sexual harassment and what to do?

[Willie-T]

Get off your high horse! You also cannot tell them what whale dung they are the first session either, or there is no group! They leave.

So, you're pretending your experience proves your theory? I've done groups too. You're lying about your experience. You do not start group with "you stupid little twit" and keep the group going! First, you help them put out the current fire blazing, and then, eventually, if they last that long, (because you know most don't), THEN you get down to cause and effect.

So this high horse you're on?

That's your idea of helping someone?.... telling them. "Aw, you poor Baby Girl... let's make you feel good, and then, eventually, we may address getting you out of that imminently dangerous situation." You've been playing with Teddy Bears for too long.

 

[Jenizona]

Get off your high horse! You also cannot tell them what whale dung they are the first session either, or there is no group! They leave.

I was thinking the same thing about group therapy, Willie-T... if I were overseeing the therapists and one therapist in particular decided to unleash on someone the first time they "shared," I would fire that therapist. That is not therapy.

 

[Willie-T]

I was thinking the same thing about group therapy, Willie-T... if I were overseeing the therapists and one therapist in particular decided to unleash on someone the first time they "shared," I would fire that therapist. That is not therapy.

Thank God you never dealt with serious therapy sessions. (I wasn't talking about housewives who get their feelings hurt when their husband raisehis voices.)

 

[Jenizona]

Thank God you never dealt with serious therapy sessions. (I wasn't talking about housewives who get their feelings hurt when their husband raisehis voices.)

How do you know I haven't?

 

[Depleted]

That's your idea of helping someone?.... telling them. "Aw, you poor Baby Girl... let's make you feel good, and then, eventually, we may address getting you out of that imminently dangerous situation." You've been playing with Teddy Bears for too long.

Who were you giving therapy to -- the golfing set whose caddy chipped one of their tees?

Geesh! I'm really beginning to doubt you ever had a group.

First thing is make sure the client has a place to live, a job, and the understanding to get away from the fools who landed him in the group in the first place. The blazing fires, because most don't have a place to sleep that night, have no concept that you work to eat and have a place to live, and mostly, to avoid wasting time with the idiots associated with that landed them there in the first place.

THEN, once they have a safe place to live, are proving they're doing job applications, (and taking the first job offered, even if it's cleaning kennels), and can account for their time away from group (to make sure they are really not hanging with the same losers), you get down to the cause and effect, followed by "better way."

Basic group therapy 101, unless the biggest problem is a caddy nicked a tee.

Seriously? Was this what that was all about -- Willie proving he once led groups? Because if that was the purpose, you're just showing me you haven't. Unless the group was people literally locked up and with no choice but to attend group. BTW, then, even then, all that shows is you held them captive physically. I can guarantee you didn't hold them captive mentally.

If I've been playing with teddy bears to long, you've been holding onto a spare generator way too long! You've totally forgotten what the world is like for people who don't need generators.

 

[Depleted]

That's your idea of helping someone?.... telling them. "Aw, you poor Baby Girl... let's make you feel good, and then, eventually, we may address getting you out of that imminently dangerous situation." You've been playing with Teddy Bears for too long.

BTW, if you weren't so busy bolstering your pride, you would have seen what I told her she needs to do. And, BTW, it was under the assumption she has a brain, but under the assumption she ran out of enough plans that she was now stuck with Mom and perv.

 

[Willie-T]

Who were you giving therapy to -- the golfing set whose caddy chipped one of their tees?Geesh! I'm really beginning to doubt you ever had a group.

First thing is make sure the client has a place to live, a job, and the understanding to get away from the fools who landed him in the group in the first place. The blazing fires, because most don't have a place to sleep that night, have no concept that you work to eat and have a place to live, and mostly, to avoid wasting time with the idiots associated with that landed them there in the first place.

THEN, once they have a safe place to live, are proving they're doing job applications, (and taking the first job offered, even if it's cleaning kennels), and can account for their time away from group (to make sure they are really not hanging with the same losers), you get down to the cause and effect, followed by "better way."

Basic group therapy 101, unless the biggest problem is a caddy nicked a tee.

Seriously? Was this what that was all about -- Willie proving he once led groups? Because if that was the purpose, you're just showing me you haven't. Unless the group was people literally locked up and with no choice but to attend group. BTW, then, even then, all that shows is you held them captive physically. I can guarantee you didn't hold them captive mentally.

If I've been playing with teddy bears to long, you've been holding onto a spare generator way too long! You've totally forgotten what the world is like for people who don't need generators.

Mostly convicted Sex Offenders... Child Molesters, Rapists, a few murderers.

 

[Depleted]

Mostly convicted Sex Offenders... Child Molesters, Rapists, a few murderers.

And you told them they were jackasses first and didn't get killed?

Biggest miracle since Jesus rose from the dead!

(BTW, druggies, so had a few of your kind at groups too, plus the 12 year old whose parents were smart enough to get him into rehab the first time they caught him smoking a doob. Guaranteed, that's one kid that didn't go into drugs by the time he was done. We didn't have to scare him straight. We were just example after example of where that could go wrong. And, I seriously doubt he joined the service too, since many of the group were what happens after being in VN 2-10 years before that. lol)

 

[Corbinscam]

find every legal manner she can to put her step-dad in jail.

Doing this would put her on the streets. You think her mother who thinks this is no big deal is going to just be ok with it?
If this went on when she was 11 years old then clearly protecting children isn't a concern of her mothers. Why would she care about a grown child and her grandchildren if she didn't care about her child when she was a child? I can't say I agree with every aspect of Willies presentation but I agree with him that her only choice is to get herself and her children out of there.

And if OP is going to put her step father in jail she'll certainly lose custody of her children since she'd then be homeless.

 

[Willie-T]

There's a distinctive difference. The men (and women) I dealt with could not afford the luxury of being allowed to believe they "really shouldn't do those things." Most people in group therapies go into and out of their problems till they have been comforted enough to think about dealing with them.

My guys could not afford to screw up again... not even once. They had to know, right from the first night that this was "life-and-death" stuff, and that they were there with us for the most important life-changing issues they would ever face.

Yes, I have no doubt that I seem harsh to people who come here to be coddled and petted. And most of the time, I don't bother with those people. I know there are dozens of people here who think giving them what they want is actually helpful. And it really doesn't matter too much to me.

But, I know the true danger signs (and this girl was sitting in the middle of a host of them), and at those times, I just cannot sit quietly (or join in with the same useless [or dangerous] platitudes) so I do my best to cut through all the fluff, and give them some real-world facts to begin dealing with.

To do less, is being not only useless in truly helping, but actually enabling in the problem they are in.

 

[Corbinscam]

There's a distinctive difference. The men (and women) I dealt with could not afford the luxury of being allowed to believe they "really shouldn't do those things." Most people in group therapies go into and out of their problems till they have been comforted enough to think about dealing with them.

My guys could not afford to screw up again... not even once. They had to know, right from the first night that this was "life-and-death" stuff, and that they were there with us for the most important life-changing issues they would ever face.

Yes, I have no doubt that I seem harsh to people who come here to be coddled and petted. And most of the time, I don't bother with those people. I know there are dozens of people here who think giving them what they want is actually helpful. And it really doesn't matter too much to me.

But, I know the true danger signs (and this girl was sitting in the middle of a host of them), and at those times, I just cannot sit quietly (or join in with the same useless [or dangerous] platitudes) so I do my best to cut through all the fluff, and give them some real-world facts to begin dealing with.

To do less, is being not only useless in truly helping, but actually enabling in the problem they are in.

I agree totally. And coddling and telling someone their feelings are justified won't do crap to help them when they stay in that environment and their children end up sexually abused. I care fare less about catering to a parents feelings than I would enabling them to protect their kids. As adults...we make our own mistakes and suffer the consequences...our kids shouldn't suffer for our mistakes.

 

[Willie-T]

I agree totally. And coddling and telling someone their feelings are justified won't do crap to help them when they stay in that environment and their children end up sexually abused. I care fare less about catering to a parents feelings than I would enabling them to protect their kids. As adults...we make our own mistakes and suffer the consequences...our kids shouldn't suffer for our mistakes.

This young man will undoubtedly grow into an exceptional adult who may possibly change the world.

 

[Magenta]

If you had read, you would have realized she came to Christ after she had her 3 children, and had been planning to get married, again, this was before she was saved. Last I checked, our sins from the past are forgiven by God when we call out to Him. And as Christians, what God has forgiven, we should not hold against others. She realized what she did was wrong. She owned up to that. However, she also does not deserve to be sexually harassed and assaulted by her sorta step-father. And if you feel like she should just put up with that and just accept her "humbling, because she's living with her parents on "Charity", then it causes me to wonder what you really are like in person, and what you think is acceptable for men to do to women.

And yes, I am calling you out on this, because you are calling on her to accept her step-father has the right to paw on her while she's living there. And before you claim that is not what you meant, reread what you said: "You are taking their charity, and a lot of "humbling" comes along with doing that." Sir, sexual harassment is not humbling. It's degrading, and not acceptable for anyone to commit on another person. Touching someone on their bottoms is also not "humbling" but degrading, and also not acceptable for anyone to commit on any person.

While I agree, she needs to get out ASAP and not commit violence, I also don't feel she should put up with what she's dealing with, and instead, find every legal manner she can to put her step-dad in jail.

In our society, a sign of maturity and being personally responsible is independence in the form of being able to support one's self without asking for handouts from others, including parents. For many, it would be humbling to have experienced such independence and then find them self in need of assistance. I am not sure how any could interpret this as having to tolerate unacceptable sexual advances from one's mother's partner, both who have a history in this regard. Thankfully, I have not seen anyone say (or even hint at) any such thing.

 

[Willie-T]

In our society, a sign of maturity and being personally responsible is independence in the form of being able to support one's self without asking for handouts from others, including parents. For many, it would be humbling to have experienced such independence and then find them self in need of assistance. I am not sure how any could interpret this as having to tolerate unacceptable sexual advances from one's mother's partner, both who have a history in this regard. Thankfully, I have not seen anyone say (or even hint at) any such thing.

Thank you very much. I have found that I can usually depend upon you and a few others, to truly read what I have written. Thanks again.

 

[Magenta]

Thank you very much. I have found that I can usually depend upon you and a few others, to truly read what I have written. Thanks again.

You are welcome, Willie. Anyone who knows much of anything about you would already know that you have worked extensively with sexual offenders. But even not knowing that, I cannot see how anyone could interpret what you said to mean that the OP must tolerate the intolerable, as a means of humbling herself, due to her having placed herself and her children in the home of untrustworthy, criminally minded, sexually perverted people. It just wasn't there.

 

[Willie-T]

You are welcome, Willie. Anyone who knows much of anything about you would already know that you have worked extensively with sexual offenders. But even not knowing that, I cannot see how anyone could interpret what you said to mean that the OP must tolerate the intolerable, as a means of humbling herself, due to her having placed herself and her children in the home of untrustworthy, criminally minded, sexually perverted people. It just wasn't there.

Well, unfortunately, for some people almost ANYTHING can be derived from a post if they want it to be. I, myself, have even had to read some people's posts as much as three times (keeping in mind who they are, and what I know about them) to realize that my first impression may have been too heavily influenced by my own prejudices or biases.

 

[hornetguy]

Do you mean child support? I don't get that. If I did I would most certainly be able to afford a place. Not that I didn't go after child support, I did. He just never pays it.

Have you filed against him as a dead-beat dad? If he is working any kind of job that requires a SS number, the courts can garnishee his wages for your child support. Of course, that would cost you some money to get it into court, and get it decided by a judge.

You really need to be concerned about him approaching your children, depending on their ages... it could be that he just is being a letch with you, but if he started with you at 11 yrs of age, apparently he has no scruples against molesting underage children.

You can likely handle the occasional grope, being a grown woman (not that you should HAVE to, please don't misunderstand me), but children cannot, and should never have to handle that kind of thing. Your first responsibility should be to them.

Find a women's shelter, as soon as possible, and find a job so that you can support your kids. There are options, but none of them will be easy, sad to say.

Prayers for you, sis.

 

[hornetguy]

Anybody that has ever been to an AA group knows that members are made to feel welcome, but they are NOT coddled at all about their problems. No BS allowed.

I've seen some pretty brutal replies to folks in 12 step programs by people that had been down the same path... it's not called "tough love" for nothing.

 

[Jenizona]

Anybody that has ever been to an AA group knows that members are made to feel welcome, but they are NOT coddled at all about their problems. No BS allowed.

I've seen some pretty brutal replies to folks in 12 step programs by people that had been down the same path... it's not called "tough love" for nothing.

I think that is a good goal! But as you pointed out, it starts with members being "made to feel welcome."

 

[Willie-T]

Anybody that has ever been to an AA group knows that members are made to feel welcome, but they are NOT coddled at all about their problems. No BS allowed.

I've seen some pretty brutal replies to folks in 12 step programs by people that had been down the same path... it's not called "tough love" for nothing.

Emphatically !!! There are a number of serious situations that cannot be approached with anything less than directness.