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Honouring your parents does not mean be a footstool, or do as they say. Honouring your parents is closer to mean, be a Christian. Forgive, forget, help him to be better through example of yourself being a better Christian. How old are you if that's OK?
What sort of area do you live in? A small town, city etc? Can you not invite him to something like a Christian coffee morning or night at some point, or some event. Just to release both of your angers or barriers etc?
An older person has habits of personality. They are hard to change and mostly only God can sort it out, with prayers also. Not just for him but both of you becoming better etc.
Saying even here he's a cantankerous old man, sounds very negatively judgemental. You have your reasons. A Christian path asks for forgiveness. It sounds as if it is hard to fully do it from what I see in your words.
Maybe what was said earlier is suitable. Meet halfway even in the small things. Try not to be snappy as we all can be, especially around family. Just take a breath and pray.
What sort of area do you live in? A small town, city etc? Can you not invite him to something like a Christian coffee morning or night at some point, or some event. Just to release both of your angers or barriers etc?
An older person has habits of personality. They are hard to change and mostly only God can sort it out, with prayers also. Not just for him but both of you becoming better etc.
Saying even here he's a cantankerous old man, sounds very negatively judgemental. You have your reasons. A Christian path asks for forgiveness. It sounds as if it is hard to fully do it from what I see in your words.
Maybe what was said earlier is suitable. Meet halfway even in the small things. Try not to be snappy as we all can be, especially around family. Just take a breath and pray.
honoring and liking are two separate things...one can honor their parents for being the
vessels that helped to create life for them, but 'liking' parents who are abusive and cruel,
NO, they must be forgiven, but LIKED?...I like what Jesus likes, and I know for sure that He
does not like cruel-abusers...I will HONOR Him and those whom He teaches me deserve honor...
vessels that helped to create life for them, but 'liking' parents who are abusive and cruel,
NO, they must be forgiven, but LIKED?...I like what Jesus likes, and I know for sure that He
does not like cruel-abusers...I will HONOR Him and those whom He teaches me deserve honor...
Don't gossip about your dad. Think good thoughts about what he has done that is good. Pray for him. Help him only if God guides you to it and you are not getting abused. Otherwise stay away from him.
Wish him a happy birthday, Merry Christmas, etc. If he can't talk to you nicely on the phone, mail him a card.
Wish him a happy birthday, Merry Christmas, etc. If he can't talk to you nicely on the phone, mail him a card.
I think en masse, the posts I on this thread are the best I have ever seen on this site. All the responses have been excellent. Mook just read the precise summery equivalent of a good book on the subject.
Obviously this is a subject that has touched many of us deeply. I think for many of us it may be a core reason why we became Christians.
Thank God for caring and wise Christians.
Obviously this is a subject that has touched many of us deeply. I think for many of us it may be a core reason why we became Christians.
Thank God for caring and wise Christians.
I have a father who is similar, in the way that he feels that he is the superior to myself and my sisters. He says what he wants, an doesn't really think if it will upset someone. And when you try to bring it up with him he will turn it on you.
I'm more spiritual minded than my sisters who are pretty much atheist (especially after losing my mum), I see that he is my father and will always be. I accept him the way he is, even though he tests peoples willingness to accept him. The way my sisters have all dealt with him is cut him off, and spiritually I eel this is so wrong.
While people can be hard to deal with, it is those people who teach us most to be a loving and accepting person, rather than react and judge, and blame our bad feelings on them.
If he didn't have me sticking around he would be very lonely and I don't wish that on anyone. I go round there every Sunday, I buy lots of food and we have a delicious Sunday dinner (he's a good cook). I never ask anything in return and he never offers either, and I accept that.
Some people really struggle with emotions and feelings and end up being not particularly tactile!
Jesus is always my example in things, even when I make mistakes I think back, and ask how could I have been better - not just how could 'they' be better. We can always be much better than ourselves, and I have noticed that when I am truly aligned to God and feeling at peace, my dad is a lot more open. In the meantime I'm just trying to find that place.
I'm more spiritual minded than my sisters who are pretty much atheist (especially after losing my mum), I see that he is my father and will always be. I accept him the way he is, even though he tests peoples willingness to accept him. The way my sisters have all dealt with him is cut him off, and spiritually I eel this is so wrong.
While people can be hard to deal with, it is those people who teach us most to be a loving and accepting person, rather than react and judge, and blame our bad feelings on them.
If he didn't have me sticking around he would be very lonely and I don't wish that on anyone. I go round there every Sunday, I buy lots of food and we have a delicious Sunday dinner (he's a good cook). I never ask anything in return and he never offers either, and I accept that.
Some people really struggle with emotions and feelings and end up being not particularly tactile!
Jesus is always my example in things, even when I make mistakes I think back, and ask how could I have been better - not just how could 'they' be better. We can always be much better than ourselves, and I have noticed that when I am truly aligned to God and feeling at peace, my dad is a lot more open. In the meantime I'm just trying to find that place.
I had a similar problem my mum was a narcissist drug addict, I ended up taking a nervous breakdown because of the abuse against me, my mum broke my relationship up with me and my brother, she lied constantly about me, she never wanted to see me happy she was only happy when she seen me crying and so depressed, she turned all my family against me, only 1 of my aunts believed me and new my mum was a very dangerous women. When I give my life to Jesus everything changed also He brought everything to the light and my whole family and brother found out exactly how mentally disturbed she was and that everything she ever said about me was a lie, I was the scapegoat and my brother was the golden boy, BUT God is working in my mum she's changed now and we are working on our relationship, we are getting real close now, she's gave her life to the Lord but she's not reading His word or going to church but at least that's a start, I'm just praying she comes sometime with me.... Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths
My wife's father had his short-comings. She went to live with uncles and aunts in the big city, and she said her dad and step-mom never called, it seemed, just to talk to her. They'd call sometimes, and then they'd put her on the phone. Maybe that was how she perceied it. They didn't write letters, or send money (as far as she knew). She sold fried stuff to pay for her middle and/or high school tuition. She went to college and her parents didn't help support that, financially. The aunt that invited her sent her off to another relative to live with.
When we met, she felt distant from her parents. Every daughter in her country knows she is supposed to ask her parent's permission to marry. She'd heard that her dad had something negative against us dating. That bothered her, since she felt abandoned and now would he want to prevent her from marrying a man who loved her? Since I was a foreigner, her dad was afraid I might be looking for a short-term contract wife, I suppose since that is a thing with some of the oil people who were foreigners in the remote area where he worked with them.
When she called my dad, though, and told him I was a Christian and not like what he was imagining, he came around pretty quickly. They'd already made up their mind to accept me when we took the boat trip (for a couple of days on what felt like a refugee ship or a cattle car, eating what seemed like prison food) up there to meet them on their island.
I don't think he felt as distant from her as she felt from him. But years later, when we had him over, one day she got upset at him and raised her voice at him. She would never have done that as a child. She was afraid of him. Apparently he was rather hard when it came to discipline. But she got upset and expressed some of emotions about feeling abandoned. I was uncomfortable with this, thinking 'honor your father and mother.' She felt better to get it off her chest, but regretted the way she did it.
But during the years away in the US, hearing about her parents getting sick, and praying for them, she believes the Lord did a work in her heart and taught her to really love her parents. She really began to miss them and wanted to spend time with them. She has a much caring attitude toward her dad. I don't lay into her dad or anything like that when I talk about him. He'd had some passed sins he apologized to someone about when she set up a meeting for it. He was appreciative of that. I mentioned something about things he'd done, and she sort of defended her dad. It wasn't a big conflict between me and my wife or anything, but it showed her attitude toward him had changed.
It is important to honor your father and mother. One thing to be careful about is speaking ill of them to others. You can pray for someone, ask help in prayer, and seek some emotional support. But you shouldn't insult your parents.
Even if your parents aren't that honorable, you should honor your father and mother out of obedience to the Lord.
Another thing to consider is that Jesus quoted 'honor your father and mother' to point out the hypocrisy of those who vowed their support for their parents to the Lord as a sneaky trick to get out of materially supporting their parents. The implication is that they were supposed to support their parents. There were two schools of thought in Judaism at least later at the time they wrote the Jerusalem and Babylonian Talmuds. The Babylonian Jews may have been quite a bit richer on average. They decided that one was required to support his parents after their financial resources ran out. The Jerusalem Talmud taught that children were required to financially support their parents.
When we met, she felt distant from her parents. Every daughter in her country knows she is supposed to ask her parent's permission to marry. She'd heard that her dad had something negative against us dating. That bothered her, since she felt abandoned and now would he want to prevent her from marrying a man who loved her? Since I was a foreigner, her dad was afraid I might be looking for a short-term contract wife, I suppose since that is a thing with some of the oil people who were foreigners in the remote area where he worked with them.
When she called my dad, though, and told him I was a Christian and not like what he was imagining, he came around pretty quickly. They'd already made up their mind to accept me when we took the boat trip (for a couple of days on what felt like a refugee ship or a cattle car, eating what seemed like prison food) up there to meet them on their island.
I don't think he felt as distant from her as she felt from him. But years later, when we had him over, one day she got upset at him and raised her voice at him. She would never have done that as a child. She was afraid of him. Apparently he was rather hard when it came to discipline. But she got upset and expressed some of emotions about feeling abandoned. I was uncomfortable with this, thinking 'honor your father and mother.' She felt better to get it off her chest, but regretted the way she did it.
But during the years away in the US, hearing about her parents getting sick, and praying for them, she believes the Lord did a work in her heart and taught her to really love her parents. She really began to miss them and wanted to spend time with them. She has a much caring attitude toward her dad. I don't lay into her dad or anything like that when I talk about him. He'd had some passed sins he apologized to someone about when she set up a meeting for it. He was appreciative of that. I mentioned something about things he'd done, and she sort of defended her dad. It wasn't a big conflict between me and my wife or anything, but it showed her attitude toward him had changed.
It is important to honor your father and mother. One thing to be careful about is speaking ill of them to others. You can pray for someone, ask help in prayer, and seek some emotional support. But you shouldn't insult your parents.
Even if your parents aren't that honorable, you should honor your father and mother out of obedience to the Lord.
Another thing to consider is that Jesus quoted 'honor your father and mother' to point out the hypocrisy of those who vowed their support for their parents to the Lord as a sneaky trick to get out of materially supporting their parents. The implication is that they were supposed to support their parents. There were two schools of thought in Judaism at least later at the time they wrote the Jerusalem and Babylonian Talmuds. The Babylonian Jews may have been quite a bit richer on average. They decided that one was required to support his parents after their financial resources ran out. The Jerusalem Talmud taught that children were required to financially support their parents.
T
I don't know.
I don't know what honoring parents looks like anymore :/
I'm getting a better relationship with my father,
In fact he went to my drill competition, but as far as honoring my father.... how?.... how do I do that with someone who has done what he has to people I love and myself?
And my mom....
Oy.... I don't even know what to do :/
:'( sigh....
As for my step mother and step father,
How do you honor someone who doesn't care that much for you?
I think ultimately you want to feel accepted. I know I do. But people will try to change you...or define you to make you fit into the mold they've already poured you into. In a way they are murdering your spirit. Some people just can't seem to get it thru their thick skulls that they too have the capacity to hurt others with their words and actions. I know that for me, I ask the people that I love and who I am close to how they are doing, how they experience me and if I can be a better friend, father or whatever.
continually putting yourself in the line of abuse to your spirit is not honoring to anyone. On the other hand, you are 14 so you really don't have the same rights as an adult and have to respect your parents. But you can still stand up for yourself and verbalize the things you don't like by saying....I don't like that...it has ______ affect on my emotional state.
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