AMEN, on the "ain't", this old country boy understands ain"t. I will use my sister inlaw, a Pentecostal, as an example, of what I am talking about. For YEARS, I kept asking her when are you going to START serving the LORD. Her standard answer for many years was "After I have been built up and edified enough by the Holy Spirit to Serve Him." She did not START to minister to the needs of others until she was in her 50's.
Wow, was she ever full of joy then. Her habitual
tongues things had held her back for years from coming to KNOW the joy of knowing the blessing that comes from letting the Holy Spirit empower us to serve others. I had come to KNOW that kind of Joy, early in my Christian WALK, because, I TRUSTED HIM TOTALLY TO EMPOWER ME TO DO WHAT I COULD NOT DO. I knew that I did not have to wait till until HE built me up enough to be used, all I had to do was be willing to be USED BY HIM, trusting HIM Totally to DO IT THROUGH ME.
I usually do not ever talk about how HE used me, lest someone thinks I am bragging. I will however this time give you a short bit of a very long story, to try to give you a small idea of why I believe your charismatic experience PALES in comparison to genuinely TRUSTING and being USED by the LORD to serve and minister to others.
I was born and raised a mid-west farm boy, attending Church regularly, but I was not born again until I was 29. That happened after three attempts at suicide the last week of 1977. My wife of only six months, demanded a divorce on Christmas Eve, because: "You cannot earn enough money to buy me what I want in life. I want a divorce!" I hit bottom hard, face down. After that third attempt at suicide, as I was walking into my bedroom, when a WAVE of GUILT, GRIEF, and MOURNING washed over me, convicting me of my UTTERLY SINFUL LIFESTYLE. Wave after wave of GUILT and GRIEF continued to wash over me, because of my lifestyle of sins. It drove me to my knees, weeping and crying uncontrollably Weeping. I cried out to HIM: "FORGIVE ME! FORGIVE ME! If you have a purpose for my life, You will have to come into it, and run my life; because I CAN'T DO IT! I am making a Mess of it."
No one in the Church that I grew up in, taught me to pray like that. I believe the Holy Spirit gave me that Prayer when I needed it the most. I understood, it was a COMPLETE, WILLING SURRENDER to JESUS. With that Prayer came a COMPLETE TRUST in HIM to do exactly what I had prayed. The totally overwhelming grief over my sinfulness continued as I continued weeping and sobbing. I then fell face down prone, still crying uncontrollably. Apparently at some point, I fell asleep, and HE gave me the most VIVID DREAM that I have ever had in my life. I was on my knees before the CROSS, looking up at HIM. CRYING OUT: "FORGIVE ME! FORGIVE ME!" Then I looked up at the nails through His wrists with tears in my eyes, (and no one in that Lutheran Church that I went to, ever told me the Jews considered the wrists to be part of the hands), and I saw Blood dripping and falling from HIS wrists. I was there at the foot of the Cross weeping, with my arms reaching up towards Him, as that Blood fell. AND I COULD FEEL THE WARMTH OF THAT BLOOD as it splashed on my forearms.
I KNEW FOR SURE AT THAT MOMENT ALL OF MY SINS WERE FORGIVEN!
When I woke up, I KNEW, something in me was different. I knew HIS SPIRIT was in me. AND I had this total TRUST that HE would do something with my life, and that HE would empower me to do what I could not do. That level of TRUST has never left me. He even brought a godly women into my life, as my wife; literally, my soulmate. My hunger for HIS WORD grew and grew, when it was NEVER THERE BEFORE. Soon I was Listening to sermons by Dr. John MacArthur, Chuck Swindoll, Dr. Ed Young, Dr. Richard Lee, Zola Levitt, and a few others. I ended up, over time, having over 500 one hour sermons on Cassette Tapes, and which I listened to, 4 per night on my Walkman player, while working the night shift. Over the years, I figure, I listened to each tape four times.
Then one day as I was trying to witness to a co-worker, a thought flashed through my mind: "It is finished, MOVE WEST." Through a series of miracles, the doors opened to move to Susanville, CA. A job opened up, when they were not expecting an opening for 5 years, and the expenses of moving seemed like an impossible hurdle, but a drunk teenager hit and run my parked 2 year old vehicle, totaling it, and I got more money out of insurance, than I was asking for it in the paper. One little miracle after another, and another, and another; making it all possible to be where HE WANTED ME.
I did not know WHY Susanville, but I trusted HE did. At a men's prayer breakfast one morning, we had a guest speaker, a representative from the Match Two Prison Ministries, looking for Volunteers, so I volunteered. My wife told me, after I became involved in that ministry, that it was wonderful seeing me coming home from that Prison, FULL OF JOY, and commented that it was almost like I was walking 6 inches off the floor.
Then one day, about two years later, that same thought came back to me, "It is finished, MOVE WEST." I prayed and prayed to know why, and the answer came back, "To start a Prison Ministry, in the new Prison being built there." I knew that I had no knowledge about how to start a prison ministry, BUT I STILL TRUSTED HIM TOTALLY AND I KNEW HE KNEW EVERYTHING THERE WAS TO KNOW ABOUT STARTING A PRISON MINISTRY. So once again I stepped out totally in FAITH and let HIM USE ME; thus we ended up on the Coast at Crescent City, CA. It took another series of miracles to open all the doors to get there, plus I was accepted as a Volunteer Protestant Chaplain ministering to inmates in that supermax Prison, despite the fact that I did not have a single hour of Bible College.
I even started with those in the "HOLE", called the Security Housing Unit. Every time I walked in the HOLY SPIRIT filled me and I was able to minister to every inmate that I talked to with the equal FERVENCY; no matter how mean, how violent, or how gross they could get. I was not going to mention this, but somehow, I know it is important to somebody. How gross can an inmate get? One of them just to be as GROSS and OFFENDING to Officers as he could possibly get (a sick joke game certain inmates like to play on Officers), had actually thrown his clothes away and smeared his own feces all over every square inch of his body, including his hair and beard. I went in to talk to him in front of his cell, and the Officers warned me, not to get close his cell door, because he was known to try to throw the feces at you. So I prayed to be filled with the Spirit as I walked in, and HE faithfully answered that Prayer. I stopped about six feet in front of his cell door, and he was dumbfounded that anyone would want to talk to him, but I could see he was attentively listening. I poured out my heart fervently to that inmate, telling him about CHRIST and His Forgiveness, for at least 25 to 30 minutes, and even though he did not make a decision for CHRIST, he certainly heard the GOSPEL TRUTH. About 10 minutes into fervently witnessing, I noticed that I could no longer smell that inmate, and in my head, I thought "Thank You, LORD!"
I was responsible to train all additional Volunteers for the Prison Ministry in that Security Housing Unit, where 1500 inmates were housed. I was also used on Sunday Afternoons to escort guest Pastors from local Churches in town in to do the Sermons in the Minimum Security Yard. One Sunday Afternoon, about 3 years into the Ministry, I was standing at the window pacing, waiting for the guest Pastor to show up. I knew his car and could see the parking lot from that window, and watched the clock get closer and closer to the 2:00 PM worship time. Checking the clock every couple minutes, I just about panicked when it reach 2:05 and I realized the guest Pastor had forgotten it was his Sunday to Teach. I hurriedly went into the Office, realizing that I had to Preach, and I had never done that Before. I prayed, "LORD You know I cannot do this, BUT I still Trust you to do it through me. Give me the Words to teach this lesson." I had the basic Salvation verses written in the back of my Bible, and knew just those few verses would become the Plan of Salvation sermon. When I started the sermon, I opened with a Prayer I had heard Dr. Ed Young use several times: Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you for your Holy Word. You SPEAK this hour, and let me get out of the way, so that this message might be proclaimed pure and true, just like you gave us your Words through the Prophets of old, and through the Apostles. In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN." The message just FLOWED, He really was delivering the message through me. And despite how few the verses were written in the back of my Bible, the Sermon Lasted 45 minutes, and HE GAVE ME EVERY WORD OF IT.
I want to keep this as short as I can, so this will be the last paragraph. Afterwards, Inmates had reported to the Head Chaplain, what a good job I had done, (I am convinced it was CHRIST, and not me.); therefore the Head Chaplain asked me to totally take over that Service, instead of calling to arrange for a guest Pastor. My grandfather had repeatedly taught me, "If it ain't broke, DON'T FIX IT." So I would PUT MY TOTAL TRUST IN HIM, EVERY TIME I STEPPED UP TO THE PULPIT. I would let him pick the Subject, by bringing something into my path throughout the week, that HE WANTED ME TO TEACH in the Prison, thus HE faithfully provided the SUBJECT. I looked up the Verses that pertained to that Subject, and after I got a computer, I would put those verses on a page with a nice border and maybe a picture or two, and that was all of MY input. HE THEN, filled me with His Spirit every week, and faithfully gave me every word of those Sermons, for the next 12 years. Like I said if
FAITH and
TOTAL TRUST IN HIM WORK, don't try to fix it!
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