Do you think that domestic discipline is useful in a Godly marriage?

[nanabean]

I'm curious as to what both married and single members of this board believe.

Do you think that a husband should physically correct and discipline his wife if needed? Is this justified by scripture?

I am married for 24+ years now, but I would have had the same answers back when I was single as I do now......no...and no.


Marriage is a partnership, with both man and woman being equals. I think I understand what 1still_waters and Matthew (and QuestionTime) are each saying about deflecting situations from esculating.... husband calming the wife or wife calming the husband either one. That's all part of the partnership I'm talking about. I've noticed in my own marriage, it seems if one of us is upset, the other is calm...I think that's what we each need in a marriage...a partner who compliments our goodnesses and offsets our weaknesses. However........In no uncertain terms do I feel that "physical correction/disipline" is needed, necessary, or acceptable.

 

[sunshine_debbie]

No, just plain No

Debbie

 

[imoss]

First of all let me answer the thread. Absolutely domestic discipline is useful in a Godly marriage. I'm old school in many of my thoughts about marriage & I think that when you do your domestic duties as unto the Lord you truly bless your husband.

OK, thats what I THOUGHT this thread was going to be about, domestic work, helping around the house, stuff like that.

Now to answer the thread content. Firstly stilly, you are absolutely wrong. grabbing someone who is volitile is the wrong way to deal with someone on the emotional edge. Walk AWAY. remove yourself, otherwise it escalates. (kinda like closing a thread )

Physical correction... sigh. I've had a few friends who's husbands choose this. I suppose its all about what you would choose to have your wife feel about your home. Is it a safe haven where she is loved or is it a place of fear where who knows when you will be physically repremanded. Those who physically correct ALWAYS escalate. It starts off as one thing but they lose control and the hurts get worse & worse. The friends who I know about who were physically "corrected" well heres the result:

Google Bonnie Moonie, she is a very very dear friend of mine who was isolated & corrected. Started off as gentle correction just a minor slap here and there. Ended with him killing her best friend, shooting her daughters shoulder off and killing himself. sound extreme & unreal? It is extreme & very very real. It turns out he had a past that didnt come to light for bonnie until after the massacre. If you are a person who ever thinks its ok to hit a woman then you seriously need to get help. These things sometimes cycle where the dads justify their abuse to the children & the children continue. Women if you are with someone who hits you in your relationship, I'd recommend that you do some sort of check on them, I dont know whats available but had my friend done a criminal record check on Roland she would have found it included many assults & MANSLAUGHTER!!! She had no clue that this was the man she was dating/living with until after he shot her daughter & killed her best friend, then media dug up his history. The police knew this & failed to protect her by advising her or even enforcing the protection order they had on her.

It takes a strong man to stop that cycle and keep his emotion in check. It takes a very stong & confident man to walk away when his wife is unreasonable. I also witnessed someone very close to me getting beaten into the hospital for a 2 week stay. He begged her to forgive. She did and the very first night he'd drifted off to sleep she cocked a pistol at his head... his eyes opened... I want you all who think that its ok to hit to visualize this... She said to him " do you feel vulnerable right now? " he just nodded She said "this is how vulnerable I am when you beat me after drinking. Dont you ever do this again or I WILL shoot you when you are sleeping". Long story short that was in year 7 after many minor corrections and they went on till natural death do they part almost 40 years. He never again drank scotch. Not that I advocate this method but it sure was effective and served to keep a family together who VERY much needed the love of their father.

You need to consider how you would feel receiving that HIT, you need to consider how you want your wife to feel about you, your home & your life together. Hit her & prepare to be alone or prepare to be assulted but just know women arent taking that garbage anymore. I thank God for my beautiful gentle husband who Loves me even when I least deserve it.

 

[grace]

When I saw this thread posted, I only had two thoughts go through my head.....1) Is this a serious topic, because there are people who acctually believe this to be appropriate. AND, 2) OHHHHHHH BOYYYYYY, Wait until CMW and Imoss get their hands on this thread. lol

 

[zeroturbulence]

As far as Im concerned, any man who so much as lays a finger on a woman in order to hurt her is a piece of dog doo and deserves everything he has coming to him and more!

 

[Blueberry]

I am so thankful that there are people that have stood up to this and said absolutely not. The very thought of it horrifies me, that there are even christians out there who would even do this type of behaviour. Its so revolting and shameful and debasing to a woman, to think if she does something wrong she would be physically punished for it. What sort of world do we live in that as mature adults we need someone else to touch us like that and humiliate us? It is so off and wrong. I could hardly see God endorsing this sort of behaviour in the slightest.

 

[MahogonySnail]

That movie was McLIntock with John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara.

It was only a movie and meant for entertainment. In real life: It simply is flat out wrong!

ooh saying John Wayne was only a movie hmmm....

 

[HeartOfGod]

There is a website that encourages this sort of new movement for christian husbands to discipline their wives. Frankly I see it as something with an undercurrent of something kinky and just plain wrong. There is absolutely no need for it.

Its not as though the entire world is struggling enough with domestic violence issues, but christians debasing a woman to that level too? its disgusting and so abhorrent. Why are women so put down in this society and treated live some evil benevolent force? Women are so beautiful and soft hearted. Sure women sin, just like men sin. I feel like some women have such soft hearts that give to their families and children and husbands, and leave very little for themselves.

The only underlying current I can read into this question is a male wanting to place his wife at the same level as a child under his feet. Not treating her with respect and love and beauty. Im so angry now...

I know what you are talking about and I can remember years ago some one had a group based on spanking their wives and thank goodness that site is gone. I am glad that group is gone but there are others that pop in their place. (All you can do is pray for people's hearts and that God will reach out to them.) I thought it was a joke at first but then they were actually serious and yes I would agree with you it's very perverse and a twisted way to call that discipline not to mention that there were people chatting and trying to find a partner who believed in this sort of stuff. Try to one of those people and nope their minds are made up so all one can do is to pray for them. That's all there is left to do besides hope for change in some one's life.

Now it's getting worser then just that alone now there are people talking about having two wives and being a Christian which the bible is clearly against and these are examples of how people are falling for heresies and false teachings taught by men. People will go with what their itching ears want to hear rather then rely on what the bible actually teaches by the Spirit of God. Now you have Christians mixing their belief with the Mormon belief system which is like going backwards rather then forwards into the New Testament. Their excuse is well having two wives is better so this way they won't cheat. But they are cheating by having another wife. They are only justifying that it's okay in their own minds.

It is very sad what this does to the Christian Church because the world view is oh if this is Christian then they will mislead more souls down the wrong path for the sake of their own false gospel. So much has happened in so little time over these last past years and it will get worse then it is now. This is why prayer is so important in these last days because people get lost or caught up in these cults of man and miss out on the very things that Christ actually teaches. We have already seen the break down in so many churches with priest and pastors that many lies surface about Christianity that it makes me grieve with sorrow. I do understand your anger because I have been there too.

 

[HeartOfGod]

I'm curious as to what both married and single members of this board believe.

Do you think that a husband should physically correct and discipline his wife if needed? Is this justified by scripture?

I think it's wise if the husband prays for his wife rather then nag or tell her what to do,because she may not be totally aware and often times that can be the case with people. Praying silently will either work several ways because then it allows God to deal as how he sees fit in the situation. Perhaps it's the mans perception that there is something wrong with his wife but then it ends up back firing and the prayer helps him instead of her because it's his perception or perhaps it does help his wife? Either way to be on the safe side he could pray for both him and his wife and then see how it works out. No, I am not married but in many friendships that I have had with people I have seen things happen in funny ways in how God often has answered prayers.

 

[pickles]

Any kind of disapline by a husband toward a wife I believe is wrong.
Woman was made from Adams rib so that she may be from him and beside him.
For a husband to disapline his wife is dangerous, because it places her in the role of a child to him, rather than wife.
A husband should be to his wife as Jesus is to the church.
If the husband becaomes the parent and the wife like a child it will in time bring great loss to their relationship.
I do believe a husband and wife can agree that there is a wrong and they must do something to correct that wrong, but this should be done as one, as a unitity in Jesus. If the wife is resistant there are many ways of bringing resolution, but it should be under correction, advise, withholding.
One might say they are the same, in many ways it seems that way. But consider if a wife begins to be as a child to the husband.
Then the marraige is no longer scriptural.
I realize there is a fine line of distinction here. But that distinction can destroy a marraige.
A husband must always treat his wife as called to in Jesus, as he would want to be treated. A wife must always do the same in return, to submit to the wisdom and athority of her husband. Always as husband and wife, never as father to child.
God bless, pickles

 

[imoss]

Alan, what do you think about the posts? I sence just based on this post & the sex before marriage post that theres much healing required for you. Please forgive whoever has caused you to hold to these views (or ask about these views) and Bless your heart. I pray you meet the wife of nobel charactor who would be deserving and cherish a man such as yourself. That this woman would be true to you in a pure sort of love with no alterior motive other than to love you. Someone who you would cherish being with and contemplating staying with until death & it wouldnt make you cringe! There are such women. I also pray that you are able to love her as she so deserves and cherish her like a breakable object & never lay a hand upon her.

Perhaps a wife is not your desire. Then do what you like (as I'm sure you will) but carefully hold the hearts of those you get involved with... dont squish em.

 

[alanwrench]

Alan, what do you think about the posts? I sence just based on this post & the sex before marriage post that theres much healing required for you. Please forgive whoever has caused you to hold to these views (or ask about these views) and Bless your heart. I pray you meet the wife of nobel charactor who would be deserving and cherish a man such as yourself. That this woman would be true to you in a pure sort of love with no alterior motive other than to love you. Someone who you would cherish being with and contemplating staying with until death & it wouldnt make you cringe! There are such women. I also pray that you are able to love her as she so deserves and cherish her like a breakable object & never lay a hand upon her.

Perhaps a wife is not your desire. Then do what you like (as I'm sure you will) but carefully hold the hearts of those you get involved with... dont squish em.

I appreciate your concern. While I certainly have had my shares of up and downs in this life, I am not damaged in any way. Rather, I am pragmatic and objective in my outlook.

With divorce rates, adultery, drug abuse and latch key kids the norm and not aberration these days, I'd have to say that I think all tools should be on the table.

Women in particular have not been the "better half" in the past 50 years, with their self-centered and unaccountable actions (such as feminism, gay rights, abortion and no fault divorce) basically pushing society into the gutter.

With men charged by God to provide both spiritual and family leadership, they need to have the authority to act in support of their responsibiltiies.

I think that any topic that speaks to headship and family roles is valid.

 

[imoss]

Well this woman to whom you speak is one of the lesser half. I would agree that my husband who I've been with 20 years this summer is in fact my better half. I love him so much. The Lord has washed me of satans condemnation & mans condemnation & in this I have surprising little reaction to your post. It saddens me is all that you hold women in such low regard. Because of this you will receive low regard as well, do you understand this? You are a smart guy I'm sure you do. As for me and the wife of moral decay that I am, I choose to give up my career to raise my children but only because financially we could & I'm blessed in this. I choose to do things daily to bless my husband and proverbs 31 is in fact my favorite proverb of the bible. Oh, to be able to live up to that example of a wife, I would be blessed indeed. I will continue in prayer for your healing as whether you acknowledge it or not, there is a bitterness there that only the Lord can heal. Dont paint all women with this brush so tainted for though all are deserving of your condemnation there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ.

 

[QuestionTime]

Women in particular have not been the "better half" in the past 50 years, with their self-centered and unaccountable actions (such as feminism, gay rights, abortion and no fault divorce) basically pushing society into the gutter.

With men charged by God to provide both spiritual and family leadership, they need to have the authority to act in support of their responsibiltiies.

I think that any topic that speaks to headship and family roles is valid.

But if you are a true believer, you shouldn't be encountering women who are "self-centered, unaccountable" or who believe in abortion, feminism, etc..)

There really are some great women out there who are heavenly minded, and who submit to their husbands because the Bible commands them to, and because they love God and want to please God.

It's up to us men to love God with all of our hearts first, and then God will enable us to find like-minded women.

Quest

 

[Blueberry]

I appreciate your concern. While I certainly have had my shares of up and downs in this life, I am not damaged in any way. Rather, I am pragmatic and objective in my outlook.

With divorce rates, adultery, drug abuse and latch key kids the norm and not aberration these days, I'd have to say that I think all tools should be on the table.

Women in particular have not been the "better half" in the past 50 years, with their self-centered and unaccountable actions (such as feminism, gay rights, abortion and no fault divorce) basically pushing society into the gutter.

With men charged by God to provide both spiritual and family leadership, they need to have the authority to act in support of their responsibiltiies.

I think that any topic that speaks to headship and family roles is valid.

Mmmm objective? I dont think so. Your attitude is not objective in the slightest. I find it demeaning and derogatory. How would you feel if a woman came in here blaming all the woes of the world on men. I mean come on the list would be pretty long too wouldn't it?

Your post comes across as whining that every ill in the world has been concocted by conniving women out to fulfil their own selfish agendas.

Alan, I pray that one day you would encounter the beautiful women that I see in this world on a daily basis. Those women who give their hearts and lives to serve their families and the society they live in. I pray also that God would give you a spirit of respect and humility too. There are amazing women out there, you just aren't looking in the right places for them, and are too busy tarring us all with the same brush. Blessings to you.

 

[pickles]

I would have to stand in agreement with blueberry. The woes you speak to are not just from women, men are failing also in their role as husbands.
One can tear down others and point and blame. But the only truth we can affect is our own actions. I can only do what is right with the help of Jesus.
We cannot change another, we can only bare witness to what is good by our own actions.
Yes there are many terrible things in the world, but the good is greater in Jesus.
If you want any of the things you speak to , to be good. Then we must begin with own acts and works in Jesus.
That is the true testamony and witness of what is and can be good in Jesus.
God bless, pickles

 

[MahogonySnail]

Let's assume the tools are on the table. Aside from whether it is right or not, would domestic discipline be effective, useful, and actually work?

 

[QuestionTime]

Let's assume the tools are on the table. Aside from whether it is right or not, would domestic discipline be effective, useful, and actually work?

If we could obey the Law perfectly out of slavish fear, Jesus wouldn't have been required to come and die for us. But, with the love of God shed abroad in our hearts - upon receiving forgiveness, cleansing from sin and the Baptism of the Spirit; through Jesus' blood shed for us - we are then enabled to obey the Law perfectly, because our hearts will delight in obedience (love for love).

Therefore, if you make your woman a slave to fear, she will slavishly obey. If you make your woman love you, she will delight to obey.

Quest

 

[nanabean]

Let's assume the tools are on the table. Aside from whether it is right or not, would domestic discipline be effective, useful, and actually work?

First of all I don't think we can or should set aside whether it is right or not, because God wants us to do what is right for each other and ourselves.

Being disiplined within yourself as to what your domestic respnsibilities are is useful and can certainly work in benefit to a marriage and family and household and home life. Being "physically disiplined" BY your spouse is comepletely different and completely unacceptable.

 

[ShelleBelle76]

Therefore, if you make your woman a slave to fear, she will slavishly obey. If you make your woman love you, she will delight to obey.

Bingo!

And if you are marrying according to your own will, then you might encounter situations that would make you ponder this question. But if you live in obedience to God and marry according to God's will, don't you think he would align you with someone that would also live in obedience to God and therefore with respect to you? In which case this "whip you into obedience or submission" mentality would be unecessary.