Unfair rules

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K

Kasteve5

Guest
#1
#1
I seem to get really upset with unfairness and at the moment I can't get it out of my mind. My son was in a surf competition and came equal first so the rules are whoever had the highest single score wave wins. However one of the scorers said our son had the highest score and his next 2 waves closed out so they where average scores the other boy had 3 ok waves so they decided to change the rules and count 3 waves instead of the normal 2 (the boys top 2 waves came to an equal score). This boy that won is a real big bully and I was even thinking of homeschooling at one stage as he was getting my son so down. The teacher however saw and split them into different classes. I could explain more but let's just say this kid(He's 16) fits a narcissist personality too well (people who don't really know him thinks he is so charming and vulnerable). I'm am really disgusted that adults have changed the rule to let this kid win. It is so unfair and wrong. What would others do in this situation? And am I right to feel so bothered by this?
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#2
#2
Kasteve5 said:
I seem to get really upset with unfairness and at the moment I can't get it out of my mind. My son was in a surf competition and came equal first so the rules are whoever had the highest single score wave wins. However one of the scorers said our son had the highest score and his next 2 waves closed out so they where average scores the other boy had 3 ok waves so they decided to change the rules and count 3 waves instead of the normal 2 (the boys top 2 waves came to an equal score). This boy that won is a real big bully and I was even thinking of homeschooling at one stage as he was getting my son so down. The teacher however saw and split them into different classes. I could explain more but let's just say this kid(He's 16) fits a narcissist personality too well (people who don't really know him thinks he is so charming and vulnerable). I'm am really disgusted that adults have changed the rule to let this kid win. It is so unfair and wrong. What would others do in this situation? And am I right to feel so bothered by this?
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It is a sport and I've never been big into sports so it seems a bit over-the-top to me, but this is obviously something important to you since it involves your child. Take it to the LORD in prayer, that's all I can say. He perfectly understands, and HE was treated more unfairly than anyone who ever lived.
 
K

Kasteve5

Guest
#3
#3
Don't get me wrong I am fine with second but when I found out that he had actually won so they changed the rules I was really upset with the favoritism of it.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#4
Jan 24, 2011
11,786
2,960
113
#4
My kids were really involved in sports. I was also involved, in that I saw something unfair happening to one of my sons, and I got elected to the Minor Hockey executive, and got a lot of things changed.

However, I always told my kids "Life isn't fair!' Because, there is ALWAYS going to be some situation where something happens the is unjust, and we are helpless to change. We live in a fallen world, and people are selfish.

So, definitely go to bat for your kids, even if that means devoting your life to a sport that was just supposed to be for fun! But, let your kids know that things aren't fair, but they need to learn how to forgive and move on.

My kids turned out really well, despite spending so much time in sports, including junior and pro hockey for one, junior and university hockey for the other. I could tell you so many awful stories, about things that happened to them, but it made them stronger, and of better character, knowing that there are things they just cannot change, but they cannot become bitter about these injustices.

I hope that helps a bit!
 
M

Miri

Guest
#5
#5
God knows the truth and that's all that matters.

Was thinking of Joseph as I read the OP. Life was so unfair to him that he ended
up in prison falsely accused. But God recognised his faithfulness and ellivsted him to the
second most powerful man in Egypt after Pharoah. Show your son the story of Joseph.
 
Blik

Blik

Senior Member
#6
Dec 6, 2016
7,312
2,428
113
#6
Kasteve5 said:
I seem to get really upset with unfairness and at the moment I can't get it out of my mind. My son was in a surf competition and came equal first so the rules are whoever had the highest single score wave wins. However one of the scorers said our son had the highest score and his next 2 waves closed out so they where average scores the other boy had 3 ok waves so they decided to change the rules and count 3 waves instead of the normal 2 (the boys top 2 waves came to an equal score). This boy that won is a real big bully and I was even thinking of homeschooling at one stage as he was getting my son so down. The teacher however saw and split them into different classes. I could explain more but let's just say this kid(He's 16) fits a narcissist personality too well (people who don't really know him thinks he is so charming and vulnerable). I'm am really disgusted that adults have changed the rule to let this kid win. It is so unfair and wrong. What would others do in this situation? And am I right to feel so bothered by this?
Click to expand...
I hate man made rules. Hitler made rules expressing his value system and said those rules aced out God's rules. Any time we must live with man made rules with secular people administering them they do not follow justice.

I live in a facility that cares for my physical needs. As an example, their rules are to insure our swafety. They sneak out any items from our room they decide against. My wonderful dressmaking shears are gone. When I had MRSA they cleaned my room once a week instead of the daily cleaning I needed and stole my disinfectant. When I asked for it back they said it was against the rules.

That said, it is very important that we accept what we cannot change. It is the Lord's work to judge and give us justice, we may not take on this responsibility unless God gives us ways to make it better. As we learn to do this we grow in the Lord and are repaid with joy as we accept. If we don't use God's way of living with this we become bitter, unhappy, and resentful.

God allowed this experience to happen to your daughter. You can use it to help your daughter become a vibrant, joyful woman.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#7
#7
Blik said:
I hate man made rules. Hitler made rules expressing his value system and said those rules aced out God's rules. Any time we must live with man made rules with secular people administering them they do not follow justice.

I live in a facility that cares for my physical needs. As an example, their rules are to insure our swafety. They sneak out any items from our room they decide against. My wonderful dressmaking shears are gone. When I had MRSA they cleaned my room once a week instead of the daily cleaning I needed and stole my disinfectant. When I asked for it back they said it was against the rules.

That said, it is very important that we accept what we cannot change. It is the Lord's work to judge and give us justice, we may not take on this responsibility unless God gives us ways to make it better. As we learn to do this we grow in the Lord and are repaid with joy as we accept. If we don't use God's way of living with this we become bitter, unhappy, and resentful.

God allowed this experience to happen to your daughter. You can use it to help your daughter become a vibrant, joyful woman.
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From teen surfing to Hitler. Quite a leap. And you want her son to be a vibrant, joyful woman?
 
Blik

Blik

Senior Member
#8
Dec 6, 2016
7,312
2,428
113
#8
Ugly said:
From teen surfing to Hitler. Quite a leap. And you want her son to be a vibrant, joyful woman?
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I feel as if you trashed all I said.

I wasn't "Hitler" as the point, it was having a value system considered worthy of trashing God's value system for.

And yes, to accept what we can't change and make the best of it following the ways of the Lord does result in vibrant joyful people.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#9
#9
Ugly said:
From teen surfing to Hitler. Quite a leap. And you want her son to be a vibrant, joyful woman?
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Oh Ugly, you are so funny!
5006.gif
 
M

Miri

Guest
#10
#10
Blik said:
I feel as if you trashed all I said.

I wasn't "Hitler" as the point, it was having a value system considered worthy of trashing God's value system for.

And yes, to accept what we can't change and make the best of it following the ways of the Lord does result in vibrant joyful people.
Click to expand...

I think you misunderstood Ugly's dry sense of humour, the OP was talking
about her son, not her daughter. Your comments brightened up the day though. :D
 
K

Kasteve5

Guest
#11
#11
Thanks for all of your input. It's nice for me to be able to talk about it. My son actually is not to bothered by it he is an extremely humble kid who dosnt let things like that get to him. It is me with the problem but I think I just needed to talk to someone about it as you have all made me feel better. Life is unfair and I am unfortunately way to sensitive. I am still hurt that they obviously wanted this boy to win even though he hadn't but I will get over it I guess.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#12
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#12
Did they use the 3rd wave as a tie breaker? It sounds like your Son is a good surfer, that's cool.
 
K

Kasteve5

Guest
#13
#13
They count your top 2 waves as a final score but they equaled as my son caught one really good one and 2 closeouts. The other boy caught 3 so instead of the highest single wave score which always decides the tie they decided to count 3 waves to decide it. And they know that's not what you do He is quite good but I guess now importantly he just absolutely loves it.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#14
#14
Kasteve5 said:
Thanks for all of your input. It's nice for me to be able to talk about it. My son actually is not to bothered by it he is an extremely humble kid who dosnt let things like that get to him. It is me with the problem but I think I just needed to talk to someone about it as you have all made me feel better. Life is unfair and I am unfortunately way to sensitive. I am still hurt that they obviously wanted this boy to win even though he hadn't but I will get over it I guess.
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I think you deserve a metal for this. Honestly, in your first post I was wondering what awful thing happened that your lives were forever destroyed. And then you said this! That your son can accept it's no big thing is a wonderful testimony to you as a mom.

That you got all kinds of discombobulated over this unrighteousness? Ah, you're also human. :)
 
O

oldethennew

Banned
#15
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,976
113
#15
Angela53510 said:
My kids were really involved in sports. I was also involved, in that I saw something unfair happening to one of my sons, and I got elected to the Minor Hockey executive, and got a lot of things changed.

However, I always told my kids "Life isn't fair!' Because, there is ALWAYS going to be some situation where something happens the is unjust, and we are helpless to change. We live in a fallen world, and people are selfish.

So, definitely go to bat for your kids, even if that means devoting your life to a sport that was just supposed to be for fun! But, let your kids know that things aren't fair, but they need to learn how to forgive and move on.

My kids turned out really well, despite spending so much time in sports, including junior and pro hockey for one, junior and university hockey for the other. I could tell you so many awful stories, about things that happened to them, but it made them stronger, and of better character, knowing that there are things they just cannot change, but they cannot become bitter about these injustices.

I hope that helps a bit!
Click to expand...
============================================

great post!

obviously it made them stronger because they were blessed with a
'stronger-MOM!!!
 
O

oldethennew

Banned
#16
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,976
113
#16
Kasteve5 said:
Thanks for all of your input. It's nice for me to be able to talk about it. My son actually is not to bothered by it he is an extremely humble kid who dosnt let things like that get to him. It is me with the problem but I think I just needed to talk to someone about it as you have all made me feel better. Life is unfair and I am unfortunately way to sensitive. I am still hurt that they obviously wanted this boy to win even though he hadn't but I will get over it I guess.
Click to expand...
============================================

let go of your needless and maybe prideful HURT, for in this 'fallen-world', God's rules/justice
are very rare indeed...
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#17
Mar 13, 2014
42,738
17,199
113
70
Tennessee
#17
Personally, regarding God, I would not want Him to deal with me fairly but rather with compassion and mercy.
 
L

loisola

Guest
#18
#18
I'll say take your son out and celebrate! For the other boy who won because of the unfair rule, you might not know what this rule has spared him of... who knows what would have happened if he had lost...You have Jesus and your son has both of you. Do you know if that other young chap has someone like you by him? Go out have fun celebrate your son. Your reaction at this point will go a long way in His life. ☺
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#19
#19
unfair??? they both got to ride waves,that's awesome, and they both survived the ocean,that is a blessing be grateful for this,instead of a trivial contest,contests come and go and are replaced with a new kind anytime,but your son and the other child are "irreplaceable",I would hope you care more for either one,more than the contest outcome(yes even the other child,bully or not he holds value in God's eyes and should hold value to you as well,because though you may disagree with how he acts,surely you wouldn't want a parent to ever lose a child to such a contest!)
 
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