Me, too.

[Depleted]

Well, I'll write this much, since some seem to require clarification:
The first time was a neighbor, I was 9-10, I got away, but I got smacked around for asking about it.
The second time, again, I got away, the neighboring cop's wife found out what happened, and he disappeared.
Third time was the pastor of the church I attended as a teen. I learned to stay away from him. He was close friends with my preacher-father.

I was never raped -- I always got away.

That will have to do for detail.

Oh, I should add that I wore long skirts and clothes to the modest-extreme, as commanded by the church I was reared in.

Then what you're saying here is doing what you told women to do in the first post doesn't work?

You said we should dress modestly. You did.

You said don't be quiet about it. You weren't, and got "smacked around for asking about it."

I get you did what you had to do working with what you had to work with at the time, but that's not what you taught in your first post. There's the problem.

You made it sound easy-peasy in the OP, but it isn't, is it?

There is a man who had a barely-teen daughter. She became pregnant twice by him, and had two abortions. There were complications from one of the abortions, so she was rushed back and received a D and C. No one mentioned she had just had an abortion, so the treatment itself almost killed her. Only then was it reported to anyone. The man was arrested, charged, and found guilty. He will get five years probation.

See anything wrong with this, but the obvious? Someone should have notice a 12 year old was getting an abortion. Then someone should have noticed the same girl got another one a year later. And something is seriously wrong with our justice system, that even if me are charged with this heinous crime, five years probation does not fit the crime.

When we were young, the average sentence for rape was 4 months in prison. It's gone up since then to a whopping 5.5 years. (Sentenced longer, but are usually released early.)

Report it? for what? For the target to be victimized yet again?

Honestly, your first post doesn't match your experience, doesn't work, and can't work. It seems you were pretending for the happy ending, when there was none.

There's a big piece missing too. We want our girls (and boys, because it happens to boys too) to be free to come to us if this kind of thing happens to them, but then what? Do we talk them into reporting it? Then we hand them over to be victimized again. Do we tell them to be silent? Then we're telling them to let it happen to the next person. Either answer, the target becomes a victim again.

No easy answers. The problem with trying to make it easy, when it's not easy.

 

[Depleted]

I think it will never happen again. The strategy, or reaction of freezing, comes from experiencing sever violent situations where it only would have escaleted the situation if I had tried to do anything. And, as I am so weak as I am, it would be fruitless to try anything at all.

As for the sexual harrasment, it is years ago this happened, and as I recognized my behaviour, I think I would react differently if it happens again.

I am pre-programmed to be violent if threatened physically, but not to the point of death. (I cannot kill anyone for any reason. Just not in me to do that.) My reaction is the opposite of yours. And, at times, I had to fight the urge.

Twice in my life I was lying in a bed with a doctor over me. The first time, the doctor was removing a long bandage off my day-before stitches from having my gall bladder operation. I wasn't expecting him to do that, (didn't even know the bandage was there, lol), and it was an unexpected shock. I'm not sure if it hurt, or simply surprised me, but it felt like someone gave me the same kind of shock received if you touch the metal part of a plug from a lamp. Not good.

The second doctor was checking out why my waistline hurt by jamming his fist into my gut to feel my spine. (He felt the inside of my spine right through my my front.) That was pain!

In both instances, the doctors made the mistake of standing right about where my hands were lying by my side, and me pre-programmed toward violence, wanted them to stop immediately, so I almost grabbed them by the crotch and twisted. Instinct reaction, but my mind was thinking quickly enough not to go with instinct. If they were attackers, rather than doctors, I am sure that's not enough to stop them from attacking. But as hard as I was planning to twist, I knew I would have had enough time to clear that table, run out into the hallway (in my hospital pajamas, holding the back closed, lol), and about 10 to 20 feet down the hallway before they could stand up to chase me.

So, yeah, I do get you're more vulnerable than I was even lying down then, but something to consider if you think you can get far enough away in 5 seconds.

 

[Depleted]

You assume an awful lot about me, Lynn. And most of the time, you are WRONG. You keep saying I need counseling, but how do you know I haven't already done it? You don't so stop assuming that you do. And I DO NOT think ALL men are scumbags, I only think that of rapists and pedophiles.. I have no bitterness about what happened to me, I forgave them long ago.

Okay, if you got counseling, it was bad counseling. Because every time you advice someone in a marriage situation, you automatically assume the guy is always wrong, the woman should always divorce him, and you've all but said it is better to never marry. And, no. I'm pretty sure you have not said you had romantic relationships with rapists or pedophiles. It has been clear they were jackdonkeys though. Jackdonkeys -- another word for scum bags. Every woman who comes on this forum for advice about her relationship is always dating, living with, or married to a scum bag, according to you. No mention that they were also rapists or pedophiles.

 

[Depleted]

maybe it just sounded harsh to me at the time

im sorry Lynn

I tell it like it is. I know sometimes that is harsh, but I really hate it when something as difficult as this topic is pared down to "All men are scum bags who think with their 'little brain.'" And "It's the woman's fault, because they aren't dressing modestly."

If either were true, then the beach in summertime would be a rape riot.

 

[Depleted]

What are you on about? Do you also have a left handed screwdriver in case you turn it the wrong way? lol I'm left handed and haven't noticed how I would prefer to go left, or under take people (drive on left side of road)!

What are you going on about? Which way did you turn when a car was barreling straight at you at top speed?

 

[Depleted]

I can't say I've ever heard of that. But, I do know from having taken several Expert Riders Motorcycle Courses, that we do have a tendency to turn our vehicles, especially motorcycles, in the direction we are looking.

Scary thought. I would think if someone is coming barreling at me, head-on, that is what I'd be looking at? lol

 

[Dan58]

The subject of this post is that, in my opinion,
1. Christian women sometimes wear clothes that are too revealing.
2. Christian women sometimes talk and act in ways they shouldn't.
3. Real men will not respond to the above, but weak ones often will.

If you are showing cleavage, that is a problem.
Too much leg? That is a problem.
Clothes too tight? That is a problem.

Sounds like your saying that if a man sexually harasses a woman, its all her fault.. Unless you completely cover yourself up with baggy cloths or wear a burqa, and throw a little mud on your face, you can't blame the man? Its not his fault that there's women walking around looking pretty

I tend to agree with toinena; "The problem is not the woman's but the man's"... If a man inappropriately puts his hands on a women without permission, its not her fault for looking too nice, the blame is on the pervert who grabs her.

 

[renewed_hope]

I was attacked in a sexual manner a few months ago...the guy terrified me enough that I was scared to go to the authorities and made me feel as though it was my fault. I never did go to the police and I will have to forever live with the consequences. I was dressed modestly and he still violated me.....was it my fault or his? I'd say it we both were at fault, but I do think all of these people saying they were attacked are made up which to me is sickening because they are ruining people's lives and families

 

[Beez]

Wow. Imaginations working overtime! Assumptions about individuals who are not known are incredible! I know, because of this, that some nerves have been struck, and people are reacting, rather than thinking and responding. I also know, because apparently, some people on this thread seem to think they know about me, only they "know" things that are not true; therefore, when they declare that they know things about others writing here, I can believe they are off-base about them, too.

That is not what this thread is about! This thread is not about me. While I did answer those who questioned me, this thread is about:
>>> Please don't try to keep those who have been abused in this manner quiet! Sure, it embarrasses you, but it embarrasses them more, having to admit being abused.
>>> Please protect the next generations by teaching them properly, giving them a safe place, and not silencing them.
>>> Please understand that this is not just about women; it's about all people.

And Depleted, I am sorry you had a hard time with driving because you are left-handed. Left-handedness was never a problem to me; just to my mother and a couple teachers. Of course, then, I can't properly empathize with you. I learned to drive my car and motorcycle easily. Perhaps we should form Left-Handers Club, since there are plenty of us here to participate!
(Just kidding!)

 

[blue_ladybug]

Whatever.. And if you haven't noticed, I've said SEVERAL times that my 1st boyfriend was a rapist. He raped many before me, and went on to rape many after me.. AND I haven't posted on marriage threads in a few months now, soooo.... Funny how you beach at me for telling women to leave, but when Tourist and others do it, you're fine with THEM saying it. So stop being a hypocrit..

Okay, if you got counseling, it was bad counseling. Because every time you advice someone in a marriage situation, you automatically assume the guy is always wrong, the woman should always divorce him, and you've all but said it is better to never marry. And, no. I'm pretty sure you have not said you had romantic relationships with rapists or pedophiles. It has been clear they were jackdonkeys though. Jackdonkeys -- another word for scum bags. Every woman who comes on this forum for advice about her relationship is always dating, living with, or married to a scum bag, according to you. No mention that they were also rapists or pedophiles.

 

[Beez]

Beez,

If you got the impression I was criticizing you for sharing your personal stories, that's not what I meant.
I want to clear that up.
I wasn't trying to offend you.
If I did offend you, then I apologize... it wasn't my intent. . . .

No, Maxwell. I never even thought of that. You were not offensive. At all.

I was really talking about this thing that happens in our culture, where there's some abuse or rape story in the news, and then women start screaming "Abuse is bad! Abuse is bad!". Well of course abuse is bad. But they often just start repeating these strange mantras, over and over, and then pointing at every man as if we're ALL guilty, and we're ALL going to attack them.

It's weird and it's tiresome.

Well, that is the nature of protest.

 

[Beez]

. . . Common Myths:
A. It is NOT true that a simple shot to the groin will save you during an attack.

Well, I didn't go for the groin. I had thought the whole scenario through the night before and figured out what would work, then practiced. The next day, I was prepared.
First, it was a grocery store. I worked where people would hear me if I yelled. Second, his approach was always to quietly sneak up behind me. So when he did, I made a fist with my right hand, gripping that fist with my left, and power-thrust my elbow deep into his abdomen. It worked for the situation. He stumbled backward then, bent over, and stumbled back to the meat department/stock room.

People like him are often taken off-guard when their target defends her/himself. They have already decided that their victim is an easy target.

 

[Beez]

Sounds like your saying that if a man sexually harasses a woman, its all her fault.. Unless you completely cover yourself up with baggy cloths or wear a burqa, and throw a little mud on your face, you can't blame the man? Its not his fault that there's women walking around looking pretty

I tend to agree with toinena; "The problem is not the woman's but the man's"... If a man inappropriately puts his hands on a women without permission, its not her fault for looking too nice, the blame is on the pervert who grabs her.

Well, what can I say. Your thoughts about what was said, read between my lines, were incorrect.

 

[Beez]

Why should you be sorry? I feel more sorry about the poor kid that did it. He is the real victim in my story. To think about all the sexual abuse he might have gone through to become this way, is really tragic.

Those few incidents in my life, are nothing compare to that.

But I am sorry. I am also sorry regarding every single incident of this type of abuse as well as all other human-to-human and human-to-animal abuse that occurs. These have been my passion throughout my life, from childhood.

I am sorry this was your experience.

 

[Beez]

3. Real men will not respond to the above, but weak ones often will.
huh? are we no longer talking about christians? who sometimes do things they ought not to do?

I think what I think of as "real men" may not be what you think of. In my life experience, real men have been those who do not trivialize, abuse, or misuse women. Life-experiences often overwhelm simpler definitions. Mine does here.

 

[toinena]

Before I had experienced what I have, and was still an able bodied person, that was my instinctive response. Once we were play-fighting with a boy (we were 19) he held me, and I kicked him firmly tight there in the family jewels as you so poetically call them. To my surprise, it seemed to hurt very much. I guess I have more strength than I thought was possible that time. Anyway. This person is now one of the most famous tenors in Norway, often heard at the big Operahouses throughout Europe. I wonder if my kick has something to do with that.......

One well placed kick to the family jewels is all it takes...

 

[Depleted]

I was attacked in a sexual manner a few months ago...the guy terrified me enough that I was scared to go to the authorities and made me feel as though it was my fault. I never did go to the police and I will have to forever live with the consequences. I was dressed modestly and he still violated me.....was it my fault or his? I'd say it we both were at fault, but I do think all of these people saying they were attacked are made up which to me is sickening because they are ruining people's lives and families

I suspect some are made up and some aren't. (BTW, at first I thought you were saying those of us on this thread who told what happened to us were making it up, but then I figured out you're really talking about "the news" lately.) Given the tendency for the celebrities to brush aside what they've done by double-speak, I think, in the long run, they really are creeps.

But, then I'm left with why would a woman announce it years, decades, or, sometimes, many decades later? And to the media, not to cops?

If a man hands me a sex toy and then starts telling me how to use it, I'm shoving it right back at him and telling HIM how to use it. If a casting director directs me to his sofa, I'm not waiting 20-40 years later after I become famous to what he did, because, honestly? If the only way I got that rich and famous is to lie on the sofa, I'm announcing to the world how much my prostitution paid me. I'm as culpable as he was.

And the news making a big thing out of this? It infuriates me that Trump talked about it, and people lost their jobs after the audio came out at just-the-right-time. More so that the ones pretending to be incensed by it, are now the one who didn't talk about it. They did it! No one knew Matt had a button under his desk to lock a woman in his room? Those claiming to be innocent are just as guilty! And we're supposed to feel for the victims? I do. I'm just not into feeling the creeps are the victims or the media and the bosses were that stupid! It's called aiding and abetting.

And the same people we're supposed to trust to teach us what is happening in the world.

 

[Depleted]

Wow. Imaginations working overtime! Assumptions about individuals who are not known are incredible! I know, because of this, that some nerves have been struck, and people are reacting, rather than thinking and responding. I also know, because apparently, some people on this thread seem to think they know about me, only they "know" things that are not true; therefore, when they declare that they know things about others writing here, I can believe they are off-base about them, too.

That is not what this thread is about! This thread is not about me. While I did answer those who questioned me, this thread is about:
>>> Please don't try to keep those who have been abused in this manner quiet! Sure, it embarrasses you, but it embarrasses them more, having to admit being abused.
>>> Please protect the next generations by teaching them properly, giving them a safe place, and not silencing them.
>>> Please understand that this is not just about women; it's about all people.

And Depleted, I am sorry you had a hard time with driving because you are left-handed. Left-handedness was never a problem to me; just to my mother and a couple teachers. Of course, then, I can't properly empathize with you. I learned to drive my car and motorcycle easily. Perhaps we should form Left-Handers Club, since there are plenty of us here to participate!
(Just kidding!)

Um, speaking of imaginations working overtime, you misunderstood what Renewed was saying.

And I don't have a problem driving left-handed. Then again, I've never seen someone barreling headlong at me, so I'm just prepared if it ever happens. I've had my driver's licence since 1972, so, so far, so good. lol

 

[Depleted]

Whatever.. And if you haven't noticed, I've said SEVERAL times that my 1st boyfriend was a rapist. He raped many before me, and went on to rape many after me.. AND I haven't posted on marriage threads in a few months now, soooo.... Funny how you beach at me for telling women to leave, but when Tourist and others do it, you're fine with THEM saying it. So stop being a hypocrit..

You haven't posted on marriage threads lately. And I thank you for that. However, you have told someone to dump her BF because he got her pregnant and was just going to cheat on her, and you have told several woman that they're BF/husbands are creeps/worthless/etc..

And, I don't tell Tourist to be quiet because, although I disagree with him, he doesn't have the venom you lead with.

Everything you say is full of venom. You're the angriest person on this site.

 

[Willie-T]

Scary thought. I would think if someone is coming barreling at me, head-on, that is what I'd be looking at? lol

One of the hardest things to learn is not to simply look at where you are in a curve, but instead to also look at where you WANT to go.