Should I stay or should I go? Godly counsel please

[anony]

I have been married for 2 years to my husband whom i dated for 7 years prior to getting married. He struggled with a porn addiction with led to more marital unfatihful acts. He now has become the prodigal spouse who just parties and i cant trust him to remain faithful anymore. I dont want to divorce him because i believe God can restore. what do i do in the mean time? should i show tough love? ive packed up his bags as he hasnt been home in a week.

 

[blue_ladybug]

His actions effectively show that he has left your marriage. The sad truth is, your marriage ended the first time he cheated on you. Put his stuff outside and call him to tell him to come get them. If all he wants to do is party, and sleep around, let him stay with his party friends.

 

[jenniferand2]

My advice to you is to very much so kick him out... I would also tell him he can not come back in my experience it will take a major something to make him change his behavior and that major something may never hit him. So yes tough love for sure. Respect yourself enough to not stand for that behavior.... In the mean time I would suggest you soul search find your inner spirit. There is no hurry to take him back once you tell him to move out. I will pray for you and your situation that you make wise choices... Please remember that your self worth is worth more then being treated poorly..

 

[Ugly]

God can restore a marriage... Of Two Willing people. God, cannot, however, make your husband reconcile or change. Your husband first needs to own his actions and allow God to work in Him. And God can't force your husband to do that, either.

It's always tricky. I would wait until you talk to him, find out his attitude. If he reflects happiness with his new situation, then it may be time to move on.
If he reflects regret, then hold off, but do Not rush to take him back. Put requirements in place, such as treatment for his addiction, for starters. Essentially you need a sold amount of time, with him out of the house, to prove his sincerity. Of he argues and complains then he is not willing to prove himself, which means he's just telling you what you want to hear to move back in. And no point in continuing with him any longer.

I know, for us, it's easy to say 'leave him' and make it sound so black and white, while it's a much harder decision for you in reality. Just use caution and think your decision through. Don't take any steps out of emotion. Fear, anger, regret, etc...
Hope you can get the answer you need.

 

[Joidevivre]

we are so quick to give what seems the most logical thing to do. And sometimes after praying, God asks the most illogical thing, such as "wait" or "show mercy". I strongly advice you to not listen to us, but to pray and pray and then to follow the thing that is strongest in your heart. The Lord might have you take an action or not. But only follow His guidance.

You will recognize God's directives because there will be a peace deep in your spirit that it is the right thing to do. And, remember, whatever God asks you to do, He always gives you the grace to do it.

I would not have been married over 50 years with some wonderful changes if there had not been unconditional love and forgiveness and even endurance put in one of our hearts.

 

[Stewart]

God can restore a marriage... Of Two Willing people. God, cannot, however, make your husband reconcile or change. Your husband first needs to own his actions and allow God to work in Him. And God can't force your husband to do that, either.

It's always tricky. I would wait until you talk to him, find out his attitude. If he reflects happiness with his new situation, then it may be time to move on.
If he reflects regret, then hold off, but do Not rush to take him back. Put requirements in place, such as treatment for his addiction, for starters. Essentially you need a sold amount of time, with him out of the house, to prove his sincerity. Of he argues and complains then he is not willing to prove himself, which means he's just telling you what you want to hear to move back in. And no point in continuing with him any longer.

I know, for us, it's easy to say 'leave him' and make it sound so black and white, while it's a much harder decision for you in reality. Just use caution and think your decision through. Don't take any steps out of emotion. Fear, anger, regret, etc...
Hope you can get the answer you need.

AMEN and i say AMEN..
He is bound by deception and is self deceived.Naturally his heart had become infected by sin and since his porn addiction has opened up his life actual sexual sin I would be surprised that the lifestyle he is living has fornication involved and yes see the fruit of his reaction to what the heck he's doing.
You have every right to kick him outbid the home if his heart is repentant.
yet at the same time Iam sure this has all devastated you and if you belong to a local church you may need support as to what happens next.kicking him out doesn't mean divorce at this stage but it is certainly giving yourself space to think things through as will as giving him the time to decided if he is going to change his ways..repent..and be this husband he's suppose to be.


May God guide through this difficult time and may God break into this mans heart thus leading him to repentance as he He is deceived into thinking that he is living the high life of partying..when in fact he is living the low life..of sin and darkness

 

[Depleted]

I have been married for 2 years to my husband whom i dated for 7 years prior to getting married. He struggled with a porn addiction with led to more marital unfatihful acts. He now has become the prodigal spouse who just parties and i cant trust him to remain faithful anymore. I dont want to divorce him because i believe God can restore. what do i do in the mean time? should i show tough love? ive packed up his bags as he hasnt been home in a week.

This is the forum to come to, if you want to end your marriage for whatever reason.

The Bible and prayer is where to go, if you want God to guide you into what to do.

 

[Depleted]

God can restore a marriage... Of Two Willing people. God, cannot, however, make your husband reconcile or change. Your husband first needs to own his actions and allow God to work in Him. And God can't force your husband to do that, either.

It's always tricky. I would wait until you talk to him, find out his attitude. If he reflects happiness with his new situation, then it may be time to move on.
If he reflects regret, then hold off, but do Not rush to take him back. Put requirements in place, such as treatment for his addiction, for starters. Essentially you need a sold amount of time, with him out of the house, to prove his sincerity. Of he argues and complains then he is not willing to prove himself, which means he's just telling you what you want to hear to move back in. And no point in continuing with him any longer.

I know, for us, it's easy to say 'leave him' and make it sound so black and white, while it's a much harder decision for you in reality. Just use caution and think your decision through. Don't take any steps out of emotion. Fear, anger, regret, etc...
Hope you can get the answer you need.

The God who reconciles and changes all his chosen cannot do the same for an adulterer? Interesting. So that's God's definition of blaspheme?

 

[BillG]

I have been married for 2 years to my husband whom i dated for 7 years prior to getting married. He struggled with a porn addiction with led to more marital unfatihful acts. He now has become the prodigal spouse who just parties and i cant trust him to remain faithful anymore. I dont want to divorce him because i believe God can restore. what do i do in the mean time? should i show tough love? ive packed up his bags as he hasnt been home in a week.

I would say firstly do not be fooled to thinking his addiction to porn which has led to adultery is an excuse because it is not.
Yes addictions are very powerful, I know I had a severe gambling addiction. Would find myself gambling not realising I was.
I am 49 and gambling started when I was around 10. God healed that completely about 6 years ago.

However I was still responsible for my actions.
So I would say that you ask God to reveal to him what is the underlying cause of his addiction, there is always a cause that produces an affect.

If I was in your situation, I would be the same and not want a divorce either, but I would say to my spouse unless you are willing to get help then our marriage will be over. If he is willing then it will be a process where healing will be needed for you and him.

You also will need to work through this and allow God to work in you heal you.

I know of a couple who have gone through this. But the husband be willing to get help and have a Godly repentance.
The wife herself had to seek counselling as well.

If he is not willing to get help and look for restoration then it is time for divorce.

 

[tourist]

Married 2 years, porn addiction and is unfaithful? By cheating on you the first time he destroyed the marital trust that is essential for the stability of the marriage and can never be restored. Basically, you have wasted 9 years of your life going down the wrong road.

There has been no mention of God in your post. A successful relationship will have God at the center. Still, 9 years wasted is better than 19 years wasted, or 29 or 39.

If he hasn't picked up his stuff in the next week put it out in the curb with the trash. Change your locks. Pray for God to give you clarity in how to proceed. My counsel is that you stay and he goes.

There are others on this site who can tell similar horror stories about marital infidelity. A man that loves his wife does not even think about cheating on her let alone actually do it. Cut your losses with him and pray for God's guidance on how to best proceed with your life, alone, without this guy dragging you down with him.

Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.

 

[heartofdavid]

I have been married for 2 years to my husband whom i dated for 7 years prior to getting married. He struggled with a porn addiction with led to more marital unfatihful acts. He now has become the prodigal spouse who just parties and i cant trust him to remain faithful anymore. I dont want to divorce him because i believe God can restore. what do i do in the mean time? should i show tough love? ive packed up his bags as he hasnt been home in a week.

Kids?

That,to me,would be the only factor.

I would say,with what you posted,and assuming no children,to RUN LIKE A SCALDED APE away from this man.

Separate to another geographical location,and THEN explore options/direction fromGOD.

G. O. D.

Invoke his Holy Spirit.
Set your face to heaven,seek out powerful believers,go to meetings,get intimate with Jesus,and let this world be damned
You will never be the same again once you become lost in his love and embrace.

You went to bad marriage college. You can finish well,get your papers,be defined in your walk and life,or let the thing beat you to pieces. Learn,and use this horrible experience to help those shipwrecked in similar nightmares.

 

[BillG]

The God who reconciles and changes all his chosen cannot do the same for an adulterer? Interesting. So that's God's definition of blaspheme?

Hi Depleted I don't think Ugly was saying that.

He said

God can restore a marriage... Of Two Willing people. God, cannot, however, make your husband reconcile or change. Your husband first needs to own his actions and allow God to work in Him. And God can't force your husband to do that, either.

So to me he is saying that God can restore a marriage but both have to be willing to want that restoration.
If one does not then God can't restore it. Now that's not to say that God can't work to bring it about.
In fact in the past I have prayed "God bring this person to their knees" for others and I have actually prayed that for myself and do you know what he did that for me. Praise God he knows what he is doing.

Sorry if I have misunderstood what you were saying.

 

[heartofdavid]

Married 2 years, porn addiction and is unfaithful? By cheating on you the first time he destroyed the marital trust that is essential for the stability of the marriage and can never be restored. Basically, you have wasted 9 years of your life going down the wrong road.

There has been no mention of God in your post. A successful relationship will have God at the center. Still, 9 years wasted is better than 19 years wasted, or 29 or 39.

If he hasn't picked up his stuff in the next week put it out in the curb with the trash. Change your locks. Pray for God to give you clarity in how to proceed. My counsel is that you stay and he goes.

There are others on this site who can tell similar horror stories about marital infidelity. A man that loves his wife does not even think about cheating on her let alone actually do it. Cut your losses with him and pray for God's guidance on how to best proceed with your life, alone, without this guy dragging you down with him.

Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.

"...put them in the trash"

For some strange reason I got a belly laugh here at the restaurant.

Sorry

 

[jenniferand2]

Married 2 years, porn addiction and is unfaithful? By cheating on you the first time he destroyed the marital trust that is essential for the stability of the marriage and can never be restored. Basically, you have wasted 9 years of your life going down the wrong road.

There has been no mention of God in your post. A successful relationship will have God at the center. Still, 9 years wasted is better than 19 years wasted, or 29 or 39.

If he hasn't picked up his stuff in the next week put it out in the curb with the trash. Change your locks. Pray for God to give you clarity in how to proceed. My counsel is that you stay and he goes.

There are others on this site who can tell similar horror stories about marital infidelity. A man that loves his wife does not even think about cheating on her let alone actually do it. Cut your losses with him and pray for God's guidance on how to best proceed with your life, alone, without this guy dragging you down with him.

Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.

Thank you Tourist for the rep...

 

[Dan58]

should i show tough love? ive packed up his bags as he hasnt been home in a week.

Sounds like he's already left, so no need for you to go.. I'd put his bags outside and change your locks. When and if he returns, tell him to go back to wherever he's been for the past week.

God can't restore a person who hasn't repented. He broke his wedding vows and is still doing so. Stop enabling his adulterous behavior, don't welcome him back, throw him out. jmo

 

[Depleted]

Hi Depleted I don't think Ugly was saying that.

He said



So to me he is saying that God can restore a marriage but both have to be willing to want that restoration.
If one does not then God can't restore it. Now that's not to say that God can't work to bring it about.
In fact in the past I have prayed "God bring this person to their knees" for others and I have actually prayed that for myself and do you know what he did that for me. Praise God he knows what he is doing.

Sorry if I have misunderstood what you were saying.

Yup. Same thing he said. No. Really. God is sovereign. Man is not. Man's willingness or unwillingness has never changed what God would do in any given situation. And the Bible is not a book about the willingness of Man. Jonah was unwilling.

 

[BillG]

Yup. Same thing he said. No. Really. God is sovereign. Man is not. Man's willingness or unwillingness has never changed what God would do in any given situation. And the Bible is not a book about the willingness of Man. Jonah was unwilling.

I don't disagree with that God can do in a situation, that is what I said "Now that's not to say that God can't work to bring it about"

 

[Stephen63]

Is he saved? If not, only a miracle can fix your marriage.

In the mean time:

Get a legal separation from him. This will keep you for being financially responsible for his future actions.

If renting, call the landlord immediately to make sure he knows to look out for him.

Draw all the money out of your joint account(before he does).

Change your locks.

Set out his clothes.

If he causes trouble, get a restraining order against him.

Since he left, let him know you have the legal upper hand.

Don't let him back in the house until he goes to marriage counseling and counseling for porn addiction.

It's possible he'll come back. But in the meantime, put all security measures in place like he's not. You need to be prepared!

Last, but not least, pray for direction.

God is your spiritual Source. Depend on Him. Seek Him for answers. Follow His instructions.

 

[Ugly]

The God who reconciles and changes all his chosen cannot do the same for an adulterer? Interesting. So that's God's definition of blaspheme?

All i stated was that God does not force or make people change, but that a person needs to be willing and open to allow God to change them.
For you to get that out of what i said means either A) you did not read it all or B) you are purposefully setting out to twist my words. Neither would be a surprise.

 

[Ugly]

we are so quick to give what seems the most logical thing to do. And sometimes after praying, God asks the most illogical thing, such as "wait" or "show mercy". I strongly advice you to not listen to us, but to pray and pray and then to follow the thing that is strongest in your heart. The Lord might have you take an action or not. But only follow His guidance.

Since your advice speaks contrary to what the bible teaches, perhaps yours is not the best to take, either.
Jeremiah 17:9 - The heart is deceitful above all things.
Follow the Holy Spirit? Yes. Follow our hearts? Scripture has spoken on that idea.