sexual harassment and what to do?

[tourist]

Since ai was 11 years old my moms boyfriend has been overly interested in me. Slapping my butt and saying inappropriate things. I told my mom then and nothing ever came of it. I moved out as soon as I could but now I am living with them again due to hardships and he is making me incredibly uncomfortable. Slapping my bitt and asking me to shop him my breast and such. I told my mom and she just shrugged it off. I ask him to stop he my dad and I'm his daughter and he doesn't. Just says were not blood related. I just need advice on what you think can stop this. I don't have anywhere to go right now and being a single mother of 3 I find it almost impossible to find anything affordable.

I felt extremely uncomfortable posting this but it's to that point I just don't know hat else to do.

This isn't sexual harassment, it's sexual assault. Next time this leech tries something file charges against him. Your mom appear to be a poor judge of character.

 

[oldethennew]

just a share:

most can never go anywhere near where some others have been, but,?!?!
some can and do and are blessed to be able to, by the Love and Grace of Jesus Christ,
His gift of 'understanding', as we grow, along and along,,,
and are given a peek at His Spirit/Person', for His Blessed purpose...
and again, of course, our greatest desire to be 'with Him, with our whole hearts'...

 

[Jenizona]

So... it looks like the original poster left two days ago. She commented that she felt it was odd that she had to defend herself, as a newcomer and on a Christian site. I really agree with her.

Willie-T, I am fairly certain your posts were largely responsible for making her feel unwelcome. I could be wrong. But that's my impression.

I really want to like you, Willie-T... I know you say a lot of cool stuff, I've read it in the past.

Just can't figure out why you came out with guns blazing on this one.

Let's ALL try to have cooler heads and tender hearts when dealing with new people who bring their problems. And if you feel tempted to let someone know what you really think of them, and how much they've screwed up, and all the bad decisions they made that got them to this painful place in their lives... maybe take a break from posting and go watch TV or something. Good advice for all of us.

 

[Willie-T]

So... it looks like the original poster left two days ago. She commented that she felt it was odd that she had to defend herself, as a newcomer and on a Christian site. I really agree with her.

Willie-T, I am fairly certain your posts were largely responsible for making her feel unwelcome. I could be wrong. But that's my impression.

I really want to like you, Willie-T... I know you say a lot of cool stuff, I've read it in the past.

Just can't figure out why you came out with guns blazing on this one.

Let's ALL try to have cooler heads and tender hearts when dealing with new people who bring their problems. And if you feel tempted to let someone know what you really think of them, and how much they've screwed up, and all the bad decisions they made that got them to this painful place in their lives... maybe take a break from posting and go watch TV or something. Good advice for all of us.

I certainly do hope my direct and "real-world" comments made her think.... A LOT!

Because she chose to just hop in bed with a man who turned out to be a louse. That's tough. And you all petted her and called her "poor Baby" just fine. (Exactly what she wanted someone to say in agreement with her actions) So, you guys gave her that..... along with a pile of very erroneous and potentially dangerous advice (go read all those posts)

I told her that she probably couldn't have done things more wrong, backwards, and in complete violation of God's will if she had set out to do it all that way. But, more importantly, I told her that her desire to shack up has resulted in her now being saddled with three VERY dependent children..... That she took right into ANOTHER snake pit where her mother is shacking up with a pervert who respects neither of them, and will likely soon become a sexual problem with the children.

No, I was not all Sugar and Sweetness like so many here were. (Totally useless in the dire situation she has put herself and the children into) I hope she got the fact that I told her some things many of you would never tell her. And I hope it got her angry enough to finally act like a woman, and do something descent for herself and the children she produced.

It's a real world out there, and that fact seems to escape so many people.

 

[Jenizona]

It's a real world out there, and that fact seems to escape so many people.

It doesn't escape us... we just figure that throwing all the bad decisions that they've made in someone's face probably isn't the best approach... and yeah, it got her to leave.

 

[Speak2Me]

So... it looks like the original poster left two days ago. She commented that she felt it was odd that she had to defend herself, as a newcomer and on a Christian site. I really agree with her.

Willie-T, I am fairly certain your posts were largely responsible for making her feel unwelcome. I could be wrong. But that's my impression.

I really want to like you, Willie-T... I know you say a lot of cool stuff, I've read it in the past.

Just can't figure out why you came out with guns blazing on this one.

Let's ALL try to have cooler heads and tender hearts when dealing with new people who bring their problems. And if you feel tempted to let someone know what you really think of them, and how much they've screwed up, and all the bad decisions they made that got them to this painful place in their lives... maybe take a break from posting and go watch TV or something. Good advice for all of us.

I agree with this post 100%. Well said.

 

[violakat]

If you had read, you would have realized she came to Christ after she had her 3 children, and had been planning to get married, again, this was before she was saved. Last I checked, our sins from the past are forgiven by God when we call out to Him. And as Christians, what God has forgiven, we should not hold against others. She realized what she did was wrong. She owned up to that. However, she also does not deserve to be sexually harassed and assaulted by her sorta step-father. And if you feel like she should just put up with that and just accept her "humbling, because she's living with her parents on "Charity", then it causes me to wonder what you really are like in person, and what you think is acceptable for men to do to women.

And yes, I am calling you out on this, because you are calling on her to accept her step-father has the right to paw on her while she's living there. And before you claim that is not what you meant, reread what you said: "You are taking their charity, and a lot of "humbling" comes along with doing that." Sir, sexual harassment is not humbling. It's degrading, and not acceptable for anyone to commit on another person. Touching someone on their bottoms is also not "humbling" but degrading, and also not acceptable for anyone to commit on any person.

While I agree, she needs to get out ASAP and not commit violence, I also don't feel she should put up with what she's dealing with, and instead, find every legal manner she can to put her step-dad in jail.

 

[Speak2Me]

I certainly do hope my direct and "real-world" comments made her think.... A LOT!

Because she chose to just hop in bed with a man who turned out to be a louse. That's tough. And you all petted her and called her "poor Baby" just fine. (Exactly what she wanted someone to say in agreement with her actions) So, you guys gave her that..... along with a pile of very erroneous and potentially dangerous advice (go read all those posts)

I told her that she probably couldn't have done things more wrong, backwards, and in complete violation of God's will if she had set out to do it all that way. But, more importantly, I told her that her desire to shack up has resulted in her now being saddled with three VERY dependent children..... That she took right into ANOTHER snake pit where her mother is shacking up with a pervert who respects neither of them, and will likely soon become a sexual problem with the children.

No, I was not all Sugar and Sweetness like so many here were. (Totally useless in the dire situation she has put herself and the children into) I hope she got the fact that I told her some things many of you would never tell her. And I hope it got her angry enough to finally act like a woman, and do something descent for herself and the children she produced.

It's a real world out there, and that fact seems to escape so many people.

I suggest you read this again.

I had kids in a stable financial situation. When I became Christian in 2015 my fiancé left me because he didn't like the fact. It's kinda of absurd ai feel the need to defend myself and on a Christian site no less. It's not easy being a single mom especially since I was always a stay at home mom so I didn't have to work. I tried for the first year to stay afloat alone and all I did was fail at it. Obviously I made bad choices but nothing can be done and at least I know I have Gods forgiveness.

1. She was a sinner when she had these three kids. That's what sinners do.
2. When she came to Christ, her boyfriend left her high and dry. This happens to young christians because Satan tempts them to give up on God.
3. She made mistakes, true. But if every christian held it over our heads when we made mistakes, there would be no christians left.

It's apparent that you forgot something:
Jude 1: 22And of some have compassion, making a difference: 23And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.

With these statements you made, I would remind you there's a High and Lofty One in heaven who decides who should and should not eat humble pie. I hope this reminder helps you before HE decides to do something about that.

 

[Willie-T]

I suggest you read this again.


1. She was a sinner when she had these three kids. That's what sinners do.
2. When she came to Christ, her boyfriend left her high and dry. This happens to young christians because Satan tempts them to give up on God.
3. She made mistakes, true. But if every christian held it over our heads when we made mistakes, there would be no christians left.

It's apparent that you forgot something:
Jude 1: 22And of some have compassion, making a difference: 23And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.

With these statements you made, I would remind you there's a High and Lofty One in heaven who decides who should and should not eat humble pie. I hope this reminder helps you before HE decides to do something about that.

No, you read what she has decided is the reason he left. If you were able to ask the deadbeat why he left, the story might be totally different.

And if this poor little Christian was deserted for her faith, what in the world is she doing moving in with a mother who is obviously content with being this pervert's tramp, and who just shrugs off his vulgar treatment of her daughter?

And, in these two years during which the bum supposedly just couldn't take her Christianity, are you believing she would have developed no good ties with people at a church who could help her find better accommodations than moving in with her mother and her live-in pervert?

I have a quarter of a century of facilitating group therapy sessions with people who know every angle in the book to try and solicit agreement and enabling for their deviancies. I cannot just smile and swallow any old line thrown my way.

 

[Willie-T]

Some people are crying that past sins are forgiven, and should be forgotten.

God FORBID!!!

Yes, we are forgiven, but we should NEVER become so complacent as to forget what our past indiscretions have cost us..... AND wil cost us again if we do not make concerted efforts to remove ourselves from undesirable situations.

God forgives. But we, ourselves, should never forget. Guilt is not necessary, but remembrance sure is.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Your sister's husband is a pig.. :/

I understand, I’ve been there. I had to stay with my sister once, and my brother in law would pat my but when I was behind the counter making my son’s dinner plate. If I seen him coming I would rush out of there, pretending I had to suddenly use the bathroom or something. He happened to have a friend who lived a few houses away, who happened to have left his wife in order to marry his wife’s sister, who just happened to have my same first name. To make matters worse, my sister watched a soap opera showing a husband cheating on his wife with his sister, who also had my first name. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it’s all true.

One day he was driving me home and said “Let’s stop by my friend’s house.” I said I really didn’t want to, but he said it will just take a minute. He brought me into a pull barn, where only his friend was. He asked me if I wanted a beer, I said no, but they kept insisting, but I kept saying no. Then his friend asked me all these questions like do I think my brother in law is cute? And saying things like how he would spend so much money on me if he divorced my sister and married me, and joked about how he’d still have the same mother in law like he does.

After turning him down in front of his friend, his flirting turned to anger. Meanwhile, my sister was saying that she knows it’s not my fault that the soap opera had that situation going on, but said something’s not right. She asked if I had feelings for her husband, I told her the truth- no. But I didn’t say everything cause I was afraid of being on the street with my four year old son.

One day my son was playing in the basement with his cousin, he swung a jump rope around, hitting his cousin’s finger by accident. I heard yelling and my sister and I ran into the house. He had tore after my son threatening to kill him. He lifted him up against the basement wall, with his feet dangling high off the floor. I shouted “Let him go!” And when he turned and looked at me, my son ran up the stairs crying. He was behind me, and I was in my nephew’s bedroom doorway, blocking him. He said if I don’t move so that he could get to my son that he’d beat me to death. That was the one moment in my life that I had the most adrenaline, and stared him in the eyes with the look of death, if he touched my son, I would fight to the death. That’s when I knew I had to get out of there.

Don’t wait, go to a shelter if you have to. Anyone who crosses such lines also puts your kids in danger!

 

[joefizz]

I certainly do hope my direct and "real-world" comments made her think.... A LOT!

Because she chose to just hop in bed with a man who turned out to be a louse. That's tough. And you all petted her and called her "poor Baby" just fine. (Exactly what she wanted someone to say in agreement with her actions) So, you guys gave her that..... along with a pile of very erroneous and potentially dangerous advice (go read all those posts)

I told her that she probably couldn't have done things more wrong, backwards, and in complete violation of God's will if she had set out to do it all that way. But, more importantly, I told her that her desire to shack up has resulted in her now being saddled with three VERY dependent children..... That she took right into ANOTHER snake pit where her mother is shacking up with a pervert who respects neither of them, and will likely soon become a sexual problem with the children.

No, I was not all Sugar and Sweetness like so many here were. (Totally useless in the dire situation she has put herself and the children into) I hope she got the fact that I told her some things many of you would never tell her. And I hope it got her angry enough to finally act like a woman, and do something descent for herself and the children she produced.

It's a real world out there, and that fact seems to escape so many people.

It's called compassion willie,you don't go and make someone feel worse you try to help and uplift them,and give "serious" advice not sound like an arrogant judger.

 

[joefizz]

Some people are crying that past sins are forgiven, and should be forgotten.

God FORBID!!!

Yes, we are forgiven, but we should NEVER become so complacent as to forget what our past indiscretions have cost us..... AND wil cost us again if we do not make concerted efforts to remove ourselves from undesirable situations.

God forgives. But we, ourselves, should never forget. Guilt is not necessary, but remembrance sure is.

Pure bologna,the more you remember old sins the more you might go back to them sure remembrance can help someone figure how not to make the same mistake again but really forgetting the past and embracing the future with Jesus is far better than remembering a bunch of mistakes or filth.

 

[Willie-T]

Pure bologna,the more you remember old sins the more you might go back to them sure remembrance can help someone figure how not to make the same mistake again but really forgetting the past and embracing the future with Jesus is far better than remembering a bunch of mistakes or filth.

Never, never, never. As I so clearly stated, we do not need to engage in guilt-tripping ourselves. But, it is probably one of the most Spiritually dangerous things we can do to forget what sin did to us in the first place. Even the thought of pretending we have nothing to be concerned about when it comes to past issues, temptations and addictions sneaking back into our lives should raise a red flag for any of us.

Why do you think the Bible warns of a dog returning to his vomit?

 

[Willie-T]

And, the most impressive one of all.... The Bible speaks of the foolishness of a man looking into a mirror, then walking away, and forgetting what he saw there.

 

[joefizz]

Though the OP isn't here as far I know I still don't mind talking on this a little,for starters it's rather annoying that some men can be so vulgar,I should know my mom's a harlot and all these biker sleazes flock to her though at least for the moment she seems to be with an ok guy,the major problem for the OP is living situation and of course for the step father to get some fear in his heart and his head out of his rear,and his hands off women that aren't his spouse especially someone who is supposed to be his daughter and supposed to respect it really is shocking to me because I get nervous around any female and avoid physical contact like a plague so it's really bothersome to learn of men that have "no boundaries"nor "respect for women/females.
I wonder sometimes if these guys hit their heads growing up because they don't seem to be "bothered" by anything,I'm so glad I didn't end up a egotistical hormone following fool,my advice overall anyways would be to try to set some boundaries with the guy it might sound undignified but this has worked for a cousin...
if this sleaze tries groping again yell out either one of these"rape,abuser" eventually after a few weeks of hearing those words he should lose interest and start questioning that he can get near you.
As many said you could file something on him if things persist,but also try finding a job and a place to go,because the longer you stay around this guy the more he'll start entertaining more ridiculous thoughts,and considering your mother doesn't care,it's best to get away because with her backing him it becomes a he said she said type scenario,very risky to be in that kind of situation,overall as many said look to God for a clear way out from this,you didn't ask for or cause this mess but for now you'll just have to endure and set boundaries as best you can until you get a way to leave.

 

[joefizz]

Never, never, never. As I so clearly stated, we do not need to engage in guilt-tripping ourselves. But, it is probably one of the most Spiritually dangerous things we can do to forget what sin did to us in the first place. Even the thought of pretending we have nothing to be concerned about when it comes to past issues, temptations and addictions sneaking back into our lives should raise a red flag for any of us.

Why do you think the Bible warns of a dog returning to his vomit?

Duh because some sins we have payed more time to than others,it doesn't mean we tell ourselves"I must remember this sin so as to never do it again because if I remember it then I won't do it" it's actually better to have this mentality"I am going to separate myself from sin as best I can with God helping and leading me from it so as that in time my old sin shall not come to remembrance" see the problem with "seeking to remember" is that your mind and flesh say "he's thinking on this to remember so he must like it!" I have a very good detailed extensive memory to where nearly nothing I forget but sin I'd rather forget because all I've found is that it leads me to dwell on old sin and then seek it out again if I focus long enough on it or let it enter my mind especially things of lust just one thought on it and any man or woman might seek out something explicit to watch or seek to fulfill the lust of flesh through impulsive choices,sin is better left forgotten because once saved we have the holy spirit to worry about us and guide us.
We don't need to wake up thinking"oh no I forgot a sin how am I going to avoid it"?
See how silly that sounds?
We will undoubtedly face our sins again working through other people,but the holy spirit supplies those memories when needed for the will to do good,trying to explain to someone how we were the same and through Jesus were able to be brought out from old sins,no need to try so hard to be weary of something that the holy spirit is ever vigilant of.
For example I longer cuss and especially don't curse God,now do I remember such times yes but it only annoys me,because I think on "that wasn't good to do" now after years of not thinking on cussing and more of putting it in my own honor code I don't do it,but I know it's not just from my own determination but mostly through Jesus's grace that it's possible to not do such a sin anymore,but that's my overall point remember who died for your sins,don't seek to remember the old sins for God forgives and forgets so we ought to as well and focus on a bright future not a grim past.

 

[Depleted]

If you weren't so obsessed with trying to find some way to defend your own wounded pride by putting me down with every post you make, you might not have missed this.

http://christianchat.com/christian-family-forum/159598-sexual-harassment-what-do.html#post3322652

Yup, pretty much like Steve Martin's lessons in how to make a million dollars tax free.

Step 1: Make a million dollars.

No one should ever expect you to tell her a plan to get out quickly. It might require you working YOUR brain. Which, clearly, you're too full of yourself to get.

BTW, Tasha has left, and directly because of you. If you weren't so busy proving you're the man, man, you could have helped. And pretending this was about my pride is 1st grade tactics. No one is buying that, including you.

 

[Depleted]

No, you read what she has decided is the reason he left. If you were able to ask the deadbeat why he left, the story might be totally different.

And if this poor little Christian was deserted for her faith, what in the world is she doing moving in with a mother who is obviously content with being this pervert's tramp, and who just shrugs off his vulgar treatment of her daughter?

And, in these two years during which the bum supposedly just couldn't take her Christianity, are you believing she would have developed no good ties with people at a church who could help her find better accommodations than moving in with her mother and her live-in pervert?

I have a quarter of a century of facilitating group therapy sessions with people who know every angle in the book to try and solicit agreement and enabling for their deviancies. I cannot just smile and swallow any old line thrown my way.

Get off your high horse! You also cannot tell them what whale dung they are the first session either, or there is no group! They leave.

So, you're pretending your experience proves your theory? I've done groups too. You're lying about your experience. You do not start group with "you stupid little twit" and keep the group going! First, you help them put out the current fire blazing, and then, eventually, if they last that long, (because you know most don't), THEN you get down to cause and effect.

So this high horse you're on?

 

[Depleted]

Some people are crying that past sins are forgiven, and should be forgotten.

God FORBID!!!

Yes, we are forgiven, but we should NEVER become so complacent as to forget what our past indiscretions have cost us..... AND wil cost us again if we do not make concerted efforts to remove ourselves from undesirable situations.

God forgives. But we, ourselves, should never forget. Guilt is not necessary, but remembrance sure is.

Gee, three kids in trouble isn't enough remembrance for her yet, so Willie will make sure she knows how unworthy she is by how worthy he is for having the good fortune to grow up in the 50's and 60's.

Biggest pile of hogwash-gospel I've ever seen from you.

I dare you! I dare you to have your wife read this thread and ask her what she really thinks of how you're handling this.