Am I doing the right thing?

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Grace228311

Junior Member
#1
Nov 3, 2017
7
0
0
#1
I dated a guy for about 3 months. We saw each other every day during this time. We were crazy about each other and grew close quick. Things were great and then suddenly things changed. He told me he wasn't sure his feelings and connection were as strong as they should be. When asked what he wanted to do? He said he did not know. And that was pretty much the last I heard from him. I attempted to reach out to him and few times. But I was met with no response and silence. [FONT=.SF UI Text]
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[FONT=.SF UI Text]It has been 6 months since our break up. I started working out more as a way to relieve stress and get my mind off of things. I joined the same gym he goes to. When I would run into him at the gym he would obviously avoid me. Acting like he was on the phone all the time and making sharp turns to avoid crossing my path. Even though I never tried talking to him. When I would see him I would look right at and through him like he never existed. [/FONT]
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[FONT=.SF UI Text]Just recently I saw him at the gym, this time he did not obviously avoid me. In fact we pulled into the gym at the same time he parked behind me. I got out and I looked back and saw him getting out with a smile on his face. I made quick eye contact with him with no expression on my face then glanced away and walked into the gym. At one point I got on a weight machine, I started my reps and then realized he was using the machine right in front of me. I could tell out of my peripheral when he was looking at me. But I just acted like no one was even there in front of me and avoided eye contact. We moved on to other weight machines, later I am in the back of the gym facing a mirror and I see him walk in front of the gym looking back where I was. We made quick eye contact through the mirror but then I quickly glanced away. [/FONT]
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[FONT=.SF UI Text]My question is... am I doing the right thing? I don't hate him and deep down I miss him. But I feel that he has made it clear by not responding to my early reach outs and then obviously avoiding me at the gym that he doesn't want to talk to me. [/FONT]
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[FONT=.SF UI Text]I don't know what else to do, unless he makes the first move to talk to me or show me he wants to talk.[/FONT]
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#2
#2
He said he was unsure of his feelings, and then just disappeared and went on living his life like you didn't exist and what you shared didn't matter....that is not someone who is ready to have a real, committed, relationship, that's a man who is going to break your heart.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#3
Feb 21, 2014
70,920
9,669
113
#3
Sounds like a player to me.. yupp
 
Jenizona

Jenizona

Senior Member
#4
Aug 8, 2015
629
28
0
#4
You should actually change gyms... :( It's actually sounding like you're kind of pursuing him. Trust me, I get how painful it is when someone cuts you off, doesn't allow you the proper closure that you really need. But pursuing him and making it all awkward at the gym is really not a healthy way of handling it, either.

Every time you go there, you'll look for him. Every time you see him, there's a visual "cat and mouse." Has your email changed? Has your phone changed? Presumably he can still contact you if he wants to.

I think you need to give him up completely and move on. :( I know, it's hard *huggggs* I really do get it. <3
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#5
#5
Grace228311 said:
I dated a guy for about 3 months. We saw each other every day during this time. We were crazy about each other and grew close quick. Things were great and then suddenly things changed. He told me he wasn't sure his feelings and connection were as strong as they should be. When asked what he wanted to do? He said he did not know. And that was pretty much the last I heard from him. I attempted to reach out to him and few times. But I was met with no response and silence. [FONT=.SF UI Text]
[/FONT]
[FONT=.SF UI Text]It has been 6 months since our break up. I started working out more as a way to relieve stress and get my mind off of things. I joined the same gym he goes to. When I would run into him at the gym he would obviously avoid me. Acting like he was on the phone all the time and making sharp turns to avoid crossing my path. Even though I never tried talking to him. When I would see him I would look right at and through him like he never existed. [/FONT]
[FONT=.SF UI Text]
[/FONT]
[FONT=.SF UI Text]Just recently I saw him at the gym, this time he did not obviously avoid me. In fact we pulled into the gym at the same time he parked behind me. I got out and I looked back and saw him getting out with a smile on his face. I made quick eye contact with him with no expression on my face then glanced away and walked into the gym. At one point I got on a weight machine, I started my reps and then realized he was using the machine right in front of me. I could tell out of my peripheral when he was looking at me. But I just acted like no one was even there in front of me and avoided eye contact. We moved on to other weight machines, later I am in the back of the gym facing a mirror and I see him walk in front of the gym looking back where I was. We made quick eye contact through the mirror but then I quickly glanced away. [/FONT]
[FONT=.SF UI Text]
[/FONT]
[FONT=.SF UI Text]My question is... am I doing the right thing? I don't hate him and deep down I miss him. But I feel that he has made it clear by not responding to my early reach outs and then obviously avoiding me at the gym that he doesn't want to talk to me. [/FONT]
[FONT=.SF UI Text]
[/FONT]
[FONT=.SF UI Text]I don't know what else to do, unless he makes the first move to talk to me or show me he wants to talk.[/FONT]
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Well for whatever reason he is just not interested in you anymore,perhaps because he was expecting quite alot to be rather perfect in your relationship there are few people like that out in the world that expect things to be just so,in order for a relationship to work out in their view,this often pushes others away,and can lead them to shutdown interest wise because they have to have that outlandish security,it may be best to stop being around him not for his sake but for your sake because seeing him in place weekly is only going to hurt you emotionally.
Also it's not worth going out of your way for his attention if he doesn't care,it will get you feeling foolish and start doubting yourself because you are so focused on what he thinks when this should now be about what "you" think,if you think he's worth pursuing then continue and just don't overexhaust yourself,if you think he really isn't worth your efforts because he doesn't seem to pay you attention,then chart a new path because there is so much more you could be doing with your life instead of going around someone who may have shut you out now.
 
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Grace228311

Junior Member
#6
Nov 3, 2017
7
0
0
#6
Thank you guys for the advice.
 
Last edited:
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#7
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#7
He was after another woman. Sounds like that didn't work out. Change gyms. Find a real man. Ask this guy "do you even lift, bro?"
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#8
Jun 30, 2015
25,414
13,762
113
#8
To the OP: the way he treated you after "breaking up with you" (if that is the right term) indicates that he is not emotionally mature. I agree... find another gym, and another guy.
 
Jenizona

Jenizona

Senior Member
#9
Aug 8, 2015
629
28
0
#9
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#10
#10
I think you're doing the right thing, sis. As painful as it is to you, it sounds like the best thing. Pray about it :)
 
T

tucsonjean

Junior Member
#11
Nov 2, 2017
1
0
0
#11
Change gyms. Don't keep torturing yourself. Move on and don't waste another minute on him. He has your number if he's interested
 
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Grace228311

Junior Member
#12
Nov 3, 2017
7
0
0
#12
Jenizona said:
Grace228311, here is an article from Psychology Today about ghosting (people who disappear from a relationship without communication, for those of you who don't know the term). Please read it! You're not alone! And then get out there and move forward, you can do it... I'm rooting for you. :)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-forward/201511/is-why-ghosting-hurts-so-much

(If this link doesn't work, just Google it lol!)
Click to expand...
Thank you for sharing this article with me. Many of you are right... the conclusion I have came to is that he is not mature enough for a committed relationship. God has given been healing me and given me peace about the situation. I don't know why yesterday's events bothered me so much. But it did.
 
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Grace228311

Junior Member
#13
Nov 3, 2017
7
0
0
#13
Tinuviel said:
I think you're doing the right thing, sis. As painful as it is to you, it sounds like the best thing. Pray about it :)
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Thank you very much. It has been eating at me today. I will continue to pray for God's guidance and his will.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#14
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#14
Jenizona said:
Grace228311, here is an article from Psychology Today about ghosting (people who disappear from a relationship without communication, for those of you who don't know the term). Please read it! You're not alone! And then get out there and move forward, you can do it... I'm rooting for you. :)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-forward/201511/is-why-ghosting-hurts-so-much

(If this link doesn't work, just Google it lol!)
Click to expand...
Hmmm. I was ghosted last week. It does suck. I would rather had a critiquing and a goodbye.
 
Jenizona

Jenizona

Senior Member
#15
Aug 8, 2015
629
28
0
#15
Grace228311 said:
Thank you for sharing this article with me. Many of you are right... the conclusion I have came to is that he is not mature enough for a committed relationship. God has given been healing me and given me peace about the situation. I don't know why yesterday's events bothered me so much. But it did.
Click to expand...
It bothered you because you're a normal human being, and it was a confusing situation. Totally normal. *hugggs*
 
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Grace228311

Junior Member
#16
Nov 3, 2017
7
0
0
#16
Tommy379 said:
Hmmm. I was ghosted last week. It does suck. I would rather had a critiquing and a goodbye.
Click to expand...
Exactly- Give me a critiquing and a good bye. it wasn't the first time I had been ghosted. But it was one of the most painful. Because to be honest, although it was only 3 months. I seriously saw a future with him... Anyways, I sure it won't be the last time I am ghosted either.
 
Jenizona

Jenizona

Senior Member
#17
Aug 8, 2015
629
28
0
#17
Grace228311 said:
Exactly- Give me a critiquing and a good bye. it wasn't the first time I had been ghosted. But it was one of the most painful. Because to be honest, although it was only 3 months. I seriously saw a future with him... Anyways, I sure it won't be the last time I am ghosted either.
Click to expand...
Ghosting someone is -never- acceptable. It's so rude!!! Sorry, just had to vent there lol.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#18
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#18
Grace228311 said:
Exactly- Give me a critiquing and a good bye. it wasn't the first time I had been ghosted. But it was one of the most painful. Because to be honest, although it was only 3 months. I seriously saw a future with him... Anyways, I sure it won't be the last time I am ghosted either.
Click to expand...
I've had girls disappear before, but I had built up a close friendship with this one. One day she told me she wanted to move it to a romantic relationship. Two weeks later, ghosted. I feel more like I lost my buddy really, and it's worse. If she was just some girl I dated for awhile, I probably wouldn't care. I look at it this way, she probably has some issues she has kept to her self, and she is going to need a long time to work it out. Probably the same as your guy. I'll move on, and hope the best for her.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#19
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#19
Jenizona said:
Ghosting someone is -never- acceptable. It's so rude!!! Sorry, just had to vent there lol.
Click to expand...
Now let's be clear, ghosting can't be the same as going on a few dates or less, and just not calling back.
 
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