I'm so scared of real life.

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happyface said:
My husband has cancer I know I will lose him. none understands how scared I am, I sit here and have so much to take in. My Rod has been my carer for years, I am so lost in the world. It easy for others to just say don't be afraid. I suffer with mental illness and ive always been prompted by Rod to do things. like bill paying etc. I wish I could be a better person, I have a slow mind because of my feet issues. I want to be strong but I'm scared. I have my name down to be near my parents but I'm scared I'll be alone. If I could die with Rod I would.Life is so cruel.
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oh Happy face I am sorry.. I understand your fear to an extent. Can I just tell you that I have anxiety and I have many many fears some which still haunt me to this day. I have found that taking a little step everyday to conquer my fears is helping. You can get a social worker or someone to help you to learn how to do these things. you can also put little notes around to remind you to them on certain days etc... I was sick in my situation I did not want to leave the house. I was afraid of just about everything.. I have learned to try not to psych myself out.. slowly it has taken time and practice but i have learned that I am my own worse enemy. Girl you seem smart I have faith that you can learn these things and you will do better then you let yourself believe. Look into some resources on who can help you with these things so you can manage them on your own.. you really need to start believing in yourself some a little bit at a time. As even still i struggle myself with my fears I have my set backs but they are no were near as bad as they were.. God bless you you will be okay you can do it..
 
happyface said:
Rod can be so stubborn, he asking to go travelling at a moments notice, like at night, he calls me boring, so far we have been to Scotland Wales Cornwall in a matter of weeks. Tonight out of the blue he asked to travel to Oxford, just because I wasn't ready to answer he gets mad. I hate being called boring. He's the one who falls half asleep in the car due to driving, he's so determined character.
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Please don't take it to heart, he is just scared, confused, hurting, try to love him with all that is within you, and overlook every slight, you will never be sorry for this, I promise.
 
levi85 said:
Lord we pray for happyface and Rod, please heal them physically, spiritually and emotionally. Lord also remove the fears and worriness. Let you be their God and Glorified in their lives . bless them financially. Yes Lord we agree and pray , please bless their lives. In Jesus Holy name, Amen!
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I'm Going to Love You Through It - My Poem to My Husband
ShelliLemmo

Nov 08, 2011 - 9:06 am
I wish I could take the cancer from your body; I wish I could take the despair from your heart;
I wish I could take all the symptoms from your mind;
I wish I could stop all the pain, illness and fear.
I will be at your side every step of the way; I will not falter; I will be brave;
I will love you no matter what course you choose; I will do everything I can to help you through.
I hate to see you suffer; It hurts to watch you in pain;
I hate that I can’t make you feel better; My heart aches that I can’t make it go away.
I know that you are weary; I know that you are afraid;
I know that you don’t feel well; Please know that I’m here and let me help!
I will be with you every step of the way; No matter what course you choose;
I will love you and stand by you; I will be your rock, your strength, and I will pray for you.
When you are feeling weak, lean on me; When you are feeling afraid, let me hold you;
When you need to talk; talk to me; I WILL love you through this, if you just let me.
I will be your nurse when you need nursing; I will be your best friend when you need friendship;
I will be your support team when your attitude is not quite positive;
I will be your punching bag when you are angry;
I will be your strength when you are weak; I will be your rock when you are afraid;
I will be your shoulder to lean on when you have doubts;
I will ask the questions you are afraid to ask.
I will fight when you are too weak to fight; I will cry when you are too afraid to cry;
I will scream for you when you are too tired to scream; I will pray with you when you feel alone.
I will never give in to doubt or fear; I will never give up on you or us;
I have Faith in your ability to fight this;
And I have enough love for you to let you make your own choice!
YOU do not have Cancer …WE have Cancer;
We will pray together and fight together;
We will fear together and treat together;
I AM going to love you through this.
With All My Hope, Faith and Love, Your Wife
November 1, 2011
Michelle Lemmo
 
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student said:
Here are some options you may not be aware of:
-Social Security Disability (for mental illness)
-County workers (for mental illness) They will stop in weekly or more to assist you. You may need a referral from your psychiatrist or another doctor.
-A Christian therapist - they are well versed in the word and can help you better than an average therapist.
-Reach out to your pastor for support and understanding. He may know a support group for you or other suggestions.
-Prayer and lots of it. Search the Word for understanding and journal your prayers to see the results.
-Remember, above all else you are NOT alone nor do you need to be.

Blessings! -student
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She's British, so SS isn't going to help her. And their healthcare is such that it will take a bit to be approved for assistants.
 
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KALYNA18 said:
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Thanks Kalnya, your very nice. Everytime I see Rods face it upsets me, but my hope is saved by God. Yesterday my brain was so slow, rod only has to mention neighborhood and I get weary. But I look at him and feel very overwhelmed by everything, even his colour of his skin. I keep a lot to myself but I'm so shy . The encouraged messages on here are so uplifting, god bless you all xx
 
Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed — in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality.
 
happyface said:
Thanks Kalnya, your very nice. Everytime I see Rods face it upsets me, but my hope is saved by God. Yesterday my brain was so slow, rod only has to mention neighborhood and I get weary. But I look at him and feel very overwhelmed by everything, even his colour of his skin. I keep a lot to myself but I'm so shy . The encouraged messages on here are so uplifting, god bless you all xx
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What color is his skin? (When I took John to the hospital, while they were futzing with him, one of the nurses told me she could tell immediately he needed help NOW because his skin was gray. I could still look at him and I couldn't see gray skin, so it amazes me that you see a change in skin color.)
 
Silverwings said:
I'm Going to Love You Through It - My Poem to My Husband
ShelliLemmo

Nov 08, 2011 - 9:06 am
I wish I could take the cancer from your body; I wish I could take the despair from your heart;
I wish I could take all the symptoms from your mind;
I wish I could stop all the pain, illness and fear.
I will be at your side every step of the way; I will not falter; I will be brave;
I will love you no matter what course you choose; I will do everything I can to help you through.
I hate to see you suffer; It hurts to watch you in pain;
I hate that I can’t make you feel better; My heart aches that I can’t make it go away.
I know that you are weary; I know that you are afraid;
I know that you don’t feel well; Please know that I’m here and let me help!
I will be with you every step of the way; No matter what course you choose;
I will love you and stand by you; I will be your rock, your strength, and I will pray for you.
When you are feeling weak, lean on me; When you are feeling afraid, let me hold you;
When you need to talk; talk to me; I WILL love you through this, if you just let me.
I will be your nurse when you need nursing; I will be your best friend when you need friendship;
I will be your support team when your attitude is not quite positive;
I will be your punching bag when you are angry;
I will be your strength when you are weak; I will be your rock when you are afraid;
I will be your shoulder to lean on when you have doubts;
I will ask the questions you are afraid to ask.
I will fight when you are too weak to fight; I will cry when you are too afraid to cry;
I will scream for you when you are too tired to scream; I will pray with you when you feel alone.
I will never give in to doubt or fear; I will never give up on you or us;
I have Faith in your ability to fight this;
And I have enough love for you to let you make your own choice!
YOU do not have Cancer …WE have Cancer;
We will pray together and fight together;
We will fear together and treat together;
I AM going to love you through this.
With All My Hope, Faith and Love, Your Wife
November 1, 2011
Michelle Lemmo
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As I wrote this poem, and was re -reading it, the phone rang, and my oldest daughter gave me the news that her husband of less then 2 years now, was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. So sad, they love each other so much, but the drs. are optimistic and gave them hope. Nobody ever said that life was fair. I sent her this same poem, hoping it helps her thru the bad days.
 
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Im sorry for the diagnoses. Remember Christ is the big C. Not cancer... He can
help you overcome!
 
Silverwings said:
As I wrote this poem, and was re -reading it, the phone rang, and my oldest daughter gave me the news that her husband of less then 2 years now, was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. So sad, they love each other so much, but the drs. are optimistic and gave them hope. Nobody ever said that life was fair. I sent her this same poem, hoping it helps her thru the bad days.
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Thank you, your poem made me weep,but the words remind me of how unselfish I have to be at times.We are still going out in the car, but I know Rod may get worse, but I'm taking it day by day. Prayers for Rods brother Roy he might have heart issues, they have both been under stress with their mother. She's a night made with her sons. I hope God understand my prayers and I'm not like a big child.
 
Happyface, your such a pretty girl ! I sure hate the idea of fear to take that sweet smile off your face. As you said yourself, Jesus has been and will forever be your strength, and should new responsibilities come, He will be your friend and strength then too. Your so right! Its very scary out there now, and what your going through makes it even scarier. I pray tonight for your bravery to accept God"s will and to guide you through all of HIS plans with courage and resolve. I pray for your husbands healing and I pray for the comfort of Jesus to show his face through the support and love from good friends here on earth. I've tasted loneliness big time, and I amazed myself, how through reading the Bible, praying, and writing a daily journal I pulled myself through it with Jesus beside me. I pray also for your health of body and mind so you will not weaken from distress. Tonight I pray all these thing for Happyface , through Jesus Christ.Amen !
 
Cerwin said:
Happyface, your such a pretty girl ! I sure hate the idea of fear to take that sweet smile off your face. As you said yourself, Jesus has been and will forever be your strength, and should new responsibilities come, He will be your friend and strength then too. Your so right! Its very scary out there now, and what your going through makes it even scarier. I pray tonight for your bravery to accept God"s will and to guide you through all of HIS plans with courage and resolve. I pray for your husbands healing and I pray for the comfort of Jesus to show his face through the support and love from good friends here on earth. I've tasted loneliness big time, and I amazed myself, how through reading the Bible, praying, and writing a daily journal I pulled myself through it with Jesus beside me. I pray also for your health of body and mind so you will not weaken from distress. Tonight I pray all these thing for Happyface , through Jesus Christ.Amen !
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Thank you for your very heart warming words. Today I feel like I'm trying to deal with everything. I do struggle with my brain and feet pain, but I also struggle with this stress of my husband having even more symptoms and pain in his bottom. I wish I didn't have to wait to do things with my husband, but I'm not very independent myself. Once I start to cry I can't stop, because I like simple things to do. I know I'm going to have to be strong one day. I hate my own company at times. Thank you again for letting me know I can keep going. Amen
 
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