Friends with a guy for 3 years

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Noelle01

Guest
#1
So I've been friends with a Christian guy for three years. He believes the same core stuff I do. Our relationship has been headed toward courtship for a while. We talk every day, and several times day through Facebook messenger. Recently, we've been fighting a lot. Now, he won't even contact me. I feel like I shouldn't keep contacting him first; Am I wrong? Should I just wait for him to do the pursuing? I would hate to lose his friendship.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
One thing that's turns most men off is a woman that seems clingy. And people in general don't enjoy someone that won't respect their wishes or need for privacy or space.
Also if you're always nose deep in this guys crack you're not giving him a chance to see what it's like without you, and if anything you're giving him more reasons to avoid you.
Lastly it can come off as desperate. Back off. Maybe he wants time to cool off and evaluate things. And you aren't giving him that.
No guarantees he will reconcile if you back off, but I can guarantee he Won't if you keep doing what you're doing.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,414
2,405
113
#3
Fighting a lot? About what? And yeah for your own sanity, stop talking to or messaging him multiple times a day.
 
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Noelle01

Guest
#4
Fighting a lot? About what? And yeah for your own sanity, stop talking to or messaging him multiple times a day.
About all kinds of things...
mostly about where we live (1,000 miles from each other), how hard it is to keep up long distance relationships, the differences in the ways we think, the stuff I do wrong...etc..
You are both probably right...
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#5
Ask him if he will have a conversation with you. If he wants to break things off, he should at least have a final conversation with you to give you a sense of closure. Three years is a lot of time for either of you to invest. It's not three weeks, or three months even. If he is ghosting you, that is mean.
 

Bibiie

Junior Member
May 21, 2017
2
0
1
#6
Just letting people be is the greatest attraction for them. The fact that you have been friends for that long and are both Christians doesn't mean you are destined to end up together.

Obviously, he wants to be left alone for whatever reason. Respect that and allow him to miss you.

Concentrate on other things that make you happy for now.

Funny thing is, whenever you let a guy be he comes back to you at a time when you have your head properly cleared and priorities straight. At that point you are able to make the best of choices. It might even surprise you that you won't be interested in him anymore.

And if he never comes back to you, trust me you will be fine.
 
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NoNameMcgee

Guest
#7
no advice

but i hope you find Gods will on this matter


sorry youre dealin with this

doesnt sound fun :/
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,427
16,915
113
69
Tennessee
#8
About all kinds of things...
mostly about where we live (1,000 miles from each other), how hard it is to keep up long distance relationships, the differences in the ways we think, the stuff I do wrong...etc..
You are both probably right...
Have you to every met in person? Three years is a long time to try to maintain a long-distance relationship, especially if you have never, or even rarely see each other.
 
W

Wild

Guest
#9
1000 miles away from each other? Thats doomed from the start...
 
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Galatea

Guest
#10
Just letting people be is the greatest attraction for them. The fact that you have been friends for that long and are both Christians doesn't mean you are destined to end up together.

Obviously, he wants to be left alone for whatever reason. Respect that and allow him to miss you.

Concentrate on other things that make you happy for now.

Funny thing is, whenever you let a guy be he comes back to you at a time when you have your head properly cleared and priorities straight. At that point you are able to make the best of choices. It might even surprise you that you won't be interested in him anymore.

And if he never comes back to you, trust me you will be fine.
But she DESERVES to know what is going on his mind and heart. Reverse the roles. Let us say a man and woman have been romantically entwined for THREE years, and the woman refuses to speak to the man anymore and will not tell the poor man if she is still interested or not. I know what most people would think about a woman like that- that she is using him as a puppet. Why is it different if the woman is being ghosted? What makes a woman wanting to know the status of a relationship clingy, when a man refuses to speak to her and answer her questions, yet a woma who did this sort of thing would be the worst sort of manipulator?

This is biblical, too. Yea should be yea, and nay should be nay. No one deserves to be subjected to having their heart on tenterhooks.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,427
16,915
113
69
Tennessee
#11
1000 miles away from each other? Thats doomed from the start...
Not necessarily. Certainly, if you were never to see each other the prospects would be bad for the relationship, but if you met after a couple months and then a few moths after that you might have a chance. Seems to me if you really care about someone you would eventually want to marry this person. It shouldn't take 3 years to make up your mind however.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,908
9,652
113
#12
1000 miles is a long distance. No wonder you argue about that. Obviously he wants something different. If he complains about what YOU do wrong, then it's likely he'll find fault with any girl. He probably already has a REAL girlfriend in his own town, and just used the internet to let you down. Leave the guy alone.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#13
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Noelle01

Guest
#14
We've met up many times, usually every 2 or 3 months. I usually stay with his family.
The last time was 6 months ago, and I think that makes this harder.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
59,139
28,473
113
#15
Do you want his friendship, or his courtship?
 
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Noelle01

Guest
#16
Do you want his friendship, or his courtship?
I'll settle for friendship, but I'm not opposed to it becoming a courtship when we're both ready for it.
 

spunkycat08

Senior Member
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#17
I'll settle for friendship, but I'm not opposed to it becoming a courtship when we're both ready for it.
OP:

Leave this one up to God.
Seek his wisdom and guidance on this.
His answer may or may not be what you want, but it is what he wants for you and him.
 
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Noelle01

Guest
#18
But she DESERVES to know what is going on his mind and heart. Reverse the roles. Let us say a man and woman have been romantically entwined for THREE years, and the woman refuses to speak to the man anymore and will not tell the poor man if she is still interested or not. I know what most people would think about a woman like that- that she is using him as a puppet. Why is it different if the woman is being ghosted? What makes a woman wanting to know the status of a relationship clingy, when a man refuses to speak to her and answer her questions, yet a woma who did this sort of thing would be the worst sort of manipulator?

This is biblical, too. Yea should be yea, and nay should be nay. No one deserves to be subjected to having their heart on tenterhooks.
I did what you suggested, just for closure's sake. All he said was he'll think about it. I think with all the time and effort we have put into each other, we owe it to ourselves.
I don't understand why this is happening.
 

spunkycat08

Senior Member
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#19
I did what you suggested, just for closure's sake. All he said was he'll think about it. I think with all the time and effort we have put into each other, we owe it to ourselves.
I don't understand why this is happening.
OP:

God has the answer as to why this is happening.
Ask him.
 
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Galatea

Guest
#20
I did what you suggested, just for closure's sake. All he said was he'll think about it. I think with all the time and effort we have put into each other, we owe it to ourselves.
I don't understand why this is happening.
He said he'd think about talking to you? Or he'd think about trying to court?

I would think he would know by now whether he wants to court or not, but I don't presume to know what goes on in the minds of men. They are a mystery to me.