Aging in a world focused on looks

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Yahweh_is_gracious

Guest
#21
#21
I'm aging like milk.

Wrinkles are showing up very pronounced around my eyes and mouth. Lots of gray hair along the sides of my head. Ear hair. Nose hair. Liver spots. I'm getting fatter by the day, no matter what I do. The arthritis I've had since my late teens is now sometimes unbearable. I feel like crap. I look like crap. I can't reverse any of it, so I just embrace it and accept that if I ever had any "good years" they are long since past.

Unknown what kind of effects I'll see years down the road for being a smoker for 25 years or the street drugs...or the copious amounts of alcohol. I guess I'll find out.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#22
Aug 13, 2014
25,392
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#22
seoulsearch said:
Speaking of doing all we can to stay looking good...

You might be in need of a little beauty sleep, and you might just have a few too many beauty products on your bathroom counter... When you pick up a tube of toothpaste and almost rub Crest with Scope all over your face instead of your "anti-aging" moisturizer.

Well... I guess at least my face won't have cavities.

One less beauty worry. Whew!
Click to expand...
*Lynx looks at his chicken-pox marked face in the mirror...

Guess maybe I should have brushed my face more when I was a kid.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#23
#23
Mooky said:
Brother Ugly,

I can totally relate to the aging in five years bit.And your response makes perfect sense re: high maintenance guy seeking high maintenance woman.

I have to say though ....there is sooooooo much pressure on women to look good.By default there is a bit of a (subtle and covert) competition regarding appearance. Especially in my family where the women have impeccable diets, great genes and take great pride in their personal apppearance.I don't want ​to be dragged into this shallow one upmanship , but this is how it is in my family.
Click to expand...
And there it is. The "but it's different for women". No, it's different for the women caught up in a mindset that a dine up appearance is what will get a man. Or better than ither women. Or whatever poor mindsets revolve around them. It's still a choice to follow the standard.
Whoever it is you think you have to maintain this look for is not someone whose approval should matter to you. You Have a choice, regardless if what "pressure" you accept.

When I started talking to my gf and we began exchanging pictures her first few had makeup on. And usually after or before work when she would be dresses the nicest. Eventually i got to see her "around the house" look. No makeup and comfortable clothes, hair not done. I much prefer that look. O actually discouraged her from makeup because she was beautiful without it. Not that she looked bad dressed up more, she still looked great. But I prefer her around the house look.
Your mindset and behavior is determined by where you place importance. Not by what's around you.
 
Innerfire89

Innerfire89

Senior Member
#24
Aug 23, 2017
586
20
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#24
Don't worry about how old you look, men will still find you attractive and people will respect you just the same or even more so. The people who look look down on because of looks don't know your value or their own value either.

I don't know what its like to be aging yet, but I don't have front teeth or dentures. It makes no difference when I'm confident and friendly, most people treat me the same before and after I smile.
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#25
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
79
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#25
I really wish our society looked at older people/aging differently. In many cultures, the elders are highly respected and sought after for wisdom. In ours, they're tossed aside because they no longer fit into the cookie-cutter version of "beautiful/hot" that our society blasts in our face every day. I've met typically "gorgeous" people with mean, jagged souls, and "less attractive" people with such wonderful souls. Such a shame that so much is focused on the outside. This not to say that you can't look nice or feel good looking nice - I like dressing up and wearing makeup. I don't think that's vain. I think when it becomes the focus of a relationship or your person is when it becomes dangerous and vain.

I think grey hair is beautiful. I think wrinkles are beautiful. I think older skin is beautiful. I think different bodies are beautiful. Men and women alike.

I also think that those that desperately try to hold onto their youth end up looking less "beautiful" and less youthful. Fillers, lifts, tucks, etc.

Maybe I'll think differently once I have my own wrinkles and grey hair, and I can't say I know the aging struggle specifically, just the "non-hot/non-perfect" body struggle, but it is frustrating living in a world where only certain types of beauty are deemed universally acceptable.

Whoever I date/marry will have to (hopefully out of love and not toleration) be okay with me not only dressing up to the nines (is that the phrase?), but also lounging around with messy hair, no makeup, in old clothes. Because they should love you as a person, not as a shell.

I guess I offered no real advice. Just my opinion - take it with a grain of salt. :)
 
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zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#26
Aug 2, 2009
24,599
4,272
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#26
I once heard a man say he didn't like the fact that women were only attracted to him because of his looks.... so I said, "Fine, let's trade!" :rolleyes:

 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#27
Jun 30, 2015
24,835
13,450
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#27
In my teens, the only thing worse than my looks was my attitude. I was horribly self-righteous and proud of having a high IQ. I had very low EQ (emotional intelligence) and still struggle in that area.

After high school, I got my teeth fixed, but it wasn't until the last five years or so that I really started work on my attitude. Now I smile a lot more and have genuine self-confidence (based on identity in Christ) instead of the false kind (based on ability). As for looks, well, some people appreciate my looks and some don't. That's how it is for most of us. The people who love me don't care how I look (aside from loving concern... they will tell me if I have spinach in my teeth!).

As to aging, yes, it happens to me too. My hair has a lot more gray, and my beard is almost completely white (mind you, I kind of like it that way). Given that my family lives to 90-ish, and I'm barely past halfway, I hope I age well!

I think we care more about our own looks when we are looking for someone to be a romantic partner. We want to be found attractive by the person(s) who we find attractive. Nothing wrong in that... but it's a good thing to remember that a person who is not attracted to you isn't the one for you anyway. That makes it so much easier to filter the fish! ;)
 
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G00WZ

G00WZ

Senior Member
#28
May 16, 2014
1,313
448
83
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#28
Yahweh_is_gracious said:
I'm aging like milk.

Wrinkles are showing up very pronounced around my eyes and mouth. Lots of gray hair along the sides of my head. Ear hair. Nose hair. Liver spots. I'm getting fatter by the day, no matter what I do. The arthritis I've had since my late teens is now sometimes unbearable. I feel like crap. I look like crap. I can't reverse any of it, so I just embrace it and accept that if I ever had any "good years" they are long since past.

Unknown what kind of effects I'll see years down the road for being a smoker for 25 years or the street drugs...or the copious amounts of alcohol. I guess I'll find out.
Click to expand...
your body sounds very acidic if you are in that state constantly. I know for a fact that if you eat only organic alkaline foods that a lot of those issues will begin to become less and less because i was like that myself, pretty much a walking dead.
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#29
#29
I tried to pull out a gray hair and accidentally pulled out some perfectly good black hairs. It's still there, at my temple, mocking me

My biggest aging concerns are around being healthy and in possession of my faculties

Don't get me wrong, I love playing with skincare and makeup and hair. Maybe I'll end up being the 75 year old resident at the nursing home with a bright red lip and winged eyeliner....I KNOW it doesn't make me look like a teen vogue cover model, duh, I just like to experiment with how I look sometimes...let me live!
 
R

Rachel20

Senior Member
#31
May 7, 2013
1,639
105
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#31
There is only one opinion that matters about your looks - yours.
 
Lighthearted

Lighthearted

Senior Member
#32
Oct 17, 2016
1,779
818
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#32
Lol..Lynx...at least long enough to sing old MacDonald had a farm song...2 verses...should be a sinch...since you sing everywhere! You're so silly!
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#34
Aug 13, 2014
25,392
8,387
113
#34
Ugly said:
When I started talking to my gf and we began exchanging pictures her first few had makeup on. And usually after or before work when she would be dresses the nicest. Eventually i got to see her "around the house" look. No makeup and comfortable clothes, hair not done. I much prefer that look. O actually discouraged her from makeup because she was beautiful without it. Not that she looked bad dressed up more, she still looked great. But I prefer her around the house look.
Click to expand...
If only we could get women to BELIEVE us on this. They always think we're lying to spare their feelings. :-/
 
M

Mooky

Guest
#35
#35
Ugly said:
And there it is. The "but it's different for women". No, it's different for the women caught up in a mindset that a dine up appearance is what will get a man. Or better than ither women. Or whatever poor mindsets revolve around them. It's still a choice to follow the standard.
Whoever it is you think you have to maintain this look for is not someone whose approval should matter to you. You Have a choice, regardless if what "pressure" you accept.

When I started talking to my gf and we began exchanging pictures her first few had makeup on. And usually after or before work when she would be dresses the nicest. Eventually i got to see her "around the house" look. No makeup and comfortable clothes, hair not done. I much prefer that look. O actually discouraged her from makeup because she was beautiful without it. Not that she looked bad dressed up more, she still looked great. But I prefer her around the house look.
Your mindset and behavior is determined by where you place importance. Not by what's around you.
Click to expand...
Just curious, brother Ugly ...what is it about the round the house look that you like?
 
M

Mooky

Guest
#36
#36
WineRose said:
...I don't have to worry about that for another few years, do I? :)
Click to expand...
No.But it is helpful to get into good habits from a young age so that you can preserve your skin.Mind you - my Chinese friends look great because Asian people tend to age well.So you have little to worry about .:)
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#37
Aug 13, 2014
25,392
8,387
113
#37
Mooky said:
Just curious, brother Ugly ...what is it about the round the house look that you like?
Click to expand...
I can't answer for Ugly but I can answer that question for me: It's natural, it's REAL, it's not a facade.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#38
#38
Mooky said:
Just curious, brother Ugly ...what is it about the round the house look that you like?
Click to expand...
I've always been one that prefers little to no makeup and a woman that isn't too appearance oriented. I like the simplicity of people getting past feeling like they need to try and come across a certain way and just show themselves for who they are.
I find I also want to see their face, not a mask they wear to make themselves look "enhanced".
I'm the same with hair. I like when hair hasn't been fussed with a lot.
I'm a person that doesn't spend much time on their looks, and I like the same in a woman.
Hmm... You asked a difficult question as I've never given it much thought. So I'm just rambling.
I can say, though, I once dated a woman who was more invested in her appearance. Two hours of preparation just to leave the house. A 30 minute (round) trip to Wal-Mart and not go anywhere else? Two hours for her to get ready.
Once I was visiting her and staying in a motel. Due to confusion I has to get out earlier than expected. I called her, since I had no car. It was about 30 degrees outside, I had nothing warmer than a flannel shirt. She stopped to put makeup on before getting me. When I complained she told me I should be thankful she didn't do her hair too. -.-

Who wants to deal with that? Though even Before her I preferred women thatdidn't wear a lot of makeup.
So... umm... yeah.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#39
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,173
113
#39
seoulsearch said:
Speaking of doing all we can to stay looking good...

You might be in need of a little beauty sleep, and you might just have a few too many beauty products on your bathroom counter... When you pick up a tube of toothpaste and almost rub Crest with Scope all over your face instead of your "anti-aging" moisturizer.

Well... I guess at least my face won't have cavities.

One less beauty worry. Whew!
Click to expand...
It's a plus if the toothpaste is mint as there is a cooling feeling all over your face.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#40
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,173
113
#40


This is the group I'm longing to join the no bra wearing group.
 
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