I believe baptism is an act of faith and obedience into Christ. It does not save us, nor should it be tied to church membership. I know most Baptist churches will not accept people into membership until they have been immersed in a believer's baptism. Infant sprinkling does not satisfy that requirement. But being adult baptized should satisfy the requirement in any church.
I agree with all you've said. I just have to believe that if parents baptize their baby believing they are doing something correct that the Church teaches, then God will Honor it. It's not the child's fault if some doctrinal mistake is make. If, as an adult, he believes another baptism is necessary, then so be it. Right now, I don't think it would e necesary.
There is a tradition of infant baptism in Catholic, Orthodox, Anglican and Lutheran churches. In the Pentecostal and Baptist churches I have been a member of, we dedicate babies. That means the parents, extended families and the church covenant to raise the child in the ways of God, in community, until the child can make a profession of faith, and be baptized, hopefully at a point where they understand the commitment they are making. My oldest son was water baptized at age 11, and has fallen away from God. I do not believe he is saved, by his own words.
Babies are dedicated to God in the Nazarene Church too. The baby is put on the Altar and given back to God.
I'm sorry to hear about your son. I have one too. Pray.
My uncle died last year, and I sang at the memorial. My uncle was infant baptized Catholic, and my aunt is a believing Anglican, so the service was performed in her Anglican Church. My uncle was an avowed atheist. He would tell anyone and everyone he knew there was no God.
At the memorial the Anglican priest said he was going to enter into heaven on the basis of his Catholic infant baptism. That is called recognizing the baptism from another church, and totally misguided. My uncle was a nice man, but he was not saved. No baptism in the world save him, because he did not believe in God.
According the the CC this is not doctrinally correct. I say doctrinally because it seems to me that the CC does not practice what it preaches. If a person is an atheist he cannot go to be with a God he does not believe in. Also, as I've stated, a person baptized as a baby in the CC MUST ACCEPT his baptism at some point in their life. This would be equivalent to our being born-again. If one NEVER accepts Jesus as savior, how can he be assured salvation?
I was baptized as an adult, 2 years after I was saved. I didn't get church membership, it was separate. But, every evangelical church I have attended recognizes my believers baptism. So, to the OP, I believe your brother needs to work through what he believes about baptism. Is it automatic that he was saved the moment he was baptized Catholic? Or was there a dividing line between when he was not saved, and when he believed? If the latter, he should be baptized properly. Just because that is what Jesus commanded. You need to repent and be baptized, and an infant cannot repent!
"Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." Acts 2:38