Just some advice to singles from a wife in a bad place

[sojames]

anything that lingers in your life through accidents, sickness ,disease, brings a spirit or stronghold , that means you have to deliver, through healing,or deliverance

 

[blue_ladybug]

Sickness and disease are caused by the fallen world we live in. Not necessarily by demons or spirits.Sometimes God heals us, sometimes He doesn't..

anything that lingers in your life through accidents, sickness ,disease, brings a spirit or stronghold , that means you have to deliver, through healing,or deliverance

 

[Wild]

I get the PTSD, and thats tough. But there is no room for a woman to get abused day in and day out. Get a divorce as fast as you can, and get yourself into a safer environment. I am sorry for your husband, but reconciliation or council will not fix ptsd...take care and God bless

 

[Phillster]

You should check out the christian film War Room, if you haven't seen it already. May be encouraging.

 

[Utah]

I get the PTSD, and thats tough. But there is no room for a woman to get abused day in and day out. Get a divorce as fast as you can, and get yourself into a safer environment. I am sorry for your husband, but reconciliation or council will not fix ptsd...take care and God bless

Exactly. Her child's safety is absolutely her number one priority every single second for the next 15 years. Get out now.

 

[Trailblazer]

So sweet. There are reasons I can't leave this house, I'll link to my thread describing it so as not to overload here since this is the singles place http://christianchat.com/prayer-requests/148830-distant-abusive-husband-daily-struggles-house.html

(I've mentioned to pastor, prayed with me .. though I was not ready to go into detail..my husband help start that church and used to teach there and most of his family goes but his ex wife really did a number there when they divorced. So much baggage! But I signed up for it!) my dad knows a little more than most, his parents too but they aren't in positions to really help and no matter who I talk to it's like I know that no one will understand the gravity of his situation / needs ... except a mental health/counseling facility. Can't make him go....Bless you and truly thank you for praying.

So,So, Sad what your going through. My post here is wishful thinking, with Hopes, Faith, and Prayers that the teachings in the Holy Scriptures will come to life for you. And all will turn out pleasing to God and beneficial to you.

WOW!.. Your Husband help set up a Church? I can only hope and pray that you can find a time and a way for you two to have a good Biblical talk. For the Word of God is stronger then any Two edge sword. Some food for thought!... Your Hubby blames you for everything, His issues? Really? Thats some power he gives you. For the Bible tells us the most powerful being ever created can only Tempt us. This conversation is Not about judgement though. It is about a course change that is pleasing to God.

I had mentioned GALATIANS 5;19-5;22 in a previous post. Being in the Flesh,(The Sinful nature) or being in the Spirit.(Love) Its a conscious decision we make. Then there is the Tempter. The Enemy of God, and our Soul. Choose to give into the Tempter? Let him be master over us? We choose and take responsibility of our own decisions. We are each held accountable on Judgement day. There will be no blaming someone else for the sins that we commit when we stand before Jesus.

As I said!.. That was some food for thought. hopefully being a little helpful with some ideas for having a conversation
with your husband, with hopes of him having a change of heart and make course change.

 

[Dan58]

But who will do his laundry? Feed him? As long as he hasn't filed, I am still responsible for him according to scripture. I have personally been convicted not to file. Though every part of me wants to.

1 Cor 7:10-11 ... 10But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11(but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.

I agree with blue ladybug, if he's separated himself from you and has told you to leave him completely alone, then why are you feeding him, washing his cloths, etc? Coddling him won't bring about any change, it just enables his behavior and attitude towards you. Remember that Paul also wrote "Husbands, love your wives" (Ephesians 5:25). Right now, your a maid not a wife. I'm guessing he knows how committed you are to the marriage and is exploiting that? This man doesn't love you, he resents you, and that doesn't make a marriage. Ask him for a divorce, he obviously isn't happy being married, so its not your fault; "When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes... then let him write her a bill of divorcement... and when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife." (Deuteronomy 24:1&2)...jmo

 

[Lynx]

As a single guy I have no horse in this race, so I usually don't stick my nose in these threads. But I think there's one thing I have to say in this particular thread.

Dudes, really, stop nit-picking the OP. Her advice in the first post was sound and the reasons presented for that advice were valid.

All this second guessing of what someone should have done is a major reason people I used to enjoy seeing here in this forum have stopped coming around.

 

[dalyn]

It says in scripture if your enemy is thirsty to give him drink... how much more my husband? Til he leaves anyhow if he does.

Plus if I don't tend to his needs it'll only make his mental state / anxiety worse. Hard to understand but I do anyway. He could handle himself if we lived alone but we don't and this is my family home (will be mine) lots of responsibilities.

At this point I can make no suggestions to him. Only pray and do things around house when he's gone. He text me about finances today, that he was indeed depositing some... (eased my mind because once he has spent needed money on a hotel to get away a night, or 2, can't remember. If we could afford it I would say go there longer! Hehe) and when I told him where our daughter and I would be tonight (I cared for babies, she went to choir) he went off and said he didn't want interaction or to see me the fact I can talk to you all about it now, and I'm not drowning in tears is a massive improvement ... so yes if he could go that might be ok but I am not certain there's a place right now. May the Lord grant be AND him wisdom and understanding headers. Thank you ladies I do need you!!!

samesituationhere

 

[dalyn]

samesituationhere

Same situation here whenever he is home. I do feel oblige too coz I dont want to worsen the situation for him. As a woman it do sounded like it is our responsibility to be the most patient of all. Most women in the bible werent provided emotional needs, but they all served their purposes. Too much contradicting now in our modern world were woman are free defensive etc etc. Sometimes you will feel selfish knowing law is your right, but it is not Godly. Sometimes when things arent going easy I ask what if there werent any God, but I am happy with God. I'll just end up praying, lead me to you lord, you are who I want. God bless you, you are a good woman.

 

[Dan58]

Dudes, really, stop nit-picking the OP. Her advice in the first post was sound and the reasons presented for that advice were valid.

Now that you mention it, I reckon the OP wasn't looking for advice, she was giving it.. I guess the lesson is that its often better to remain single than to rush into a marriage where your miserable.. Proceed with caution, because you can go from bad to worse.

 

[tingz89]

Smoke not long enough I guess a year. But we both agree we moved quickly. Both in bad places yet I know God is in control and at least if it's in the past - you know He knew it would happen. And has planned accordingly.

He asked in text today if he needed to go to laundromat I said I could do it but later etc... thing is aunt plants herself on couch all day and entering a room with her means anxiety instantly (I've even battled it, better, not gone) she's just beginning to understand (I think) how much her bombarding someone verbally (no matter what she says or how innocent she thinks it is) isn't really ok, that people need space and to have their own thought life and yes - private life. I grew up here - she changed a few of my diapers - so authority with her has been a struggle plus the fact she's now facing that "I need help" phase of life and she's stubborn as a mule and doesn't take care of herself and has cast much of the tasks of her life burdens on me (and still talks about me behind my back !) I smile but it's been a challenge to handle. I won't go into more detail on her really but it's like living with someone who does and says nearly everything you disagree with AND says she's a believer. I'm trying... I've done devotionals with her and when he's able he's come and talked with her about life and God (longer periods than me but definitely not as frequent as it's most of my day...every day.) I did just start work part time and getting out, being with kids REALLY HELPS! I knew I wanted to work w kids a long time.

Anyway. THANK you for praying and giving me a place to talk.

You sounded like a really caring lady. I discussed with my Christian cousin who is also called to be a counselor for people who is struggling with the relationship about your situation. She grew up in an abusive family which her parents fought a lot but didn't get a divorce for the sake of the kids and their fame. However, she would rather had them divorced long ago because that their fighting had embedded a lot of bad influence on her first marriage which was ended. She was hurt badly and rather found someone to have a wedlock son in a conservative country of China. We both believe in that it is really hurtful if you keep letting your daughter saw how her father abused you mentally and you being desperately to get back with him. God said that we need to seek His kingdom and His rightness first and then everything will be on us. My cousin went through that and she gave up trying because it was too hard that the other partner wasn't trying. But she regretted for the decision to give up lightly since it caused the hardship for her son never be able to get along with two sides and had to travel alone at his age of 5 to be with other family. But the book <Boundaries> taught her to maintain the boundary of her own emotion and be responsible for her own spiritual growth. She reflected that if she could have the days back, she will focus on her own spiritual joy and tranquil so that she could give her son a good example of a committed marriage while still care for the kid and herself's own mental happiness. It is like the mug hole, nobody can save anyone without gripping the root of Jesus and extend the hand to grap the hands of the one who's in the mug hole. The person who is in the mug is responsible for his/her own wellbeing, not you. If they refuse so, let it be. You need to be strong for your baby girl and only the closeness of God and you can help with that. You do need to keep a healthy boundary with both your husband and your aunt so that you can help building up them by letting them to have time to think for themselves.

 

[tingz89]

Now that you mention it, I reckon the OP wasn't looking for advice, she was giving it.. I guess the lesson is that its often better to remain single than to rush into a marriage where your miserable.. Proceed with caution, because you can go from bad to worse.

We don't count on that people will be always good as the one who you fall in love with. I thought only God is eternal and never changing. In this case, unless we can always remain single, there is no hope to be happy in a marriage as no one would ever remain unchanged as well as the situation. Single or not, the focus of God will definitely help a lot to make us self-efficient.

 

[elliepoppins]

I'm sorry that you're going through this, and I am praying for you xxx

 

[Jimbone]

Wow, I have to say you are one amazing woman, and I am so sorry you find yourself in this struggle. I also have one heck of an amazing woman I was blessed with, so I can see the same qualities in you. We all have advice we can give from our varying perspectives, but this is between you, him, and God. All you can do is follow His will for you, just please be very careful. He should not be putting his hands on you at all. This is something only God can change. Listen I am not sure about PTSD, but I too hit a tragedy at 31 years old after my wife and I had already been together 14 years, and I broke. I would tell her stuff like “go find a whole man that can take care of you better”, and insane stuff like that.


I knew she loved me, but I wanted nothing but out, I just wanted to die period. It was crazy, but she stood by me, and that says NOTHING AT ALL EVER, EVER, EVER, of the kind of stuff she put up with as we were growing up together. Let’s just say I wasn’t raised in church, lol. The thing about it is I am sure there could have been 10,000 examples of her coming on this site, venting her frustrations with my antics, and being told to leave me and get herself right. You know what, many times they may have been right and maybe she shouldn’t have stayed, especially in those early days, but now I can look back and see it was always for His glory, and I praise His Mighty Name every day for every single second I have with her, and my two sons, and all my loved ones. I know how fragile life is and how dark this world can be, but I am praying for you right now to find the wisdom of God to help get you through this situation. Your husband may not be saved yet, I know I was in church for at least 5 years thinking I was a “Christian” yet knew Him not. Just because your husband has built churches and hung in there with the Christian folk, does not mean he is truly saved, especially if he was raised in it. You may be there to help to point him to it, maybe even by showing Gods love by keeping him in clean cloths and feeding him even though all this, but if He is rejecting that love, ESPECIALLY by putting his hands on you, then it may be necessary to show him what the withdrawing of that loves means too. Man I would love to be able to talk WITH him, not TOO him, just with him and maybe share some of the things I have come to see now He opened my eyes.


I love you sister and pray that God shows you His amazing power when He changes your husband overnight, He can do that and my wife got to see me going from a point I couldn’t even look another human being in the eyes, to KNOWING God, His Son, And His Holy Spirit in what I like to call my “Road to Damascus Experience” overnight, and I pray His glory is manifest in your husband to smash the chains that are crushing him now, in Jesus mighty name. Amen.