Year in Review : Your Moments
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My kids and I were talking the other day about what a rough year this has been all the way around, especially within the family. The one thing I am so grateful for is we have finally found a church home. We've been looking and been disappointed. For whatever reason it was the last church we had considered.
This has been the greatest year in my 26 years of existence. I'm thinking of a great but peaceful way of letting it go and embracing 2017. I love year ends/new beginnings.
I'm writing a loooong list of the many many times God delivered me and made my heart flutter this year, but it will be in my (external) blog (in my signature, for those who care
though I haven't published the post yet).
I'm writing a loooong list of the many many times God delivered me and made my heart flutter this year, but it will be in my (external) blog (in my signature, for those who care
though I haven't published the post yet).
This year has been awesome although most of it was work and pay bills. Work was tolerable because my boss has minimized the power tripping. I learned new things like how to ride a scooter and boxing. Traveled abroad and observed another culture. Experienced springtime. Had more time to read books. It was also kind of a sad year in a way, because one of my sisters got married and left home. I am happy for her though. Healthwise, my sugar level is borderline but hopefully diet and exercise will bring it down. Looking forward to a promising 2017 with confidence because Jesus holds the future.
This year has definitely had its discouraging moments, though compared to the previous two years, I have to say it has been one of the better years of my life in comparison to the last two.
I haven't really posted much here, though I think I did mention before how I was struggling with my faith pretty badly for a while, with deep doubt, depression, and confusion, but I think that this year has been a year of spiritual growth. I was really trying to get my faith back and seek God, though there were a lot of ups and downs this year.
A little over four months ago I remember very clearly I had gotten to the point of being so discouraged again that I didn't know what to do or how to even seek God, and I had poured out my discouragement and frustration and told God I just didn't know how and couldn't go on like this, a day later I had a very long scripture discussion with someone after visiting a church (never had went to this church before) that really shook me up, and startled me. I think it was the Holy Spirit using that person to shake me awake. It was really weird how alert and aware I suddenly felt in regards to my life and who I had become and where I was going with my life.
After this I think that my faith started to grow again (though still have a long ways to go). I finally have more courage to pray and study the scriptures again and talk about them now with others than I had before. Emotionally and physically I have been healthier and starting to understand the reason and root behind many problems in my life.
At the time after being shaken up, I still was struggling and did not understand why, so I asked God why I continued to struggle with these different things and to show me the root, and then I became painfully aware of a very deep problem after being treated poorly by a random person I met who really upset me a lot. I didn't understand why this person upset me so much and why I was struggling with anger towards them, since I didn't even know them, until I realized this person reminded me of someone who had hurt me in the past, and the realization occurred to me that I still had bitterness in my heart.
After realizing this, I started searching deeper, and to my dismay I found bitterness had roots all over in my heart like a big ugly weed that I never was even aware of before. It was very hard and painful for me to go through and find and root out every single offshoot of bitterness that I found and bring it to God. It's like that passage in Proverbs 24:30-34, how the thorns and nettles had overgrown and the stone wall was broken down; I feel like I am that person in Proverbs, who slept and let everything overgrow and choke out the vineyard and break down the strong walls of my faith.
I don't know how it happened or how I got to where I did, it's that sort of thing that you just aren't aware of until you wake up to it I guess, and the thing with bitterness is, you don't really want to let go of it either, and holding onto it gives one some sense of morose satisfaction, and it is a type of self-justification too I think, so it was very hard for me to let go. I couldn't do it in my own strength. I think this year I realized how pitiful and helpless I really am too.
I think that bitterness though, was the root of all the other things that I struggled with too, and whenever I find myself going back to certain things I really have to check myself. I think that every time this has happened where I had to check myself, I have found a seedling of bitterness again trying to grow up.
I think I also became much more aware of how much Messiah stressed forgiving others, in the Lord's prayer, the sermon on the mount, and such, and it was frightening to me when the realization sunk in that if I can't forgive others or myself, I cannot be forgiven, because with what judgment we cast it will be measured to us again. I am really surprised too, how easy it is, or at least how easy it is for me, to slip into this, and I think in this resent week I have went through some tests, that I am not sure I came out so well with, so I still have a lot to work on in my life.
Anyway, now I am starting to ramble, but I am just thankful that I have come to awareness of a lot of things this year, and hoping that the coming year will continue in growth and awareness.
With what I have done with my year otherwise, I had some positive and fun experiences. I think the highlights of my year were going to a bible camp and seminars, as well as visiting my younger brother a few times in another state and spending time with him and his friends. Went for walks, talked and theorized about interesting things and helped around his place. A sad thing though that happened is that we recently lost our dog;he died of old age, so I guess I can be thankful that he was with us for as long as he was, but I keep thinking he is still here, and haven't gotten used to the fact that he is gone.
I haven't really posted much here, though I think I did mention before how I was struggling with my faith pretty badly for a while, with deep doubt, depression, and confusion, but I think that this year has been a year of spiritual growth. I was really trying to get my faith back and seek God, though there were a lot of ups and downs this year.
A little over four months ago I remember very clearly I had gotten to the point of being so discouraged again that I didn't know what to do or how to even seek God, and I had poured out my discouragement and frustration and told God I just didn't know how and couldn't go on like this, a day later I had a very long scripture discussion with someone after visiting a church (never had went to this church before) that really shook me up, and startled me. I think it was the Holy Spirit using that person to shake me awake. It was really weird how alert and aware I suddenly felt in regards to my life and who I had become and where I was going with my life.
After this I think that my faith started to grow again (though still have a long ways to go). I finally have more courage to pray and study the scriptures again and talk about them now with others than I had before. Emotionally and physically I have been healthier and starting to understand the reason and root behind many problems in my life.
At the time after being shaken up, I still was struggling and did not understand why, so I asked God why I continued to struggle with these different things and to show me the root, and then I became painfully aware of a very deep problem after being treated poorly by a random person I met who really upset me a lot. I didn't understand why this person upset me so much and why I was struggling with anger towards them, since I didn't even know them, until I realized this person reminded me of someone who had hurt me in the past, and the realization occurred to me that I still had bitterness in my heart.
After realizing this, I started searching deeper, and to my dismay I found bitterness had roots all over in my heart like a big ugly weed that I never was even aware of before. It was very hard and painful for me to go through and find and root out every single offshoot of bitterness that I found and bring it to God. It's like that passage in Proverbs 24:30-34, how the thorns and nettles had overgrown and the stone wall was broken down; I feel like I am that person in Proverbs, who slept and let everything overgrow and choke out the vineyard and break down the strong walls of my faith.
I don't know how it happened or how I got to where I did, it's that sort of thing that you just aren't aware of until you wake up to it I guess, and the thing with bitterness is, you don't really want to let go of it either, and holding onto it gives one some sense of morose satisfaction, and it is a type of self-justification too I think, so it was very hard for me to let go. I couldn't do it in my own strength. I think this year I realized how pitiful and helpless I really am too.
I think that bitterness though, was the root of all the other things that I struggled with too, and whenever I find myself going back to certain things I really have to check myself. I think that every time this has happened where I had to check myself, I have found a seedling of bitterness again trying to grow up.
I think I also became much more aware of how much Messiah stressed forgiving others, in the Lord's prayer, the sermon on the mount, and such, and it was frightening to me when the realization sunk in that if I can't forgive others or myself, I cannot be forgiven, because with what judgment we cast it will be measured to us again. I am really surprised too, how easy it is, or at least how easy it is for me, to slip into this, and I think in this resent week I have went through some tests, that I am not sure I came out so well with, so I still have a lot to work on in my life.
Anyway, now I am starting to ramble, but I am just thankful that I have come to awareness of a lot of things this year, and hoping that the coming year will continue in growth and awareness.
With what I have done with my year otherwise, I had some positive and fun experiences. I think the highlights of my year were going to a bible camp and seminars, as well as visiting my younger brother a few times in another state and spending time with him and his friends. Went for walks, talked and theorized about interesting things and helped around his place. A sad thing though that happened is that we recently lost our dog;he died of old age, so I guess I can be thankful that he was with us for as long as he was, but I keep thinking he is still here, and haven't gotten used to the fact that he is gone.