My search for the correct way to live life:
In the beginning of my search to perfect the correct way to live life I followed the most popular religions which were Christianity and Buddhism. Due to the thickness of the Bible I only skimmed some of the red highlighted parts of the New International Version of the Holy Bible and followed the laws in the Book of Matthew to near perfection because I misunderstood the term judge to be having a negative thought towards someone. The only Book of Matthew law I believe I did not follow well was "do not hit someone back" because I have a snap impulse for self-defense when being struck in the face. As for Buddhism, the teachings I followed from was the theory of Karma.
I followed these teachings until it appeared to me to be false because it wasn't getting me to where I wanted to be in life also since other people didn’t follow their teachings and had better lives than me at the time. So I gave up on believing their was good in the world or even a God and focused purely on science, which made me come to a false conclusion that in order to survive in this world we must do evil. Evil in a sense of making money and being richer than others and not sharing or helping; but I realized that this wasn’t necessarily evil. Because rich people may be providing a more beneficial service to others or may be doing more good elsewhere. Also helping evil people in my opinion may be wrong but I am uncertain. The reason I think helping evil people is wrong is because good people should be disciplining and setting an example of evil to prevent it from happening in the future.
I’m still unsure why some people are so fortunate and some people are suffering. But as I pursued my theory of being evil to survive and be happy, someone who I thought was a friend of mine but found out later to be a sneaky enemy gave me the idea to sell my soul by saying to me in front of someone else: “Sean sold his soul a long time ago” This was not true, but gave me the idea to try selling my soul. I was so adamant about my theory of “evil” because I tried and failed miserably, by being what I believed at the time to be so good by following what I misinterpreted to be Jesus teachings plus alongside with Buddha’s teachings, that I ended up attempting to sell my soul and believing in the whole devil worship illuminati conspiracy theories. I didn’t worship the devil, but I did believe that in order for the devil to help me that I’d had to be evil.
At the end of my “illuminati soul selling” God started showing me a great deal of signs which strayed me from continuing my evil pursuits and made me try and be good again, which was a grieving long and painful process that I’ll spare you the details unless you are interested in hearing. The worst of this process was constant mental torture from what I believed to be God talking to me through others, and me attempting to commit suicide by cutting my wrist with a meat cleaver and eating an entire bottle of Tylenol extra strength brand new unopened, this was both from one suicide attempt. The meat cleaver didn't cut through my skin, it barely even left a mark; I even tried using different meat cleavers and butcher knives, slamming them to my wrist hard and pulling fast as I could at least 10 times without exaggeration. In my opinion it was God showing me how much power God had over my life. So next I decided to eat an entire bottle of extra strength Tylenol determined to die and not live through it but what do you know I am here today perfectly healthy although I can say the pain hurt so much from the extra strength Tylenol that I am terrified to ever attempt to kill myself ever again; it was excruciating pain.
Feel free to leave questions; no comments or feedback please I don't want to have to scroll through everything to answer any questions and I'd like to keep this post neat and tidy so questions and answers can be easily viewed; thank you!
Feel free to share this post with others, but I do however like to remain anonymous to the world outside of this forum.
Also PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT PRAY FOR ME because you do not know me well enough or know my life or current talents to be able to decide better than myself what to pray for.
In the beginning of my search to perfect the correct way to live life I followed the most popular religions which were Christianity and Buddhism. Due to the thickness of the Bible I only skimmed some of the red highlighted parts of the New International Version of the Holy Bible and followed the laws in the Book of Matthew to near perfection because I misunderstood the term judge to be having a negative thought towards someone. The only Book of Matthew law I believe I did not follow well was "do not hit someone back" because I have a snap impulse for self-defense when being struck in the face. As for Buddhism, the teachings I followed from was the theory of Karma.
I followed these teachings until it appeared to me to be false because it wasn't getting me to where I wanted to be in life also since other people didn’t follow their teachings and had better lives than me at the time. So I gave up on believing their was good in the world or even a God and focused purely on science, which made me come to a false conclusion that in order to survive in this world we must do evil. Evil in a sense of making money and being richer than others and not sharing or helping; but I realized that this wasn’t necessarily evil. Because rich people may be providing a more beneficial service to others or may be doing more good elsewhere. Also helping evil people in my opinion may be wrong but I am uncertain. The reason I think helping evil people is wrong is because good people should be disciplining and setting an example of evil to prevent it from happening in the future.
I’m still unsure why some people are so fortunate and some people are suffering. But as I pursued my theory of being evil to survive and be happy, someone who I thought was a friend of mine but found out later to be a sneaky enemy gave me the idea to sell my soul by saying to me in front of someone else: “Sean sold his soul a long time ago” This was not true, but gave me the idea to try selling my soul. I was so adamant about my theory of “evil” because I tried and failed miserably, by being what I believed at the time to be so good by following what I misinterpreted to be Jesus teachings plus alongside with Buddha’s teachings, that I ended up attempting to sell my soul and believing in the whole devil worship illuminati conspiracy theories. I didn’t worship the devil, but I did believe that in order for the devil to help me that I’d had to be evil.
At the end of my “illuminati soul selling” God started showing me a great deal of signs which strayed me from continuing my evil pursuits and made me try and be good again, which was a grieving long and painful process that I’ll spare you the details unless you are interested in hearing. The worst of this process was constant mental torture from what I believed to be God talking to me through others, and me attempting to commit suicide by cutting my wrist with a meat cleaver and eating an entire bottle of Tylenol extra strength brand new unopened, this was both from one suicide attempt. The meat cleaver didn't cut through my skin, it barely even left a mark; I even tried using different meat cleavers and butcher knives, slamming them to my wrist hard and pulling fast as I could at least 10 times without exaggeration. In my opinion it was God showing me how much power God had over my life. So next I decided to eat an entire bottle of extra strength Tylenol determined to die and not live through it but what do you know I am here today perfectly healthy although I can say the pain hurt so much from the extra strength Tylenol that I am terrified to ever attempt to kill myself ever again; it was excruciating pain.
Feel free to leave questions; no comments or feedback please I don't want to have to scroll through everything to answer any questions and I'd like to keep this post neat and tidy so questions and answers can be easily viewed; thank you!
Feel free to share this post with others, but I do however like to remain anonymous to the world outside of this forum.
Also PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT PRAY FOR ME because you do not know me well enough or know my life or current talents to be able to decide better than myself what to pray for.
