Well...it depends on where you are, I think. He let me struggle with sin for what seems a long, long time to me. I was super aware of when I murdered. Good grief, I couldn't stop it. I spent great and agonizing amounts of time trying to work it out. I would go over all the reasons why I should just stop murdering and 15 seconds later, all the anger and resentment was right back, tormenting me. I went on that way for a long time.
Let me take a step back. Emotions are not sins. They are reactions to things, messages
of how oneself feels about the situation and what the response is. They are irrational, come
for many different reasons but are just letters in our in trays. Attached to each message is
a context and a summary. We have a very complex web in our personalities of connections,
implications, meanings which come to a conclusion about everything. Most is automatic, built
up over many years of interactions.
Now imagine I love this person, I want to encourage them yet they have done something that
makes me very angry. Now I can feed the anger response, and make in enormous, by working
through all the implications which will make me more angry, or I can choose to put the cause of
the anger into context, down play it, bring in all the good things the person has done, my desire
to encourage and the anger disapates. So the emotional response just emphasises things but
we can choose how we respond and our general attitude to everything.
Now what you have shared is I murdered ... These emotions keep firing up, every second, all the
time. Now if you are frustrated or want certain things to come about but blame individuals for their
response to the failure of this goal, anger rises everytime you think about this aspiration. In this case
it is the aspiration that is generating everything, not you have an issue with murder, it is frustration
and blame at not achieving things, being victimised etc.
So it sounds to me like you feel you are defined by your emotional responses, rather than you
can choose how you respond to them and resolve them. Walking in the Spirit resolves all the issues,
not just some. Most of our lives spent here is on dreams of something more than we have, yet in
reality we will only fulfill a small part of this and probably in ways we do not recognise.
And the answer really is, if we understand our emotional life and dwell in peace and love inside
ourselves, we can walk in the Spirit. This is a place of purity and holiness. But one has to understand
what we are as emotional beings and not let our emotional responses define who we are, but rather
let our response to life define what we encourage in our emotions and what we put in its place.
At least this is how I have experienced things.
I know some will respond to this is just manipulation. No this is life and waking up to it. Taking
ownership of who we are and walking in the light.
I read a testimony of a woman caught in anxiousness which grew into panic attacks and mental
breakdown. She was anxious about being anxious. And the answer was, accept the anxiousness and
put it in its place and balance it out with real risk and understanding. Her trust was in the Lord yet her
emotional life was is disbelief. It was a choice and it worked. The emotion did not grow and destroy her
life.
We walk with the King so everything can be taken captive and brought to the throne and the cross,
and left there in context. I know this works because it also defines my life.