im probably the worst christian ever

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tkgurl

Guest
#1
#1
i have so much hate harbored inside. i cant unleash it. i cant change it. i cant forgive anyone or myself. especially my father. i hate him. i cant help it. hes the worst. i cant stand him at all. hes the worst father ever. when i was younger he believed in using a belt to discipline. that is the worst method of discipline. it screws the kid up. atleast thats what it did to me. it made me think that my parents hate me. so i hated them in return. my dad would beat me with a leather belt when he thought i did something wrong. even if i did something on accident. he would beat the back of my legs until i had marks and bruises. he told me punishment like that was in the bible. hes pretty old fashioned. and he thinks guys are superior to girls. so my younger brother can do whatever he wants. since im the type of girl that stands up for myself i always got into arguments with my dad. he would scream and spit in my face. he told me he would hit me all the time. my mom always blamed me. at one point my parents almost got a divorce. i prayed to God that it would happen. it didnt. my parents said that they dont believe in divorce. my dad has a ton of medical issues too. he has bipolar and stuff. he used to go crazy and would hurt us and himself. he has medicine he has to take for that now. hes a huge control freak. he calls himself a christian and has basically taught me that God is a dictator. he refuses to change. i dont know why my mother ever married him. he controls her. i wish i was never born. i serve no purpose. i benefit no one in anyway. i have no friends. everything is slipping away. ive thought of suicide so much but i would never do that because i know that even though i am alone in this world God still loves me. pray for me. i need help. i need God more than ever. i dont want to fall away. the price may be too great....
 
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MonicaR

Guest
#2
#2
Hi tkgurl, this post made me sad, im very sorry for what you're going through. But you seem to be a strong young women and you have to believe that you are worth far more then you think you are. You do have purpose, only God knows what that truly is, Jeremiah 29:11-14 says "For I know the plans i have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and i will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." I will pray for you, and you can PM me if you need to ever talk.
 
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Love009

Guest
#3
#3
I'm truly sorry you have been through so much. I would have to say I don't know the type of pain your feeling but I do know pain, I'm sure everyone does. But God places things in our life to make us lean on Him. I know its hard to see right now, but just like MonicaR said he has a purpose for you. Hold on girl, don't give up. God is waiting for you to grab hold of Him and hold on for dear life. You have the choice, you can give up or turn to God and He will give you strength and courage in your time of need. also listen to this song, it might help you. YouTube - Superchick - Beauty From Pain (lyrics) PM me if you need to talk. God bless you
 
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jimmydiggs

Guest
#4
#4
tkgurl said:
i wish i was never born. i serve no purpose. i benefit no one in anyway.
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You should be happy to be alive.

You have a purpose, just haven't found it yet.

You benefit many. You just refuse to look around and see.

i have no friends.
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I'd be happy to be your friend.

everything is slipping away.
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Take my hand.


ive thought of suicide so much but i would never do that because i know that even though i am alone in this world
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Everyone considers it at least once, but you just gotta keep truckin'.

God still loves me.
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I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me. - Proverbs 8:17

pray for me.
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Will do.

i need help.
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Let me know what I can do.




i need God more than ever.
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I am sure he will help you.

i dont want to fall away.
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Don't worry, I'll catch you. I won't let you fall.




the price may be too great....
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Absolutely. Life is much too precious to throw away. Everything gets better.
 
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jimmydiggs

Guest
#7
#7
Good music. Australian group from the 60's, better than the beatles and rolling stones at times.
 
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#8
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#8
tkgirl, keep hanging on to Jesus. One day this will all be behind you.
My heart and prayers are with you from this day forward.
Hugs and God bless, pickles
 
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ShelleBelle76

Guest
#9
#9
You are NOT the worst Christian ever! You have to compete with me sweetheart! :)~

Seriously though... my heart goes out to you and I promise you I am going to pray for you every night, that God wraps His loving arms around you and gives you peace and comfort in your situation. You are 15 years old and in a very undesirable situation, so please don't be too hard on yourself when you feel angry. That is a killer emotion that many of us are STILL trying to harness. And it does not make you a bad Christiian to feel that way. You just have to lean on God (I know, the magic phrase, huh?) when you feel you cannot handle it anymore.

He has a purpose for you, honey. I know it is hard right now, but there will come a day when you get to walk away from all of that, and be your own person and develope your own world. And you are going to be a very strong individual because of this time you are enduring now. You are a survivor, and God will bless you for being faithful to Him through this.

This is very personal, but I want too share it with you. I went through a similar situation, but with my ex husband. And no matter how beaten and bloody I ever was, I know it was nothing at all in comparison to the pain Jesus Christ endured for you and me. He took stripes on His back, a crown of thorns, a sword pierced in His side and death by suffocation... and He too was innocent. He knows your pain, and He will vindicate you. Just trust in Him.

You don't know where you will be in 5 years... but I promise, it will not be where you are today!

Please write me if you ever need someone to talk to! :)
 
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tkgurl

Guest
#10
#10
thank you everyone for all your encouragement and support. im going through a very rough patch. it seems like this time has gone on forever. but i do need to focus on some good things. it seems that since im always angry or sad i forget a few things....im living in the united states. i have food and i can go to church without the threat of death. i have clothing. i have a few extra unneeded things too. i just forget with everything else going on. i always wonder how some people are so excited and happy about being a christian. on sundays they jump and shout praises and im like "why cant i be like that?" i want to.
 
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Love009

Guest
#12
#12
tkgurl said:
thank you everyone for all your encouragement and support. im going through a very rough patch. it seems like this time has gone on forever. but i do need to focus on some good things. it seems that since im always angry or sad i forget a few things....im living in the united states. i have food and i can go to church without the threat of death. i have clothing. i have a few extra unneeded things too. i just forget with everything else going on. i always wonder how some people are so excited and happy about being a christian. on sundays they jump and shout praises and im like "why cant i be like that?" i want to.
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I've come to realize it seems like everyone is always going through something. But your attitude is always what matters in the end. If your going through crap and act like crap than people see crap, if your going through crap and trust in God and praise God in the storm than people see someone who knows what to do in times of need.
 
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HumbleSaint

Guest
#13
#13
jimmydiggs said:
What you need, is some good music...

YouTube - I'm Alright by Kenny Loggins (Studio Version)

YouTube - Tom Petty - I Won't Back Down

YouTube - whitesnake-here i go again

Just a few to start...
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Thats bad advice those musicians are not Christian. They are of their father the devil and of their father's lusts they will do. John 8:44

I used to listen to that garbage before I got saved over 9 months ago and I can still remember the lyrics of these people.

White snake......"like a drifter I was born to walk alone"(denies Jesus) "Because I know what it means, to walk along the lonly street of dreams. Where is the hope in that song. I remember I used to listen to this song and feel sorry for myself.

Tom Petty---" You can stand me up at the gates of hell, but I won't back down(something like that)

When I renownced this kind of gargage it helped upon my eyes. So don't advice someone who is already struggleing by offering them something that will make it worse. The true sollution is faith in Jesus Christ.
 
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leeannabanana

Guest
#14
#14
tkgurl said:
i have so much hate harbored inside. i cant unleash it. i cant change it. i cant forgive anyone or myself. especially my father. i hate him. i cant help it. hes the worst. i cant stand him at all. hes the worst father ever. when i was younger he believed in using a belt to discipline. that is the worst method of discipline. it screws the kid up. atleast thats what it did to me. it made me think that my parents hate me. so i hated them in return. my dad would beat me with a leather belt when he thought i did something wrong. even if i did something on accident. he would beat the back of my legs until i had marks and bruises. he told me punishment like that was in the bible. hes pretty old fashioned. and he thinks guys are superior to girls. so my younger brother can do whatever he wants. since im the type of girl that stands up for myself i always got into arguments with my dad. he would scream and spit in my face. he told me he would hit me all the time. my mom always blamed me. at one point my parents almost got a divorce. i prayed to God that it would happen. it didnt. my parents said that they dont believe in divorce. my dad has a ton of medical issues too. he has bipolar and stuff. he used to go crazy and would hurt us and himself. he has medicine he has to take for that now. hes a huge control freak. he calls himself a christian and has basically taught me that God is a dictator. he refuses to change. i dont know why my mother ever married him. he controls her. i wish i was never born. i serve no purpose. i benefit no one in anyway. i have no friends. everything is slipping away. ive thought of suicide so much but i would never do that because i know that even though i am alone in this world God still loves me. pray for me. i need help. i need God more than ever. i dont want to fall away. the price may be too great....
Click to expand...
You need to talk to someone! This is too much to keep in! Is there a counselor or someone at school you can talk to? Do your parents have medical insurance? A lot of times counseling is covered. Don't loose your faith yet, my friend. God is not a dictator. He gave us free will remember? He wants us to "want" to be on his team. Do you have a journal? Maybe you could start at least writing some of your feelings down if nothing else. It always helps to get stuff off of your chest! You can personally message me anytime if you want to talk!
PS: When people put me down or hurt me, I use it as motivation. Motivation to excel and show them up in life. Strive to do well in school so that you can graduate and go to college and become something great. Maybe you can make a difference in the lives of others or help people who are in your position now?! Remember how awful your father makes you feel, and break the chain with your own children someday. I know it is hard, I've been in a very similar situation. Just keep your head up, and take it one day at a time. There is a better life out there. I promise. Jesus was verbally and physically abused. He was nailed to a cross and left there for days until he died. (and rose again!). He looked to God for strength and knew that there was a purpose for him. We may feel angry at God when he puts us through these challenges, but I can assure you, there is a purpose in it all. Although hard to understand, don't forget that!
 
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thatblondechick

Guest
#15
#15
You certainly aren't the worst Christian. Most Christians struggle with their faith, what to do with their lives, what their purpose is, etc.
Your father was bad and cruel to you because he is either A) a bad person or B) mentally ill or both. If he's been diagnosed as bi-polar, that would explain why he was so awful.
People distort the Bible sometimes when they feel they can get away with it. Read the Bible yourself to get a better understanding of it. Don't take his word for it!
Childhood has a huge effect on all of us even now as adults. Try to get some Christian counseling to put things into perspective.
 
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wisdomseeker

Banned
#16
Mar 11, 2009
463
2
0
#16
tkgurl said:
i have so much hate harbored inside. i cant unleash it. i cant change it. i cant forgive anyone or myself. especially my father. i hate him. i cant help it. hes the worst. i cant stand him at all. hes the worst father ever. when i was younger he believed in using a belt to discipline. that is the worst method of discipline. it screws the kid up. atleast thats what it did to me. it made me think that my parents hate me. so i hated them in return. my dad would beat me with a leather belt when he thought i did something wrong. even if i did something on accident. he would beat the back of my legs until i had marks and bruises. he told me punishment like that was in the bible. hes pretty old fashioned. and he thinks guys are superior to girls. so my younger brother can do whatever he wants. since im the type of girl that stands up for myself i always got into arguments with my dad. he would scream and spit in my face. he told me he would hit me all the time. my mom always blamed me. at one point my parents almost got a divorce. i prayed to God that it would happen. it didnt. my parents said that they dont believe in divorce. my dad has a ton of medical issues too. he has bipolar and stuff. he used to go crazy and would hurt us and himself. he has medicine he has to take for that now. hes a huge control freak. he calls himself a christian and has basically taught me that God is a dictator. he refuses to change. i dont know why my mother ever married him. he controls her. i wish i was never born. i serve no purpose. i benefit no one in anyway. i have no friends. everything is slipping away. ive thought of suicide so much but i would never do that because i know that even though i am alone in this world God still loves me. pray for me. i need help. i need God more than ever. i dont want to fall away. the price may be too great....
Click to expand...
Its okay to hate.You dad sounds like he has a evil spirit in him.I would sujest picking a better church to start with.One that believes woman will be tranformed like unto angels.

Love a friend in God

 
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RobinBird

Guest
#17
#17
tkgurl, I had a similar experience growing up and I can tell you that hate hurts you the most because it traps you. My dad used the belt and his fist on me and as a child I was unable to defend myself. I know that such treatment certainly has a negative effect on how you value yourself as you grow up. However, I am here to tell you that you are not worthless sweetie. You are a precious human being that has the greatest gift to offer to this world and that is love. You are one of God's greatest creations. The sun and all the stars in their brightness do not compare to you. God loves you so much that I am conviced that if you were the only person in the history of the world that ever needed salvation, Jesus would have come for you alone. Please do not dispair, though the hour is dark. You don't need a lot of friends to be complete. One or two true friends suffice in this life. Please get in touch if you need support and ideas on how to overcome what you have been through. I have been there myself and know how it feels. I'll pray for you every night before I go to bed and I would like to dedicate a song to you. Whenever, the world doesn't make sense to you, find a quiet time and listen to Natalie Merchant's "Wonder".
 
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enduretotheend

Guest
#18
#18
Let your focus be on Jesus. Get to know Him more perfectly. See that He is Good and Just and that He greatly loves you. Envision eternity with Him and allow that to comfort you and give you peace.

Rom 8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

Things are bad now but find peace today knowing that in the end all who are Christ's will one day step into an eternity of everlasting joy and gladness.
 
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Paulasaurus

Guest
#19
#19
God can hold you. My Dad doesn't care about me and I've felt depressed, angry, hateful towards him. But I'll tell you that Jesus can heal you of it. He can hold you, just lift it to Him. He might tell you to wait, and it's going to be hard to, but it's well worth it. Cry, scream, tell God what's wrong and let Him cover it with His love. He loves you so much and He doesn't want you to fall away. Don't let what someone else is doing to you take you away from the most amazing thing that there is, ever was, and ever will be. He DIED for you, hold onto that and let His love fill your heart.
 
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radical_christian

Guest
#20
#20
God loves you more than you can ever imagine.
You are not a surprise to Him. When He died on the cross, He knew ever sin that you would commit and yet that did not stop Him from giving up His life. He is ultimately the most incredible being.
Trust Him. Accept His forgiveness wholeheartedly and love yourself. No you may not be perfect but no one on this earth is. God does not love you less because you have sinned. His love is unconditional.
Keep your faith in Him. He has incredible plans for you and this situation is only temporary. This too shall pass. Once this is over, you will be a stronger Christian and have matured in your relationship with God. Don't give up. Not now. You may not have a pleasant family but you have at your access the Great I Am. Keep pressing on.

I will keep you in my prayers.
 
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