What Happens When Looks Fade? (And Why Are We Still So Concerned About Them?)

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#81
May 23, 2009
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#81
JosephsDreams said:
I know how life can be. We all have our bad days, weeks, months, even years. But when it gets into the 4, 5, 6 year time frame, time for therapy. There is a root there that needs to be addressed. Better yet, time to avail Jesus maybe like they have never done before.
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I was pretty sure you'd be understanding, JD, as I've read some of your posts in which you've mentioned raising your own kids, and you always seem to be very easy-going.

The older I get, I look for role models who are juggling things like a family, taking care of themselves, career and life changes, taking care of aging parents... I have no idea how they do it all. And some of these people still somehow manage to take care of themselves and maintain a cheery, optimistic attitude!!! I definitely hope I can be like that someday.

I want to learn as much as I can from people like that, because I have no doubt that my turn (catching a few more of life's curve balls) is just around the corner.
 
JosephsDreams

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
#82
Dec 31, 2015
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#82
I do not know how they do it either. I have to ask a few of them for some tips. I was never good at that.
I have the kids, a part time career, and part time studying. Hobbies are out the window.
I do not read as many books as I used to.
Of course I pray and read the bible every day.
Definitely not as much as my plate as many people people have, and I still look like crap some days.
Sometimes I revert to the saying I take a shower every week if I need one or not.
I can't believe I just wrote that in a public forum.
But trust me, usually I do look presentable if not spiffy.

So anyone want to let us in on trade secrets?
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#83
Mar 26, 2014
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#83
Adstar said:
The basic reason why most men seek out a wife and a long term relationship is to have a family... This is basic 101 kind of information..
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The number of men who have left wife and family for another woman calls this generalization seriously into question. The biology of attraction does not tell the whole story (and we're not even sure you got all the biology correct).
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#84
#84
Lol, I guess all of us over 27 can go sit down somewhere. I had no idea menopause hit women at such an early age. I don't know how my friend's mom got pregnant with her little sister when her mom was 43. Maybe it was a miracle.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#86
May 23, 2009
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#86
Galatea said:
Lol, I guess all of us over 27 can go sit down somewhere. I had no idea menopause hit women at such an early age. I don't know how my friend's mom got pregnant with her little sister when her mom was 43. Maybe it was a miracle.
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* This sure does put a lot of pressure on a woman the night before she turns 28. :rolleyes:

* I am SO tempted to write a thread... "All You Old Hags (Yes, YOU, Women Over 27!)--What Will You Do Now That You'll Never Find a Man?"

Adstar, I do understand what you're saying about men looking for young women because of "youth" and "fertility"... and you had also said that this would be a hard truth for most women to accept.

But in the dating scenes I've been a part of the past few years (this is just my own experience--I realize it's different for different people), it's often men who are in their 50's-70's or above who are trying to go after women in their 20's and 30's.

Sure, maybe a 70-year-old can claim he's attracted to a 30-year-old's "fertility"--maybe he wants a baby... :rolleyes:--but the truth of the matter is, these men are looking for "hot" young women they're hoping to land and have a lot of sex with (which I'm sure you already are well-aware of... it's just that no one says it outright here.)

I've seen the whole routine "prettied up" with all kinds of justifying, Christian-coated talk about how "God made men visual", as well as the whole "biological" and "fertile" "argument" you presented...

But in the end, many people (of both genders) are often sexually attracted to the youngest, hottest people they think they might have a chance at getting, and there's little more to it.

We women might "top out" at 27... But good old teenage hormones seem to last forever.
 
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JosephsDreams

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
#87
Dec 31, 2015
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#87
I remember reading an article about Rachel Uchitel (the Tiger Woods affair woman) and the writer said she had better collect those millions from him fast, because her expiration date was coming up quick. I think she was 33 at the time.
Unforgiving society...
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#88
May 23, 2009
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#88
Most of the men I interacted with on dating sites (unless they were around 27 themselves) either had careers they were settled into and/or already had kids from other marriages/relationships that they were paying (and paying, and paying) for.

The very last thing they wanted was another baby.

But again, I realize other people's experiences might be vastly different.
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#89
#89
seoulsearch said:
* This sure does put a lot of pressure on a woman the night before she turns 28. :rolleyes:

* I am SO tempted to write a thread... "All You Old Hags (Yes, YOU, Women Over 27!)--What Will You Do Now That You'll Never Find a Man?"

Adstar, I do understand what you're saying about men looking for young women because of "youth" and "fertility"... and you had also said that this would be a hard truth for most women to accept.

But in the dating scenes I've been a part of the past few years (this is just my own experience--I realize it's different for different people), it's often men who are in their 50's-70's or above who are trying to go after women in their 20's and 30's.

Sure, maybe a 70-year-old can claim he's attracted to a 30-year-old's "fertility"--maybe he wants a baby... :rolleyes:--but the truth of the matter is, these men are looking for "hot" young women they're hoping to land and have a lot of sex with (which I'm sure you already are well-aware of... it's just that no one says it outright here.)

I've seen the whole routine "prettied up" with all kinds of justifying, Christian-coated talk about how "God made men visual", as well as the whole "biological" and "fertile" "argument" you presented...

But in the end, many people (of both genders) are often sexually attracted to the youngest, hottest people they think they might have a chance at getting, and there's little more to it.

We women might "top out" at 27... But good old teenage hormones seem to last forever.
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Lol, I know men are more visual, that's a scientific fact. But, the age 27 seems a bit arbitrary. If I were Adstar, I'd choose a round number like 30- but it must all be downhill from 27 for whatever reason.

I wonder when men become no longer vital? Shall we assign an age where they can go sit down?

I think you should make a thread for the old hags so we can commiserate with one another. Maybe exchange knitting patterns and cookie recipes- not to mention advice about the care and maintenance of large collections of cats.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#90
May 23, 2009
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#90
Galatea said:
Lol, I know men are more visual, that's a scientific fact.
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I'll never forget the dating profile I ran across several years ago on a Christian dating site. It was of a man (in his early 30's) who said that "God made men visual", and therefore, the only women he would answer were ones who had backgrounds in "dance, gymnastics, or cheerleading" and were "slim, fit, and had a good figure."

Um. Ok.

This man was at least 50 pounds overweight, and had a very visible, protruding double chin. I guess he should be given credit for at least using an "honest" picture?

Now, I'm certainly not saying in any way against being overweight (after all, most of us are.) However, I can't say the same about his literal double standard.

I wanted to message him and ask, "If God made men visual... Does that mean you think He made women blind?"
 
H

Hungry

Banned
#91
Nov 26, 2012
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#91
There is no one answer for any of your questions. Humans are no different than any other animal when it comes to attraction. Because humans choose pleasure over nature this tweaks the natural selection outcome. God designed our chemistry and biology exactly the same as He did with the animal kingdom but we can usually rationalize different outcomes. Our psychology is more complex yielding different variations to satisfy the same carnal desires. Men are endowed with the same desire to scatter their seed far and wide with many types of women. His biological role is to ensure the population. God designed it so the environment effects man's testosterone levels in an effort to control population. Stress kills libido, so there aren't population growths in environments which are lacking in nutrition and already populated. Once kids come along more stress comes with them. This in concert with less sleep, causes T production to wean. The result is a less combative male. He is easier to get along with and easier going with the children and the wife. This also makes him less alpha male oriented and not seeking to keep planting seeds.

The woman's biological role is to be the selector of which genes get passed on. As the males give their displays of value with tight t-shirts, expensive cars and acedemic degrees, the females get to pick. They are endowed with the chemicals yearning to have children and nurture babies to perpetuate a strong species. Since we are not flesh alone their is a mix of what we want and what we compromise for. Sometimes you get lucky, sometimes you get tricked.

Here is some insight into where things go wrong. There is no money in happy people. Commercialism brainwashes people into thinking that they aren't happy, and that they need more. More what? More everything! Pleasure is an addiction and if you have a rudimentary understanding of brain chemistry it doesn't take long to see how they do it. They make you think how they want you to think so you buy their products.

One of the huge things that they sell is sex. Sex is an easy sale. If you aren't sexy then you will pay top dollar to get sexy. If you want kids then you have to find a mate and if you want sex then you have to stand out in order for someone to pick you. They have you convinced that if you aren't having sex then there is something wrong with you. If your wife doesn't want sex then there is something wrong with her. If you are in a sexless relationship then you are a loser. They load your mind up. Charge your imagination with pornography and stupid chic flicks and then promote the products that will make you that image.

God's design is simple, we complicate it.
 
R

respectfully

Guest
#92
#92
as human beings we all make the mistake of looking at the outer appearance while we give our heart to someone...yet the truth of the matter...is only God knows what's in our hearts truly...both in Christian and nonchristian relationship we step out of our comfort zone to give the person we like a chance whether pretty...kinda handsome....normal (whatever that means) or whatnot...it shouldn't be about looks...but no one is perfect.... we all have preferences... we'll want to date a certain person for certain reasons... and everyone's reasons are different.... but I have to say one thing... it's not until we break up with one or more people or after one disasterous negative incident like a cheating relationhship that we truly try to find a girl or guy that suits us and meets our needs inside more than out... and sometimes this is the time that we stop looking for the most beautiful person on the outside.
 
H

Hungry

Banned
#93
Nov 26, 2012
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#93
Sorry I got caught up in my rant and forgot to circle back and answer the question of the thread. God designed looks to initiate an attraction and to have a few kids. The sex releases oxytocin that causes a chemical bond for you to become addicted to your spouse. It is the chemical that cleaves. This "glue" continuously applied is supposed to be the bond once the other chemical attractions fade. The brainwashing of society into thinking that they have a destiny to pursue happiness instead of create happiness is what makes people split up, and seek that chemical high like a first love.
 
R

respectfully

Guest
#94
#94
I never heard the things you have just described ...but I truly believe there is such thing as a Mr. right or Mrs. right... as in destiny... but sometimes we get stubburn or impatient to look for the person we were meant to be with and then we just eventually accept whoever "we" think loves us truly... it's a human flaw
 
H

Hungry

Banned
#95
Nov 26, 2012
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respectfully said:
I never heard the things you have just described ...but I truly believe there is such thing as a Mr. right or Mrs. right... as in destiny... but sometimes we get stubburn or impatient to look for the person we were meant to be with and then we just eventually accept whoever "we" think loves us truly... it's a human flaw
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I think you nailed it with being impatient. We are all so used to getting what we want the second we want it. Unfortunately we are all flawed and broken. Then we pair up with another broken individual and expect to have a perfect relationship and life together.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#96
Jul 19, 2014
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Philippines Age 40
#96
We are designed to be fascinated with beauty. God created beauty all around us so God must be also be fascinated with beauty and we are like Him. Physical beauty is what we get attracted to at first, it's the beautiful soul that we fall in love with. What happens when physical beauty fades? Nothing changes, because a beautiful soul never fades in your eyes.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#97
Jul 19, 2014
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Philippines Age 40
#97
Have you seen beauty and the beast lately? Nice movie though I'm not really a fan of movies with lots of singing. It's not very realistic but it's a good illustration for this thread. And Gaston is the epitome of narcissism. Lol!
 
H

Hungry

Banned
#98
Nov 26, 2012
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#98
Tinkerbell725 said:
We are designed to be fascinated with beauty. God created beauty all around us so God must be also be fascinated with beauty and we are like Him. Physical beauty is what we get attracted to at first, it's the beautiful soul that we fall in love with. What happens when physical beauty fades? Nothing changes, because a beautiful soul never fades in your eyes.
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I agree we are fascinated with beauty but what we call beauty, and what visually attracts us and repels us can be mathematically evaluated. Many things have been reduced to shapes, sizes, symmetry and ratios. Plastic surgeons don't swap features like Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head. It is slight changes, in millimetres, that make huge differences. It is about balance and perfection. Many attractive qualities we find in people are based on genetic giftedness and things we see lacking in our own personalities. We are trying to achieve balance and perfection, if not in the sum of us and mates, than our offspring. We look to the Heavenly Father seeing Him as this loving daddy. I'm not saying He isn't, but He is way more than that. He is extremely scientific and logical as well. He could have used any situation and it would have been suiting. He could have said we will sell ourselves into slavery to Him and that would help people think obedience, respect and servitude. Pets would have given us the same distinction. He associates us to the bride of Christ His Son. It's not obedience it's cleaving to One who is perfect in turn making our oneness in Christ as us being perfect with Him. We are no longer individuals when we become one with another....or in Christ. God likes perfection and balance, not "beauty".
 
mailmandan

mailmandan

Senior Member
#99
Apr 7, 2014
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#99
Speaking of looks fading, I was watching the family feud the other day and Steve Harvey asked the question, "at what age do hot looking people start losing their hotness." I was thinking 50, but out of two contestants, one guy said 30 and the other guy said 40. Of course, these two contestants were both young guys who were still in their 20's. The number 1 answer was 50! :eek:
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#100
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
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Philippines Age 40
#100
Hungry said:
I agree we are fascinated with beauty but what we call beauty, and what visually attracts us and repels us can be mathematically evaluated. Many things have been reduced to shapes, sizes, symmetry and ratios. Plastic surgeons don't swap features like Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head. It is slight changes, in millimetres, that make huge differences. It is about balance and perfection. Many attractive qualities we find in people are based on genetic giftedness and things we see lacking in our own personalities. We are trying to achieve balance and perfection, if not in the sum of us and mates, than our offspring. We look to the Heavenly Father seeing Him as this loving daddy. I'm not saying He isn't, but He is way more than that. He is extremely scientific and logical as well. He could have used any situation and it would have been suiting. He could have said we will sell ourselves into slavery to Him and that would help people think obedience, respect and servitude. Pets would have given us the same distinction. He associates us to the bride of Christ His Son. It's not obedience it's cleaving to One who is perfect in turn making our oneness in Christ as us being perfect with Him. We are no longer individuals when we become one with another....or in Christ. God likes perfection and balance, not "beauty".
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I am not perfect but God loves me for who I am. I am His masterpiece therefore I am the definition of beauty.
 
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