Why am I having so much of a problem getting a good Christian girlfriend?

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M

MaryR

Guest
#501
#501
MahogonySnail said:
I might be a pessimist but i dont think you really can just be a really holy and good christian and find a good mate without God. To do that you need to act like the world otherwise your dating pool is more like 1%. Most christian guys and girls i know who find mates i would class as worldly in a number of respects. To their loss, no girl wants someone apparently 'too spiritual', or anyone who is holier than she is.
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Hey,
First of all, I think I might be a bit confused about your post, so I apologize if I've misinterpreted it.
Also, I don't usually like those "well I feel this way so everyone else must feel the same way too" things, but I think I'll go into one of those right now. :)
Your last sentence says that no girl wants someone "too spiritual" or holier than she is. I disagree. I do.
I want someone who is closer to God than I am. Someone who can help me grow in my relationship with Christ so that I can reach that same level. I would be absolutely captivated by someone who has that kind of walk with God and to me, although there are a million other things that matter, that man would be absolutely gorgeous.
 
dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#502
May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#502
I actually want a girl that's as strong of a Christian as I am. So we can grow closer to God together...
 
M

MaryR

Guest
#503
#503
dothackzero said:
I actually want a girl that's as strong of a Christian as I am. So we can grow closer to God together...
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Well, that's the idea, Dothack. You're supposed to grow together. That's the whole point of a godly relationship. There's no point in having one if the purpose isn't to glorify God.
I'm just saying that one of the most endearing qualities a man can have, in my eyes, is a close relationship with God. And if he's closer than I am then I know that he's fully capable of a relationship, is going to want to keep God at the center, and I know that he's going to help me do the same.
 
S

squidmike

Banned
#504
Jan 13, 2010
98
0
0
#504
dothackzero said:
I'm 20, I've never had a girlfriend. I've never even been kissed by a girl. Even the girls that hang with me and my best friends don't like me or really talk to me. I don't think they'd really even qualify me as a friend.

I've been praying for a girlfriend for over 5years.

There are no singles group at my church. All the girls there are either too old for, too young for me, have a boyfriend, or just don't like me.

I love God, and I'm trying to become a stronger Christian all the time.
I'm waiting until after I'm married for sex.
I don't drink
I don't smoke
I don't do drugs
I'm a virgin
I'm waiting till I'm married for sex.(This include oral and anal)
I'm a computer geek
I'm planning on becoming a video game programmer.(I'm actually pretty sure that's what God wants me to do too.)

I do have basic hygine.
I brush my teeth
I shower
I use deorderent
I don't smell badly.

I'm about 5-8" or 5-9" feet tall.
I have dirty blond hair.
I have no disfiguring scars or anything like that.

Personalty:
I'm nice.
loyal
respect(I actually look at a girl's face when I'm talking to a girl, and not her breasts)
sincere
I listen to what girls have to say, and actually care what they are feeling and saying.
trusting
honest
smart
I'm shy
I have low self confidence
I have perverted mind, and like perverted jokes, though I don't act on the pervertedness.
I like touching when it comes to girls(Nothing sexual till married) Just stuff like hugs.
I'm very lonely.
I have OCD(Around 80% contained, yay God): http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide...
GAD(Around 80% contained, yay Jesus): http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide...
ADD(Not bad enough to cause any real problems): http://www.add-adhd.org/ADHD_attention-d...
TMJ: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temporomand...
Social Anxiety: http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide...
and a touch of depression(Probably connected to my lonelyness.).

From my facebook...

Religious Views:Non-denominational Christian

Personal InformationActivities:Video games, Anime, Progamming, and 3D Modeling, Just having fun

Interests:Video games, Anime, Progamming, 3D Modeling, music, movies, computers, computer parts(Watching how strong they are becoming), hanging out with my friends, Trying to become a stronger Christian, Trying to make new friends, Mythology

Favorite Music:After Forever, Children of Bodom,
Daath, Dark Moor,
Drowning Pool, Epica,
Killswitch Engage, Lunatica,
Nightwish, Powerman 5000,
Soilwork, SpineShank,
Static-X, The Agony Scene,
Celldweller, In Flames,
Dir en Grey, Maximum the Hormone,
Disciple, DethKlok,
Five Finger Death Punch, Krypteria,
Slipknot, Shadows Fall,
Silent Civilian, Sonic Syndicate,
Avenged Sevenfold, War of Ages,
Machine Head, Schoolyard Heroes,
Mudvayne, Sybreed,
Threat Signal
when i was your age i made the mistake of trying to please others,then i figured out that you can be a true servant of God and that will not only strengthen you but also help you to find someone likeminded as you are. because you don't have to give up anything of yourself exept the time it takes to know her. be direct with her and make sure that she is direct with you so that there are no misunderstandings because communication is a big part of having a relationship. God bless you
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dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#505
May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#505
Anyway, I think I'm starting to get the fact that I won't be finding a girlfriend unless I look in a chruch or a Bible Study or something like that...
 
dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#506
May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#506
I am really starting to think that to think that I'm not getting a girlfriend till I'm able to trust God(If I can't fully trust him, how can I fully trust any person), My selfishness gets a good portion of it fixed, and 1 one other thing that I can't how to explain it(But I do know it is in my own mind).
 
D

darknessintruth

Guest
#508
#508
im 26 and still single. i wouldnt say i see it as a burden, just the loneliness is brutal. i dream of being able to share my time with a girl and just talking and what not. i often wonder what that kind of closeness feels like and i pray EVERY day that the lord will allow me to meet a girl that follows him. its rough these days to find anyone, it seems like us virgins are an endangered species and i think that makes it feel worse but all i can say is pray. im still looking as well, your not alone.
 
K

Kuroko

Guest
#509
#509
I think it's important to note that sex and closeness are two entirely different things, don't feel pressured into having sex because you want to feel close to someone because I promise you that comfort of love from another persons soul isn't found by having sex ;)
 
dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#510
May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#510
Okay, so this sucks. I've been convicted about wanting a girlfriend too much. The funny thing is that it happened about a day after I was asking God do/let me know what I need to do to get a girlfriend? Do you think he's answering my prayers with this conviction?
 
A

Appletin

Guest
#511
#511
hi pal, how are you? =) you know you really seem to have a very nice personality and talents too (keep it up buddy and continue to wait patiently for the right one..) you know its worth waiting for ages when you meet THE ONE FOR A LIFETIME so keep the faith. being single is an opportunity to become more prepared when God's time come for you to meet THE ONE =)
 
S

Sir-Jokes-A-Lot

Guest
#512
#512
You sound just like me. God will answer your prayers... just not in the way you want him too and how fast you would like him too. He's got someone for you, but according to His will for your life.
 
C

ChristianGuru

Guest
#513
#513
dothackzero said:
Okay, so this sucks. I've been convicted about wanting a girlfriend too much. The funny thing is that it happened about a day after I was asking God do/let me know what I need to do to get a girlfriend? Do you think he's answering my prayers with this conviction?
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You're still at it!!!

Maybe not having a girlfriend has nothing to do with God. Maybe, women find you undesirable? If so, what should you do to become more desirable?

Just so you know, I've dated four Christian women in five years. I'm working on #5 now. Dating this many women wasn't my idea and I don't know if it was God's. It just is what it is. If I had it my way I'd meet the ideal woman for me and for her I, get married and drive down the street in a car with the sign "Just Married". That's not the case. You, me, were just like everybody else. Living life. An unknown abyss of triumph and tragedy. Embrace it, then bank off it.
 
D

DABEARS85

Guest
#514
#514
Ok... the more I read this thread the more I am noticing that no one is really answering his question. Dothackzero... man there really are some easy things you can do... but it takes a lot of inward self reflection... and a constant daily reassurance inside of yourself. God WILL provide, and it is true that you need to seek Him first, but the key here is that everything requires ACTION on your own part. Think about it...

God made Abram(Abraham) leave Ur before he would work in his life. God made Moses go up to Pharaoh before he would work too. Moses would argue with God about how he had this problem and that, his speech was bad, etc etc... God just said do it, and I will help you along the way. This is the first key thing to realize... everything takes action on your own part.

Setting that aside... be yourself! Listing all your interests and things was not such a bad idea. Some women may be turned off by it, but who you are is defined by your interests. Do NOT change that for a girl, because she would be the wrong one. You want a girl to love you as yourself, right?

The key is to be confident. That's it. That is all it takes. Confidence. It's way easier to read this than actually do it, but as soon as you realize that you are a special person and you have value, the sooner things will start to move in the right direction. Key word: Confidence.

Ok... so let's say you are at a random place... bar, club, coffee shop, grocery store... whatever. You see a girl that is just gorgeous. She is a perfect 10 in your eyes and you have no idea what to say, how to approach her, and probably think she is way out of your league. This is what you do... STOP THINKING LIKE THAT. As pretty as she is, you have to realize a few things. One, she is a person just like you. She gets nervous too. She probably has self confidence issues just as much as you do (if not more), and that alone is one of the reasons most girls don't approach random guys. Also, you have to realize that there are a billion guys just like you that are too afraid to approach her for the same reasons you have. You also have to think that the guys that actually do approach her have one thing in common (usually the bad guys because they frankly just don't care... hence why nice guys finish last in that respect), CONFIDENCE. They go up to her like it doesn't matter if she rejects them... try to start a conversation... and boom within 5 seconds you will realize if she is compatible with you or not. Be yourself and talk to her... what is the harm? Maybe you don't get her number... maybe you do... either way, the point is you tried. Don't go into it thinking "I want her number, I want to date her, she is amazing" etc etc etc.... just go into it thinking you will start a conversation and see what happens. Just doing that one thing alone will give you more confidence for the next girl and you will meet some really awesome people along the way.

The key thing I see in your posts are how bad you are at everything... how many problems you have... how you can't do this and can't do that. Stop thinking like that. Think about the things you can do. Creating this post in the first place shows you have some confidence, because you put yourself out there. You made yourself vulnerable to a lot of people and subject to a lot of criticism. You were able to do this on the internet, so do it in real life!

Another thing is this: EVERYONE gets rejected. I don't care who you are, what you look like, what you do... you will get rejected at some point. It happens. People are all attracted to different things. The key is that you value yourself enough to realize that no one is 'better' than you for any reason. If a girl looks too pretty for you, throw that out of your mind immediately. You may not be her type, but that doesn't mean she is above you at all. Eventually, you will realize you do the same things to women as they do to you. You will see a girl that isn't attractive to you for whatever reason, and you might reject her somehow. You won't be doing it on purpose, but she simply isn't compatible with what you want. It goes both ways.

Just realize you aren't alone in the search for the 'right' girl, because we all are if we haven't found her yet. I've been in a lot of relationships, have gotten my heart broken, have broken theirs, have ended things on great terms and as great friends, etc... but in the end I realized waiting years and years for that one 'right' girl will make me miss out on her if she shows up. I am FAR more subjective with the type of women I date at this point, but if you don't meet people, you might have the chance of missing out on the girl that is perfect for you.

Just remember to be confident in who you are. You can be shy and still approach women... most find it very attractive that you have the confidence to approach them, yet are humble and not cocky.

Nice guys may finish last, but not because he is a nice guy. Just remember that. Nice guys just aren't usually as confident.. they are boring because they are afraid to leave their comfort zone. Expand your horizons... stay the nice guy... but just leave the comfort zone and trust in God to help you through it and you will see results. Most women really don't intentionally try for the bad boy, and the ones that do are not the type of women you want in your life in the first place. Bad boys just tend to be far more outgoing and stay themselves, rather than placing the girl on a pedestal. I am positive that any guy that just shows that same level of confidence while remaining a good person (nice guy) will do far better.
 
J

jfritzyb

Guest
#515
#515
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M

Mery30

Guest
#516
#516
Dont worried about , Often we get impatient and take things into our own hands, but GOD says, "BE QUIET, i know your needs better than you do, just wait and give me a chance to work :)
 
dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#517
May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#517
Do I sound like something that girl would want in a boyfriend?
I'm 21.5 , I've never had a girlfriend. I've never even been kissed by a girl. I only have a few friends that are girls, and most of them don't talk to me that much. Though most of them already have boyfriends. I have a really hard time finding girls that I like that are my age and single.
I've been praying for a girlfriend for over 6.5 years.
There are no single girls my age at my main church. The other Chruch I goto there's a lot of girls my age, but for some reason I'm having a hard time talking to them and getting to know them. Like I said earlier I have few friends that are girls in the Bible Study I goto, but most of them have boyfriends or are too old for me. At school, there's only 1 class I goto that has any cute girls in it, but I can't talk to them either.
I love God, and I'm trying to become a stronger Christian all the time.
I'm waiting until after I'm married for sex.
I don't drink
I don't smoke
I don't do drugs
I'm a virgin
I'm waiting till I'm married for sex.(This include oral and anal)
I'm a computer geek
I'm planning on becoming a video game programmer.(I'm actually pretty sure that's what God wants me to do too.)
I do have basic hygine.
I brush my teeth
I shower
I use deorderent
I don't smell badly.
I'm about 5-8" or 5-9" feet tall.
I have dirty blond hair.
I have no disfiguring scars or anything like that.
Personalty:
I'm nice.
loyal
respect(I actually look at a girl's face when I'm talking to a girl, and not her breasts)
sincere
I listen to what girls have to say, and actually care what they are feeling and saying.
honest
smart
I'm shy
I have low self confidence
I have perverted mind, and like perverted jokes, though I don't act on the pervertedness.
I like touching when it comes to girls(Nothing sexual till married) Just stuff like hugs.
I'm very lonely.
I'm can be selfish at times.
I tend to slur when I talk.
I tend to talk too fast...
I apprently have trust issues(Probably linked to my ocd)
I have OCD WebMD Anxiety and Panic Disorders Guide - Better Information for Better Health...
GAD Learn More About General Anxiety Disorder
Social Anxiety: Social Anxiety Disorder
and a touch of depression(Probably connected to my lonelyness.).
Interests:
Video games(Mostly JRPGs and Action/adventure games), Anime, Programming, 3D modeling/animation, music(heavy metal), computers/computer parts
 
H

Harley_Angel

Guest
#518
#518
I'm going to be brutally honest with you. For me, I would not date you because your fixation on things would be too much for me to handle. I think your OCD is really going to get in the way of you finding someone. Something as intense as your anxiety and OCD would put a LOT of pressure on a girl. Generally, we don't want to be constantly having to reassure you of things over and over and over. Insecurity is a HUGE turn off for most women. We like to feel like the man is strong and is taking care of us, not like our purses are filled with our man's emotional baggage. What if you did get a girlfriend and your OCD kicked in? What would you do if your anxiety caused you to think she was cheating on you or about to break up with you? YOu would fixate on everything she said and did and would constantly be questioning her and asking for reassurance, and most women can't handle that. It would be really creepy, too.

Fix yourself first. Stop thinking about bringing another person in your life to care for when you still need to care for yourself. How can you emotionally and mentally connect and care for a woman when you can't even control your own anxietie, fears, depression, etc? Why would a woman find you attractive if you don't even find yourself attractive? Until you can get a handle on your illnesses and find some confidence, I think you're gonna have a hard time.

Keep praying, keep working on fixing yourself up. When God knows you are ready, He'll make sure what needs to happen, happens. Until then, figure out what you need to do to meet God's standards before you start worrying about finding a girl to meet yours.
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#519
#519
you have got to stop saying your waiting for oral and anal sex......

I can see why your still single if you actually bring that up when your talking to a girl
 
dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#520
May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#520
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
you have got to stop saying your waiting for oral and anal sex......

I can see why your still single if you actually bring that up when your talking to a girl
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Actually I'm not even planning on having anal sex once I get married. I was just saying that so people don't I think it's a loophole or something.
 
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