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R
Hi everyone... I have come here to ask for prayers and support. I am out of this relationship, but I am struggling very much. I miss him terribly.
2 weeks ago we were 2 hours out of town in a hotel. We were staying for 3 nights. We had an argument at a restaurant over money again...he said that he was going to trade in my car etc if I continued on my plan of not giving him all my paychecks.
He left the restaurant (in separate cars) and floored it onto the highway-cutting someone off. He got pulled over but didn't get a ticket. He accused me of trying to get him arrested and calling the police on him.
As we got back to the hotel, he continued in on my about my pay checks. He said he's broke and he was depending on every dime. I was so mad that he said he would trade my car that I grabbed my bags and began to leave. Instead, HE left. He drove to his parents house (he's 49 years old!) and they called me at 4am and asked if I had the police after him. I said no!
Well I asked to talk to him and they wouldn't. The next morning I called him a million times and he wouldn't answer. I texted him and said we need to talk.
He didn't respond, so I took the remaining money out of the joint checking account and prepared. He immediately called the bank and said there was fraud on the account and since this was a weekend, it froze everything.
He cut my access to ANY credit cards and I had to stay with friends for 2 days. I had nothing.
I called him and his mother and told him I had no money! He said well you shouldn't have touched the account. Too bad. I asked to come back to the house and he said no, he could send my things. He said after what I've done his entire family hates me and his kids too. He told them all of this and turned them against me. Even telling everyone I called the police on him.
I was able to tell the bank that it was not fraud so at least I got a bit of money out. He has since said I can have it.
We are still in communication. I tell him I love him and I do not want to live without him. He says he loves me very much but now the hill is too high to climb because if he takes me back his family will turn on him.
He told me last night that I should talk to them and see if they will forgive me.
I know I probably sound insane. But I hate being without him. It's killing me. I love him very much and I don't know how to live without him.
Please give me guidance.
2 weeks ago we were 2 hours out of town in a hotel. We were staying for 3 nights. We had an argument at a restaurant over money again...he said that he was going to trade in my car etc if I continued on my plan of not giving him all my paychecks.
He left the restaurant (in separate cars) and floored it onto the highway-cutting someone off. He got pulled over but didn't get a ticket. He accused me of trying to get him arrested and calling the police on him.
As we got back to the hotel, he continued in on my about my pay checks. He said he's broke and he was depending on every dime. I was so mad that he said he would trade my car that I grabbed my bags and began to leave. Instead, HE left. He drove to his parents house (he's 49 years old!) and they called me at 4am and asked if I had the police after him. I said no!
Well I asked to talk to him and they wouldn't. The next morning I called him a million times and he wouldn't answer. I texted him and said we need to talk.
He didn't respond, so I took the remaining money out of the joint checking account and prepared. He immediately called the bank and said there was fraud on the account and since this was a weekend, it froze everything.
He cut my access to ANY credit cards and I had to stay with friends for 2 days. I had nothing.
I called him and his mother and told him I had no money! He said well you shouldn't have touched the account. Too bad. I asked to come back to the house and he said no, he could send my things. He said after what I've done his entire family hates me and his kids too. He told them all of this and turned them against me. Even telling everyone I called the police on him.
I was able to tell the bank that it was not fraud so at least I got a bit of money out. He has since said I can have it.
We are still in communication. I tell him I love him and I do not want to live without him. He says he loves me very much but now the hill is too high to climb because if he takes me back his family will turn on him.
He told me last night that I should talk to them and see if they will forgive me.
I know I probably sound insane. But I hate being without him. It's killing me. I love him very much and I don't know how to live without him.
Please give me guidance.
N
Well Now that you're away from that manipulator...err I mean that man....RUN as far and as fast as you can to get further away from him. Let him, his family and kids think whatever they want. Who cares? You can't really tell me you want to live the rest of your life as someone slave can you?
Lady, you're in a dangerous situation and I cannot understand your wanting to play in traffic like this. Weren't you taught that your worth is more valuable than rubies?
Lady, you're in a dangerous situation and I cannot understand your wanting to play in traffic like this. Weren't you taught that your worth is more valuable than rubies?
R
I think I have no purpose internally. I feel so alone. I keep thinking back to all the good times and also blaming myself for some of the drama.
I am here to talk and I beg that despite how harsh the criticsm is...that you please just talk this out with me.
I don't know WHY I am so anxious and uneasy. I struggle minute to minute.
I can't sleep and can't eat. I am really having a hard time.
I am here to talk and I beg that despite how harsh the criticsm is...that you please just talk this out with me.
I don't know WHY I am so anxious and uneasy. I struggle minute to minute.
I can't sleep and can't eat. I am really having a hard time.
Stop it right now. Stop looking for an easy solution and face the truth. You need to either get right with Jesus or get saved and quit pretending.
This man and I use the term with great reservation is not god. He is not your god unless you make him your god. Stop worshipping him and set your eyes upon Jesus.
Get to a good solid Christian counselor and fix the relationship between you and Jesus. Otherwise quit complaining and go be abused and financially ruined.
Jesus will calm the mighty sea but if you take your eyes off Him you will sink. Peter demonstrated that for you in his testimony.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
This man and I use the term with great reservation is not god. He is not your god unless you make him your god. Stop worshipping him and set your eyes upon Jesus.
Get to a good solid Christian counselor and fix the relationship between you and Jesus. Otherwise quit complaining and go be abused and financially ruined.
Jesus will calm the mighty sea but if you take your eyes off Him you will sink. Peter demonstrated that for you in his testimony.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
I'm not criticizing you, really I'm not. But the cold, hard reality is, that the longer you stay with him, and pine after him, the more miserable your life will be.. He is a user, a manipulator, and he treats you like a doormat because you're LETTING him treat you that way!! I'm sorry, but the "good times" with him are long gone, and now it's time to smarten up and realize that the only man you need in your life, is Jesus Christ. 
This bum is using you for your money and every present he gives you, YOU pay for. Your love for him is bordering on delusional, it really is. Either you can leave and get your life, dignity and self-respect back, OR you can stay with him and be miserable the rest of your life. Smarten up!! You need to leave him, get on with your life. If you think he will treat the next woman any better, you're mistaken. You are his ATM, his sugar mama, his cash cow. He'll just find someone else with money, and take control of it for himself. Stop abusing yourself and get out of this farce of a relationship..
This bum is using you for your money and every present he gives you, YOU pay for. Your love for him is bordering on delusional, it really is. Either you can leave and get your life, dignity and self-respect back, OR you can stay with him and be miserable the rest of your life. Smarten up!! You need to leave him, get on with your life. If you think he will treat the next woman any better, you're mistaken. You are his ATM, his sugar mama, his cash cow. He'll just find someone else with money, and take control of it for himself. Stop abusing yourself and get out of this farce of a relationship..
L
Hey ~ I totally get it
years ago, I had to get out of a relationship where the man was no where near as abusive as what you describe...BUT he was involved in things that in the end got him killed...literally
it hurt so much...it was like the sun didn't come up in the morning and I had nightmares almost every night!
hang on...it is hurting...and it will hurt...I'm sorry, really...cause I am all too familiar with that kind of pain...but understand that others have gone through the same...
see, we make the mess...and I'm not saying you did...but the man you describe is extremely manipulative and will not hesitate to make it all seem it is all your fault when you know it is not!
please stay away from him! the more you yo yo back and forth, the worse the soulish attachment is going to get and it will prove harder and harder to break this attachment
pm me if you want...I will pray for you...I certainly understand your situation
please do not go back to him and stop calling!
years ago, I had to get out of a relationship where the man was no where near as abusive as what you describe...BUT he was involved in things that in the end got him killed...literally
it hurt so much...it was like the sun didn't come up in the morning and I had nightmares almost every night!
hang on...it is hurting...and it will hurt...I'm sorry, really...cause I am all too familiar with that kind of pain...but understand that others have gone through the same...
see, we make the mess...and I'm not saying you did...but the man you describe is extremely manipulative and will not hesitate to make it all seem it is all your fault when you know it is not!
please stay away from him! the more you yo yo back and forth, the worse the soulish attachment is going to get and it will prove harder and harder to break this attachment
pm me if you want...I will pray for you...I certainly understand your situation
please do not go back to him and stop calling!
D
Hi,
As I read through your note, I began thinking about my own life...I couldn't help it.
Why?
I have been experiencing crap from my spouse and listen, had I the resources (even a place I could move to, without having to worry about rent for at least a year), I would be out! And yet, here you are...no ties, because you are not married to him, neither do you share children. ...and you can't leave him. Why hun, why??? Don't you think you can heal and become healthy and happy without him? I believe that you can. ....please, tell me, what would it take for you to be able to leave, cut all connections and just cleanse yourself of him?
I think already you have us women here to support you...we may be miles apart but you can pull from us. ..our words may not all be sweet and we may not truly understand the underlying cause to why you are having such difficulty leaving but we want a better outcome for you and I do believe you can do it...
IT'S you or HIM honey...one will gain and one will lose. I want you to stop losing and make that step to start anew, without him. You can do it...
As I read through your note, I began thinking about my own life...I couldn't help it.
Why?
I have been experiencing crap from my spouse and listen, had I the resources (even a place I could move to, without having to worry about rent for at least a year), I would be out! And yet, here you are...no ties, because you are not married to him, neither do you share children. ...and you can't leave him. Why hun, why??? Don't you think you can heal and become healthy and happy without him? I believe that you can. ....please, tell me, what would it take for you to be able to leave, cut all connections and just cleanse yourself of him?
I think already you have us women here to support you...we may be miles apart but you can pull from us. ..our words may not all be sweet and we may not truly understand the underlying cause to why you are having such difficulty leaving but we want a better outcome for you and I do believe you can do it...
IT'S you or HIM honey...one will gain and one will lose. I want you to stop losing and make that step to start anew, without him. You can do it...
B
It's called Narcissistic Victim Abuse. PLEASE research Narcissism. Knowledge is power. Educate yourself and learn everything you can about Narcissism and Narcissistic Victim Abuse. There are many support groups for this. It will help you so much. I speak from experience. Seriously, you need to stay away from him. NEVER go back. Ever. You are in danger.
Relationshipdrama, You need to find a battered women's shelter. While you may not have been physically battered, you have been emotionally battered, as well as verbally. They maybe able to provide you with assistance of some sort, including where to get help.
What this man has done is abused you to no end. He's a classic example of a manipulator who is probably about to get worse. Once he knows he has complete and utter control of you, he will stop with nothing, including potentially killing you.
In addition to the battered women's shelter, you need to contact the police and let them know what has happened. Let them know that he has tried to cut you off from the money that you have earned and was placed in a joint account. If nothing else, this will start a record of what's been happening to you. But most importantly, DO NOT TALK WITH HIM AGAIN without a strong supportive friend. In fact, block and delete his numbers. Block and delete e-mails. Block and delete anyway he can contact you or you can contact him. Don't let him be able to reach you. I would also advise you to get a completely new cell phone with a new number. Let your family and friends know what has happened.
What this man has done is abused you to no end. He's a classic example of a manipulator who is probably about to get worse. Once he knows he has complete and utter control of you, he will stop with nothing, including potentially killing you.
In addition to the battered women's shelter, you need to contact the police and let them know what has happened. Let them know that he has tried to cut you off from the money that you have earned and was placed in a joint account. If nothing else, this will start a record of what's been happening to you. But most importantly, DO NOT TALK WITH HIM AGAIN without a strong supportive friend. In fact, block and delete his numbers. Block and delete e-mails. Block and delete anyway he can contact you or you can contact him. Don't let him be able to reach you. I would also advise you to get a completely new cell phone with a new number. Let your family and friends know what has happened.
R
Thank you for the support here. It's been extremely difficult. I finally blocked him last night.
I had been texting with him and I asked him to simply meet me. Stupid I know. But it is the addiction! He said he couldn't meet me and that he feels scared of me because he thinks (along with his family) that I am trying to get him in trouble with the police or something.
He found a domestic violence form in my purse when he went through it so he thought I was talking to the police.
So he said no to meeting me now and then a few hours later began texting about how I was probably out on a Friday night. He said "go find the next idiot".
He went on and on about how he couldn't take me being out at restaurants and probably flirting with men.
I told him I was with a girlfriend and he said SURE!!!! He said I shouldn't pretend to love him when i am clearly moving on. I said no! He said he doesn't believe me.
I did block him after this but it has been SO hard.
I can't believe that he shuts me out ...runs to his parents and says I can't come back and then gets mad that I am out having a drink with a girlfriend!
I'm just so sad today. Very sad.
I had been texting with him and I asked him to simply meet me. Stupid I know. But it is the addiction! He said he couldn't meet me and that he feels scared of me because he thinks (along with his family) that I am trying to get him in trouble with the police or something.
He found a domestic violence form in my purse when he went through it so he thought I was talking to the police.
So he said no to meeting me now and then a few hours later began texting about how I was probably out on a Friday night. He said "go find the next idiot".
He went on and on about how he couldn't take me being out at restaurants and probably flirting with men.
I told him I was with a girlfriend and he said SURE!!!! He said I shouldn't pretend to love him when i am clearly moving on. I said no! He said he doesn't believe me.
I did block him after this but it has been SO hard.
I can't believe that he shuts me out ...runs to his parents and says I can't come back and then gets mad that I am out having a drink with a girlfriend!
I'm just so sad today. Very sad.
N
I think by now, with me, the sadness would have been replaced with anger. You are a masterpiece!(you are God's workmanship Eph 2:10) The bride of the most high God! And this slugnutty acting man thinks he has the right to manipulate you into whatever is his current whim? Lady, find the strength you have in God (I can do all things in Christ- Phil 4:13), and get as far away from this man and his family, as you can. If you won't do it for yourself, then do it to show his children that life doesn't work this way (Train a child in the way he should go and he will not stray-Prov 22:6).
Do all of this in prayer and supplication (Phil 4:6-7). The Bible is FULL of strength, endurance and peace. Delve into it to learn. Focus your life on Christ always. Keep yourself so immersed in Christ that any man needs to meet God to find your heart. Peace!!
Do all of this in prayer and supplication (Phil 4:6-7). The Bible is FULL of strength, endurance and peace. Delve into it to learn. Focus your life on Christ always. Keep yourself so immersed in Christ that any man needs to meet God to find your heart. Peace!!
Ok, RD, I'm gonna be straight up with you, and get a little graphic so HOPEFULLY you will wake up and smell the danger you're in.. The majority of women who stay with an abuser, leave home IN A BODY BAG. :/ I sincerely don't want that to happen to you. I've been where you are right now, and when I finally left, he tried to strangle me. It's only by God's hand that he let go and left. I was left with bruise marks in the shape of his fingers on my neck..
I watch alot of true-life crime shows where men kill their wives for leaving, or even because they stay out of fear.. We don't want to hear that he has shot you, stabbed you, or bashed your skull in and taken you somewhere and buried you. I know what it feels like to love someone so much that you can't think of being without them. BUT you are in danger, and your kids, if you have any, are also in danger. PLEASE leave this manipulative jack ascot before he hurts or kills you!! Ask yourself what is more important: your health and safety, or your misplaced love for a maniacal egocentric manipulator?
I watch alot of true-life crime shows where men kill their wives for leaving, or even because they stay out of fear.. We don't want to hear that he has shot you, stabbed you, or bashed your skull in and taken you somewhere and buried you. I know what it feels like to love someone so much that you can't think of being without them. BUT you are in danger, and your kids, if you have any, are also in danger. PLEASE leave this manipulative jack ascot before he hurts or kills you!! Ask yourself what is more important: your health and safety, or your misplaced love for a maniacal egocentric manipulator?
ummmm i stop counting he said after like i saw it 15 times. Reread your own post slowly see how many times you wrote he said he demanded he he he he he he he he why would you want to marry a selfish butt face like this who is more concerned with he himself then other people??// I am in that situation right now I am with one of those he said he said he want he needs kind of guys I have been with him for 20 years guess what he has never changed he never will change I am going to make a plan to break free it is now time for me....you should do the same......noticed how the words changed to me I and you instead of he...
I really wish there was a place like this 2o years ago I feel that I would have woke up to my mistakes long long ago. If i would have reread the post you wrote as my own I think or hope it would have woke me up.... I hope if you reread your own post it sends you a clear message... reread it several times if you have to read it out loud so you can hear yourself say the words do what you have too.....
N
And you WILL be sad! You should be sad, right now, and angry, and disappointed, and scared, and whatever other negative emotion one has inside them. Your body, mind and spirit have been through a LOT in the past months/years. It will take a LONG while to get things back on track, but here's the good news......God is going through all of this with you, and promised this is only a season and like all seasons this sadness will pass, and the sun will shine tomorrow. You can emerge from this smarter, wiser and stronger, IF you keep focused on God.
girl I feel you 100 percent i Am in the same boat as you only I have 20 years invested in my husband... It is not easy for me to make a plan to leave. I have finally realized though that I am not living to my fullest potentail right now being with him.. I am only half living I go through the motions of the day and that is about it... I am so miserable that I am to a point I would rather be alone or dead then keep living with someone who does not even care enough about me to even consider how I feel or what I need or want... A selfish person will never change unless there is some miracle that hits them in the head... By the way do not fall for this crap when he says he loves you and will get better and change etc... to keep you ALL LIES ALLLLLLLL LIESSSSSSSS