T
Tinuviel
Guest
I'm not actually asking advice, it was just a discussion my sister and I got into and I wanted to know what you all thought!
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T
Tinuviel
Guest
Nobody has a definitive answer.
"Jimmy and Mary were quite the pair
Back in their younger days
They met and married in six weeks' time
And that was 60 years ago this May
Four kids made their house a home
And the love of Jesus kept them strong
Now every morning at 8 am
Jimmy takes a drive through town
He spends his days at Mary's side
At a home for the old and broken down
With a cane in his lap and a bible in his hand
He reads her stories about the promised land"
Sorry... every time this topic comes up I think of that song.
Ahem. As I was saying, everybody will have a different answer and none of them will be definitively right or wrong. It just depends on the guy and girl in the relationship.
"Jimmy and Mary were quite the pair
Back in their younger days
They met and married in six weeks' time
And that was 60 years ago this May
Four kids made their house a home
And the love of Jesus kept them strong
Now every morning at 8 am
Jimmy takes a drive through town
He spends his days at Mary's side
At a home for the old and broken down
With a cane in his lap and a bible in his hand
He reads her stories about the promised land"
Sorry... every time this topic comes up I think of that song.
Ahem. As I was saying, everybody will have a different answer and none of them will be definitively right or wrong. It just depends on the guy and girl in the relationship.
T
Tinuviel
Guest
(that's a sweet song
). Yeah, I'm sure everyone will have a different answer, that was the point. It is really more of a philosophical question than anything else. I knew a couple who knew each other for 2 weeks before they got married...they've been married for almost 15 years.
How fast before levelling up? It's different for every relationship because each one is unique. Some people can go straight to "it" in minutes lol! But for sure, love takes time. Quality times requires quantity but quantity does not always equals quality time. A healthy relationship is a balance of commitment and intimacy. It's like a triangle where the level of intimacy rises with the level of commitment. The tip of the triangle represents the highest level of commitment which is marriage and the highest level of intimacy which is the sexual union. When people go straight to the tip of intimacy without commitment, it is bound to fail. People's need for time before they commit is subjective and depends on many factors.
Matthew 6:33New International Version (NIV)
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. God is always interested in every detail of our life, even the ordinary questions like these. His wisdom is not limited to the big ones, but, indeed, His wisdom is seen in people seeking the simple ones.
But what kind of relationship are you talking about? And to whom? This is also needed to be known.
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. God is always interested in every detail of our life, even the ordinary questions like these. His wisdom is not limited to the big ones, but, indeed, His wisdom is seen in people seeking the simple ones.
But what kind of relationship are you talking about? And to whom? This is also needed to be known.
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T
Tinuviel
Guest
Yeah, I kind of realized that was unclear after I posted. Sorry about that
. I was thinking in a romantic relationship how fast would you say it should go from the time you meet or are interested in the person to the time you tie the knot?
Idk. 6 months - 2 years depending on what it's proceeding to. I think by then you're either going forward or you're not. But if they're barely even friends and then somebody bends unexpectedly, it doesn't take as long.
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T
Tinuviel
Guest
Is this about going from just friends to "a relationship"?... or from a relationship to marriage?
Y
Yahweh_is_gracious
Guest
Very slowly.
Both men and women are very skilled at putting up a nice facade, and it takes a long time to see past that fluff and get to know the real person. Then, people need to meet each other's friends and families. Then, the couple needs to have a lot of time to think, reflect, and see each other in a variety of situations to see the "real" person they are with.
Both men and women are very skilled at putting up a nice facade, and it takes a long time to see past that fluff and get to know the real person. Then, people need to meet each other's friends and families. Then, the couple needs to have a lot of time to think, reflect, and see each other in a variety of situations to see the "real" person they are with.
I'm going to say it should be about 6mo-1yr between deciding that you are going to be a couple and deciding whether you're going to stay a couple (ie get married). I'd also say you should either know the person for several months or have a super good recommendation from people you trust before considering becoming a couple and once you've decided to marry and stay a couple you should get married within a year or so of that decision. But people can be foolish, especially when hormones are involved, and get themselves into all kinds of situations that are unbalanced and uhealthy.
T
Tinuviel
Guest
D
DrawMeClose
Guest
For me, it shouldn't have a timeline so I voted for other. I think it can be days, weeks, month, or years. Depends on what God has planned for you and your partner. One thing that would matter is if this man or woman is the one that God has assigned to be in your life. Without His approval, the relationship will not work. I think we should pray and ask God for his guidance so that we wouldn't be in the wrong relationship.
Clearly, I don't know every situation, but I suspect that for every couple who met and married within a few weeks and remained married until death, there are dozens if not hundreds of couples who took a similar amount of time and later divorced.
That aside, I have my own experience to draw on. I got married less than eight months after meeting the woman who is now my ex-wife. There were certain key things I didn't know, and things I did know but didn't investigate adequately, which contributed to the eventual divorce. Mea culpa, et caveat emptor.
Many couples spend their "dating" time in a fantasy world, not investing time in preparing to be married. By all means, enjoy time together; dating shouldn't be a series of grueling interviews either. It should be a time during which the idea of marriage is held very lightly, such that either party may say, "This doesn't work for me," without resulting in resentment or regret. Better to part peacefully prior to marriage than sadly after it.
Once engaged, many couples spend more effort and time on the wedding than on the marriage which follows it. A good pre-marital counseling process ideally should be the basis for several soul-baring conversations, but not the sum of them!
Some will argue that biblical marriages didn't have all this preparation, and that's true, but the culture in which those marriages took place is not the 21st century, in which fornication is celebrated, divorce is easy, and families broken by it are more common than intact ones. Frankly, we should be better prepared without all this work, simply by the acute awareness that marital breakdown is so common.
That aside, I have my own experience to draw on. I got married less than eight months after meeting the woman who is now my ex-wife. There were certain key things I didn't know, and things I did know but didn't investigate adequately, which contributed to the eventual divorce. Mea culpa, et caveat emptor.
Many couples spend their "dating" time in a fantasy world, not investing time in preparing to be married. By all means, enjoy time together; dating shouldn't be a series of grueling interviews either. It should be a time during which the idea of marriage is held very lightly, such that either party may say, "This doesn't work for me," without resulting in resentment or regret. Better to part peacefully prior to marriage than sadly after it.
Once engaged, many couples spend more effort and time on the wedding than on the marriage which follows it. A good pre-marital counseling process ideally should be the basis for several soul-baring conversations, but not the sum of them!
Some will argue that biblical marriages didn't have all this preparation, and that's true, but the culture in which those marriages took place is not the 21st century, in which fornication is celebrated, divorce is easy, and families broken by it are more common than intact ones. Frankly, we should be better prepared without all this work, simply by the acute awareness that marital breakdown is so common.
For me starting out as friends first and getting to know someone properly is good instead of being boyfriend and girlfriend right away so I think about 2-3 years is a good timeline from meeting being friends first and then dating/courtship, engagement and married.
Some relationships are merely biological: parents and children and siblings. (Immediate family. I know we are all descendants of Adam and Eve. Someone was bound to point that out.)
Social relationships: neighbors, citizenship, etc.
Political relationships.
Relationship believers have with the Father and with one another.
Personal relationships. Husband and wife. Boyfriend and girlfriend.
How fast?
Depends on the purpose of the relationship? Possible marriage relationship?
It is possible for two single young adults to go from 0 (dating) to 60 (married) in a relative short period of time and end up having a life long happy marriage.
How so? Both are believers. Both are mature and have dated and are aware of the type of personality that fits them. Compatibility.
In fact, I know of older adults who after losing a spouse, find they are married again in about 6 months to a year after their spouse has died. And they are happy in that relationship.
Experienced drivers tend to have fewer accidents. (That's why car insurance more costly for those under 25 years of age.)
To go from 0 to 60 in a year or less for a young person, that has challenges. How will the relationship change or affect the goals of each? If the relationship gains momentum and becomes the primary focus - is that a good thing or a bad thing? Imagine a college student distracted (negatively or positively) by the relationship. Those distractions are like bumps in the road to a degree or to similar goals.
Is the person experienced enough to handle those bumps and still focus to reach the goal? If not, put the brakes on if education is the first priority.
Of course there's the issue of who? Who is the other person?
Is he a believer? No.
Morals? Not what they should be.
Well, those are not necessarily stop signs, but they ought to bring the drive to crawl. Proceed with caution! Time to change destination.
Is he willing to talk? Listen? Discuss? If not and you proceed, you will face twists and turns in your relationship if you hold to your godly morals.
Let's say the person is a young woman. Senior year in college. Christian. Has met a young Christian man. He's a senior in college. Christian. Both have experience dating and with relationships. Both love each other's personality. Both attracted to each other. Both agree to focus on college but continue to stay together. How fast?
Well, in that scenario: that's about 0 to 60 in 18 months, maybe less. But not before graduation.
It all depends on compatibility, beliefs and standards, goals.
That was fun. Hope it gives you some helpful tips. Good luck.
And drive carefully.