestic violence form in my purse when he went through it so he thought I was talking to the police.

So he said no to meeting me now and then a few hours later began texting about how I was probably out on a Friday night. He said "go find the next idiot".

He went on and on about how he couldn't take me being out at restaurants and probably flirting with men.

I told him I was with a girlfriend and he said SURE!!!! He said I shouldn't pretend to love him when i am clearly moving on. I said no! He said he doesn't believe me.

I did block him after this but it has been SO hard.

I can't believe that he shuts me out ...runs to his parents and says I can't come back and then gets mad that I am out having a drink with a girlfriend!

I'm just so sad today. Very sad.

hey i am going to private message you go look at it please

 

[blue_ladybug]

Thank you for the rep comment, Jennifer.

 

[Dee36]

girl I feel you 100 percent i Am in the same boat as you only I have 20 years invested in my husband... It is not easy for me to make a plan to leave. I have finally realized though that I am not living to my fullest potentail right now being with him.. I am only half living I go through the motions of the day and that is about it... I am so miserable that I am to a point I would rather be alone or dead then keep living with someone who does not even care enough about me to even consider how I feel or what I need or want... A selfish person will never change unless there is some miracle that hits them in the head... By the way do not fall for this crap when he says he loves you and will get better and change etc... to keep you ALL LIES ALLLLLLLL

I am currently experiencing almost the EXACT sentiments that you've echoed here. I have been married 16 years, as at October this year... I too, welcomes being alone until God closes off what we now know as Earth...or be dead - which some may think is giving up or being suicidal, it's not. ..but they wouldn't understand.
I am praying for a breakthrough for this lady...I really hope she is being strengthened by what we are sharing .... I hope she will SEE that it is possible to be happy again...without this man. Actually, if she thinks she was ever happy...with him, being as he is, then that's even worse...it would appear that he has gained control over her emotionally and mentally over the years.
@relationshipDrama, listen...can you open a new account for yourself at another bank and then take out your money from the joint account little by little to this new one? Do that...because you will not be able to close the joint one without his knowledge but you can avoid losing it all to him.

 

[Namiette]

Run... Run as fast as you can. Contact somebody you can trust to and make together a plan for leaving him. Don't live in a dream where a tyrant can turn into a loving prince. No, he can't and he won't. I agree with blue_ladybug that if you'll marry him, it'll only get worse. I don't believe that a man who is so selfish, controlling and manipulative now, will turn into a loving and godly husband who will treat you like a beloved treasure. If you'll marry him, he will probably lose the last piece of scruples because he knows that once you're married, you can't undo your vows. I pray for you, sister. God will protect you.

 

[relatiosnhipdrama]

I have left him. I am still gone. He says that he can't see me right now because he's too scared of me...

But he called me tonight from a fake number. I answered. I didn't recognize the voice. A guy who kept saying "it's me".

I finally hung up. It was HIM. He called back from his number and said that he could hear a lot of background noise and said I was living a double life and I was a cheater.

I said omg no! He says yes. He was convinced that I was going out on the town! I said no! I immediately took a picture of the take out food I was carrying and the Gym clothes I had on.

He said the picture was prob taken hours before and he couldn't believe what a cheater I was.

First off he won't let me come back. He cut off my money and now he's expecting me to stay locked up in a room ???

He hung up and said he can't talk to me for tonight. He's so "paralyzed" by me and his fears.

I don't know what to do...HOW do I get the strength to block him?!!

 

[relatiosnhipdrama]

You are SO right! It never started that way. But it was at the end. He went and bought me a new purse and when I told him it's too expensive he said...well that's why I need to deposit your check!

But I know he loves being the provider. He just doesn't have the money anymore. He will again but not now. And it's the early days I miss...badly.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

He is manipulating you. You have a choice not to participate. Missing him does not mean he is good for you. He is taking advantage of your attachment to him. I think he does not really love you. He is accusing you and threatening you. You deserve better.

 

[relatiosnhipdrama]

Yeah he is definitely trying to make me continue to squirm. He just texted and asked how my night out was at the bar. I said omg! No!

I sent pictures to you..proving I stayed in! I just can't understand. If he doesn't believe we can move forward...why is he doing this to me?

He says he loves me more than he can say...but this hurts! He said "go find the next idiot..."

 

[Tinkerbell725]

What do you really want? If you want to remove him from your life stop communicating with him.

 

[relatiosnhipdrama]

I know in my head that what I've experienced is not healthy. But, my heart still misses him and wants to try again...

I come here to get perspective because it's easy for me to see the relationship through rose colored glasses.

Could this ever work again? I guess not. And he keeps telling me to call his parents and ask them if they could ever approve of me again. He's 49 years old! He trashed me to them and now wants me to undo that?

 

[Tommy379]

I know in my head that what I've experienced is not healthy. But, my heart still misses him and wants to try again...

I come here to get perspective because it's easy for me to see the relationship through rose colored glasses.

Could this ever work again? I guess not. And he keeps telling me to call his parents and ask them if they could ever approve of me again. He's 49 years old! He trashed me to them and now wants me to undo that?

Proverbs 28:26

He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered

 

[kaylagrl]

Yeah he is definitely trying to make me continue to squirm. He just texted and asked how my night out was at the bar. I said omg! No!

I sent pictures to you..proving I stayed in! I just can't understand. If he doesn't believe we can move forward...why is he doing this to me?

He says he loves me more than he can say...but this hurts! He said "go find the next idiot..."

My
friend true love does not hurt.And the next "idiot" may be the best thing that ever happened in your life.Trust me.I was dating a guy that was a jerk. He cheated on me then said I was too clingy. Well the next guy I married and he is better to me than I am to myself.Good men are out there.You dont need to settle for a mind playing jerk!

 

[Tinkerbell725]

The people here already told you what to do. It's up to you to listen or not. You are old enough to decide. Don't trust your emotions they are misleading. It will pass if you stop communicating with him. Try imagining him as a stranger that you saw being a manipulative person, would you still love him?

 

[blue_ladybug]

You already know what you need to do with this guy. So stop looking for excuses to stay. Make the break and leave. And block him on your phone..

 

[Namiette]

I agree with others. We told you, what you should do but we cannot do that step instead of you. He is trying to make you feel guilty even when you did nothing wrong. I wouldn't be surprised if it was him who was outside in the bar last night...

 

[relatiosnhipdrama]

I try to see him as that person ...doing all of this to someone I don't know. I too would worry for them. But, somehow I continue to make excuses.

Please let me think out loud here

Blocking him means he is no longer in my life. The idea that it could work...will be dead.

Blocking him means that he will move on and find another woman...

Blocking him means all the dreams we had will be dead.

Blocking him means he can't continue to emotionally torture me via text.

Blocking him means he will know I am done and my begging and pleading will be over.

It all seems so hard. But, I guess once I do it. Time will make it easier.

I wish we could go back in time and undo the damage. But, I must admit I saw his anger and rage ...even 3 months in. The red flags were there. And the more they became apparent...the more insecure I got. And that meant not posting about him on social media etc. and THAT was one of his problems. He wanted me to rave about him all through the world.

But how do you do that when every other day he would tell me he was done with me. Or unable to take my behavior any more.

Or say I was impossible to deal with... these statements made me feel very insecure and I hated how scared I felt about him dumping me for simply having to travel a day for work...or asking him to let me go for a day alone with my son.