Assertiveness vs.turning the other cheek

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Mooky

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Thought I would put this in the singles forum rather than the BS forum as I am likely to get more balanced answers. ;)
What are peoples thoughts on this topic?To what extent are we to "turn the other cheek"and when is it time to confront, rebuke and set boundaries - in love ofcourse?What did Jesus mean by turning the other cheek?

I look forward to hearing peoples thoughts.:)
 
Sometimes things just aren't that important. I think we have to choose
our battles carefully, often we are bad at that, so we fight every battle instead.

We should also consider the worth of each battle, a hard thing to do in the heat
of the moment. It's something I've had to do a lot over the last few years and
I've had to learn to turn the other cheek, instead of wading into the battle.

Jesus picked his battles carefully. He never uttered a word in his own defence for he
knew what his destiny was. He knew about the sacrifice on the cross. He also rebuked
Peter for getting into a battle that wasn't his, when he cut the soldiers ear off.

Yet Jesus did get into battles when needed and asserted himself. He over turned the
tables of the money changers in the temple. He gently rebuked the people for critising
the woman who poured perfume on his feet.

He really did wade into battle where the Pharisees were concerned, as they were
leading people astray. He didn't fight his own battles, he fought battles on behalf
of other people. He was assertive on behalf of others.

Maybe we should learn to do the same, let God fight on our behalf, but act on behalf
of others.


Micah 6:8 NKJV
[8] He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of
you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?



I started a recent thread which is along similar lines. :)

http://christianchat.com/bible-disc...vercome-evil-evil-but-overcome-evil-good.html
 
Many, many years ago someone I knew was gossiped about, and lied about, by an acquaintance. My friend confronted the woman on her lies. This woman responded with more nastiness, more lies and accusations. My friend simply cut communication with this woman.
Jump ahead a year or two. My friend heard this nasty gossip of a woman had been divorced since, and was having financial troubles taking care of her kids. So my friend went through her old baby clothes and took a full trash bag of the clothes tongue woman for help. The woman was shocked and ended up apologizing and even admit she lied.
My friend confronted her accuser. Cut ties when it could not be resolved. But still helped when a need was there. That is assertive.

Passive is a doormat.
Aggressiveness tramples on people to get what they want.
Assertiveness tries to avoid stepping on toes, but will if it's necessary.

I think a key distinction for most that defend themselves is pride. And we all know how bad pride can be for us. How different of a world would we live in if people stopped defending out of pride?
 
Mooky said:
Thought I would put this in the singles forum rather than the BS forum as I am likely to get more balanced answers. ;)
What are peoples thoughts on this topic?To what extent are we to "turn the other cheek"and when is it time to confront, rebuke and set boundaries - in love ofcourse?What did Jesus mean by turning the other cheek?

I look forward to hearing peoples thoughts.:)
Click to expand...

A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression.
Proverbs 19:11

But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
Matthew 5:44

But to those of you who will listen, I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
Luke 6:27

bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
Luke 6:28

“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.
Matthew 5:38-43

"God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers.
Matthew 5:11

Instead of your shame you will have a double portion,
And instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion.
Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land,
Everlasting joy will be theirs.
Isaiah 61:7
 
I think society has raised many of us to "You are right and you have the right to be right at the cost of all others".
(Often misnomed "Freedom of speech"). If only we could use our freedom to think! (...but where's the fun in that?)

I suspect part of what makes it difficult is the moderation thing.
I mean.... it is easier to entirely ignore a mean person than it is to calmly tell them "You are wrong", and leave it at that.
(...because once something is said it is so much easier to go into full rage mode)
 
wwjd_kilden said:
I think society has raised many of us to "You are right and you have the right to be right at the cost of all others".
(Often misnomed "Freedom of speech"). If only we could use our freedom to think! (...but where's the fun in that?)

I suspect part of what makes it difficult is the moderation thing.
I mean.... it is easier to entirely ignore a mean person than it is to calmly tell them "You are wrong", and leave it at that.
(...because once something is said it is so much easier to go into full rage mode)
Click to expand...

Ages ago, I remember someone preaching and saying the world has been taken over by
human rights. But no one talks about God's rights any more.
 
The starting place is to reexamine the passage.

The passage about "turning the other cheek" isn't about self defense, it's purely about dealing with our own pride in the face of insults and humiliation.

So, the whole point is about dealing with our own pride.

"Turning the other cheek" doesn't mean we should become doormats, and let the world run over us, as if we're spineless.
It means we are to ASSERTIVELY CHOOSE to hold our pride in check, especially at those times our pride would cause problems.

There are times and places to defend yourself against accusations.
There are times when it is really necessary, or practical, or actually needful for the sake of the gospel.
But there are times when it's only a "reaction", just a flare up of our own pride... this is when defending ourselves is a problem.

We are not to "react" to insults.
We are to control ourselves, and act with clarity.
Controlling yourself in the face of insults is a VERY ASSERTIVE ACTION!
To take control of your emotions, and act with calm, and intentionality, and prayer... this is VERY ASSERTIVE.

To lose control ... that really isn't assertive at all.
To control ourselves... that is to truly be assertive.


We all struggle with these same basic problems of a fallen nature... we're all in the same boat.

No one gets a pass... we all have to deal with our pride.






 
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Reaction is based on self-importance, so if the self-identity, self-belief, or belief-held-by-self, is attacked then it becomes in reaction, important to 'defend' it or 'retaliate' on it.

Turning the other cheek, is treating things that come along into our awareness, as a passing observation separate from self.

I don't know how assertion is related to turning the other cheek. Turning the cheek isn't exactly about being passive. Passive people tend to bottle up the reaction instead of acting on it. Turning the other cheek is avoiding reaction altogether because it didn't exist.

Assertion is more about clarity of mind, this is what I want, this is what I think, and I'm clear about it. Passive is more about fear/confusion, eg. less risk of harm associated if you 'do nothing' in response, often at harm to yourself (with an introspective awareness of it). Aggression is about fear/confusion but the denial of it, hence becoming fear/confusion outwardly, not thinking about risk of harm but thinking that you always have to 'do something' in response, often at harm to yourself (without awareness of it) and to others.
 
You have to be a real, hardcore, heartless scumbag to make me completely lose my mind, since I have a lot of patience and will most likely not bother wasting my time with haters or annoying people, and I'm most of the time really hesitant to use violence, but once I DO get mad...well, all I can say is that I will most certainly NOT give my enemies the other cheek to slap. In fact, it's debatable if their hand will be able to slap my cheek at all once I'm through with them. Just sayin'.
 
I like how The Message puts it (is it The Message): Stand there and take it.

I'm not sure where Scripture allows us to be assertive if someone hurts us...wouldn't that be "resisting evil"? I mean, yeah, if someone knocks you down, get up. But not being a doormat? My gut reaction would be, "Of course you shouldn't be a doormat!" But does the Bible say that? I'd say it's better to give to your enemy with no resistance and walk away. Is there anything in the Word of God that permits assertiveness without adding or subtracting from the Word of God?

Don't take my word for it. Check the source and see if I'm telling the truth.
 
"Will you remember this in a year?"

Is it worth it to fight it?
 
DCrawshawJr said:
I like how The Message puts it (is it The Message): Stand there and take it.

I'm not sure where Scripture allows us to be assertive if someone hurts us...wouldn't that be "resisting evil"? I mean, yeah, if someone knocks you down, get up. But not being a doormat? My gut reaction would be, "Of course you shouldn't be a doormat!" But does the Bible say that? I'd say it's better to give to your enemy with no resistance and walk away. Is there anything in the Word of God that permits assertiveness without adding or subtracting from the Word of God?

Don't take my word for it. Check the source and see if I'm telling the truth.
Click to expand...
If someone offends you, you are to let them know. Take witnesses if a private hearing is unfruitful and then take it to society at large if that fails to bring reconciliation. Is that not being assertive?

"If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector."
 
Maxwel nailed it. I can only add that there is a place to stand up for yourself... that place comes only after prayer.
 
Hi Mooky,

Here's the context in Matthew 5.

You have heard that it was said, ‘AN eye for an eye, and A tooth for A tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.

Jesus is saying to not resist the evil person.

A slap to the right cheek would be a back-handed hit. It would be an intense insult more than a slap to the left cheek would be. I'm sure it would cause more pride to well up than the other slap because that was the intent of the back-handed slap.

But we're not to slap back. Even if we have that right according to the law. The Jews had fines if someone slapped them. The fine was twice as much for the back-handed slap. But Jesus is saying to forgive them, extend grace and mercy and offer the other cheek.

We also have someone wanting to take you to court to steal your shirt. Jesus says give your coat as well. Forgive them and go out of your way and offer you coat.

We also have someone forcing you to go with him a mile. Jesus says to double it and go two miles. It's a servants role. He who wants to be great in God's kingdom must be the servant of all. We're not here to be served, but to serve.

It seems to me that Jesus is contrasting a carnal action that's to be responded to with a spiritual reaction. The attack is from an evil person. They slapped you, they sued you, they forced you to do something your didn't want to do; walk a mile.

Jesus' answer is just the opposite of what the response would be coming from a carnal man without the Spirit of Christ within.

He's telling us that our responses are to be different now when we engage an unbelieving world. There's evil people out there and they aren't going to treat us all that kindly.

I think the lesson here is that we're to forgive and if someone asks something of us or wants to borrow from us, we are to give freely. The world is full of takers and we're to be different. We're to stand out as different in a culture that takes and takes and takes some more. We're to give and give and give some more.

We're to go the added mile, take the wrong, be above reproach and be holy. Allow the character of God to be seen in us. We're to be salt and light and we're to walk differently from the world.
 
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