is it right to spank r kids

pinkie · May 15, 2010

wow.

yes you have well overstepped showing a good representation of Christ i believe in your hurtful, angry, sarcastic and extreme response.

im sorry you feel soo angry towards another fellow Christian in discussing a subject.

i am suprised that it was you who was reporting someone else to the monitor person and not me reporting you.

although hurt by your unkindness and untruthful words.. i forgive you .

being english...we do not use the american term spank. it is called smack in the country i am from for the exact same thing.

Thankyou

God Bless You

p.s if i make the time and feel it is relevant i will personally email you the psychological study websites i came across while doing reasearch on whether it is ok to smack a child or not.

bobie · May 15, 2010

short answer: NO
longer answer: HEAVENS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

jimmydiggs · May 15, 2010

Had a discussion about this in my Speech and Debate class. My teacher is very opposed to spanking. "Kids don't need that, they need love and leading by example."

I explained that my brothers and I had been spanked, and we are probably more respectful to any teacher at any given point than the vast majority of the students, we do almost all of our homework, pay attention in class, don't cut up, and we are rather kind to most people.

When talking to my mother about it, her first quesiton was, "does she have any kids?" I replied, "yes, one 2 year old girl." Her response,"wait until her girl is 3, she'll be tempted to spank, let alone, I had three boys."

My mother never spanked me more than twice. It was never so painful that it was destructive, it was just reinforcement. I was not abused, as they say..."spanking is abusing the child!" Lies.

The lack of discipline in this country causes so many complications, especially in the non-christian world. The public School atmosphere has be gradually deteriorating. Some of my more conservative teachers and I agree, corporal punishment when applied correctly, worked very well until it was abolished. Should bring it back.

My mother always told baby sitters, "if they act up, and you have to spank, go ahead" Only one baby sitter applied it. She was a big burly west kansas woman, you were afraid of being swatted before you got swatted. Seeing her with a wooden paddle in hand was intimidating as it was! You were sweating and wishing you hadn't done nothin' wrong before it even got there!

Had one baby sitter who did "time-outs". Hah! What a waste. "Dustin, sit there and think about going down the slide backward for 5 minutes." ME:"HAHA! What kind of punishment is this!?!?"

Later asked to go back to the old baby sitter, "mom, this one let's us do anything, and all we do is sit in a chair in the corner of the room, don't even put our face in toward the wall."

We went back. I liked the other baby sitter too. Still talk to her oldest boy, who is 23 and in the coast guard.

What nanabean said about kids wanting to know boundaries, is very accurate. I can say for myself, and from observing others this is very true.

I don't know why, but at a certain age, kids are curious, explorers, and questionative. "Why? Why? Why? Why?" Ahhh yes, another thing i liked about kansas and being a kid... being able to explore in any direction, and not bothering anyone... go walk along a creek bed for several hours, get home, and mom's mad for missing supper. LOL!

nanabean · May 16, 2010

pssssst jimmydiggs.......It wasn't me that said that about children needing and even WANTING the boundaries, it was silverwind...but, but, but.....I agree!!!!!

jimmydiggs · May 16, 2010

nanabean said:

Oh, I thought it was. I skimmed through it all, because I already knew what I was going to say. I just saw about three names and picked one. LOL

nanabean · May 16, 2010

All is good.....I just wanted the "credit" to go to the right person!! hahaha.... As I say though, I do agree with the statement. Children want the boundries, even before they hardly know what the word means!!!

pickles · May 16, 2010

silverwind said:

I love the wooden spoon, thats what my mom used.
Thankyou for the fond memory.

As to the spanking post.
Although we spanked, like you said ,never in anger. It was the knowladge of the punishment that worked, The fear factor, as we called it.
Fear is very important in faith, our children have to have faith in their parents. The fear and faith to believe that they can succeed.
Many years ago before spanking was questioned I babysat 2 children where the mom did not believe in spanking. Never had I cared for more difficult children. They constantly disobeyed to the point where the 7 yr old would cuss at me and spit in my face. Simply for the fun of it. Time out was a joke to them and the only way that was used in their home was bribery. I knew then that I would never give in to the (new) way of child care.
Just as we need to have fear in faith, that same fear is needed in loving our children.
Not the fear of the parent, but the fear of consequences.
I know the world will disagree, but one only need look at the world to see the folly in this.
God bless, pickles

KisDawn · May 16, 2010

You know what for the life of me I don't understand? If you were to after an adult cut you in line and then was begging the person in front of them for money to pay for what they wanted to buy. Then you grabbed that person and spanked them you would go to jail for assault. Children are so young and defenseless shouldn't they be even more protected? My mom has never laid a hand on me unless there was a car or something I didn't notice and she was pulling me back so I didn't get hurt. Now I trust my mom with everything, I love her and she is my best friend. The problem is that parents need to be good role models for their children because they won't act up if you don't act up. People seem to be too busy to think about that or to pay attention and play and be kind to their children. If you are patient with your children and don't get upset and show them love when they do something that is wrong just talking in a stern cold voice is enough for them to get it.

Also the things with preteens you can't expect them to be in a good mood 100% of the time, they are becoming adults and have hormones levels they never had filling their bodies. Sometimes they get moody, but don't you too sometimes have a day when your feeling bad? It's ok if they are like this and that you tell them things in your body are changing I get you will have mood swings and it's ok I love you. I know you aren't really angry or upset it's just your hormones acting up. If you as the adult lash out against them when they are frustrated like this then it's only going to push them away from you, and you won't be the person that they look up to anymore.

So yea I'm a total believer that spanking is abuse and if you can't do it to strangers in the street then you shouldn't do it to your kids either.

VW · May 16, 2010

KisDawn said:

You mistake children with adults, immaturity with maturity. If an adult does not go to work, is habitually late, steals, will not follow directions, is not respectful of authority, they loose their job, or even get in trouble with the law. Children need to learn, while they are children, that there are consequences for certain actions, dire consequences.

In addition you mistake discipline with lashing out in frustration or anger. This is not discipline, but immaturity shown in an adult who never learned discipline.

Many things we believe in this life are things which make us feel better about ourselves. Things which give us a personal image which is idealized, humanized. These ideas are false, they are a lie from the desire to be seen as better than we are. Just to name a few; conservation, humane treatment of animals, caring for the poor without the love of Christ, protecting the environment. There are many many more, including the treatment of children as adults. (This one is one of the worst, because children are not adults, should not even be seen as adults, as this sets them up to become anything but adults.)

Jesus does not teach us this way. He teaches that if one loves their life in this world, they shall loose it, but if they hate their life, they shall find it to life eternal. This is a very telling statement from our Lord.

Cako53 · May 16, 2010

pinkie said:

sorry you guys got it mistaken........there are reports from child psychologists that spanking a child on the bottom is too close to genitals and can cause arousal in children...i said nothing about their parents being aroused when they smack their kid.. that was not the subject at hand.and to think that arousing children is ok? well i would not even suggest such a thing. that would be pretty sick. people who arent even willing to consider this proffessional advice obviously are not open to considering better ways to discipline their children or at least for people who agree to smacking their child to consider smacking them on the leg or hand instead . i believe that every parent at some point has smacked their child. and every parent has got angry with their child too. we are human....not super human.i think we need to keep an open mind to better ways to discipline children and listen to proffessionals who have done many more studies than we have and consider what is best for our children. not what is easiest for us. what would Jesus do? i agree we need to stop attacking each other.this christian chat site seems to do alot of attacking one another and not discussing the subject . which i find bizarre for people who are suppose to be representing Jesus Christ. there will always be debate over whether to smack as a disipline or not. its a way that has been used for many years .....i think we need to use every other option before we use physical discipline. we are human beings with reasoning minds. not animals.and as for smacking your wife....well why would someone even ask such a question?? now that for me is quite frightening...but who are we to judge. thanks and Blessings

HAHA! WOW! Give me a break. I don't know one kid that enjoyed being spanked because it was arousing. Most kids screamed and cried because it HURT. lol. Thank you for my daily laughter though.

forgivenandloved · May 16, 2010

KisDawn said:

You know what for the life of me I don't understand? If you were to after an adult cut you in line and then was begging the person in front of them for money to pay for what they wanted to buy. Then you grabbed that person and spanked them you would go to jail for assault. Children are so young and defenseless shouldn't they be even more protected? My mom has never laid a hand on me unless there was a car or something I didn't notice and she was pulling me back so I didn't get hurt. Now I trust my mom with everything, I love her and she is my best friend. The problem is that parents need to be good role models for their children because they won't act up if you don't act up. People seem to be too busy to think about that or to pay attention and play and be kind to their children. If you are patient with your children and don't get upset and show them love when they do something that is wrong just talking in a stern cold voice is enough for them to get it.

Also the things with preteens you can't expect them to be in a good mood 100% of the time, they are becoming adults and have hormones levels they never had filling their bodies. Sometimes they get moody, but don't you too sometimes have a day when your feeling bad? It's ok if they are like this and that you tell them things in your body are changing I get you will have mood swings and it's ok I love you. I know you aren't really angry or upset it's just your hormones acting up. If you as the adult lash out against them when they are frustrated like this then it's only going to push them away from you, and you won't be the person that they look up to anymore.

So yea I'm a total believer that spanking is abuse and if you can't do it to strangers in the street then you shouldn't do it to your kids either.

I would agree mostly. I do believe the way you train an adult and child is different. I ,also, wouldn't classify spanking as abuse unless it leaves marks, but I believe there is a better way of disciplining.

leeannabanana · May 16, 2010

Ever watch Nanny 911??? If not, google it, and watch a few shows! They have excellent parenting tips! I don't disagree with spanking per se, but I do believe that there are a lot better options! Time out is an option that Nanny 911 uses. There are also books you can read in order to learn to communicate better with your child. Children usually throw fits because they don't know how to effectively communicate their wants/needs. If you can become better at communicating with them, maybe you could avoid the need for discipline? My sister has a degree in early childhood development, and one thing I hear her say a LOT to young children is, "Use your words." I will definitely use this with my own son. It reminds them not to hit, bite, or act out because of their frustration, but to use their words. She also gets done on their level, and spends a lot of time explaining why something is not okay or why they are in trouble. I think a lot of times we forget to do this, but it definitely works. Also, I think the "art of distraction" can be very effective.
That said, I think that different techniques work for different people. Google to find some good books, and find out which one works best for you!

forgivenandloved · May 16, 2010

leeannabanana said:

Ever watch Nanny 911??? If not, google it, and watch a few shows! They have excellent parenting tips! I don't disagree with spanking per se, but I do believe that there are a lot better options! Time out is an option that Nanny 911 uses. There are also books you can read in order to learn to communicate better with your child. Children usually throw fits because they don't know how to effectively communicate their wants/needs. If you can become better at communicating with them, maybe you could avoid the need for discipline? My sister has a degree in early childhood development, and one thing I hear her say a LOT to young children is, "Use your words." I will definitely use this with my own son. It reminds them not to hit, bite, or act out because of their frustration, but to use their words. She also gets done on their level, and spends a lot of time explaining why something is not okay or why they are in trouble. I think a lot of times we forget to do this, but it definitely works. Also, I think the "art of distraction" can be very effective.
That said, I think that different techniques work for different people. Google to find some good books, and find out which one works best for you!

so very true!

jimmydiggs · May 16, 2010

Kids need to learn discipline, the earlier the better.

This society lacks discipline. That's why we rely on welfare and government to provide for us, we don't have the discpline to learn how to take care of ourselves.

Discpline starts early. With learning right from wrong.

pickles · May 17, 2010

KisDawn said:

I understand your concern, and belief that a hard voice would work. My oldest all you had to do was say no and it was tears and apologies.
Three of my children you could speak firmly too and they would smile and keep on going. They needed a firm hand as well at times.
Of all our children by age 5 they were no longer in need of a swat on the bottem, but when a child is capable of what mine were you would see the need and wisdom.
We always looked to a swat as the last mesure of disapline, and it was only used for the serious acts, such as their own risk of injury, or extream disobediance, but the fact remained that the possibuility of a swat was ussually all that was needed.
Some children never require a swat, they cna decide easly the good choice.
But when you have a two year old with an iq of 168 and this child has managed to unlock any door and escape to the outside at 2 am simply because this child can, this same child figured out how to remove a padalock from a fridge, you woke to hear this same child down stairs using a very sharp knife to cut a peice of cheese a 3am, this same child figured out how to remove a window out of its tracks because the lock was only a temporary slow down, and this child was trying to climb out that window.
This child because of a swat somehow managed to make it to adulthood. Which our pediatrition and us wondered if this child would.
Quite honestly we were amazed this child made it to age 5yrs.
A parent that swats a child for punishment will always look to another form of disapline, the swat is the corporal punishment when the simpler has failed to convince.
One thing to consider, as we have continued to be more leanient in our justice system the offender has come to look at even having jail time as a joke, very few even recieve it. Only the serious offender can expect time and saddly it is only after there is a terrible motive and victem to thier crime.
One has to question if our system was more diligent and serious about jail time, how many would even consider commiting the crime.
Because it is the one that has no concern for consequences that we see becoming the adult offender.
I wish all we had to do was speak firmly, but the OT is a true testament tothe failiure in this.
God bless, pickles

KisDawn · May 17, 2010

VW So because they wouldn't understand logic and reason the only way to get through to them is with violence? You can rationalize that all you want raising your hand to someone is violence not discipline. If you can't tell your child I really want you to do something and they don't want to do it and you can't outsmart them into wanting to do it without violence you have no business having kids in the first place. In the real world negative reinforcement doesn't work well at all. That's why there is such a high rate of recidivism in prisons, because they are only effective in quarantining people from society. If you look at people who are great at what they do (doctors, teachers, scientist, ect.), they do it because they are rewarded for doing what they do. The easiest way to have a child behave right is to do it out of love for you not fear.

Did you ever see Jesus raise his hand to anyone? I'd like to see in the bible where he hit someone for not doing what he wanted them to do. Even a child because I'm pretty sure he has never hit anyone. So if you want to follow Jesus path isn't it better to do what he did the acts of kindness and love that he showed then taking bible quotes out of context? The whole loves their life if you look at what was said after Jesus was telling people that he was going to die and knew he was going to die. He wanted to console his followers and for them to know that he was ok with what was going to happen to him. He loves them so much that he didn't want them to be in pain when he died because he knew he'd come back.

KisDawn · May 17, 2010

Pickles
Did your children ever see you angry or lashing out when they were children that wasn't at them but at something else? Also why was there a padlock on the fridge? I never had that as a kid I ate when I was hungry and didn't eat when I wasn't. Having a set 3 meals a day isn't healthy for you it's best to spread it out and have small snacks throughout the day. Also when food is always there it doesn't become something to focus on or indulge in. It's better to have your kids understand what hungry and full is and to eat when their bodies tell them to eat. Also a lot of the proublem with smart children is that they aren't challenged enough mentally and they get board so it's best to do things with them so they don't get board that also is mentally challenging so that they get what they need in developing. (sorry for the double post hope it's ok XD)

VW · May 17, 2010

KisDawn said:

Strange. Jesus made a scourge of cords, and drove out from the temple those who were selling and the moneychangers. He overturned their tables, and scourged them and drove them out.

Your theory is wrong. If you could ask my children, of which I have raised 5 to adulthood, several who are older than you are, if I was a mean or unreasonable parent, they would laugh in your face. I always, always explained what I was doing, what was wrong in their behavior, and why I had to punish them. And there was spanking administered, not very often, but there were things which all of them tried, which brought the just retribution deserved.

You cannot compare adult criminals with children. That makes absolutely no sense. If you look back to how long your view has been popular, you will find that it is less than 40 years. In fact, your view about this topic is one of the reasons that I believe we are so close to the end of this age, that society is failing, rapidly and completely.

Your views about Jesus are even worse. Jesus wants us to know that cost to Himself that He paid for us. It brings repentance, if we see, if we hear His voice and understand just what it cost Him, and His Father, to buy us back from our destruction. And the comfort that Jesus promised to His disciples is and always has been in the form of the Holy Spirit. And that means new life, which is nothing like the old life. And there is the joy, because the new life is pleasing to God, which the old life can never be.

Like I said, strange.

In His love,
vic

forgivenandloved · May 17, 2010

Wow! this is a topic that can and will always be argued about just state your opinion cause not everyone else is going to agree.

Consumed · May 17, 2010

VW said:

You mistake children with adults, immaturity with maturity. If an adult does not go to work, is habitually late, steals, will not follow directions, is not respectful of authority, they loose their job, or even get in trouble with the law. Children need to learn, while they are children, that there are consequences for certain actions, dire consequences.

In addition you mistake discipline with lashing out in frustration or anger. This is not discipline, but immaturity shown in an adult who never learned discipline.

.

well balanced and truthful statement by a well balanced mature christian parent,

is it right to spank r kids

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